Not Real. Not Imaginary.

PART THREE: NINA. [The Prism]

My sight slowly got blurry, it darkened, and then, I couldn’t see Terry anymore; I couldn’t see anything around me...out of the blue, I just saw the image of Greer, kneeling in front of me.

I looked around me, confused. The darkness around us was infinite and total, and a feeling of uneasiness crept through me slowly as I got a glimpse of a light a little further from us, like the light that filters from a lit room when you leave the door ajar, and I suddenly got the impulse to peek in.

I looked at Greer, and his eyes were just as confused and curious as mine.

“What is happening? Where are we? What is this?!” I couldn’t hide my nervousness, I was suddenly so…scared.

“Nina…I…” He looked down, flustered and doubtful, like he couldn’t find the words. “It’s going to be okay...I promise...We’ll figure it out...” He reassured me while he stood up.

He walked towards me, and reached forward to touch me, and without thinking about it, I moved away. The pain I saw in his eyes undid me completely, but I was confused, scared and…acted by instinct.

“I’m sorry Greer, I didn’t mean to…I…I’m just…scared…and confused...” I tried to explain myself. I wanted to take the pain away from his eyes.

“I understand, it’s okay…” He covered his face. His hair started to grow, falling over his shoulders, and his big masculine hands, shrank a little, his fingers thinned out and became more delicate, his skin seemed even smoother than before, and his masculine shape was replaced by soft, delicate curves.

When Greer was a female, she was petite and cute…I must confess I often felt the urge to carry her and take her with me everywhere. But I imagine that would’ve been a little uncomfortable for her....

“You didn’t need to do that for me…” I mumbled as I looked away a little embarrassed.

It seemed to me that she thought I was uncomfortable. What he had just done was to make me feel safer. And then I felt the guilt weighing down on me. She always tried to make sure I was okay, that I felt safe and comfortable; she wanted me to be happy…and I paid by acting like she was something to be ashamed of…hiding her from everyone…leaving her alone at home all those times…not talking about her to anyone.

It didn’t matter if they thought I was crazy. If they left…Greer was there with me…she cared about me!

How could I be so blind and heartless all this time?!

“Nina! Stop!” She yelled and held me by the shoulders. “You’re bringing up a storm here again!”

I shook my head trying to clear my thoughts.

“What do you mean…again?” I asked, and her lip twitched and she looked down apologetically.

“I might or might not have been intruding into your mind…” She took a small step back, as if she expected me to be upset about her confession “But in my defense…you were the one that pulled me here this time…quite insistently I must say.” She added quickly, as her hands fidgeted with the hem of her now oversized shirt.

“What does that mean exactly?"

“Well…we are…in your mind…sort of...more exactly: we are in the space within you, but also beyond you. We call it…The Prism...I know it’s not very fitting since it currently appears to not be much here, but we call it that because…well…You can see every aspect of yourself, unfolding here...sometimes…” She looked at me cautiously, like waiting for my answer.

“So…what?” I couldn’t really wrap my mind around it…Ha! The irony...

She chuckled and nodded as if she had just listened to what I was thinking. Then, she cleared her throat and took a deep breath.

“Nina…I really didn’t want you to find out this way. I know it might be a lot to take in…but we’re already here…and the door is open so…I guess…” She paused.

I waited, but she didn’t talk. She looked at me, then at her hands, and all around us. She seemed to be searching the words, like they were hiding around us and she had to find them.

After what felt like an eternity, and as Greer didn’t seem to be about to talk soon…or…at any moment…I decided to take a step closer to the dim light that seemed to be calling for me since it first appeared.

Greer rushed towards me and held me by the wrist.

“Wait. Just let me try to…” There was so much worry in her eyes, and I was pained to see them like that.

I sighed.... It had been a long time since I saw those eyes glimmer joyfully. All I saw in them lately was an impermeable darkness, not a single spark inside them. Nothing.

I placed my hand over hers and nodded.

“It’s okay, just tell me whatever it is you need to tell me. I’ll be fine”

She sighed with relief and released my wrist. She breathed in deeply again, joining her hands in a praying position, and then, her index fingers gently rested against her lips.

“Let’s see…” She mumbled to herself “I guess…the best way is to just say it…so…Nina...”

I nodded to incite her to continue.

