Not Real. Not Imaginary.

PART THREE: NINA. [Reveal time]

Breathing became harder and harder, and I started to shake uncontrollably.

Then I heard his voice, so close…almost inside my head. And after a few minutes of silence, a faint silhouette appeared at my side.

As soon as I caught a glimpse, it disappeared, and I knew then, he wasn’t there. I hadn’t heard his voice, I just wished I had. All there was, was the memory of his voice in my head, playing over and over, telling me everything would be okay, and that I had to be strong. But he wasn’t talking, he wasn’t there...Greer wasn’t there, and I felt so much worse....

I cried in front of the screen until daylight broke in. And then, I heard a knock on the door. I wiped the tears off my face and changed into the oversized shirt I kept in the studio for whenever I needed to just cover up quickly.

“I’ll be out here kitten. Come out whenever you’re ready.” She said in a warm and gentle tone, that told me she had just heard me cry, who knows for how long.

I wiped the makeup off my face and went directly to the bathroom, without being able to look up at Terry. I washed my face and doubted before coming back out. My hand hovered over the doorknob for a while.

“It’s okay, whatever it is, kitten…you can talk to me. I won’t judge you, I promise.” Her voice was soft, like the voice you use to talk to a scared child.

I felt both relieved, and embarrassed after hearing her, and after taking a deep breath, I finally opened the door and looked up at her with my teary eyes.

She was standing right in front of the door, with a worried expression, again…I had put that expression in her face more times, than her very difficult work ever had, and that made me feel even worse than I felt already.

She just looked at me, while I looked back at her. And so, we just looked at each other for several minutes, without saying a word. She seemed to be waiting for me to speak. but I couldn’t tell her. I had never talked to her about what I did to get money. And I didn’t really want to tell her… I couldn’t tell her about the pictures either, I couldn’t tell her it was happening again. She had already helped me a lot before, and I didn’t want to trouble her like that again.

All I could think of at that moment, was of how much I missed Greer, and how much I wished he was there.

“There´s…there´s something I need to tell you...” My voice was hoarse from crying all night, and I had to clear my throat a couple times.

“You can tell me anything, kitten.” She replied as she brushed my hair away from my face.

“Maybe you should…. sit down…?” I knew that it would be quite a surprise for her to hear what I was about to say, and I really hoped she would understand, or at least, that she wouldn’t judge me so harshly.

She looked at me confused, and very obviously worried. After hesitating for a couple of seconds, she sat down on the couch. She had already changed and it seemed like she was ready to go out soon.

“Terry, I... never talked to you about this...but, when I was a child I used to see and hear things.” I paused for a moment and looked at her, she seemed confused, but she was already confused when I told her I needed to talk to her, so I wasn’t sure if she was reacting to my confession or not. “Well, it was okay for a while, because everybody thought it was normal for a little girl to have an active imagination, and imaginary friends, but then I grew up and I kept seeing things. Overtime I just accepted that I was probably crazy, everybody said so, and it only made sense. All the things I saw and heard could only be a product of my imagination.”

Her expression changed for a moment, to something like…understanding…and then it changed again, to a serious one. I waited a few seconds to see if she had anything to say about it, like ‘Now I understand a lot of things’ or ‘I knew you were crazy; I don’t ever want to see you again weirdo’. But she just sighed, and nodded, urging me to continue.

“Uhm, well, I don’t see or hear stuff anymore…except...I do…I…have an imaginary…friend…called Greer. He is always here with me, in the apartment, at least.... Well…that’s usually the case. Since we came home the other day, I haven’t seen him. And I feel so…worried...for some reason….” I could hear my own voice cracking with nervousness, fear, and shame. As I spoke, the volume of my voice decreased. I felt so dumb telling this to her. More than that, I felt ashamed of confessing this, as if it was a dirty little secret.

I looked up at her when I was done talking, she had leant back into her seat and kept a serious face the entire time. I had no idea what she was thinking or how she’d react next. I could only hope she didn’t just leave and never spoke to the crazy me again.

“Kitten,” she finally said after what felt like hours, “the only thing I don’t understand, is the reason for hiding all of this from me. I am a little upset to be honest.”

“I know, I should’ve told you from the beginning, you probably don’t want a crazy woman living in your property and taking advantage of you to survive because no one else would accept her….” I stood there in front of her, not sure of what to do, just keeping my gaze down.

