Not Real. Not Imaginary.

PART THREE: NINA. [Scary visitors and bravery]

That day I felt a little bit lighter than I had in days…the whole situation with Greer and Terry, and the threat from the stalker had been heavily weighting me down for the last couple of weeks, and that day, it felt like a little bit of weight had fallen from my shoulders.

It didn’t mean I wasn’t worried about all of those things, it’s just that in that moment…for some reason…I felt lighter. I felt like…like I had something I didn’t have before. It was as if suddenly there was more light; like there was a small veil darkening my vision, and now, a layer had been removed.

I stretched as I walked towards the master bathroom, I could feel a smile curving my lips, and the soothing gaze of Greer over me, following all my movements, without saying a word.

She was a little quiet today, but her gaze was still very calm, so I was pretty sure that she wasn’t worrying about anything…at least at that moment; so, her seriousness was due to something else, and I’d try to find out why later on; but right first, I wanted to enjoy the sensation of lightness that, welcomingly, invaded my body.

I prepared a bath for myself, filled the tub and used my favorite scent for the bubbles and salts. I was decided to have a very relaxing day…but apparently the universe had different plans for me.

As soon as I lifted my feet, and was about to slide it into the tub, the doorbell rang.

“Well…there goes my relaxation day” I sighed softly as I put my pajamas back on, I wasn’t going to put on clean clothes until I was able to get my bath…. So, I walked outside the bathroom in shorts and a tank top...again, which made Greer chuckle.

“Seems like your bath will have to wait, huh?” She said mockingly as I passed her, and I just rolled my eyes to let her know I wasn’t ignoring her, but I wasn’t exactly happy about that comment.

The doorbell rang again

“I’m coming!”

I had gotten dressed as fast as I could and I was halfway there, it hasn’t passed that long since the first ring.

Something suddenly struck me as odd. I never got visits, unless I had ordered some food or some package online, but recently, I hadn’t done either. I thought maybe it was Terry, since she had just dropped by the other day, but I didn’t think Terry would be so impatient at the door. It wasn’t any of the neighbors either…none of them ever knocked on my door since they knew I always kept to myself, and I never interacted with them, it all resulting in them never looking for me.

I suddenly felt a cold chill run down my spine. I gulped nervously as I just stood there in front of the door. Then, I slowly reached for the doorknob. I could see my own hand trembling as it reached towards it. I felt how my heartbeat fastened and my chest moved, along with my breath, at a very fast peace…I was about to start hyperventilating.

A feeling of insecurity washed down on me, and I decided to place my free hand on the door, as if I was trying to stop it...or maybe, I was trying to stop myself, from falling. My legs felt weak, trembly, like the strength had suddenly left my body.

I couldn’t bring myself to open the door. Whoever was on the other side of the door, wasn’t a delivery person, and something within me was telling me it definitely wasn’t Terry, it wasn’t anyone I had invited, and yet…I was so curious to know who was there…I was impatient to know who it was…impatient to know it wasn’t anyone searching to harm me.

“W-who is it?” My voice came out trembly, and almost broke.

I had a bad feeling…in fact, I felt dread washing over me, getting rid of the previous lightness that invaded me, so quickly and, so mercilessly. My mind went to the worst possible place, I feared HE would be at the other side of the door, I feared that it could be THE PERSON, who finally dared to come here, and repeat his threat.

“I just moved in, and I am just passing by to say hello and introduce myself to the neighbors…” A female voice answered with a little caution.

Greer came to my side and placed his hand on my hand, over the knob. She looked at me with worry this time.

“Nina…are you okay? You seem a little…scared…” Her voice was very soft, as the voice of someone talking to a scared child.

I looked at her and nodded after putting on a not so convincing smile. If well I was a bit calmer now that I had heard it was a female, and she just wanted to say hi, I couldn’t shake the feeling of dread off of my body.

The dread was stubbornly clinging into every fiber of my being, I could feel it digging it’s claws in deeper, refusing to let go, just as it had done so many times before: all those times when I was younger and didn’t have anyone by my side, while I kept seeing things that would make anyone go insane…and maybe I had actually gone a little bit insane...but not in the way everyone dimmed me to be. It was just like all those times after I escaped from my ex, worrying about whether he’d find me or not, worrying about if he’d come and hurt me.

The memories swirled around in my head like a tornado, disrupting all the mental peace I had managed to achieve, with so much effort, in just seconds. I could almost feel the new fort, that I seemed to have managed to rebuild in my head, slowly cracking and shifting, slowly losing all the new color I had put on it.

Suddenly, I felt a warm and gentle squeeze on my hand, that pulled me away from the danger of my own thoughts, and made the storm suddenly come to a halt, letting the sun rays shine abruptly through the clouds again. I looked at her, and she smiled at me, then I knew, I would always count on Greer to save me from myself.

She grabbed my other hand bringing it away from the door, holding it between both of her hands, as if she was telling me she would keep it safe, she would keep ME safe....

I nodded at her, and she nodded back at me, as if we were both agreeing that I was fine, and that it was all fine…everything was fine; I just needed to breath, to keep my head here, and not let all those hurtful memories haunt me; because they were all just memories…just that. They belonged to the past, and I couldn’t let them destroy my present, not anymore.

They were just memories, and couldn’t hurt me…all of those things…they couldn’t hurt me anymore; I had already walked away from them, and thanks to them I had found Greer, and Terry; and after all of that, I had to realize, that those memories shouldn’t have power over me anymore. But it was reassuring to know that if I lost myself to them again, Greer would be there to save me from drowning in them.

Finally, after another deep breath, I unlocked the door and turned the knob, a bit slower than necessary considering I was pretty sure there was no threat on the other side.

I realized I was unnecessarily worrying Greer, so I tried to breathe again and put on a brave face. I lifted my head and pushed my chest forward, trying to look brave. Greer giggled, and I smiled as I opened the door.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to….” I was left speechless, unable to even make a sound as I looked, wide eyed, at the person on the other side of the door.