Not Real. Not Imaginary.

PART ONE: NINA. [First encounter]

The sunlight caressed my face, so I lazily opened my eyes and blinked a couple times, trying to adjust them to the light, and at the same time, trying to clear the fog from the good, long, night of sleep I had. When my eyes were finally able to adjust and focus, on what was in front of them, they stumbled upon a joyful, dark-brown-eyed Greer…just staring right at me.

She was kneeling at the side of the bed, expectantly looking at me, peeking over the edge of the mattress. She reminded me of a child waiting for her mother to wake up, or a dog, staring at its owner expectant of when they would open their eyes. I would’ve found the scene extremely cute, if it wasn’t for the fact that Greer was a grown-ass adult. So instead, it resulted a little...well...creepy.

“Ugh!...please don’t ever do that again.” I rubbed my eyes trying to get rid of the last bit of sleepiness that threatened to shut them again, and sat up on the bed, trying to convince myself I was ready to get up…at any minute now. Greer’s concerned gaze followed me and she hopped on bed, kneeling behind me, grabbing me by the shoulders, shaking me and trying to push from my back so I got up.

“Stop!” I groaned and left my body 'fall' to its side on the bed again. Greer rolled her eyes and sighed, shaking my body again, urging me to get up.

"Ninaaa…You’ll be late, come on!”. I groaned, but I knew I had to get up. She was right. I almost had no time left, and I needed to shower and get ready for my meeting.

Lazily, I got out of bed and dragged my feet to the bathroom to take a quick shower, without washing my hair. I picked my favourite blouse, a black cotton one with a flattering cut and frills on the cuffs; thankfully, it was already partially buttoned up. I just had to slid it on and I could close the remaining buttons while I gathered the rest of my stuff...after putting on my favorite pair of light blue denim jeans, of course.

I rushed to get a pack of Strawberry jam Pop tarts and ran out the door grabbing my bag on the way out, while I threw a muffled 'goodbye' at Greer.

Putting my quick-to-grab breakfast away in my purse, I searched for my previously bought train tickets, while I ran into the station and got to the platform just at the same time as my train did. I sighed with relief and hopped in. I had chosen a window seat so I could at least have something moderately relaxing to see while I got to my destination.

I looked at my wrist clock and sighed, relaxing into the seat. All the rushing had paid, and I wasn’t late to my appointment. I leant back, content with this thought, and closed my eyes for a moment,but suddenly remembered I had forgotten about my makeup and hair completely. Sighing, I took my travel kit and quickly fixed my makeup: just a little bit of brown eyeliner, a slightly glittery, nude eyeshadow, bubblegum flavored lip gloss, and I was good to go. I quickly brushed my short, wavy, black hair and aided myself with the reflection of the window to pull it up in a half pony tail, making sure a couple of short strands of hair fell at the sides of my face to frame it.

There was a couple in front of me, being extremely lovey-dovey, which made me sigh in annoyance and look away. It’s not like I hated couples, it was more like I felt regretful, about the choices in my life that had led me to still be single at twenty-eight. I was more mad at myself than at them.

I leant back on my sit, putting on my earbuds, then closed my eyes after touching the play symbol on the screen of my phone. While I was relaxing like that, the eccentric behavior of Greer this morning came to my head, bringing an involuntary smile to my lips.

Greer had been in my life for years, being an unconventional support and marking my life in more ways than one. I became an outcast, a pariah to my family, to my friends, and everyone else around me at the time. I was someone that wasn’t worth spending time with, or listening to. I was so undesirable, that I finally came to the conclusion that it would be best for everyone if I left. And I eventually did, maybe a little too late, for I was already scarred and had to drag Greer into the mess I called my life.

Somehow I made it sound like it was Greer's fault, but the truth is...that he wasn't at fault at all. After all, how could someone I imagined be at fault, for any of it?

I was a normal girl, with childish ideas and questions…that never faded. A normal child that could feel, hear and, sometimes, even see, things that other people couldn’t. It is considered adorable when you’re that young and everyone thinks it’s normal for a kid to have imaginary friends. But as you get older and people realize you didn’t grow out of it, then you’re automatically the black sheep of the family, the crazy, or scary girl from the class. And the people closest to you, start avoiding you.

