The Army Girl

9. Carmen's Point Of View

I had finished in my shower and got dressed in some dark blue skinny jeans, a blue vest top and a white and blue plaid shirt. I pulled a black Ed Hardy beanie onto my head and slipped my feet into my blue and black DC skate shoes.

I was nervous about going downstairs and seeing everyone because Sammantha would want me to talk and I knew telling her the truth was going to be the right thing to do, but, it would end up hurting her. She also wasn't the only one that had been lied to, I was lying to everyone. And now was the time to come clean.

I picked up two envelopes and left my room, making my way down to the pub. I saw everyone gathered around a table, all laughing and having a good time. I approached them all, giving them a tight lipped smile, as I placed one envelope in front of Lucas and one in front of my mum before moving back behind the bar, pouring myself a pint of lager and staying stood there, watching their reactions.

I knew they were all going to be angry once they had read what was inside the envelopes. Mum, Antonio and Sammantha would be angry over the will and life insurance copies that were in one envelope, because it would show them that the next mission could be more dangerous than our last ones and they would figure out we lied to them.

Lucas, Sophie and Sonja were going to be angry because I had extended my tour in Afghanistan. Instead of being away for four months like all of us were meant to be, I had signed up for more time and would be gone for an extra two months minimum. That particular news was going to annoy all of them.

I drank from my glass as I waited nervously for everyone to finish reading what was in the envelopes. One by one everyone turned to look at me wearing expressions of hurt and betrayal. I nervously tapped my foot as I looked down at the bar, picking at it with my nails as they all moved from their table and approached the bar.

"You extended your tour?" Lucas asked quietly.

"Yes." I whispered, not meeting his gaze.

"Why?" He asked his voice breaking slightly.

"They asked me, I said yes. There isn't much else to it, I just didn't know how to tell you guys. I'm sorry." I responded feeling a little guilty and emotional.

"Your next tour is going to be dangerous, isn't it?" My mum asked, quietly, eyebrows furrowed, "That's why you've both written wills and taken out life insurance?"

"It's just a precaution because we will be working closer to enemy lines on our next tour. All of our tours have some aspect of danger and we've still come back in one piece." Lucas replied quickly.

"Mostly in one piece." Sammantha stated, referring to my minor shrapnel injury, causing me to look up at her as she looked at me. "How much longer are you going to be away for Carmen?"

"Two months minimum, it could be more depending on the situation." I mumbled back feeling more guilty.

"Who are you going to be with if you're not with us?" Sophie asked, furrowing her brow.

"There's a squad like ours that has recently lost their Second in Command Lance Corporal, I'm going to be placed with them. The squad itself hasn't had much experience on tour and they wanted someone with plenty of experience there to assist their Sergeant." I explained.

"No!" Lucas shouted, slamming his fist down on the bar, "You are not doing it! You're not going! I'm not going to let you go off on your own to work with 'baby soldiers'! Not when I can't be there to protect you!"

"Lucas! I am perfectly capable of looking after myself! You all treat me like I'm going to break! You're always there, shadowing me! If it's not 'bodyguard' Lucas, it's 'bodyguard' Sophie! I might be the 'baby' sister and I may be the youngest in our squad but I can look after myself!" I shouted back, I was seriously angry at this point.

"You've done so much for her already Lucas, you joined the Army because you wanted to look after her. You've been there this whole time, maybe she feels like she needs to step out from under your wing and spread hers?" Sammantha spoke kindly, diffusing the growing tension.

"That doesn't mean I'm happy about this." Sammantha said sternly after I offered her a grateful smile, "I am so far from happy about this, you wouldn't even believe." she sighed before continuing. "But, I do understand how you must feel, I can see it in your eyes. I just hope this need to prove yourself doesn't backfire on all of us."

"Look, you guys still have a while before you go back on duty and all we've done these last couple days is have arguments and bad feelings revolving around this Army stuff. Can we just forget about it all for a while and actually enjoy the time we have with each other? Please?" Antonio begged, uncharacteristically serious, looking uncomfortable.

Everyone nodded in agreement with Antonio and Sammantha walked away toward the pubs front door. I turned to Lucas and grabbed his wrist to prevent him walking away.

"I really am sorry Lucas." I said sincerely. He nodded before pulling me into a tight hug.

"I swear to god Carmen, if you don't come back from you're extended tour, I'll bring you back and kill you myself." He spoke, as tears ran down his face and onto my neck, "Please, please, please watch your own back when I'm not there. Your my favourite sister and I don't want to lose you."

"I'm your only sister you dork!" I replied playfully shoving him away. "I will be fine, Lucas." I gave him a reassuring smile as I walked out of the pub to find Sammantha leaning on my car.

