Things We Never Said

Five

It was Saturday night, and it was our monthly sleepover. Vanessa was quiet throughout movie which was very unlike her. She only said a few things here and there. I tried to act like nothing was bothering me. I tried to pretend that everything was alright. For some reason, I could barely keep it together.

“What should we watch next?”

“Hm?” I pulled myself away from my thoughts.

“The movie is over. What should we watch next?” she asked again.

I shook my head. It felt as if we had just put the movie on. I didn’t pay attention to one thing in the movie.

“I hate seeing you like this,” she said in a somber tone. 

“I’m okay.”

Vanessa frowned. “You don’t have to lie to me. I want you to be able to tell me these things.”

“I know. I just don’t even know what I’m feeling.”

“I love you and you know that. I may not exactly like Ethan that much right now, but I understand that he is your best friend and is a big part of your life. You can tell me anything and I promise I won’t judge.”

I smiled. “Thank you. It means a lot.”

She smiled in return. “Any time.” She went back to flipping through the movies to find something for us to watch. 

“I just don’t understand why he couldn’t tell me he was just hanging out with her,” I blurted out. 

Vanessa's head slowly turned to me; her mouth slightly open due to my sudden outburst. She put the remote down on the bed with a sigh. 

“Honestly, I think he feels bad. He knows you and Krista don’t get along and he just doesn’t know what to do about it. He’s not sure if he should hang out with you because you’re his best friend but he also has a girlfriend, who I hope, he wants to spend time with.”

I sighed. Things were getting more and more complicated everyday between Ethan and me. I really hated it because I didn’t know how to deal with it. This was the first time Ethan had actually fallen in love and had a girlfriend for longer than just a few weeks. His previous relationships were nothing compared to the one he has now with Krista. And honestly, it made me sick. 

And no, it's not because he's dating someone else that’s not me, but he could do so much better than Krista. Literally anyone else was better than Krista.

“I don’t want him to give me all of his time, but it would be nice if he just didn’t lie to me.”

Vanessa chewed on her bottom lip, carefully thinking about what she was going to say next. “You should talk to him and tell him how you feel. If you want to stay friends, then you have to talk to him.”

I bit down on my lip so hard, that I drew a little bit of blood. I knew Vanessa was right, but I hated the thought of having a conversation about this with Ethan. I didn’t want him to think I was some nagging friend. I understood he was with Krista and it only makes sense he would give her more of his attention, but I would at least like to still be his friend. I still want the decency for him to be honest with me. 

“I guess you’re right,” I said at last.

Vanessa laughed. “I know I’m right. Now, no more talk about stupid boys. What are we watching?” 

I chuckled as she picked up the remote to flip through the movies. I leaned my head back to rest against the headboard. I stared lazily at the TV until I saw Groundhog Day. 

"Stop!" I shouted. 

Vanessa glared at me, "What?" 

"Let's watch this movie!" 

She glanced at the tv, the remote still in her hand, "This one?" she asked confused by my choice. 

I nodded, "It's good!" 

"Groundhog Day," she read the title.

"It's a good movie." 

"Never seen it." 

I sat up, "You haven't seen it?" 

She shook her head, the confused look still on her face. I took the remote from her hand to push play on the movie, "We're watching it," I said. 

Vanessa didn't protest and halfway through the movie, she was invested.

When the credits were rolling on the screen, I glanced over at Nessa to see her eyes were still glued to the television. 

"So?" I asked. 

"Honestly," she said, pulling her eyes away from the screen to look at me, "it's good." 

"I told you," I hummed. 

She rolled her eyes playfully, "Yeah, yeah." 

Subconsciously, I grabbed my phone off the nightstand to check the time. Usually Ethan would send a goodnight text but there was nothing. 

"Should we go to bed?" Vanessa asked, stretching her arms up above her head. 

I tossed my phone down onto the floor and nodded. "Please," I said. I could really use some sleep right now. 

The next day, Vanessa and I decided to get our nails done. She said we needed to be pampered and relaxed for the upcoming week since we had a football game to go to and because I had to have that conversation with Ethan. Even though she didn't mention it, I knew she was trying to relieve some anxiety I was feeling. 

“What color should I do?” she asked, holding up a baby pink and a dark plum nail polish.

“That one,” I said pointing to the dark plum.

“I was thinking the exact same thing.” She put back the baby pink shade.

Ethan leaving me at the party last week, kept playing over and over again in my head. For some reason, I just couldn't let it go and maybe talking to him would help. Even with the thought of talking to him to make things better between us, left me with an empty feeling in my stomach.

“After this, we should go get tacos,” Vanessa said, pulling me from my reverie.

I turned to her with a smile, “Tacos sound good.”

“I know a good place.”

"Sounds good," I said with a small nod of agreement. 

I didn’t say very much after that, I was too busy with my own thoughts. Vanessa understood that I wasn’t exactly feeling like myself, so she didn't push it. She started talking about this guy she had been texting for several weeks. Apparently, he was a creep and she couldn't get rid of him no matter how hard she tried. 

"I told him I have a boyfriend who reads all my texts and he still won't leave me alone," she said, exasperated. 

I smirked at her, "You should have Gabe talk to him." 

I've never seen Vanessa's head whip faster. She glared at me, ready to pounce any minute as she said, "No, not happening." 

I couldn't help but laugh. I could see Vanessa was fighting it but that little blush that crept up on her cheeks, gave away that she had some interest in Gabe. 

Vanessa was quiet after that. 

I hadn’t heard from Ethan all weekend and I wasn’t even sure if he was going to come tomorrow after school. I thought about all the things that could wrong if I told him tomorrow. But then I thought about all the things that could be fixed if I did talk to him. I knew I was overthinking everything, but I couldn’t help it. Ethan was a big part of my life and I can’t stand the thought of not having him in life. I hated the thought of losing Ethan to someone like Krista, so it always just put me in a panic. 

Ethan was a great person. He’s caring, kind, and patient. He could do way better than Krista. I want him to be with someone who is just as amazing as him. Even if it isn’t me.

He deserves better than me.

“I think your phone is going off,” Vanessa said.

I glanced down at my phone in my lap to see that I had received a text.

Still on for tomorrow? 

It was from Ethan. 

I felt the smile on my face as I realized he didn't completely forget about me. Those four words gave me some hope.