Not Real. Not Imaginary.

PART FOUR: GREER. [The ´Terry event']

Since I came back, I would spend the days being a female in order to cause the least discomfort, and the nights…while we were in the Prism…as a man. For some reason the part of her that always met me at the prism seemed to prefer seeing me in my masculine form….

Every night we would meet back there…and every night we talked about everything…so, I used that time to explain all the things I needed her to know…and for all the things she needed to know about me…again, I waited until she was ready, until she asked me herself…so what happened the last time, wouldn’t happen once more.

Thankfully…the Highers didn’t but in again. Maybe they had seen my determination…or maybe…just maybe…they had realized that I was right. So, I kept freely spending my time with Nina…all of it.

I was only worried that while she was ‘awake’, during day, she would never mention Terry, she only dared to mention her while we were in the Prism. It was not my favorite part of the conversation, but I just wanted to support her no matter what…. And if she decided she wanted to live with Terry…that she wanted to BE with Terry…then I would support her, and stay besides her…no matter how hurt I’d feel about seeing her with Terry…like the last time.

Her eyes always told me how guilty she felt about it…so I kept trying to seem happy at all times…so she could see, no matter what…I would be with her…and that I would be happy for her. I just didn’t want her to feel like she couldn’t do what she wanted, just to keep me safe when keeping her safe was MY job.

I was truly happy of spending this time with her in such a way, it gave me hope for her…for the future. I was now convinced that she could step out of the cycle that kept her feeling so miserable all the time…. I had to make her step out of it, and every night, I felt like we were a step closer.

Whenever I was alone though, everytime I looked at my own reflection…it was like if all of those past bits of her, had attached to me when I visited them back at the Witness. Not only that…it was like they were trying to encourage me…looking at them, I felt I was in the right track. I was bound to Nina…I was meant to help her break this sort of curse she had bestowed upon herself.

But there was something bugging me: I knew about her stalker…she had accidentally mentioned it once, but now…she seemed to be very cautious not to mention anything about it. At first, I thought it was because it had been a sort of false alarm…but then I realized…she wasn’t ‘working’ anymore.

Sometimes I would catch her staring at the studio door…biting her lip…staring with worry. She started biting her nails and she was very jumpy; the littlest of sounds sometimes would make her jump in her place and look around alarmed. That was heartbreaking to watch…but I couldn’t do anything yet…I couldn’t do anything about it, because it was clear to me, she didn’t want me to know.

I didn’t know how to help with that particular subject…but I figured, once I helped her a bit more in the Prism, and once she retrieved some more bits of herself, she would have enough courage to talk to me about it…to reach out for help.

I’m not saying she was a coward…I always thought she was incredibly brave. But I was also convinced, that asking for help, was also a very brave thing to do. And Nina wasn’t very good at it. Only a really brave person would consider handling a stalker on their own…but…that could be extremely dangerous, and I didn’t want Nina to get hurt…again.

I could already see the same pattern from her past, forming in this life…and it made me very nervous. I didn’t want to be there and just watch things happen, like all those times before. I wanted to actually help her this time....

Her anxiety attracted more shards every night, it was about to get to the same point as before…as years ago, when she was at her lowest point. But this time…she shouldn’t have to be feeling like this. I felt like, somehow, I was failing…but I couldn’t really do much for her now. I couldn’t do anything else but to hope she decided to share her worries with me…and to hope that she could be ready soon…so she could retrieve all the missing pieces…so she would be whole again. And I could only hope…that she realized she wasn’t alone anymore…that she never had been and she would never be, again.

Days went by…very little had changed…but for the first time…she walked towards the studio. I watched her take a deep breath, and then…a shivering hand slowly reached for the doorknob. She exhaled and closed her eyes. Then turned the knob and walked inside.

It was early morning when she got in; and it was probably around four when I heard someone at the front door.

I had been staring at the studio door, waiting for Nina to come out…so now it was me who got jumpy all of a sudden. I turned my head towards the front door, too suddenly and almost hurt my neck. When I did…I saw the doorknob turning. Someone was definitely coming in.

I wasn’t supposed to do anything to interfere in human matters like these, at all…specially since Nina had never asked me for help. But…I would not let anything happen to her this time…besides…I had already broken so many rules…what was one more?