“Do you remember all those years that you were rejected, and mocked for saying you could see and hear things other people couldn’t, and then, even you decided you were crazy?”

How could I ever forget that? That was the reason for all the bad things that happened after, and it was the reason that both, Greer and I lived the way we did, secluded from the world. Keeping ourselves away as much as possible.

I nodded again, this time to confirm that I remembered. Then she continued:

“Well…you were never crazy…not a single second in your life…well…maybe that time when you ended up with…” She shook her head to dismiss the thought and sighed “You’re so much more sane than anyone we’ve met this entire lifetime…and also…Nina…I…”

She bit her lip looking down…like she didn’t know how to tell me what she was thinking now. And to be honest, I didn’t even know if I could understand what she had just told me.

What did that mean?

All my life revolved around that single fact. Every single event in my life was tied to it in one way or the other. Every. Single. Thing.

If I wasn’t crazy all those years of suffering…what was the point of all that? Why did I have to suffer so much for something that wasn’t even wrong with me to start with?

The unfairness of it hit me all of a sudden, and I could feel the fire of my rage starting to ignite. At the same time, the entire place lit up slightly as waves of heat emanated around the…room (although the room wouldn’t be adequate as this was more like…a void, since there was nothing around us but darkness…except for the weird light on the side…and the waves of heat that started to slowly close in on us).

“Nina!” She grabbed me by the shoulders and looked directly into my eyes. Her face was so close, I could feel her breath brush against mine.

The heat dissipated slowly as I took a deep breath. I smiled and gave Greer a soft pat on the head before tucking her hair behind her ear.

“I’m sorry…I just don’t understand why…” I furrowed my brows as I looked at Greer. There was a mixture of sadness and anger inside me that I hadn’t felt in a long, long while. I felt like the world had just gotten worse than it already was.

I wanted to run away, and escape somewhere far away from this world…from the outside world I mean, not my…whatever that place was. I wished there was some other world I could escape to, and just be there on my own. A world that would be made only for me and Greer.

“I know. No one had the right to treat you the way they did…but Nina, there’s something else I have to tell you...”

In that moment, the creaking sound of a door interrupted her, making us both turn our heads at the same time. The dim light that was sipping through in the darkness, was now brighter, and…bigger? It was like someone had completely opened the door. The invisible door in the darkness, that was now giving way to the light.

I was both relieved to see light in this place, and…worried.

I didn’t know what this was all about. I already had trouble wrapping my head around what Greer had said, about this place…now, I had to face whatever was at the other side of that door.

There was no real indication for me to think that, no one was telling me it had to be that way, and, judging by Greer’s look, maybe it wasn’t something pleasant. But I just felt a sort of…calling…to get to the other side of the door.

Greer’s grip on me tightened, and that made me look at her confused and alarmed. She looked back at me apologetically and…desperate.

“Nina…I know…you want to…well…know…but...I don’t want you to hate me. When you know the truth…I don’t want you to hate me!”

A stream of tears fell down her cheeks, making my heart clench with pain for her. I couldn’t help to feel guilty for all of this, and for Greer’s tears. I felt like this was my fault. I hadn’t shown Greer how much I really appreciated her.

Not once in the last eight years, had I shown her appreciation. I had only relied on her for comfort and company. But I had never shown her my gratitude, nor my care for her. I should’ve been looking out for her just as much as she was for me.

That’s what I was thinking when suddenly my train of thought stopped and I was directed to a different issue.

“Greer…” She turned her sad, glassy stare up to mine. “Who are you?”

She tensed immediately, but what she did next, really confused me…she chuckled and hugged me, so gently, and…warmly….

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, but you…and that door…keep interrupting me” she looked at it…well…it was more a glare than anything really. “I’m sorry for hiding it from you all these years, Nina. Honestly, I was scared…so, so scared, that you’ll hate me after you'd know...”

“Greer, how could I ever hate you after all you’ve done for me?” I hugged her back. To have her petite frame in my arms like this…for some reason, this time it felt different. I felt…’full’.

“You promise?” She pleaded, looking up at me with such despair and uncertainty.

If anyone had seen that look, I’m sure they would’ve been just as completely disarmed as I was then.

“I swear” I replied, and immediately a spark glittered in her eyes.

“Well, Nina…I am.…”