HATE FALL LOVE

Chapter 16

[BRIANNA's POV]

"Where is she?"

I hear James' voice demanding this from a distance while I sat on one of those single beds in the emergency room. Dad showed up, moments ago, when he heard what happened. Since he's already a doctor, the hospital didn't take that long enough to inform him about what happened. Dad was very worried when he saw me but was then relieved after finding out that I only got some minor bruises and a little scratch on the forehead. The ER doctor told me I just needed some rest for the painkillers and clean gauzes for the next three days to replace the one they put on me today.

"Shane?" James appeared on my vision. He had pushed aside the green curtains that were covering me as he stood beside my bed.

"Hey," I gave him a smile from where I sat.

"Oh, god," his voice sounded rasp and vulnerable as he stared down on my current state. "This is my fault. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have--"

"James, stop." I stop him, putting a hand above his one that is cupping my cheek. "I am fine now. The doctor already said there's nothing to be worried about. They're just some scratches."

Suddenly, a loud beeping sound went off, coming from somewhere near us. The noise instantly startled James as he alarmingly looks around with panic shown in his eyes. He quickly moved towards me, covering my ears tightly with his hands for some unknown reason.

"James?" I ask, frowning to his sudden action while I put his hands down. "What are you doing?"

"Let's go home, now," he tells me frantically, grabbing my shoulders. "Can she go home now?" He impatiently asks the nurse who had suddenly appeared from the curtains to check on me.

"Oh, yes. Are you family?" the nurse asks to James.

"Actually," I responded instead, and the nurse looks down at me, "He's my boyfriend."

"Oh, well. Yes, she's been discharged," she tells to James then turns to me again reaching out a small bag of medical pills towards my direction, "Your dad had already signed your papers. So, here are your painkillers. The dosage is already written on the prescription paper inside the bag. You just need to clean that wound on your forehead once you change the gauze."

I nodded back and smiled. "Thank you."

"I see you've got one good boyfriend here, miss. He can't even keep his hands off of you," The nurse smirks at me as she looks from me to James standing beside my bed with his arms around me. I instantly blushed quickly glance up to James, but only to find his attention not really focused on me but around us. His eyes are darting all around the room, looking so scared of something.

"James?" I pat both of his hands that were grabbing my shoulders with my own, "What's wrong? You look so scared."

James looks down, distracted with his eyes looking so intense and very serious. "Let's just get out of here now. Come on."

I nodded silently and he helped me out of the bed. He took one wheelchair to put me on and brought out his phone to tell dad we're already leaving. He seems to be in a rush, as he pushes the wheelchair out of the room faster than needed.

"Whoaw, slow down, James," I tell him jokingly, "We've got all the time in the world."

"I need to get you home now--safe and away here." James responds but he wasn't smiling back. He looks so worried and I feel bad all of a sudden.

When we got to the parking lot, I frown when we stopped in front of a black Sedan car. "What happened to Belle?"

"She's being taken care of. Don't worry. She'll be back after a week," James tells me while he carries me in his arms, to settle me inside the car.

"Whose car is this?" I ask him.

"I kind of borrowed a car from a pal I met at the counseling appointment after your call. He's a good guy, he told me I can just give it back to him tomorrow when I go back there again to re-sched."

"Wait..." I touched his shoulder just before he closes the car door on my side, "So, you didn't finish the appointment?"

"I would't be in the right mood if I took the counseling instead," he tells me, "I'll be too nervous and scared thinking about you the whole time," his eyes were looking a little wild as he looks at me.

I cup his cheek and he exhaled, "I'm fine now, James. There's no reasonn for you to be worried now."

"Thank God, you are." he says, breathing deeply. "I don't know what will happen to me if I lose you again..."

Again? What did he mean by that? I tried to ignore that word he just blurted out as I try to reassure him instead. He closes the door and quickly moves around to the driver's seat.

"Let's just go home," I say to him, smiling.

"Yeah, I want you out of here. You and hospitals scare the hell out of me." he agrees, starting the car. "I don't want another episode of that."

"What are you talking about? Do you have traumas in hospitals?" I ask him worriedly.

"I..." he trailed off, his eyes turning very serious all of a sudden. I thought he wasn't going to say anything next until I heard a faint whisper.

"I lost someone here before," he glances at me, the intensity in his eyes undid me and I gulped down the big lump that had formed in my throat.

"But I'm not going to let that happen again," he says this after as he turned his eyes back to the road. I remained silent as I reach out my hand to touch one of his that was resting on the console. I watch him quietly from my seat with worry and sympathy. He looked so vulnerable, like someone who is in the middle of breaking any minute.

It must have been a really painful memory. But I didn't question anything further about it. I was too scared that he might shut me out if I do. So, I tried to comfort him instead by gripping his hand beneath mine.

