My Unmarried Pregnant Secretary

5.2

Who am I kidding? I can't even win an argument with myself, of course I'll look into his blossoming eyes!

Wrong choice. I'll do anything he says right now. Darn this couch and situation! Forget it. Screw everything today. Nothing's going right.

He scoots closer to me so our thighs are barely touching and his arm wraps around the couch behind me.

"Please, Varnika?"

System overdrive. Intoxication of cinnamon. Malfunction!

He leans in towards me again as I gaze forward gulping air down my dry throat trying to avoid eye contact once more.

"No thank you." My voice comes out hoarse and raspy. I sound like a 14 year old boy with a squeak.

He lets out a low rumble of laughter contained inside his mouth. "You sure about that, Varnika?" His whisper tickled my right cheek as he spoke.

Oh, dear. I'm done for. Just go ahead, call me a shish kabob and roast me over a fire, medium rare.

"Okay, fine! I'll do it!" I exclaim out of frustration and because of my crazy hormones. They're a curse. I promise you.

"Thanks, Varnika! I owe you!" You sure freakin' do owe me, buddy.

He grabs me by both sides of my face and plants a kiss on my cheek.

My mind is racing a million miles a minute. This is too much Agastya! What if you really kissed me?! I would be in the hospital room suffering from irregular heartbeat and be diagnosed with Agastyatitis. I would be allergic to you! Don't you understand anything?

He lets go of me and gives me a mother-ship hug.

"You're the best crush ever, Varnika." Butterflies are not only in my stomach by that comment, but they're also in every blood cell contained within my body.

He holds me at arms length, staring strangely at something towards the doorway.

"Ms. Cary?" I whip around to face my mom and her camera.

Where's the pistol?

"Mom! What the heck!" I'm flipping out. Either she got the hug or the kiss and both were quite embarrassing.

"Um, I'll go now. See you later, Varnika. Auditions are sometime soon. Although I don't think I'll make you do that. Goodbye, Ms. Cary." He left out of our door with a genuine smile.

"What was that about, Varnika? Audition? A kiss? I think he likes you!" No dip mom. Everybody on the planet knows he likes me and my best backstabbing friend, Jannat caused this. This is probably the only situation where backstabbing was okay. The only one.

"Well, yeah he does. And the audition is nothing. I'm probably not going to do it anyways. What were you talking about earlier? Before you, um, walked into the room."

"Oh! Yes! I was saying since the news was talking about you and all, you would need a cute little outfit for when you're being all supergirl on the bad guys. I was in my office designing some outfits and came out here hoping I could ask for a quick photo but I found something way better." She winks at me.

Ew, mom no! stop it! It's weird for parents to get involved with their children's complicated, discombobulated, deformed relationships.

I have issues.

"Oh. Um, yeah. Just don't talk about it." I turned away from her and snapped on the television. Why is this dumb thing always on the news?

'. . . Has gone viral! The young lady who was rescued tried to give a description of the seemingly teenage girl. Here's the clip.'

The view of the news anchorman changed to the place where I left the guy in pain at.

'She was still covered up very nicely but I could say some basic features. She had dark longish hair with light brown streaks, um, very slim girl. I'm sorry, I'm not great with descriptions.' She let out a nervous chuckle. 'She had on this cute outfit too, it was a yellow and gray cardigan maybe? And some nice little short type things.'

Perfect. She basically described 90% of the teenage girl population. I'm pretty safe still. You know, until I open my big mouth to the wrong person and cause World War III to break out. But I have some time before that happens so I'll enjoy this crusty world until then. Like breathing in the smell of dead fish every morning.

Lovely.

'The teenage girl requested that the lady she rescued that she would indeed prefer her name to be, Thalia, and not the one society has given her, Hold It Girl. This news update is sponsored by Virginia Beach Prison--'

I turn the TV off. I can never stand to hear his stupid voice for long or else I'll feel like gagging chunks down a furry animals' mouth.

"Well, that cancels out watching TV. How about you conjure up some toxic waste for me to eat mom." I turn around and face her sketching something. Where did that come from? She's a sneaky old woman, I tell you.

"Sure, hun. Let me just go grab some corn starch." She turns on her heel, her face looking constipated and starts to walk away, eyes never leaving the paper.

