Not Real. Not Imaginary.

PART FOUR: GREER. [The curse]

I don’t know how many times I had to see her die…I just know I felt like I was losing my sanity…every single time I felt like I had my heart ripped away from my chest…every single time I felt a little more…empty inside…every single time…I realized, more and more…that I loved her more than I could ever imagine....

Right when I felt like all the life had drained from me, like I didn’t want to go on anymore…I felt a strong tug, and…out of the blue…I was sucked into the portal that materialized out of thin air in matter of seconds.

I blinked, and when I opened my eyes…I was back in front of The Highers.

“Why?”

That was all that came out of my lips…I couldn’t even formulate any of the questions that were now in my head…I must’ve looked pathetic…because even the blonde one looked at me with something resembling to real kindness…or more like...pity.

“It is her…fate. She was supposed to stop that battle…but she failed.” The shy one answered.

“So…you punished her for that?” I could feel my rage building back up…it made my stomach hurt.

After what seemed like years of watching her die like that over and over…anger was a nice change…but it was too heavy of an emotion for me to process it correctly in that moment.

“We had to. It was her duty to stop that battle. That battle led to a war…that led to a catastrophic end for that time line. She was responsible for the extinction of the entire race.” Responded the cranky young one. Who seemed to be containing right now…probably feeling pity because of the way I looked.

“SHE TRIED!” I screamed with rage “It wasn’t her fault…she tried…so hard. No one would listen to her! She tried until the end…and even as she…” My voice cracked and tears threatened to come out “She tired…but no one listened…they all ignored her. She told them…what was she supposed to do then?”

They looked at each other…and then…they all looked at me with a sad expression.

“We thought you would understand…” The blonde one spoke as she stood from her seat and walked down to my side. “We didn’t send her…and we do not decide her fate…”

“It was her choice to be sent to that first place…” The cranky young one stood up and came to my side as well.

“It was her who chose to go back and keep trying to save them…” Now the shy one was next to me.

“It is her who decided she has to pay for her failure like this.” The last one to speak was the oldest, and he slowly approached. He stood right in front of me.

“Like this…?” I looked up at them…still filled with rage.

“She decided she would have to suffer over and over until the debt of her failure was paid. Every single life that was lost because of her, she should lose in a tragedy. She should live in suffering, so those souls live a better life.” They all answered in unison…and it really made me upset.

It just sounded like they had rehearsed that a lot in my absence…more than that…I refused to believe them…I refused to accept the fact that she would have to live and die in such a soul shattering way everytime.

“That is bullshit…” I muttered a little bit too high…I wanted them to hear me…I think.

“There is nothing we can do…it is not in our hands...” The shy one said as she kneeled at my side. “We love her too…we love all of them…but they make their own choices…and we have to respect that…whether we like them or not”

“That’s even more bullshit!” I yelled as I looked at her…She opened her eyes wide and fell back…I had scared her…and I kinda regretted it…she was the one that I didn’t dislike so much. “You’re the all-mighty Highers…you are supposed to be able to do something…aren’t you the most powerful beings?”

They looked at me confused…and then at each other.

“We…are not…we are just in charge of keeping the balance and making sure the shards are kept at bay. We are not…the highest…authority.” The older one looked at me as if I was already supposed to know that.

“What...do you mean?” My head was a mess. I had witnessed too much, and now, I was receiving too much information…too much information that to me, didn’t make sense…and too much information that was different from what we had always been taught.

“WE are just the guardians…we don’t have any power over them…we just have a certain amount of power…over other guardians.” They seemed ashamed.

“Why aren’t we taught that? Why are we taught to believe that we are…better than them…?” I was still confused…it made no sense…we had always been taught the Highers were the highest authority and that us guardians were better than any other being.

“We ARE better…” Replied the youngest one.

I looked at them with rage again…but it soon turned to pity.

“You can keep telling yourselves that, if it makes you feel better about how pathetic you are…but it doesn’t make it true…” I got up and walked away, in the opposite direction of the high desk, where I remembered the door was last time. “Now…get me back to her…I will make sure she is safe this time…this time…I will make sure that she knows…nothing of what has happened is her fault…I will make sure she lives happily now…and you…you will not get in my way anymore.”

I looked at them one last time before the doors opened, and then, walked away. I could hear them complaining behind me…saying some nonsense about respect for the elders and for the rest of the guardians. I just scoffed at them as the door closed behind me.

Wren was there…he had the same smug expression than before, and now, I only felt pity when I looked at him…I felt pity when I thought about all the others…about this place….

I walked past Wren and patted his shoulder. He looked at me confused, and as he was about to speak, I walked away and left the office…and kept walking away without looking back….

All I could think about now was Nina…I was now determined to make sure she would be happy this time…I would make sure the cycle broke…so she could live a happy life, free from tragedy from now on.

There was only one problem…I didn’t know how to go back to her now…or more like…I couldn’t go back to her. In theory…I knew how…I had done it before…when I was assigned…but ever since then I had always been by her side…so I never really needed to go back to her. And now…I was unable to do so…for some reason….

I had left the office…but I was still stuck in this realm. I wandered around, remembering the time when I hadn’t met Nina yet…the time I spent in that place…coming and going from one protegee to the next…except…I couldn’t really remember any of them.

With all that had happened so far… I wasn’t even sure my memories were real anymore.

Everything in this place was white and bright…and everything looked almost the same, so…I had no idea of where I was now. I just kept walking…moving from place to place…trying to make sense of everything and trying to make a mental map.

After a while I managed to find my way…around the same place every time…but I started to be able to pick up on the little differences that allowed me to navigate better.

I don’t know how much time I spent trying to get out of that place…but finally…I stumbled upon something…or more like…nothing. There was an empty space…literally. There was nothing but pure, divine whiteness as far as the eye could see. Not a single building in sight…nothing.

I stood there contemplating the vastness displayed before my eyes. I just gazed at it…with nothing in my mind…except for her. I breathed in deeply…I had to figure out a way to get back to her…so I walked into that vast open space, sure that I’d find the way there…eventually.

It felt like I walked forever…and now I was starting to think this had been a bad idea. There was nothing! NOTHING!

I walked what felt like miles, and miles, and miles…and every time it felt like I was further away from the answer. I was confused about the reason why I couldn’t go to her at wish...was it because of the Highers? I didn’t feel like it was…I felt like they had accepted the fact that they would never be able to stop me even if they wanted to. But…what was happening now then?

I would never give up…but I couldn’t keep going…apparently, I had been walking for so long…spent so much of my energy and made such a huge effort trying to go back…that I had been energy drained…and suddenly collapsed to the floor. All I can remember of that moment is that my eyes closed and then I felt something cold against my cheek as I fell to the ground. When I opened my eyes for a second…and everything was dark.