You won't lose me, I tried to tell him through it. We won't lose each other.

-------

"Did something happen?" Beth gives me a worried look when we met the next day in Chemistry class. I knew she already knew what day was yesterday. She is looking at me as if she's scared I would break any minute. I gave him a small smile as I sat on the chair beside her.

"It still isn't easy for me," I reply to her softly and I knew she already understands. She gave me a look that says she knows what I feel and her eyes began to sparkle. Unshed tears appearing, mirroring mine.

"Let's just get through the day again like before," she pats me on the back, smiling back at me. Our sad smiles reflecting the loss of one another.

"Yeah," I say, sighing. "I'd like that."

After classes, we met Evan at lunch. And just like the two of us, Evan had the same sad expression on his face. Even when he tried to to hide it beneath his lame pathetic jokes, I knew he was in pain. Our loss is still fresh and we can't go on not until we find a way to.

"How's James?" Beth asks me from behind her book, trying to bring up a much lighter conversation. Though, somehow, her topic seems not a light one for me as of now.

After what happened at the cemetery with James yesterday, we never really got to talk again after the drive back home. James didn't even sleep in my room last night. I wonder where he did end up sleeping at. My confusion and worry mangled together as I think about it.

"Shai?" Beth calls out, waking me out from my reverie. "Are you okay?"

"I-I'm fine," I replied hastily, standing up, "I need to go to the comfort room." I excused myself, ignoring the worried looks from Evan and Beth as I dash my way towards the women's comfort room.

The moment I got in, I went in on one of the cubicles, sat down and counted to ten. I tried to breathe slowly as I gather my thoughts. My heart was pounding so hard, both with pain and anxiety... I love Peter, but what about James? Am I really sure with him?

After a few minutes, when I finally went calm, I got out only to see Miranda standing by the sink, her eyes meeting mine on the huge mirror.

She was the first one to break our eye contact, smirking. I went to the sink, washing my hands as she puts on some lipstick. She looks at me for a second and smirked again.

"You look like you're doing fine, huh?" she tells me, smacking her lips as she checks her look on the mirror. I didn't reply to her, I continued running the water.

"You know, I hate to say this," she speaks again, turning to her side to look at me, "But, I already know that you know that we're not going back to the way we used to be before..."

She had been my best friend.

"So, I think it's really sad though that we've lost a very important person in our lives, but seeing you getting all too happy all of a sudden makes me hate you even more."

I remained silent.

"You have no right to be happy," she says in disgust, glaring at me. "It should have been you not him."

I still remained silent.

"I hate you," she tells me, "I hate that he loved you so much. I hate that he loved you until the very end. I hate that you're now forgetting all about him. I hate that you've replaced him so fast you couldn't even wait for a year."

And with that, she left me. My tears silently flowing down on their own like the water running down on the sink in front of me, so fast... So much. Unending.

"Hey," James greets me as he gets out of the truck, his easy smile bringing me to silent depression as I recall my moment with Miranda back at the comfort room hours ago

"Hey," James greets me as he gets out of the truck, his easy smile bringing me to silent depression as I recall my moment with Miranda back at the comfort room hours ago.

Beth had been very worried when she saw me walking as I got back to our table at the cafeteria. I knew she saw Miranda coming out before me. But she didn't say anything, instead, she just constantly asked me if I was alright.

"Hey," I smiled back to James, kissing his cheek and quickly walk to the passenger side.

James notices my indifference but ignores it as he got into the truck. He watches me for a moment and quietly starts the car. We drove in silence again, trying not to notice the heavy feeling hovering around us.

"Where did you sleep last night?" I ask right after James turns off the engine. We are now on our driveway.

"I found a space on your couch," he replies.

"Dad knows?" My heavy question hangs between us.

"Yes." he says softly. I got out of the car after that and walk my way into the house, ignoring James calling me from behind.

When I got into my room, he spun me around, holding my shoulders with his both hands. His eyes staring right through mine.

"Shane, what's wrong?" he asks me, "What is happening? Why are you acting like this?"

"I can't talk right now," I say trying to free myself from his grasp.

"No," he held me tighter but not that too tight to hurt me. "Look at me," he says, and I hesitantly did.

"Shane, tell me. What's bothering you? You can tell me anything." his eyes pleaded.

I closed my eyes, feeling the tears starting to come out again. "Not now, James."

"Not now," I whispered again, pleading. I open my eyes and saw him looking down on the floor. His face distorted into a very sad sad expression. The picture nearly broke my heart.

"Okay," he finally says after a moment and frees me. He glances up at me, his eyes looking so torn as he reluctantly backs away. He walks off, closing the door behind him. The room suddenly felt too big.

I sat down on my bed, still staring at the door where James had just walked out. He left. And I was alone again, feeling more pained and anxious. What am I doing here? What am I doing to us?