I was ready to protect her…to stop whoever searched to harm her…whoever came through that door with ill intentions.... I got up and walked towards the door. But I really wasn’t ready for what happened next….

What I saw as soon as the door opened…was Terry’s face.

It was quite a surprise for me…but I was partly relieved…because that meant Nina was safe…at least for now. But now. I was also curious about why she was here…and about why she had decided to just let herself in, like that.

I stood there and tilted my head watching how she left her jacket on one of the kitchen’s chairs…her hands ran through her hair making sure it was neat and presentable…I guess. Then, she moved her head to one side and then the other…apparently trying to stretch her neck…as if she had a really long and tiring day…or as if she was about to deal with something that caused her a lot of tension. When she finished her ‘warm up’, she looked straight ahead…or so I thought at first.

I was standing ‘in front’ of her, so, when her gaze was directed to me, I thought she was probably looking to something ahead…like…the living room…the window…whatever was behind of me…but it turns out…she was in fact…looking at me.

“Good, right the…’person’…I was looking for.” She said quietly as she walked towards me.

I just stood there…dumbfounded…I could feel my jaw dropping and my eyes widening, and she…she smiled with satisfaction after seeing my reaction.

She placed her hand lightly under my chin and gently pushed up…closing my mouth.

“What is…happening?” My voice cracked a little as I tried to talk. The surprise of what had just happened kept me paralyzed and apparently, unable to talk properly.

Terry smiled looking amused as I stuttered trying to form coherent sentences. She sat on the sofa and got comfortable before looking back at me wearing an amused grin…then she talked again.

“Greer…was it?” without even giving me time to answer, she continued “It doesn’t really matter much to me. I just wanted to come and have a little chat with you. It is very lucky for me to find you here alone.”

“Nina is in the studio…she’s busy…” I managed to answer walking towards the living room again. I stood across it…in front of her. The whole time her eyes followed me, making me feel uncomfortable.

“Well…then we should keep it down a little, I guess.” she lowered her volume until it was almost a mere whisper.

“Why? What is this supposed to mean…how come you can...?” I couldn’t finish any of my questions because everytime I was forming one, I thought about a new one. The only thing I could actually say was: “Why are you here?”

“I told you, I wanted to talk to you. I really need to do it.” She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees as she did.

“And what is it that you have to tell me?” I looked at her defiantly.

I always knew there was something weird about her…and this was proof I had been correct all this time. However, I needed yet, to understand what was happening…why could she see me?

“Well, by now it must be rather obvious but…I can see you.” She pointed at me and then leant back on her seat.

I scoffed at this and crossed my arms over my chest after making sure the strand of hair that was now covering my eyes…was properly tucked behind my ear. As a woman, hair was always the biggest inconvenience, it seemed….

“Second,” she continued, after giving me a cold look…that seemed like a warning (I guess she didn’t like being laughed at…) “I want you to step aside. Figuratively. I know you can’t really because you’re her guardian…but I need her to come live with me. I need her to be with me.”

“First…how can you see me…and since when?”

I was really taken aback by the fact that someone, besides Nina, could see me...because…it would take someone as special as Nina…or even more…to be able to see me…and I was pretty sure Terry wasn’t like Nina. I could feel she wasn’t…so I didn’t understand how. And…also…if she had been able to see me all the time…that would mean that she hid something from Nina…that she lied to her, in a way…and that couldn’t be good. Now I liked Terry even less than before.

“I know what you’re thinking and it is not like that at all. Yes, I might have been able to see you from the beginning and, yes, I didn’t say anything to Nina. But she hadn’t told me anything about you either. And I didn't want to confront her if she didn't want me to know about you.” The whole time she looked at me directly, almost without blinking…as if she was trying to prove to me, she was telling the truth. “The how though, is a little bit more complicated. And…you probably won’t be okay with it.”

I looked at her confused, c*****g my head slightly…she wasn’t giving me much…and I was growing even less fond of her everytime she opened her mouth.

“I always knew there was something suspicious about you…I should warn Nina to stay away from you…”

“No! you don’t understand. It isn’t anything…bad. For us at least...and for her.”

She got up hastily as I took a step towards the studio and got in the way pulling me back to where I was standing before…then she blurted out:

“I am…a guardian. Like you”