Lascivious Desire

Chapter Four: Falling Apart

Chapter Four: Falling Apart

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Nandini

Fear, sadism, anxiety...!!

Psychologist are saying fear is the mind-killer. It's the little death which killed people slowly and it's a total obliteration. Fear is the shadow which is drink the lightness from people's life. It's psychological elegant depth between life and death. This darkness slowly grow into people's mind and then one day it killed the people's soul.

And that's happened with Nandini.

For some people who are go through with their most of life in fear to survive for one day, pain and hurt and a nervous breakdown breed bitterness, pessimism, disenchantment, trepidation and disquietude that they feel more scared to endure their life.

And Nandini is also going through with this. She couldn't handle her when she feels threat in her life. Small things can break her down fully. Her life is not a bed of roses where she grew up in uprightness, integrity and honor. From childhood she originated with brutality, fear, sadism, inhumanity, assault and torture that she lost herself. She lost her confidence. Her self-power, her way to live life..! Now she lives in fear only that she just got scared with a 'dark eyes', 'gunshot', 'a torture' and a simple things. She is a weak girl now and doesn't matter if it's her or anyone else..! For her it's only matters that the scene she saw or she heard.

How can be a person went so low to torture her own daughter. But Nandini's mother did that. It's too tough to believe that a beautiful flower like her just dead before tasting the beauty of life.

The way she got scared today when she heard the gunshot and saw the person who killed others made her lose all sense.

She crawled up in her bed to protect her from that noise she heard. She is started to panic. And there is no one who can helped her.

She felt disgusted with herself that there is no one who can love her, who can protect her.!!!

Nandini tried to listen if there is any noise. She is pressing her nails on her other hand that it made a scars on her hand but she didn't care... she doesn't feel pain when her brain filled with unknown fear.

She tried to breathe but couldn't get enough air to breathe. She stood up and patrolling around the room but nothing could help her. She is itching her body like someone is torturing her and she is feeling the pain. She becomes restless and panting heavily. She ran into the kitchen and took a knife... and started to cut her wrist... she didn't lose any minute to torture her the way she tortured by her so called parents. Like it's a drug to her. She is starting to think that if she cut her then she will feel better.

A drop of blood fallen in the ground... she looked at the blood...! Then again cut on her wrist. Blood are dropping now. Her breathing started too normal but her eyes felt heavy and she fell down.

Life is so strange. She tried to escape her dark pain but here she is the one who is trying to cut her to feel good. How much she tried to escape but she can't hide her true self. Somehow some way she always manage to back in her old life that she tried to decamp.

Her dark past killing her slowly that no one can think. She becomes suicidal because of her parents deed. Her parents tortured her that she lost her sense of life. She is dead body with a dead soul. She can talk but there had no life. If she can realize that then she might not be able to live that long. But she is too innocent to understand the life because all the time she lived in shadow where no lights can reached. How pathetic her parents that they destroy a beautiful soul intentionally.

People forget to deal with the darkness like her. They have to realize that knowing their own darkness is the best method to deal with the darkness of other people.

It's normal to have pain because that's how we they can understand the value of happiness. But it also true pain has its own noble joy, when it starts a strong consciousness of life gone from the people's mind. They can't think normal then that lead them to darkness.

Actually people become suicidal because they tried to skedaddle from the reality which is a prison to them. But this is not justify their weakness for their life.

But there is no one who can help her weakness; who can mend her pain? Because every action leads her to more darkness that she lost faith in life. Nandini could never have the taste of life... never. She lost herself.

She still cutting her wrist again that blood is dropping but she tried to gain her conscious and crawled to the front to reach her room.

She didn't stop hurting her. she cut her other hands also then she tried to cut on her stomach but she failed to do that because she is feeling weakness. she again tried to crawl because she wants to lay down on her bed peacefully to forget everything. She is become normal... she is smiling little that her pain is fading away. She stretched her body little to crawl again... blood are now having heavy flow that her body started lose conscious. She was few meter away from her room that she faint.

Just a gunshot lead her to this condition. There is no one who can help this poor girl. Mukti also went out that she can't help her. Now there is no chance. Only god can save this poor girl.

*******

When Nandini was tried to cut her to escape her pain... that time Mukti was also striding angrily on the outside of restaurant that her date isn't come. He ditched her and didn't have any manner to inform her.

She was like angry hulk who can kill anyone. She was so happy that finally someone sked her for date after knowing that she is a bar dancer. But that was an act. Nothing was true... all the sweet talk was just a show. She wanted to cry. She never felt that humiliation.

She afraid to let her heart free and once she decided to let it free she again humiliated. She shared her all secret to him.

"Abhimanyu Singh... you asshole... you thought I will cry over you. No I am not that weak. I won't cry. Go to hell jerk." With that she left the restaurant.

"I shouldn't said the truth. Aliya and Navya was right. No one cares for anyone. Everyone is selfish. He just wanted me to lay down with him. When he saw that I was not going to do that; he just played me" Mukti mumbled to herself and wipe the single tears which is fall from her eyes.

