Not Real. Not Imaginary.

PART FOUR: GREER. [The doubt]

“But…if you were her…wouldn’t they have come after you? Wouldn’t you be in the looney bin now?”

Of all the questions I had right then…that’s what decided to come out.

“Do you look like Nina?” She answered, as she rose an eyebrow, her eyes fixed on me.

It was all she needed to say for me to actually understand her…but for some reason…maybe pride, I refused to let her know she had made her point so I stubbornly…and also…rather insecurely…answered:

“A…little…?”

She scoffed at my answer, for obvious reasons…

“No, you don’t. The only thing of you that resembles anything of her, are your eyes. As my eyes resemble…” She went silent and her gaze fell to the floor for a moment. “any more questions?”

“Why are you after Nina?”

The words just slipped from my mouth. It's what I was thinking…what I’d wanted to know all along…but the moment that the question had slipped from my lips…I was regretting asking. I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know. Actually…I think I already knew…but…I just didn’t want to hear the answer….

“I like her. She’s nice.” She responded, in a clam tone.

That was it?! It was the most…simplistic and vague answer anyone could give on that situation. And I knew…there was so much more to it…. I just knew it for a fact, even if I didn’t know the real reasons, I knew there was a lot more behind.

“That can’t be all…you’re way too persistent…. You constantly fill her with attentions and give her money for nothing…and nobody does that in this world…I am sure you want something from her…what is it?”

“All I want from her is her company. I just like her. And I don’t think you have to be nice to someone, just when you want something in return. Besides…I want Nina to be okay…just as much as you do. I don’t want her to end up like…” She paused again…it looked like she was struggling.

It was like…she just couldn’t bring herself to speak the name of the one she failed to. Maybe…she felt like she wasn’t allowed to say it, since she had failed her so…. In that moment…against my better judgement and against my better instincts…I felt bad for her.

“She won’t…she has me, and…I guess now she…has you too.” I really don’t know where that last part came from…and I hated the after-taste it left in my mouth.

She looked up just to give me a sad smile.

“Will you please step aside then?” She asked calmly…and that question just angered me.

“Why would I?” I felt offended by her request, and I was starting to regret feeling bad for her. “I am her guardian…and I am her friend…and I love her…more than anyone will ever understand…even more than you could ever do”

“That is not your love, it’s hers. You only love her because she made you like that…your love is basically an expression of her self love. For all we know your feelings might not even be real. Were mine real?... would I have been able to move on if they were? After all that happened...would I…?” She looked at me with a stern look, I couldn’t really see past those metallic eyes. It was as if they were a heavy metal door, guarding all of her feelings and thoughts inside.

“You are just saying that to get me out of the picture…”

“Maybe. But maybe I am telling the truth, you didn’t know much about the subject, and I’m sure there are a lot more things that you’ve realized in your time with her, that you didn’t know before. At least not for sure. So, how can you be certain?” She interrupted me keeping the same impassible look…and her voice was very calm…and that just annoyed me even more.

“I know my feelings are real…that is the only thing I know for certain.”

And that was true. If I was sure of anything, it was my feelings for Nina…even more after all the happenings of the last few days.

“Well, I like her, and you and I know that I am the one that she believes in. She still thinks you aren’t real. So, wouldn’t it be better for her to be with me?”

“That's not....I…” I wanted to say a lot…but I couldn’t.

She had a point…as much as it pained me…she was right. Right at that moment, Nina still believed I was just a product of her imagination, at least while she was conscious…for her to realize I was real, there was still a lot to do, a lot of things needed to happen before that.… I just didn’t know how long it would be, and even after she realized I was real…would she and I ever be able to be together? What would happen? People would see her talking to her invisible partner and then…what good would that bring her? That would only isolate her more…again....

I stayed there, silent and looking down at the floor…not wanting to look up. I knew Terry was smiling, she felt she had already won…and maybe she had…. I couldn’t really do much more for Nina by then, other than being at her side…I couldn’t offer her everything Terry could.

It was already night…I turned to the window, and all I could see was darkness…suddenly, the despair, that had already made its nest inside of me, stirred up…as if it was feeding off of my current pain. Terry stood up as I was just sitting there…with all of these hurtful thoughts swimming around in my mind…she walked towards the study, and I heard her knock on the door. I heard Nina’s voice coming from inside…vaguely. I wasn’t really there in that moment, I was distracted by her eyes in the window’s reflection…her eyes, that were sadly looking back at me.

I stood up, and walked aimlessly throughout the apartment…then I heard the study door opening, and her scent filled the room almost immediately…. I couldn’t believe I had almost given up… I had let Terry get to me…and now, she felt like she had won…she hugged Nina as if she was trying to claim her win….

The reflection in the window was now staring at Terry. It was right…there still was something about the whole situation that bothered me, so much…. I couldn’t really see the answer now…but I knew there was something wrong in this whole situation.

I decided I’d keep Nina safe…even from Terry. However, if she really wanted to be with Terry, on her own accord…I’d respect and support her, and would stay at her side making sure she was happy and safe…unless…I was able to discover what Terry was really after…and the way to stop her from potentially hurting Nina.

She kept just hugging and squeezing Nina…as if she was throwing a show for me…to show that she had won, and I wouldn’t be able to give Nina what she could. So, I decided then, that I would step aside…just enough to lure Terry a little closer, make her drop her guard, and figure out what she really wanted…and before I left Nina spend any more time with her…I would make sure that she was completely sure about being with Terry…because…if I was correct, then Nina would feel that Terry was hiding something…something more than she had already confessed.

In that moment, seeing Terry holding Nina between her arms, I decided, that I would do everything I could, to discover the truth....