TOXIC FROM THE START

CHAPTER THREE: THE ACCOMPLISHMENT

Arriving on campus was the highest train. Somehow I got there without getting myself killed.

I think it was the radio. It kept me out of my head long enough to arrive here safely.

The ride was smooth. I obeyed the traffic lights without thought and took calculated turns. By the time I pulled onto the campus, the dream had blurred out. Not completely, just the right amount of social distance.

I parked in my usual spot and carefully turned the engine off. I took my seatbelt off and adjusted my jacket.

- Today will be a good day. Today is my day.... I had to remind myself.

I worked hard for this, three years of non-stop studying. I have earned it, just like I've earned every other thing in my life.

There was no moment of an actual feel of relief, rather it felt like something long anticipated finally stopped asking for my attention. The pressure didn't quite ease. It more likely relocated. Now I'm left in my head with the girl in my dream.

Anyway, I will walk across that stage and receive my certificate, my congrats, and my face should do what faces are meant to do in those kinds of moments. I gently hit the car unlock button. The click sound responded. Reaching the door handle, I pulled it open. The door swung outward. I stepped outside my car onto the bright and fair morning in Cambridge. The lights have always been my favorite thing about an academic institution. As one of the oldest, they've had time to make good aesthetic choices, and I love it.

As you could guess, the campus is already raining down the graduation energy. Everywhere is filled with people, the graduates looking stunning, hair styled to perfection, luxury cars lined the road and parking areas. Families stepped out, dressed in all kinds of colors that added life to the already vibrant scene.

I adjusted my jacket and walked. I grew up in a political neighborhood, I took a bunch of lessons as a kid. I'm good at stepping into environments.

Halfway in, I saw them before they saw me. Exactly how I like it. Notice them first, and the control is yours.

My mom was the first to spot me. She wasn't exactly hard to miss because she takes her dressing really seriously. The outfit needs to be ready two weeks prior to each event, so she gives herself a moment to feel it and also a time to change it, just in case. She takes her time to tell a story with each outfit. Today's message was pale gold. She has been emotional about this for at least a month and focused all that energy into her outfit. My father sat next to her, as he always does, his eyes and attention fully rested on his wife, but somehow he's still attentive to his surroundings, scanning the areas every chance he gets, like someone who knows exactly what to expect. He wore a black suit, the most composed person I know.

- Rose... My mum called out

There is something about the way she yelled it. She said it with the weight of every time she hasn't said it in three years.

She crossed the distance between us with the energy of someone who has dreamt of this moment for ages and has finally gotten permission.

I fell into her soft and warm arms.

- mHmm... she smells so heavenly.

It felt like I was being rewarded.

- Baby, we are so proud of you, she whispers in my ear.

My father joined us shortly after. He's not a man of many words. He finds them unnecessary.

"Actions speak louder," he always says.

He gently places a hand on my shoulder and looks at me with a cheeky and proud expression that means more than words.

- You look well..

Hendrick Moore's way of saying I'm proud of you in a way a billion words fail to describe.

- Thank you daddy. I replied.

Cutting the sentiment.

Brody appears from behind my parents with flowers. Red roses, to be precise. I've never understood flowers and their needs, but somehow the red roses are my favorite. And of course, it's not a surprise. This is typical Brody.

His choice of flower,

His timing,

The warmth he carries that fills any room with his genuine goodwill. One i have appreciated for nine years, even if I struggle to accept it. Yet he refuses to give up. He held the banquet with both hands, dressed in a fitted grey suit that he matched with a Nelson Smith black pair of shoes. Brody pays so much attention to my likes. And he loves me with a consistency and generosity I haven't even made any attempt to earn. But not for once has he ever made me feel unworthy of it.

My Good Man.

His kindness is what I look back on when I start to notice a gap between what I should be feeling and what I feel when I find myself buried in the sweetness of being pinned to the wall with a hand, by a girl I haven't even caught her name yet.

The rollercoaster of emotion I go through when I find myself enjoying how her wet tongue feels on my n****e, her fingers inside my juicy desire and just me generally wanting more of her.

Congratulations, Dr. Moore," he says with a grin as he hands the bouquet to me.

He leans in

before I could think, I turned my head a little, just enough to change his target without making it awkward. His lips brushed the corner of my jaw and landed on my cheek. He played it cool, didn't mention it or react. He never does. He never complains. He took what he could get and held on tight to it.

I took the flowers and smiled at him.

I care about Brody. I really do. He's been waiting patiently for me. I've always wondered if I was just too needy, and he isn't giving enough, whether the waiting is part of the problem or part of the solution that I just don't want to confront.

The flowers smell lovely. At this point, the dream now feels far away, almost. The event started on our feet. They made it back to their seats gracefully. The ceremony is everything a doctor of philosophy graduation at Cambridge should be. I sit in my row waiting for my name to be called with the patience of someone who has gone through a series of trainings.

- Rosé Grande Moore... It was my turn

I stand and make my way to the stage. I could hear my mom and Brody screaming at the top of their voices. Perks of being a VIP student. I shook the offered hands and I accepted what I came for. I turned to the camera at the stage for a shot. They need the photos, so I should look good.

I gave a warm smile and calmly walked back to my seat. Throughout the rest of the ceremony, I clung to my certificate, another accomplishment.

Afterward, it was time for proper photographs. Families gathered and shots were being fired. And, of course, my mother attended the party. She needed proof to pass down to her political friends in Thailand.

She checks each photo. My father obeyed all of her commands. She personally took shots of Brody and I, arranged us with her quiet strength. She knows exactly how she wants the memory of this day to look. And we all gave her the room to enjoy every moment of it. Brody's carriage graced the pictures, his good looks read well on the camera.

My father takes a separate photograph along with me on his phone.

- I should update my wallpaper, he said...

At the time, my mom had enough. It was past lunch. And I was starving.

I thought of taking my car back to our family villa but, Brody had a driver take my parents back to my car instead.

- I will drive my princess, he teased. As he stared deep into my eyes, I could just tell that he was down bad for me and he couldn't help it.

He gently walked me to his Rolls-Royce Phantom.

A sweet man with an even sweeter car.