"Sammie I'm so-"

"You're sorry, I know. You've been saying that a lot recently." She sighed as she avoided eye contact with me, "The sun is going to be setting soon and we have a tradition to keep. Let's go to Sunset Hill, then we will talk."

I nodded and unlocked the car, climbing in, not wanting to argue with her. We drove listening to the radio playing softly in the background. None of us said a word as I parked the car and the walk up to the top of the hill was done in silence too.

We sat down in our usual spot with our backs against the tree, you could hear crickets chirping nearby and the sounds of the sea. There was a slight breeze blowing as the sun started setting on the horizon, the sky turning different shades of oranges and reds.

"What's it like out there in the war?" Sammantha asked staring out across the sea.

"It's scary, really scary. It's hard to relax at all out there even when you're sleeping. It's ridiculously hot, humid and exhausting." I replied picking at the grass beneath me.

"Explain it properly to me. I want to know how you feel out there. I want to know everything."

"Traveling on foot during the day is horrible, you're in full uniform carrying equipment and weapons. Sweat running down your forehead from the heat, occasionally blurring your vision. That itself wouldn't be so bad if we didn't have to wear our berets or helmets. Did you know you lose eighty percent of your body's heat through your head?"

"You're changing the subject Carmen." Sammantha scolded me.

"Sorry. So, yeah, you're all sweaty and you're just walking and walking." I closed my eyes to visualise our last patrol. "You're all walking in a line, slowly, turning a hundred and eighty degrees carrying your rifle. Your eyes are constantly searching, making sure the hostiles aren't going to sneak up on you as well as watching where you step for any roadside bombs. If you're anywhere in the line except the back you have an easier job of it, you just turn in a semi circle from left to right. If you're me, you're at the back where you not only do the same turn as everyone else but you have to periodically check behind you too."

I opened my eyes and took a breath, Sammantha was leaning her head on her knees with it turned looking at me, her azure eyes twinkling under the setting sun.

"You're relying on your squad members to have your back. Sometimes when you're patrolling the heat becomes too much and you start making mistakes. That's when people accidentally set of roadside bombs or get caught in a gunfight that they lose." I explained.

"Or get caught in the blast path of a grenade." Sammantha stated raising her eyebrows pointedly.

"In my defence, that had nothing to do with the heat so much as it had to do with me being in the middle of contacting HQ and Private Harper not following a simple order." I told her.

We sat and spoke until the sun had set and the stars had come out, it actually felt nice talking to Sammantha about how things went out there. She listened and asked questions when she wanted, with the occasional sarcastic comment.

"So, how do you feel everytime you go back and when you get in those situations?" Sammantha asked, referring to our recent gunfights I had just been talking about.

"I feel scared, so scared that I want to run away from it. But, then that makes me feel weak and when I feel weak I get scared then I want to run away again. It's a vicious cycle and it's really hard to get out of it unless you have some sort of motivation." I replied quietly.

"And do you have any motivation for dragging your sorry ass out of your funk?" Sammantha asked narrowing her eyes at me.

"Yes. I have motivation, I think about it and it gives me strength. It gives me the strength I need to do well out there and ensure I come back alive." I replied honestly.

"What's your motivation?"

"You." I whispered nervously, picking at the grass again.

"Why?" She shot back quickly, not at all helping with my nerves.

"Jeeze, what is this twenty one questions?" I chuckled nervously, trying to change the subject.

"Just answer my question, Rodriguez." Sammantha commanded.

"Because I.... I love you. I think about coming back home to you alive so I can tell you.... So that one day I can tell you that I'm in love with you. It's what gives me the strength to go on and make sure that I come home." I answered so softly I wasn't sure if I had really spoken it.

My answer was met with silence. Sammantha had already admitted that she was in love with me and now I had finally admitted it to her. I had no clue what was going to happen with us now, but I was going to let it play its course and take whatever path it was meant to take.

"So...what you're saying is, when you're feeling weak, I give you strength?" Sammantha pondered, looking up at the starry sky.

"That's exactly what happens." I confirmed, still watching her, the light of the moon dancing across her face.

Sammantha stood suddenly and started walking down the hill, I followed, quickly getting into my car and returning home. The pub was still lively as we walked through it and made our way to my room. Sammantha entered my room as I stopped and stood awkwardly by the door.

She grabbed some clothes and left to the bathroom to change while I changed into some shorts and a T-shirt in my room. Sammantha returned wearing shorts and a vest top throwing her dirty clothes in my hamper. I started walking towards the door to go and sleep on the sofa when a gentle hand gripped my wrist pulling me away from the door.

That same hand pulled me onto the bed before letting go of me. Sammantha gave me a soft kiss to my cheek, whispering a goodnight before rolling over with her back to me. I lay on my back listening to the sounds around me before slowly drifting off to sleep.