“You’re not listening to me kitten. That is not what I meant.” She sighed and stood up “What I meant was, you could be a…werewolf for all I care, and I would still see you the same way.”

She smiled and walked towards me. She gently cupped my chin and made me look up at her (Terry was a couple of inches taller than me), then, she gently kissed my forehead and rested hers against mine.

“I would still see you as the sweet and caring girl you are. You are more human than anyone I know. And much more decent: empathic, loving, fun to be around...” She sighed throwing her head back, and then ruffled my hair as she looked back at me “The only thing I regret, is that you’ve been hurt so badly that you think you can’t talk to me. I wish you could trust a little bit more in me.”

“I…I’m sorry…” That was all I could manage to say. Things were definitely not going how I expected them to go.

I should’ve been grateful, but I was way too confused to be so.

Greer would probably be very happy if he was here; happy that I finally decided to stop keeping his existence as an embarrassing secret, when it wasn’t.

I felt a warm tear roll down my cheek as I thought about Greer. Now more than ever I wanted him to be here with me. Terry saw me cry, and immediately wrapped her arms around me. It was a warm and filling embrace. It almost felt like the embrace Greer would’ve offered if he had been there.

Now, being in Terry’s arms, I finally understood something: I wasn’t alone. Not anymore. I haven’t been alone in a long time…ever since Greer came, and then Terry....

I was stuck, holding onto my solitude way too tightly, holding it with both hands, refusing to be free, to accept the company and the warmth that currently was all around me.

“You can cry all you need, just let it all out.” She rubbed my back, trying to comfort me, as I kept weeping in her arms. She only hugged me tighter whenever I started to weep harder.

It felt like I was there for hours, and I started to worry that Terry might’ve been tired of being static all that time, just holding me, so I tried to pull away, but she pulled me back towards her; and that managed to get a chuckle out of me.

“Uhm, Terry…it’s okay, we should move before we stay stuck like this...” I chuckled, but she only held me tighter.

“And that would be bad because…?” She smiled and sighed deeply before letting me go. “Well, if you are better now, we could go out to do something fun.”

“I’m not sure. I’m kinda worried about…uhm…Greer and all that” I lied.

I was obviously worried about Greer…but I was also scared of our brand new stalker. I didn’t want to go out at all, and if I could prevent Terry from doing so, I would too. Although, it would be hard to keep her there when she had to work.

“Oh, right…well, what can you really do about it?” She looked at me with a serious expression and then sat back down. “If you could bring…him…back, with the power of your imagination, you would’ve probably already done it. So, why isn’t he here?”

“…” I kept my gaze down, unable to answer. She was right. Why wasn’t Greer there?

I felt there was a missing piece of information. There was something I didn’t know, something I was…forgetting. It was so frustrating… I got flustered and just, slumped on the couch, at the opposite side of Terry.

I looked towards Terry and smiled:

“Thank you for not leaving…or laughing…or…I don’t know...” I shrugged and covered my face, flustered.

“I could never, kitten. And just so you know, I don’t think you’re crazy.” She replied, laying down and resting her head on my lap. “Also, you should get a relaxing bath, but not now…I’m too comfortable here right now.” She smiled up at me before wiggling trying to get cozy and closing her eyes.

“Okay then, I’m not going anywhere.” I giggled and instinctively brushed her soft hair with my fingers. I loved how soft and silky it felt. Something about its coppery red color made me think it wouldn’t feel like that…for some reason, I always had the impression that I’d get burnt if I touched it…how silly….

She softly groaned and rubbed her cheek on my thigh, and I kept brushing and combing her hair with my fingers. Occasionally I would massage her scalp with my fingertips. She seemed to really enjoy it. A smile kept adorning her face as I massaged her scalp, and she seemed really peaceful right then. When she opened her eyes, her usually icy grey eyes, were warm and gentle.

“You really needed a rest from work huh? I’m sorry I kinda made you, well…work, during your time off.” I really felt like I was being more a burden to her than anything else.

“Shhh…you’re not giving me any work; this is like a vacation to me” The softness of her voice took me by surprise.

I think it was the first time I saw Terry that relaxed and vulnerable. All those times we met, she never acted like that. Even when she was relaxed, she still seemed guarded. Right then, it was like looking at a completely different Terry. I was happy to see that side of her.

She fell asleep there, using my thighs as pillows, and I actually felt really comfortable. I felt so comfortable that my eyes felt heavy and slowly, started to close.