Not Real. Not Imaginary.

PART ONE: NINA. [Questions.]

I gasped and panted looking around; some of the other passengers were staring. Luckily I was almost at the station and I wouldn't have to endure the stares for long.

The train stopped and the passengers hopped down. I lingered in my seat a few minutes, I felt there was something important I needed to remember, but it kept slipping away as the haziness of the sleep dissipated with each second.

I finally hopped down just a second before the doors closed and the train started to move again. Then, I hurried and walked back home.

As I walked in the apartment, a very joyful Greer greeted me. Her dark brown hair was always loose and covering her face, so I had to brush it away with my fingers, tucking it behind her ear. Then I walked into the kitchen.

Terry lived a little far away from us, so my train travel lasted around 2 hours if I was lucky. By the time I got home, it was starting to get dark, and I was a little hungry again.

“Why is your hair always so messy when you’re girly?” I chuckled and shook my head as I took a package of ramen noodles from the pantry, then searched for something I could use to boil water and cook them.

I could feel Greer’s eyes following every single one of my movements, and even though I was happy to have…someone…that worried about me and wanted to be with me all the time, it could be very annoying some times.

“How is Terry doing?”

The sudden question made me look up wide eyed. Greer didn’t usually ask me about my meetings with Terry. Not directly, she usually asked me about the Caffé, about the Hotel and the lunch, about the train, the travel, the people around...but she had never mentioned Terry before. Her sudden interest left me dumfounded.

“Nina?” Her soft voice snapped me out of my confusion, momentarily.

“Oh, right, Terry…she’s fine, working a lot as usual…Do you…have any movie or show requests? Do you want to watch anything special today?”

Greer didn’t know much, mostly because I hadn’t talked to her a lot about Terry, so I didn’t think it was necessary to add too many details and tried to brush off the subject…that I discovered, for some reason, made me uncomfortable.

It wasn’t a bad thing, and although I considered Greer my life companion, I wasn’t doing anything bad...but after some thought, I realized, I felt like I was cheating; even if Greer was just a figment of my imagination…my imaginary friend.

“What did you guys eat today?” She suddenly asked again.

I couldn’t understand Greer’s sudden interest in Terry. It made me nervous, and I just really wanted it to stop.

I looked at her face and took a deep breath. I hadn’t done anything bad after all, so worrying and feeling nervous about it didn’t make any sense, it was completely ridiculous.

“The usual.” I shrugged “She ordered Spaghetti and I ordered a pizza Margherita...” She seemed confused for a moment, so I added: “A pizza Margherita…they make individual portions on restaurants, and it’s just like this size” I attempted to make a circle with my hands, trying to show Greer the size of the portion.

She nodded as she kept staring at me. I felt so silly thinking it, but it almost felt like she was snooping in my head.

“What else did you do with her? You were out quite a while for just a lunch.”

“Well, you know she works a lot, so she needs to reduce the stress a bit, so I sometimes give her a massage, while we talk about her work.” I was starting to lose my patience, but I tried to answer as nicely as possible. I wasn't sure either, about why it irritated me; Greer was my best friend, and my confident, so it made no sense to be angry about having to tell her anything, I should've actually be happy that I had someone to talk about it.

Greer´s eyes suddenly changed. Her gaze darkened as she looked directly into my eyes, her delicate features that usually gave a permanent cheerful spark to her, suddenly got serious. It was as if someone had moved her internal cheerfulness switch, to off. I turned around, nervous under this new gaze, and placed the noodle block in the boiling water, trying to distract myself and hoping she would stop the questioning.

“She picked the rose oil because the scent reminds her of you...”

I froze. Greer’s voice became huskier and deeper as she spoke. I turned around again and looked up.

It had already been a couple of months since I saw this Greer. His usually gentle features were darkened, which was to be expected, I guess, since the female that was before me a while ago, had the same seriousness darkening her features.

As Greer wasn’t exactly a human, he was able to adapt his form to any gender he needed or wanted to at the moment. However, the past few years, he had very rarely adopted his masculine form. Probably due to what happened when I left my parents’ home.

I couldn’t suppress the smile that was currently curving the corners of my mouth upwards, as a surge of happiness filled me up. It was like reuniting with a friend you haven't seen in a while, despite you two being fond and caring deeply about each other. I loved when Greer was a woman, she was like my best friend, and who wouldn’t love to live with their bestie, at least for a while. But as this was the form I met in the begining, it evoked a special kind of feeling within me.

My smile faded when he didn’t reciprocate, and I suddenly remembered the words that had just come out of his mouth.

“What did you just say?”

His lip twitched and he bit on it nervously. I guess I gave him that tick since I have it too, whenever I am too nervous or embarrassed....

“Do you like Terry?” He looked at me sadly.

Where did that even come from? I had never seen Greer act this way. He was always gentle, and cheerful, and no mater how sad I was, and how hard things were, he always showed me a smile, and had a comforting aura that seemed to embrace me whenever I needed it.

“She picked that for you, you always smell like roses, and she misses you when you haven’t met for a long time…”

I rolled my eyes and looked at him, his expression remained serious, and his brows suddenly furrowed.

“How could you know that silly? I am just her friend, you know that. I offer her company and friendship and she helps us pay the bills…she and…well…you already know.” I received a cold glare from him, and it made my heart ache a little.“I know you don’t like that, but with my history, it’s the best we can do for now.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it…Are you sure you can’t do something else?” there was a hint of begging in his voice, although he was trying to stay calm. “I don’t want you to suffer anymore Nina…”

“Who says I am suffering?!” I snapped, surprising even me.

I surely didn’t have the dreamed life, but I was much better than at my parents’ house, or whatever happened after I left and before I met Terry and came here.

“I saw it…” He suddenly muttered, and then, went silent, looking down as if he had said something he shouldn't, as if something that shouldn't, had just slipped out of his lips, which he was now biting again, as if that would make the words go back in.

We stood there, like that, for a moment, staring away from each other, feeling, somewhat ashamed, I guess. None of us seemed to dare speak up again for a moment, as if we were afraid it would only make things more awkward. I would lie if I said I didn't suddenly feel hurt, but I also felt guilty. I stood there, thinking that, if I hadn't made such a big deal of it all, if I had just told him about Terry without making a mental fuss about it, we wouldn't be like that...awkward and silent in front of each other.

Greer sighed and finally turned away, walking towards the living room. I suddenly felt the urge to reach out for him and stop him; i got the feeling that if I just left him go like that, something bad would happen...but I didn't reach out, and i didn't call for him, instead, he just kept walking away, leaving me in the kitchen, alone.