Not Real. Not Imaginary.

PART FOUR: GREER. [The awkwardness of a second reunion]

I suddenly felt like I could breathe again…as if I had been holding my breath that whole time…which to me, had been a really long time. I was finally back, and…I would be able to see Nina!

As that though crossed my mind, I heard the front door opening…I felt excited, happy… for a moment. When I heard Nina’s crystalline giggles, I practically ran out the room to receive her, and…I almost wished I hadn’t done it, as I realized…she wasn’t alone.

After all that I had been through I almost…ALMOST forgot about Terry. But now there she was…to remind me of her existence…to remind me…that I wasn’t all that Nina had…and that I…as far as companionship went…wasn’t exactly indispensable.

Nina noticed my presence, and then…she just froze in place…as if she had seen a ghost. I smiled bitterly at her…I wasn’t aiming for that; I didn’t want her to feel bad…I just couldn’t hide the discomfort I felt seeing Terry with her…seeing them be so close....

I couldn’t keep looking at Terry…I felt all the bad emotions that her presence, and her proposal to Nina, had caused before coming back…and I refused to let Nina see me like that…especially now, that I was back with her. So, I went back into the room and then, almost immediately, wished I hadn’t, because Nina would probably wonder why I left like that…I was just making everything worse…just overthinking it too much…. I was just...feeling too much.

I looked at my reflection in the window, and I could almost see Nina looking back at me…not this Nina…but all of the versions of her…every single one of them…all through one pair of dark eyes. Then, behind me…there she was. I saw her coming into the room through the reflection…and the previous reflection of her, was replaced with my own.

A smile formed on my lips as I turned back towards her…she reciprocated the smile and I could see her eyes glistening with unshed tears. I felt happy…happy that she felt so much because of me…and happy because then I realized…no matter in what way…Nina loved me...even if just as a friend, as a companion or just as a preventive against loneliness…she would always have some space for me in her heart…I mattered at least a little…and a void, that I hadn’t even realized I had in my heart…filled up, just a little bit.

“Greer…” Her voice was only a trembly whisper…letting all the emotions contained within her, conveyed in it, in that single word...in the sound of my name....

“Hello stranger…”

As soon as I finished speaking, she jumped to the bed and, kneeling at the edge, she threw her arms around me.

“Don’t ever leave me again. I was worried sick…” Her voice cracked and I felt the wetness of her tears on my shoulder.

“I won’t…unless you lock me again…”

I didn’t think about it...it just slipped my lips. She pulled away and looked at me furrowing her brows, she seemed confused.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“Oh…you still can’t remember anything that happens in The Prism…apparently.”

I was really hoping she would remember a little…after all that happened last time, and after realizing she had left herself those little clues, I was so hopeful…I hoped she remembered a little of our conversation, of the 'white lies' i had told her before....

“You’re being weird…and I love it…. I missed you so much…Oh, so much!”

She didn’t pay mind to what I said…so I was relieved. I haven’t messed up so badly…for now. Then my sight fell on the bed.

The bed wasn’t done and it made me feel weird…for some reason…it made me feel…hurt. Then I looked up and I noticed Terry was on the doorway, looking towards us…looking at Nina, I guess…since she couldn’t really see me.

I worried for a moment, but then remembered, Nina had already talked to Terry about me…and I hoped she really meant what she had told Nina…I hoped she really didn’t care…that she liked Nina enough, no matter what; that she felt strongly enough for Nina, to accept her, just the way she was.

To my surprise, she walked in like nothing was happening…like she hadn’t just witnessed Nina hugging and talking to the nothing. It gave me a small sense of relief…and also…a small sense of caution started to build up somewhere deep inside.

“Ice cream will melt kitten, let’s go.” Terry spoke...and I rolled my eyes. I could only accept her because she meant a lot to Nina…but I couldn’t stand her…and her voice was very annoying for me in that moment, after all that had happen...after realizing how much she wanted Nina, and realizing that I wasn't the only option she had.

Nina held my hand as she climbed down the bed, and hopped happily out the room pulling me with her. I got a strange feeling as we walked by Terry and I knew I could never be okay with her. No matter what, I would never like her.

Nina took her ice cream and then walked to the living room. She never left go of my hand…it was as if she was scared that I would disappear if she left go. She was acting really childishly…but it was adorable, and I enjoyed her touch…her warmth…I had missed it all so much.

Terry came and sat with us…with Nina actually…I just happened to be there too…and I couldn’t keep my annoyance to myself, so a small annoyed sigh escaped from my lips. I was even more annoyed that she felt she had the right to just grab Nina and pull her towards her…as if she was her property.

“Well, this is certainly nice, isn’t it kitten?” Her tone was very taunting…it was as if she was trying to brag about something…as if she was trying to show everybody, that she had won something.

“Y-yes…it…is nice...” Nina talked shyly…she seemed uncomfortable.

“You’re very nice…”

Terry leaned down and kissed Nina’s cheek, as she hugged her possessively.

The whole scene resulted very uncomfortable to me…I understood Nina liked Terry…and I was ‘okay’ with it…I mean…not with Terry…but, Nina was my priority. I could notice she was uncomfortable…and after looking at her face I realized…she felt guilty…and that…made me feel terrible.

I needed to be more supportive…and no matter what…I had to hide my discomfort with Terry, from Nina, so she could be with Terry…if that was what she desired, without her feeling guilty; after all…her happiness was my mission.

I tried to be in my best behavior the rest of the time Terry spent there…I was however, extremely uncomfortable, watching how Terry treated Nina as if she was her property…or at least, that is what it seemed to me…but then again…I didn’t like Terry very much, and maybe I was just trying to paint her in a way that would justify my aversion towards her.

When the time finally came for Terry to leave, I was…a little too happy. She walked to the door and Nina followed her…and I, naturally, followed Nina. Then they stopped at the door, and as they were saying their goodbyes…Terry kissed Nina on the forehead.

The kiss made me angry, mostly because I wanted to be the only one that kissed her like that…but I understood I couldn’t do that…. I wasn’t that, for her, now…I probably would never be that, for her. I was her guardian…and…she didn’t even think I was real….

After what happened, I heard a gasp scape from my lips…and then…for a moment…I could’ve sworn…those metallic grey eyes…were looking right at me.