"Why everyone is like that? Can't I deserve love just because of I am a bar dancer? Am I that bad? Why I have to be punished for my father deeds?" Mukti shouted at to the sky loud. No one is here to console her. "No I can't cry.. I'm a strong girl. I won't be that weak for some guy." She wiped her tears and stood up and walked to the direction of her home.

"No Mukti don't. You are a strong girl and now you have Nandini. So be strong..." She was ranting crazily and walking. Some people give her weird direction like she is a mad.

People say if there is no pain then we won't understand the meaning of joy. Right we cannot learn without pain. And Mukti is learning that in every step and she ready to fight.

Mukti wipe her face and adjust her attire before unlocking the door. But she was surprised to see that every light is off except the drawing room's light. She thought, 'Nandini doesn't like darkness. She always stay in light. Then why the f**k is all lights are off.? And why she is not in drawing room?'

She shut the door and passed the drawing room and the when she came to the side of dining table she saw blood. And she almost freak out in panic.

"OH NO.!" what she saw was really horrible.

Nandini is lying in blood on the floor and she is half covered with blood. Mukti run to her side. She forget about her pain and worried about Nandini.

"Oh my poor girl.. baby doll.. please wake up.." she shook her body.. but there is no response.. she quickly went to the drawing room and dialed a number of hospital. After talking with them she came to Nandini's side.

She doesn't know what to do so she just pacing around the room. She regretted that she went out without her. She cursing herself badly.

'Everything destroyed for my fascination for that jerk. If I didn't fantasy for Abhimanyu then that's not happened maybe I could save her. Oh god nandini what you did baby.' she yelling to herself.

After 15 minutes the door knocked and Mukti opened the door quickly. She welcomed the people who came to pick Nandini. Yes she called an ambulance.

Mukti locked the door and went with them.

It's take 15 minutes to reach the hospital. Mukti thanks god that the hospital is near this area.

Mukti called for doctor to help Nandini. She is shouting like crazy girl. She wiped the tears which is fallen non-stopped. "Please please help her she cut her wrist please help her." She begged

A doctor cam and said, "It's a suicide case. We have to call police. Or else we can't start the treatment." Mukti got angry.

"HERE SHE IS LOST HER SENSE. WE DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENED TO HER.. AND YOU ARE ASKING FOR THE FORMALITIES..? WHAT KIND OF PERSON ARE YOU..? DON'T YOU HAVE HEART..?" Mukti shouted at the doctor.

"Please Miss. Don't shout it's a hospital."

"HOSPITAL...! NO IT'S A f*****g Death CENTER WHERE PEOPLE CAN'T FIND HELP." She shouted again.

Mukti hold the doctor's collar and started to beat him. "Help me you duffers.." doctor shouted.

"Please miss stop this nonsense we are starting the treatment." A doctor came and said to Mukti. She sighed and leave the poor man.

Doctor hurried with Nandini to the OT.

Mukti started to pray, "Please God.. please.. don't let anything happened to Nandini. Please from now I will started to pray.. please.." She cried like little girl. She never cried or care for anyone the way she care for Nandini. She doesn't know why. But she felt connection with her that she can't see her like that way. It's a hard time for her too. She doesn't want to lose Nandini. She never has anyone but when she saw nandini she felt attachment with her. So she doesn't want to lose.

She pacing in front of the OT and praying to god.

30 minutes passed and still the doctor isn't coming outside. Then she saw the door is opened and doctor came.

Mukti ran to him. "Doctor how's she..?"

"She lost a lot of blood. I was wonder how she manage to alive..!! But yes we succeed but we need to observe her for two days. Who knows if she tried to kill again right now I gave her a sleeping injection so she is sleeping. It's good to rest for a while. Nurse will transfer her to the room then you can see her and police will inquire about it when she will awake up and I will check on her later." After a long speech the doctor stopped.

And Mukti sighed and mentally thanks to god that Nandini is save.

Doctor went away and Mukti saw Nandini is coming so she left with the nurse. She wants to see Nandini. When she will awake up.. she will have a words with her for this nonsense.

This is not the way to escape the problem. She will not allowed it. IF that means to lock her up then be it.

She came to the room Nurse told her that she needs sleep so it's better that Mukti doesn't disturb her. Mukti sighed and told them she will come back in 15 minutes just please look after her for that time.

Mukti ran to outside and called a taxi.

In 15 minutes taxi came to her house. She told him to wait and she run to her house.

"Doctor said Nandini need to stay two days in hospital so I need to be with her." she is ranted. She went to her room and pick a dress and important staff for Nandini and to her. Then she went to kitchen and saw nandini didn't eat. So she started to prepare soup for her and she took the dinner which is prepared by nandini.

Then she came out and left in taxi.

It's to surprise to see Mukti liked that. She is really cared for Nandini.

No matter how deep the cut is..! How your soul filled with darkness; there is always one person who will care for you. The way Mukti forgot her pain when she saw Nandini and her panic for her; it's prove that how much Nandini meant to her.

Mukti reached the hospital in that time and went to Nandini's room. She slowly closed the door and seat on the couch. She looked at Nandini's face sadly and relaxed on couch and soon drifted into sleep.