The Hole In My Soul

The Call That Broke The Silent

The Call That Broke the Silence

As I couldn’t sleep at all, I decided to start right now. But I didn’t know where to begin. Should I start from the very first day of my life, or from the moment I met Ethan?

Staring at my diary, countless thoughts swirled in my mind, but not a single word made it to the page. It’s been 3-4 hours now, and the sun has already started creeping into the sky. I haven’t slept a minute, and strangely, I don’t even feel sleepy.

I’m missing Ethan too.

The divorce papers aren’t finalized yet, and I have no idea where my finances will stand once this is over. Right now, I’m sitting all alone in this house — my marital home, which technically belongs to Ethan. I can’t even remember the last time he was here.

Sometimes I want to scream at him. Other times, I catch myself wondering if this was somehow my fault.

Maybe if I hadn’t given up on my career…

If I’d taken better care of myself…

Maybe then he wouldn’t have left me for someone else.

I don’t even know when he started drifting away. I was too busy with the endless household chores, too occupied taking care of our home and him, to notice the growing distance. I never hired any house help because I enjoyed managing everything myself.

But maybe that made me invisible to him.

Maybe that made me… unworthy.

There are too many ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ tormenting my mind. I felt suffocated, so I decided to set the diary aside for a while and call Nishitha — my only childhood friend, the one person who knows me better than I know myself. She also happens to be a lawyer, and right now, I desperately need both: a friend and legal guidance.

As the phone rang, my heart filled with doubt. What would I tell her?

How would she react?

Would she judge me? Or would she still stand by me?

We hadn’t spoken much in years, thanks to the busy, consuming life I built around Ethan. I didn’t even know how she felt about me now.

And then… she picked up.

“Hello… Mili?”

Her voice was soft, familiar — like a melody I hadn’t heard in years but somehow still remembered.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. My throat felt tight, my heart pounding louder than the silence between us.

“Mili… are you okay? What’s wrong?” Nishitha asked again, this time her voice laced with concern.

A single tear slipped down my cheek.

“I… I don’t know, Nish.” My voice cracked, barely a whisper. “I don’t even know where to start.”

For a moment, there was silence. No judgement. No sharp questions. Just quiet understanding.

Then she sighed softly. “Hey, sweetheart… you don’t have to figure it all out right now. Just talk to me. Start anywhere you want. I’m here, okay? I’ve always been here.”

Those words broke something inside me — not in a painful way, but like the cracking of a shell I’d wrapped myself in for too long.

And in that fragile moment, for the first time in what felt like forever, I didn’t feel completely alone.

“Nish… everything’s falling apart,” I whispered. “Ethan… he left me. There’s someone else. And I’m… I’m sitting in this house like a fool waiting for him, hoping for a call or a message that I know isn’t coming.”

I heard Nishitha inhale sharply but she didn’t interrupt.

“Fifteen years, Nish. I gave him fifteen years. I left my career, my hobbies, my friends… everything. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I don’t know what I want, what I like, what makes me happy. I spent all these years making sure he was okay… and he just walked away like I was a mistake he regretted making.”

There was a pause. I could hear her breathing on the other end.

“Mili… I am so sorry you’ve had to go through this alone. But listen to me carefully — you are not a mistake. You never were. And you’re not going to be anyone’s leftover memory. Not anymore.”

I bit my lip, tears pouring freely now.

“I keep blaming myself, Nish. Maybe if I had stayed in shape… if I’d done something with my life… if I hadn’t been so busy being a wife, maybe he’d have stayed.”

“No, Mili.” Nishitha’s voice was firm now. “This isn’t on you. People who love you don’t leave because of wrinkles, or weight, or whether you have a degree hanging on your wall. They leave because of their own flaws, their own emptiness. And Ethan… he clearly had plenty of both.”

I let out a small, broken laugh.

“I don’t even know where to go from here. I’m scared, Nish. About the divorce… about money… about everything.”

“And that’s okay. You don’t have to know everything today. But what you do need is someone in your corner. And you’ve got me. Always.”

I closed my eyes, letting her words settle into the empty spaces inside me.

“Thank you, Nish… for answering. For listening.”

“I’ll do more than that,” she promised. “We’re going to get through this. Together. I’ll help with the legal part, and with the rest… we’ll figure it out, one step at a time.”

And for the first time in months, a small flicker of hope stirred inside me.