She's probably designing some outfit somebody will make fun of her for. What does cornstarch have to do with food? I'm keeping my phone nearby just in case she wants to add bleach to our drinks to 'spice it up'. Just then, my phone belts out its text tone ring.

'im home now. :D if u want inspiration for ur talent show act, so u think u can dance is on ;)'

Agastya. Don't go adding stress to my life. I'm doing a fine job of that on my own. I know how to become nervous and scared on instinct just by saying 'Hey! Here's an idea!'. That's where it starts off at and from there it's all thorns and murderous attacks. I should text back anyways. It's rude not to. It makes you sound like you're a busy person with lots to handle when really I'm just a girl who can't walk straight.

'k. :)) I'll check it out.'

Neck. You must be ratchet if you think I'm going to watch that show without being forced.

"Dinner is ready! I made peanut butter and jelly!"

I still don't know where the corn starch came in.

**::**::**::**::**::**

My mouth feels like I just ate a bowl of mold and ketchup. I'm in my bathroom brushing my tongue so hard, I think it's going to pop open and spill out an atomic bomb.

Good luck with the next alpha male who says, 'Go make me a sammich!' That'll probably be the last words to leave their mouth before they go yelling for help, running down the street.

There's a crash in my room so I rinse out my mouth with it still feeling slightly tangy and cautiously walk out.

Not the stalker-s***h-peeping Tom is it?

Yup.

He's over by my dresser plunging through my drawers with a few items in his hand.

Can you say saggy butt?

Now, I'm not gonna be an i***t and say, 'Hey! you aren't supposed to be here! I'll call the cops!' because obviously, that's the fastest way to get my butt decapitated.

Instead I shall use my wonderful gift.

I look for items in my room. Too bad my mom baby-proofed it so I couldn't harm myself in any dramatic way. Maybe my collection of pennies on my coffee table? It's stupid, but my only option.

I lift my hand horizontally, palm up and flat towards the pennies, and do the 'Bring It On' spirit fingers motion as the coins unevenly and silently lift out of the clear container.

Don't freak out, Varnika. You're still getting used to this stuff. Just calm your nerves before you spazz out and start convulsing on the floor.

In a swift movement I fling the coins to Peeping Tom and watch as they hit his avocado head and he falls to the floor in pain.

Idiot, just transport your mutilated, dinosaur body out of here.

He doesn't move but keeps grunting in pain with various pieces of my pennies scattered on the flat of his stomach and neck.

I start my paces over to him trying to look cool by being 'confident', but that's something I lack so I probably look like I'm a dunt.

"Why are you always creeping on me? Go bother some other emotionally unstable teen girl and ruin her life. Just transport your Aarav looking self outta here before I slap you back last week just so I can do it again when you reach this day."

His eyes squint from anguish as his body scratches like a hologram malfunctioning.

But he's not disappearing.

"I can't do anything until you get these stupid pennies off of me!" The deep baritone voice of his startles me since I forgot how it sounded. Pennies have nothing to do with this.

"Don't call my pennies stupid." Gosh, the mood of this hobo is annoying me to no end.

"Fine! Get your precious pennies off of me!" Oh, uh, no. How dare he raise his voice at me!

"I don't like your tone, Old Creature." I raise my chin higher to show that two can play at this game.

His jaw starts pulsing and he lets out a deep breath as if he's mad or something. Somebody needs patience.

"Can you please get your wonderful, glorious pennies off of me so I can leave?"

"No."

"No? What do you mean--" PeepTomCreepBoy doesn't finish his sentence since I've picked up his body, without touching him of course, I don't want those infections he carries, and tossed him out of my open window.

Some paper starts to flutter to the ground near my couch. It must've fallen out of his pocket.

I pick it up and see a photo of me from kindergarten in a black and pink striped bodysuit that covers my arms, legs and neck. That was my favorite outfit to wear to school back then. But when I was 15 and had found out mom took a picture of it, I tried to make a tranquilizer to destroy it but ended up singeing my hair bald on the left side. Why would he want this picture?

He's freak number one, for real. Stealing old photos of me and junk? I bet he has a collection of kids on his wall so he can pet our photos before he goes to sleep at night.

When he has nightmares of public school children in bodysuits, he'll return all the photos he's taken, no doubt about it.

Jannat was hatched directly from evil. Just wait until I grab my pillow at the next sleepover and get a hold of her. How can she do this to me? I told them I kinda liked Agastya. That still counts as admitting you do like them right?

