Not Real. Not Imaginary.

PART THREE: NINA. [Into the Prism...again.]

“No! Nina…I really am fine about it…I don’t know why won’t you believe me...” Greer leaned back on the sofa and groaned annoyed at my lack of trust.

“Is not that. I just want to make sure you’ll be okay no matter what choice I make. I don’t want to make a choice that will make you feel sa…uncomfortable I mean…” I managed to save that at the end there, but Greer still laughed pitifully.

“Nina…to me…all that matters is your happiness. So, stop being so stubborn and accept my answer!” He grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me a couple times, as if that was going to make me accept his answer entirely.

“I know! I know. I’m sorry. You know how my anxiety gets some times.”

The last couple weeks all we talked about, was Terry's proposal. Greer was very insistent wanting me to move in with Terry because he felt responsible about me feeling guilty; and I, well...I felt bad for thinking about living with Terry like that while not making up my mind about my feelings towards her, and Greer.

“Then maybe we should stop talking about this and you should tell that woman you accept...You’d be better there anyways…” He seemed fed up with the whole situation.

And he was right to be. I kept bringing up the subject over and over, not making up my mind to make a decision.

“I’m sorry I just, don’t know what to do. I don’t want to keep you both on edge waiting for the answer this long but, I’m…so…conflicted...” I stopped pacing around and left myself fall in the seat to his side, leaning my head on his shoulder.

“I know Nina…I’m sorry. I’m being a bit grumpy right now…I know.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in, snuggling me tightly.

The Prism was much homier by that time. There was a lamp, and another sofa, we could see a carpet under our feet, and the light from the lamp created colorful waves around us; it looked like some sort of underwater reflection. Sometimes, there would even be some pastries and drinks for both of us, and I loved watching Greer enjoy those pastries with me, although, I wasn’t really sure that they were real; they felt real, so I didn’t usually give it too much importance.

“The shards have been really annoying lately by the way…your anxiety kind of attracts them more…so maybe you should try to relax a little...I am not complaining…just…I’m worried…” He said casually as if he was talking of any other...normal, daily life situation.

“I have never seen one, yet I already hate them...” I nuzzled my face into his chest, and I guess that made him chuckle; I assumed it was in part because of my childish actions, and the rest must’ve had something to do with my choice of words.

“I know… They are pretty nightmarish…so I’m glad you can’t see them now…well…yet…” He sighed as he stroked my back really gently.

“Now? Yet?!”

I was aware that there was stuff I didn’t know yet, and though I was trying my best, I still hadn’t been able to access all of those ‘secrets’ within me.

“You saw them once or twice when you were younger…although…I am not surprised you can’t remember that. I wouldn’t want to remember them either if I was like you. And…well…there’s a small chance that you will be able to…see them when everything is…back to normal.” He shrugged.

“Normal, huh?” I almost vomited the word.

After so many years of rejecting everything about myself to try and be normal, just to still be considered a weirdo after, I really hated the word.

“It’s okay…you are normal, you are the most normal of all. There are some things you humans all forgot…and those of you who didn’t really forget entirely are always marked. But trust me…you are not the one who’s wrong here.” He placed a very gentle kiss on the top of my head, and I felt my cheeks burning with a soft blush.

Then the colors around us changed, from the soft pastels, to really vivid colors, mostly reds and purples. I looked up at Greer in embarrassment, because I knew the colors that the lamp shone around us, were connected to my emotions. And those vivid reds and purples were revealing stuff I didn’t really wanted to reveal right now.

“Aaaanyway…” I tried to pull his attention away from the small change around us “I want to know more.”

“More...?” he made a pause and looked at me confused for a moment. “More of what?”

“More of all this, silly.” I signaled to the space all around us with my hand as I kept laying there on top of him.

“I can’t really tell you much…it is your Prism…you do whatever you want with it…” He answered, still a little confused as he scratched his head.

“It doesn’t seem like it. I would love if the darkness went away, but it is still here…”

“Well, you have to…unlock and retrieve all the fragments of yourself…” He interrupted, and looked at me apologetically, as he gently pushed me away, while he sat up straight and stretched.

“Cool…” I replied unenthusiastically, and just then, the door appeared before us.

I couldn’t tell whether it was the same, since the first time that we were here the place was in complete and utter darkness, but it was there before us. A beautifully embellished wooden door, creaking as it slowly swung open, emitting a soft white light.

“I uh…” Greer seemed confused, and slightly scared.

“What does this mean?” I stood up and walked closer to the door. As if acting on its own, my hand slowly reached towards it, and I could feel a warmth spreading from it.

Greer quickly grabbed my hand pulling it away from the door.

“Be careful…we don’t really know what…I mean…are you sure you’re ready and…” He looked scared, and I could understand why. Last time it had been too much for me, and I ended up locking him up…or at least, partly, since he insisted some of the fault was his.

“I can’t be oblivious forever Greer.”

He reluctantly left go of my hand and I turned to face him.

“I need to be ready; I need to do this…because…I need to remember all of you whenever I wake up. I don’t want to keep forgetting who you are and what you really mean to me.” I looked at the door and took a little step in its direction, before looking over at him again “Maybe, just to be sure, you should leave before I get in though…we don’t want another…”

“Oh!...right…okay…I’ll…be here when you wake up…” He said before disappearing in a soft and colorful smoke cloud.

"Interesting..." I muttered to myself.

I turned back towards the door, and took a deep breath. The warmth emanating from it, had suddenly changed to a glacial cold. I felt my skin crawling with goosebumps and I could see my breath in front of me.

I was confused about the reason for the sudden change, and a little scared. But I couldn’t take back what I had just said to Greer, I really needed to do it. Not only for me and him, but for Terry too… Maybe if I could understand myself better, I would know what to do about...all of us.

I gathered some courage, and shook my arms and legs from the paralyzing fear that had frozen them in place for a moment, and then, taking a deep breath, I took a step into the door.