The Hole In My Soul

The Weight Of Goodbye

Mili’s Monologue

As I stepped out of the house I had called home for fifteen years, my heart pounded violently against my chest. That’s it… it’s over now. There was no going back.

The love I had nurtured, the family I had fought to build — none of it belonged to me anymore. A crushing ache tightened in my chest, as if my heart itself was grieving. My legs gave way beneath me, and I collapsed onto the cold floor outside, the weight of my sorrow too heavy to carry any further.

Tears blurred my vision as I whispered into the empty air, “Mom… Dad… please don’t feel hurt for me. Rest in peace, wherever you are. Don’t worry about your daughter… I’ll come out of this. You didn’t raise me to live on someone else’s mercy. I’ll survive. For you. And for myself.”

---

Ethan’s Monologue

When Mili left the house, a flicker of guilt brushed against my heart. I had loved her once — or at least, I believed I did. But somewhere along the years, that love faded. It wasn’t what I thought it was.

She changed. She stopped caring about herself — about how she looked, how she spoke, the spark she once carried. And then… Rossie entered my life.

That’s when I realised what it meant to truly live. Rossie was everything Mili wasn’t anymore. Smart, well-dressed, she smelled like fresh air. She carried with her the lightness of youth and the warmth of attention. Mili… always smelt like dishwashing soap. Always tired, always weary. I couldn’t even imagine introducing her to my friends anymore.

And yet… deep down, I knew she had no place to go.

But I’m human too. I want to be happy. And with Rossie, I am. Having a child with her feels right. Maybe I always wanted to be a father — just not with Mili.

As I pulled Rossie close, my gaze drifted to a photograph on the shelf. Our wedding picture. Mili’s face, smiling, innocent, trusting. A dull ache tugged at my chest. Not because I hated her… but because I knew I had failed her. I wasn’t a bad person. Just a little self-centred. I never had a real family growing up. Even when Mili became my wife, it never truly felt like home.

Maybe it was because we never had a child. A choice I made. A part of me wasn’t ready. Or maybe I just didn’t want to with her.

And now, with Rossie, without even noticing it happen, I crossed that line. Maybe age made me realise that having someone from my own bloodline wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

Looking at that old photograph, I couldn’t deny the sting of regret. Not for falling out of love. But for leaving Mili to face a storm she never saw coming.

---

Rossie’s Monologue

When I first stepped into the house and saw Mili… something twisted inside me. I felt bad. As a woman. As someone about to become a mother. It hurt to see another woman so broken.

But I couldn’t help it. I had already fallen for Ethan. And now… I was carrying his child.

We’re meant to be together. Only with him can I truly be happy.

In the beginning, I didn’t even know he was married. I was just an intern in his department, instantly drawn to his confidence, his charm, the way he commanded a room. He knew exactly what he wanted and how to get it. I admired that. Maybe I was the one who approached him first, but he never turned me away.

We broke the ice quickly, and by the time I found out about Mili… it was too late. I was in love. I was pregnant. And no matter how I tried, I couldn’t bring myself to leave him.

Sometimes, I think maybe if Ethan gave Mili a decent amount of money to start over, we would both feel a little less guilty. But Ethan insists we can’t afford to. He reminds me that we both work in the private sector, and with him already forty-two, by the time our child reaches college, he’ll be retired.

And… he’s right. Charity begins at home. We have to think about our future first. Mili is a single woman now. She can find a small job. She has no one to answer to, no child to raise.

It sounds heartless when I say it out loud, but life doesn’t stop for anyone. And right now… mine is just beginning.

---

Ethan & Rossie

Rossie’s voice broke through my thoughts.

“Ethan… are you feeling bad for Mili? Do you… still love her?”

I sighed, pulling her closer.

“Oh, Rossie… what are you saying? I only love you,” I replied, trying to steady my voice. “It’s just… a little guilt. I left her on her own. But I think it’s for the best.”

She didn’t reply, but nestled against my chest.

And somewhere, beyond the walls of our new life, Mili was picking up the pieces of hers.