HATE FALL LOVE

Chapter 10

[BRIANNA's POV]

"I'm such a fool, Bree."

Jess sounded really tormented when she said this to me as we sat together at a table in the cafeteria. There's something really worrisome from the way she was reacting to this, and even though I was deeply curious, I still had my own fair share of worries inside my head.

Kent Knight.

After walking away from him a while ago, I found myself caught up in utter delusion and guilt, as I looked at my friend with conflicted feelings. I was still in shock and distracted about that moment with Kent. I wish I could just go ahead and tell Jess that Kent had kissed me, but it felt like bringing him up now would just make her even more upset. I didn't want to make it worse, so I just kept it to myself instead.

"You were right," Jess continued after a short pause, wearing a bitter smile on her face as she looked up at me and stared into my eyes. Her lips quivered as she tried to keep those obvious tears at bay. Then she ran a hand over her forehead and said, "It was a mistake to think he was a nice guy, in the first place. It was all just a play. I can't believe I even considered thinking he was different... That guy and Kent are really just the worse."

I wanted to agree, but I could not bring the word out of my mouth as I dumbly looked down and bit my lip out of regret. Just a moment ago, I had almost let myself be swayed by Kent's words, and here I was, trying to comfort a friend who now despises the likes of him. What did his friend do to her? I can only guess about it in my head, unable to ask directly, because I didn't want her to feel even more distressed. So I just sat there, giving my friend a look of sympathy as I tried to comfort her with words, "It's okay. It's not your fault that you almost believed him."

Funny for me to say when I, myself, was still deeply troubled by the very thought of Kent Knight. I knew in myself that it would never really do me any good to think that kiss would even change everything, but I still kept hoping—hoping that Kent might be actually feeling the same thing... for me.

And I really am a fool to believe it like this, right? It sounded completely stupid. And I just wish somebody could help me wake up from this entire foolishness so I would not have to risk my heart again.

To be honest, I truly didn't want to get hurt again.

I didn't want to be played on.

But when Kent said those words to me, all the logic and reasonability inside my brain just went off. It reduced me to a foolishly lovesick girl, swindled terribly by her irrational, desperate feelings, and now it deemed me helpless. I can't escape it anymore. I kept thinking back to what he was going to say back there. Why did he kiss me all of a sudden? And what did his softly uttered words meant exactly?

'Of course, you know what he was trying to tell you, Brianna.'

A voice in my head suddenly spoke to me, jarring my thoughts. And I quickly tried to shake it off of me, closing my heart at once as I swallowed down the lump in my throat. I had to be more sensible, but the problem was my heart. It was too vulnerable. I kept saying I would forget Kent, but here I am, still unable to ignore my strong feelings for him and failing so badly in pushing him away.

I was a complete fool, too.

"It's not gonna happen anymore," I heard Jess saying out loud after a while, almost as if she had read my mind. I stared at her again as she let out a long sigh and shook her head as if to convince herself to it, adding, "I won't ever let him get to me again."

Then she slowly lifted her gaze to meet mine. Forcing a small smile, she told me, "They're not worth it. Bad boys will always be bad boys. And I only have one heart to protect."

She was right. But somehow, deep inside of me, I didn't really consider Kent to be a bad boy. To most, he was a bad boy because people were so quick to judge his rebellious behavior and the way he tried to act too tough and dangerous... But for me; he wasn't.

Kent Knight was the opposite. He was the only guy who had shown me kindness right when I needed it the most. And that was why I fell in love with him. He could never be a bad boy to my eyes because I already saw who he really was beneath that rough personality. And perhaps that very part of him has been the biggest reason why I could not totally let go of all of my feelings for him. Because he was, in fact, an angel.

And I can't really hate him for what he did for me in the past.

"Let's just move on," I smiled with my teeth showing, brushing away my thoughts as I put a palm over Jess's hand that was resting on the table. And I really meant what I said. I wanted to move on as soon as possible. I didn't want to stay in the same spot anymore. Even when that kiss from Kent could have been the start of a possibility for us, I didn't want to fool myself that it was a sign of progress.

I didn't want to acknowledge. Because if I started believing this now, it would definitely shatter me apart.

"We'll move on," Jess smiled reassuringly, comforting me as well with her own words. She eventually sighed in relief and briefly closed her eyes. She looked more at ease now and I felt better for helping her out, at least. But just before I could utter another word of encouragement for her, someone's presence suddenly appeared beside me, quickly distracting me as I turned and looked at the person who had stopped at our table.

"So, here you are."

It was that senior from last Friday. And my face paled. From the looks of it, he was definitely not there just to greet me. And clearly, wasn't for good intentions as well.

"Nice to see you again, princess," the guy said after smirking as he looked down on me, standing taller than how I remembered him. He looked terrible, however, with the bruises under his eye and a purplish mark on the side of his forehead. And I suddenly felt trapped and I could no longer found my voice as I quickly avoided his gaze and looked down on my lap instead.

And when he didn't hear anything from me, I sensed him leaning forward until his face was leveling mine and he intensely stared at the side of my face, which was creeping me out.

Then he said, "Why aren't you greeting me back, princess? You're hurting my pride here, you know? Did you already forget what happened last Friday?"

Please, just go. That was the only thing I could think of to say, but couldn't. Jess was even looking all shellshocked from across the table, unable to interfere as she gaped at the tall senior with apparent horror shown on her face. I closed my eyes, hoping he would just let it go and leave. But I knew this was all for nothing. So, I bit my lip. I already saw this happening. I knew that this guy would never step back after that whole mess with Kent at the party. But I didn't expect he would actually approach me right in front of everybody else just to confront me.

This whole thing was just going way and way much worse than it already was. My high school life was now flashing right before my eyes, and all I could see was chaos and damnation. I'm going to be completely ruined... If only I could disappear in an instant and run away from everything else. But this was reality, and reality will never meet my expectations. So...

Damn it all.