Shut up, nobody asked you.

I try to tiptoe around the school hallways to find a place to hide and not look like a night-walk stalker with crazy eyes.

Stupid me, I didn't even think this crap through! I thought wearing these wedges to school, as much as I ridicule the idea, would get Jannat to have pity on me on some things she's planned so I can pull the, 'Oh, I can't do this because I'm in heels.' trick even though I can.

It dawns on me. I can go to the stairwell everybody hates to go to because it's so dark on that side of the school. The superstitious freaks call it Stairwell Legend of the Beast.

It's a stupid thing somebody made up saying because there aren't any lights over there that there's some beast that'll come and get you. The superstitious will believe anything.

Like the fact that getting a diet soda after you ordered the whole freakin' McDonald's menu will help you stay healthy.

The first bell rings signaling breakfast is open to those who want to burn their intestines before school. In a matter of seconds I see Jannat standing in front of the cafeteria and wavy blonde curls on her phone smirking with a plastic Walmart bag in her hand.

What the heck? She brought props? This is too far from Jannat. Say goodbye to your homework copying privileges for a week. And your food "borrowing".

'Get out of the beast stairwell before I tell Agastya crap about you!'

She wouldn't even think about it. She's not that outgoing when it comes to talking to Agastya. She flipped out just because I was talking to him last week.

Screw it, this corner is freakin' creepy.

When I am near Jannat, she looks me up and down with a disgusted look on her face.

"What the crap are you wearing some fancy Target clothes for? It's school, not America's Next Top Model for goodness sake."

Play it cool, Varnika. Act like you're oblivious to this whole situation and smooth talk your way out of it.

I put on a fake stunned face. "Oh my gosh, Jannat! I am, aren't I? Well I guess that means I can't really do anything today huh? With these heels and all. . . "

Buy it, Jannat. Freakin' buy it. Believe the lie. Believe it. I command you! Bow down to your Queen!

"I don't believe you." Well, crap.

I cross my arms. "Why not? I thought it was pretty clever if you ask me."

"Which is why nobody asked you. Now, quit stalling before I shove your first task down your throat." She gouges her hand in the bag and pulls out a pacifier. Just no.

"Use it, Wookie." Did she just call me a Wookie and tell me to use a pacifier? I don't know where that decomposed mutilated thing has been! I'm not stuffing that into--

I let out a dramatic choking sound. Ew! She stuffed it in my mouth! That trifling specimen!

"I told you to use it. Now, go find Agastya and ask for an Energy back ride." What the crap, heck no, over my dead body and Chanel perfume I won't.

"You freaking' kidding' me." Maybe I should take this out of my mouth before I talk. Ew, it's tangy.

"You're freaking kidding me. I'm not gonna walk up to him with a stupid ba-ba in my mouth looking like a tyrann--"

"Oh, and look! There he is now! Have fun." She twirls me around and tries to shove me towards him and I sort of don't want to stop her. He looks fine today and he's not even wearing anything special.

He's coming from the other end of the hallway, rounding the corner with three of his friends wearing his one striped soccer/basketball shorts with the school colors, green and white. And that shirt. It's freakin' hypnotizing me with its simplicity. Dark gray.

I contain myself and whip around making me face Jannat.

"I'm not going over there! That's final!" She smirks at me and starts digging in the bag again. What the crap is in there? My panties or something?

"Well, unless you want this nice little photo," She pauses and flashes a photo of me when I was butt ugly at the age of twelve and was having an allergic reaction. "All over the English room."

Here's a hint of what the photo contained;

Collapsed on the floor, throat wider than my head, and butchered hair.

This photo should've been strangled years ago.

"You're blackmailing me? I thought we were friends, Jannat! You can't do this." My objections never work. I'm just buying time so I won't have to act like the headless horseman later. I saw it in her bag.

She grabs my shoulder gently. "I am your friend. And as your friend, it's my job to get you a man. Now, go before I fart on you." You're a man in a woman's body, no lie.

She raises my hand, deep throats the pacifier into my mouth, and basically Sumo wrestler shoves me in Agastya's direction. This is one of the many down faults to having a stupid crush. They are like prey. They'll attract you then they'll eat you. I already know it.

He notices me and sends a friendly smile reminding me of those perfect teeth I haven't seen for more than seventeen hours. But who's even counting?