I had just left college when I first met Greer. At that time everything was going wrong; my mother was extremely upset, she didn’t talk to me for months and I felt even more like a failure than I did ever before. I felt terribly alone. I lost the will to do anything at all and kept myself locked in my room all the time, just leaving it to get an occasional shower, go to the bathroom or sneak a snack into my room the few times I felt like I could actually eat anything.

After some time, I started to feel like I was being watched. Sometimes, I felt a faint presence in my room, especially when I was just about to fall asleep. Every single time I fought to keep my eyes open, as if I knew something or someone would come, but they always ended up closing the second I felt that characteristic sensation.

A few days passed like that, maybe weeks, until one day, after my eyes closed, I didn’t lose consciousness, I was aware, and I could feel it. There was definitely someone there, right in front of the bed, looking at me. Then a few more days passed, and it was the same everytime.

One day, something changed again; my eyes closed, and I felt the presence. This time, it was like…if it was moving around the bed, like it was trying to search for a way to approach; and after a few days, I felt it! Something warm touched my cheek. It was barely there, like it was afraid that I’d open my eyes, or notice it was there. It became a habit, and every day I woke up wishing it was night all over again, just to be able to feel the brief comforting contact.

The presence got a little bit more confidence as days went by, and the touch lingered for a bit more; sometimes it felt like its hand was rubbing my cheek, as if it tried to comfort me. On one occasion, I felt it touch my lips for just a brief moment, but it was enough to leave a warm tingling sensation on them after the touch itself faded.

A desire to know what came to me every night started to bubble up inside me.

I decided I would fight the sleepiness away, and started to take small naps during the day, to save energy and not have an excuse to be defeated by sleepiness at night.

The light faded and I laid down on my bed. My eyes started to feel heavy, and I just felt despair building inside me as I tried to fight it. I couldn’t possibly be sleepy now! It just was not possible. I fought to open my eyes, managing to keep them open just a few seconds at a time.

I was about to be defeated when I saw it in the mirror. There was a tall white figure’s reflecting there, irradiating a faint glow. I could only see the back, but it was enough for now. I gave in and happily fell asleep.

The next time, I fought harder, and the next, even harder. I could get only a glimpse every time, but it always made me so happy, and…greedy. I wanted to see more, to feel more. I wanted to be able to tell that figure in the mirror how happy it made me. I wanted to know it was all real, that I wasn’t losing my mind again. But the more I thought about it, the more it seemed like I was.

I was undoubtedly losing my mind. I had to be!... And I didn’t care. I had already worried about how people looked at me for too long, I had already worried about people calling me crazy for too long, and I didn’t want to hide my crazy anymore. I was tired to fight against it.

My resolve kept growing, and as time passed, I was able to stay conscious whenever the presence showed up. But I kept my eyes closed while I gathered the courage to let it know that I was aware of not being alone in my room at night. There were times I opened my eyes to peek quickly, whenever I felt like it was distracted, I wanted to look at it so badly, to be able to talk to it...I was convinced that it was my despairing necessity of having someone on my side, what led me to create this…hallucination.

It came again, as every night. But this time I was decided...like I had never been in my life. I pretended to be asleep as usual and it wasn’t long before I sensed the familiar presence. My heart was racing with excitement and anticipation. The touch in my cheek felt different this time, hesitant; and I feared it would notice I was awake and leave. But I had to do it now...I had to see, I had to know and I couldn’t wait any longer. I held my breath and as my heart was racing even more, I reached towards the hand that was hovering over my cheek and grabbed what felt like a wrist. I had to make sure it wouldn’t escape before I could open my eyes.

In front of me, was a masculine figure, tall and slender, dressed in white almost from head to toe, except, he was barefoot. He was wearing a classic cotton T-shirt and white denim jeans. My eyes swept the image in front me, from toe to head, where they met with an almost black, pair of eyes, oddly similar to my own. There was surprised, mixed with fear inside them, along with…such a familiar but distant feeling…I gulped nervously as I tried to get courage to speak up:

“D-don’t leave…please” I didn’t intend to sound so desperate, but I couldn’t hide it from my voice, I didn’t want to be alone again. I didn’t care if my companion wasn’t real.