Not Real. Not Imaginary.

PART FOUR: GREER. [The story]

“What?” I couldn’t give credit to my ears…what she had just said made no sense…guardians were not visible for the humans…and she was a business woman…seen by many. She had a life in the material world…she had it for a while…it made no sense.

“I am a guardian…well…was a guardian.” She whispered as she sat down, pulling me until I was sitting at her side.

“That makes no sense…you’re very clearly just a woman!” I replied pointing at her…confused….

“I am now. But I was a guardian like you.” She placed her index in front of her lips…trying to tell me to keep my voice down, since I momentarily got louder.

“It still makes no sense…a guardian is a guardian and a human is a human…”

“Not quite…” She looked at me with something I could only call…pity…then she continued: “I suppose your confusion is normal, afterall, this is not something you are taught about over there.”

“What are you talking about?” I was still suspicious of her…but I knew for a fact, after my last visit, we weren’t told everything back there.

“Humans and guardians…we are not so different.”

“I already know that!” I interrupted, and she placed her finger on my lips looking exasperated.

“Good, but what I really want to say is that…we’re basically the same thing. We all have one human to guard. Have you ever asked yourself why are you assigned to the human you are assigned to, specifically?” She looked at me intently…as if she was trying to see what I was thinking right then.

“I know why I am with her, if that’s what you’re asking...” Now she was the one looking at me confused.

She shook her head after a moment

“No. I mean…” She leant back and then sighed “I guess the best explanation is to just...be straightforward…” It seemed like she was telling that to herself, and not me.

I was losing my patience…I didn’t understand why she couldn’t just say things. It was definitely the easiest way, and at this point, I was not gonna just let her go with all the information…especially, not without warning Nina about her.

“Well. You and your human…” She stopped for a moment and took a deep breath…then struggled for a while as if she couldn’t find the words. And to me this was a first, she always seemed so sure of herself…and now…she was at a loss. “You and your human are both…part of a…whole.”

“Well yeah…we all are…all humans, all guardians…all shards and whatever else out there...”

What she had said didn’t explain anything, and it was like…the most basic thing you are taught when first becoming a guardian.

“This is different. It’s like you two are one being. Both of you, human and guardian, are part of the same being…and at the same time…you’re both independent of each other. Basically…you are Nina, and Nina is you. And at the same time, she isn’t you, and you aren’t her.” She looked at me with caution, as if she expected the information to have caused some extreme reaction from me.

But for me…now it all made sense. I couldn’t remember anything from my time before Nina. All those times I saw her alone in the Witness…despite knowing I had been there…or was supposed to be there with her…and, the fact that, whenever I looked at myself in the mirror, I could see all of the other versions of her staring back at me from the other side: Her eyes were my eyes.

The only thing it didn’t explain…was the way I felt about her. I don’t think I was supposed to develop this kind of romantic feelings towards her.

“Okay…I’m listening…go on…” I told her as I notice she was just staring at me without saying anything. “This still doesn’t explain why you have the life you have. Why do you live like a human, and why everyone else can see you.”

“That’s the part that you might find questionable. But I promise, I didn’t do anything bad.” She looked at me with a hint of sadness.

I couldn’t bring myself to just believe her words. I would still doubt whatever came from her mouth…I just knew it. However, I nodded and urged her to go on.

“Like you, I had my human to guard…obviously, as any other guardian does. She was amazing, at least in my eyes, and for years I dedicated myself to take care of her. Then, in the blink of an eye, things changed, and everything started to go wrong for her. As it happened with Nina, she was labeled as crazy…. She tried to resist, but she wasn’t nearly as strong as Nina, and she eventually went mad…for real. She ended up in a mental hospital. I felt terribly responsible, for what was happening to her. I was her guardian and I had just let all of that happen to her, because I was too busy, following the rules. I went straight to the Highers for help, but they refused…. I had no choice but to disobey, as you did for Nina. I just wish I had been as brave as you and intervene sooner…. Anyway, I showed myself to her, and tried to explain everything; and she was furious, mostly because I didn’t tell her sooner, that all those things she saw were real, and I left her end up in that awful…godforsaken place.” Terry was looking to the window, just staring, as if she was watching her memories being played in it. Her cold silvery eyes were glistening with unshed tears…and I still didn’t feel any sympathy for her.