"Hey, Rooo---" His voice stops midway in pronouncing my name and his voice lingers like a broken record. "Why do you have a pacifier?"

I darted my eyes backwards at Jannat to see her leaning against the wall trying not to laugh at me. Just wait until this day is over, Jannat. I will take your vessels and braid them together.

"Uh, can I get a piggy back wide?" Darn this pacifier! It's. . . doing things to me. I feel like I should go lay in a crib and listen to Bach.

He looks at me with a cringed face along with his friends. My face is heating up immensely. This is so humiliating. Leave it to Jannat to make me feel like crawling into a burning pot of jelly.

Surprisingly he starts to grin at me, crouches and turns around.

"Hop on." He's freaking crapping me right now right? He's supposed to say no! It makes things way easier on my part and keeps the attention away from me. What's a better way to get attention than to ride on the soccer captain's back? Oh, yeah. There isn't one!

I take that back! I'm going to murder Jannat. Forget braiding.

I cautiously take a step forward, sucking hard on the paci in my mouth, and I think I'm going to inhale it soon. Then die. You know, the usual.

As I wrap my arms around his neck, he grabs the bottom of my thighs and hauls me onto his back, standing up. Dang. Since when did he grow to six-foot-dinosaur?

I take a look at the posse around him when I'm on his back to see them all looking at Agastya smirking. Is he mouthing stuff to them? He's not talking! Ugh. The one time I need a chainsaw, there isn't one around. Great.

They all take a quick look at me, Tim smiling the widest, and start to saunter off.

"Hey, where are you guys going?" They are not leaving me here on Agastya's back without friend supervision.

Agastya starts to walk forward, not even struggling with my 122 pound weight, towards where Jannat and I were about to go into a wild animal brawl and rip out some hair like there was no tomorrow.

"Where are we even going?" He's ignoring me. Kay. I can just see the cursed smile on his face right now. Wait, I can see it if I want to.

I lean my head down and try to look over into his face from his back. Oh my gosh, this is why I'm not a contortionist. I'd end up making my leg fly to the other side of the room in an unhealthy way.

He stops walking and turns to face me, our faces inches apart. Boy, I didn't think this through. Looking away, I try to go back behind him so he can't see me but he puts me down and grabs my hand.

Overdose of Agastya. Paramedic. I need help. Help me. Use those shock things. I'm gonna pass out. Oxygen would be nice right now.

Around me, I realize we're in a deserted area. It's the Beast Stairwell. Oh my goodness, run for your life that I don't have!

"Um, Agastya? Why're we here? Can't we, like, go somewhere. . . brighter?" I look over at him and he just smiles at me. Can teeth glow in the dark? Because if they can't, then he must have an LED light implanted in each of them.

He grabs my hands with both of his and backs me into the white brick wall. No, Agastya! You won't take my feelings! I won--oh my gosh, your scent, is it new?

"You're so cute when you're nervous, Varnika." His voice is just above a whisper and has this raspy tone to it that sends worms wriggling down my neck.

His face draws closer. "And I've been meaning to ask you something. Well, ask and tell." Ask what? I promise you if you ask me to rub your belly. . .

"Well, first of all, Varnika. I've liked you for a while now. Since about last year. Just me being the punk I am, didn't say anything. And when you drove a different car, I saw it as my opportunity, you know?"

He's liked me for a year? Shoo, I didn't know I liked him until last week! Feeling so guilty right now.

"So, I was wondering if you would wanna be my--"

He's interrupted by one of his rodent side friends, Xyol. "Aw, bruh! I'm sorry! I'll leave you two alone to continue your, uh, business. But the first period is about to start and if we're late today to any classes, Coach won't let us play in the game on Friday." He winks at us then leaves with a perplexed look. Maybe my baby item scared him.

Listen here, Xyol, don't you go and interrupt my man again. When he speaks, you listen. Fool.

Agastya reaches up and takes the pacifier out of my mouth which causes this strange, wet fart noise to occur.

"Were you that anxious? Didn't know I had that effect on you." Wink. Ugh! These feelings are too powerful. I don't think I can argue with them much anymore. Especially when he keeps making us alone in places and being so close to me. I'm this close to giving in once and for all.

"I gotta go, Varnika." He glances at my pacifier in his palm and pockets it. He wants my paci? That's kind of nasty but he's amazing so it's okay. And what makes it better is that he's old enough to rent a car now without a parental signature.