Not Real. Not Imaginary.

PART THREE: NINA. [The lost girl]

I knelt in front of her, and gently placed my hand on her head. Her small body kept shaking underneath my touch, even when my intention was to be comforting, even when I tired to be as gentle as possible…even when I just wanted to show her she wasn’t alone; I could feel the terror and sadness she felt for being ignored and left in the darkness for such a long time.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered…. And I really was sorry; it was partially my fault that the little girl was crying now.

She looked up at me, her dark brown eyes were a little redden, and the skin around them a little puffy after all the crying. She kept sobbing and sniffling, with her sad gaze upon me as I looked back at her, probably wearing an apologetical expression. I just hoped, some warmth was transmitted to her in it.

“I am sorry that you had to be in the darkness so long. You must’ve been so scared there all alone…” The warmth of a tear slid down my cheek again. The little girl nodded and I wiped my tear away as I gently stroked her head. “I promise I will do all I can to keep you away from that place.”

She nodded as she rubbed her teary eyes. I extended my hand, offering it to her and she looked up at me with a little bit of distrust...which I could understand after all she had gone through; so, I put on my most gentle and friendly smile, one I could’ve only offer to the person I loved the most. She shyly smiled back and grabbed my hand with both of her tiny hands.

I stood up and looked in front of me, as a beautifully engraved wooden door appeared in front. Feeling a small sense of accomplishment, I took a deep breath, making my chest puff with the warmth of knowing that I could finally do what others couldn’t do for me.

“Well, it’s time to move out of here. Let’s go to a nice place.” I told her as I opened the door and walked inside with her holding my hand.

The warmth of the sun received us as we stood in the middle of the prairie. The butterflies fluttered around us in circles as if they were greeting us, and the birds sang cheerfully from their branches in the nearby trees.

A few steps away, a path revealed itself between the trees, as if it was calling for us. I looked down at the little girl and she gently squeezed my hand looking at me with the excitement only a child can show before something as simple as a butterfly passing by....

We walked towards the path and could see that it extended far into the woods, and as we kept going forward, the path disappeared behind us, and for some reason, neither the girl, nor I, were concerned about it.

A few minutes after, we reached the same clearing I had stumbled upon when I first came in, with the same small lake fed for the same small waterfall, and where the same huge and ancient Willow tree stood right in the middle of the lake; but something was different this time.

There was a small cottage at the side of the lake. A small cozy looking place; the kind of place I always told Greer I wish I could live in: a secluded place in the middle of nowhere, with no one around, and where I didn’t really need anything else.

Even if that place wasn’t exactly what I had imagined (I had imagined a place where I could have some farm animals, and grow my own food, so I would never need to leave), This place was certainly making me feel at peace, complete…like I really didn’t need anything else in the world…like I could just stay here forever and never be bothered by anything ever again….

The girl looked up at me and giggled happily as she left my hand go and ran towards the cottage. I giggled and looked at her as she happily skipped and ran around, looking at the flowers and trees in amazement. I got to the door, and she quickly ran towards me to hold my hand again, as I grabbed onto the knob and turned it.

“Well, this is just what I always wanted: a small place in the middle of the woods where I could leave peacefully…I think you’ll like it.” I opened the door and was received by a homey looking interior, the sofas and chairs looked rustic, but extremely cozy and homey. There was a small stove that could very well work as calefaction when the cold arrived, but I didn’t even know if that was possible in that place.

The girl ran inside, excited after seeing the interior of the house. There was a little bed on a side, which she quickly climbed on, only to start jumping on, chuckling happily as she acted the way a child should. The bed made a squeaking sound under her weight, but for some reason, that sound was very comforting now. I should’ve been worried about her falling down and hurting herself…but I was just happy and relieved that she was acting like a little girl after all.

The rest of the furniture consisted on: one dining table and a couple of chairs, one tea table in the middle of the ‘living room area’, a big pantry, that kind of looked like a closet, a small bookshelf, a rocking chair and some mounted cabinets in the ‘kitchen’.

I walked in and closed the door. A scent of cinnamon filled the place. It was a very pleasant scent for me, and for the little girl too apparently. She sniffed the air, almost like an animal would. The sight made me chuckled a little and she looked at me, tilting her head confused. I smiled at her, and she smiled back, getting off the bed and walking to the living room.

She sat in the couch that faced the window and just looked outside; I sat next to her. The window was pretty big, letting the sunlight in, and, giving us a really beautiful view of the Willow tree in the middle of the lake.

We sat there, contemplating the tree until the moment she yawned. I looked at her and noticed she was struggling to keep her eyes open and her head up. I softly stroked her hair and she looked up at me.

“I guess it’s time for a nap...”

She nodded and grabbed my hand.

I got up, and walked her to the bed. She moved the covers on her own and climbed into the bed, then I covered her, and as soon as I did, she closed her eyes, breathing deeply and calmly: she was asleep. I gently brushed her hair with my hand and walked out of the house after kissing the top of her head.

Again, I found myself walking towards the tree, now with confidence since I knew I wouldn’t fall into the lake. A soft breeze blew, shaking the Willow’s branches and leaves, and I felt it was its way of greeting me.

“It isn’t over yet is it?”

The clam that followed that question was unnerving, but an understandable answer. I sighed and sat under the tree, leaning against it. I had just gone through what felt like a roller coaster of emotions…I was so tired, and yet, I felt like I wanted to keep moving forward.

After this, my desire to find out what Greer was talking about, when he said that something had been taken away from me, was stronger than ever.

I had already realized that what had happened to me my whole life, was unfair, and even if I couldn’t do anything to change all of that, I needed to do something to fix it now, so this new feeling of being wronged would disappear.

A part of me knew that it wasn’t right…to think of myself as a victim. I knew that it would only make me feel sorry for myself, and that wouldn’t solve anything…that wouldn’t change anything…but maybe, that feeling could be used as a drive to change my circumstances eventually…or so I hoped in that moment. However…all I could really do, was to make sure I could process and understand all that was happening to me, and all that had happened. I just needed to make sure to make things right for myself….

“I have to make sure she’s okay now, I have to take care of her, and give her all the love that was taken away from her…” Even when I could understand things a bit better, it was still confusing and scary…in a very different way. “I promise I will do my best” I mumbled, as my eyes grew heavy and closed, and I felt like a leaf being carried by the warm breeze of this idyllic place, into somewhere unknown.