“What does all of that has to do with…” She looked at me and didn’t let me finish the question as she continued:

“Even though I tried to be there for her, and search for a way to help her…nothing worked, and she just kept deteriorating. She tried to kill herself, so many times…until they finally decided to put her in a restrain jacket, and throw her into a tiny padded room, where she barely had space to breathe. I hated seeing her suffer so much, but there was nothing else I could think of doing. Until one day, she begged in tears ‘If you really are my guardian, please help me. I can’t stand this anymore, I am tired of this, I’m tired of suffering, of being alone, of seeing these things…. I just want some peace…please…help me!’…. And, I helped her. I helped her get out of that monstrous jacket, and managed to get the keys from the guards. I opened the door of the room, and she ran outside. I thought for a moment, that we could just scape and start over somewhere else…but she…she had a different plan. We sneaked around the place at night, at some point, she got her hands in a letter opener. We almost stumbled with a guard that was making its rounds, so we had to hide in the supplies closet. I was peeking through a small c***k in the door to let her know when we could move and finally get out of that place. The exit wasn’t far away…we could just run for it as soon as the guard left! But when I turned around…there was so much blood on the floor, and her clothes were dyed in red. I panicked, and yelled at her ‘What did you do? What did you do?!’ and she just looked up at me, and smiled. ‘I am free now…I am free…’. I couldn’t just let her go…I loved her. I didn’t know what to do, and in matter of seconds…she stopped moving…and…she…wasn’t breathing…but I could still feel something beating inside her. So, without thinking, I reached inside her and…I am not even sure of what it was. I just felt it merge with me. It sank into my skin, spreading through my veins, to my entire body…and then…I suddenly wasn’t what I used to be anymore. I just could feel…that I wasn’t that anymore. When I could…I ran outside of that place, and as I just walked around the streets, confused, and alone…I realized, people were looking at me. It must’ve been quite a pitiable sight.”

“So… you’re telling me what? That you stole the last spark of life, of the person you were supposed to guard? …and that’s why you’re visible?” I felt angry…I couldn’t believe she did that, she just left the woman die, she didn’t try to save her, she…practically made sure she didn’t have any chance…or so I thought, until she spoke again.

“I guess…so. But is more than that! I guess…I was very shocked…and I don’t even remember how I ended up in a park…but I woke up the next day, on a bench on that park, and as I walked around the streets again. I stumbled upon an electronics’ store… I suppose...there was a TV on the window…her face was there…she was in the news. They said she was highly unstable and potentially dangerous, that she had escaped during the night, somehow.”

“But she died…you saw her die…no…you made sure she died.” I interrupted her, raising my voice a little.

“That’s what I had thought too. The truth is, in that moment, I was too scared and upset to noticed that I had actually…’stepped in’.” She smiled bitterly and wiped a tear that started to roll down her cheek

“Stepped in?” I looked at her confused, and she nodded

“When I saw her like that…full of blood…dying. I was so desperate that I just…I just wished she wouldn’t die, or that I would die with her. I wanted to be able to die, to follow her. That’s what I wished, for a moment. So…when I took her ‘life spark’ as you called it…my wish came true. I became something able to die. I became ‘her’. By taking that spark...but I wasn’t her. I was me. When I saw her in the news, I realized, that she and I were the same, we had always been but…” she stopped and looked at me. “It’s like they know things will get ugly for them, and they will need assistance, and then, they take a part of their essence and build us, and then…we become this. And we come, to be with them...”

“I can’t believe I’m gonna say this. But your words…at least that last part…sound logical. Still…”

She sighed and rolled her eyes.

“I know I know. I still haven’t finished my story. I promise this will explain everything.” She shifted in her seat trying to get more comfortable…. I rolled my eyes and leant back while she stared at me as if she hoped I did the same she had done before. “Well, I was now human, or something very close to human…. She was eighteen when she died, and so, I was eighteen when I came to life; but I was all alone, I had nowhere to go, and soon, I realized I needed food and water, and…shelter…. An old lady saw me rummaging through the trash at a supermarket, and she felt bad for me. She was a widow; her husband had passed away shortly after the wedding, and she never got remarried, so she never had children, but she had always wanted a daughter. So, when she saw me there, in such a pitiable state, she decided to give me shelter for a while, and that while turned in…the rest of her life. She helped me get in business school, and gave me a home to return to. I graduated and started to work, and soon after, she passed…leaving me her home and her money. After that I met Nina and…here we are.” She shrugged as if she explained everything, but I still had questions….