Love you Both, Love me Too

Sela: Demons Past

My bags were already packed and waiting by the door, and as I smoothed the front of my dress and looked myself up and down in the mirror, I tried to ignore the sadness I felt. As I turned to leave, I was wracked by a wave of nausea and pain and I closed my eyes and attempted to steady myself.

In the darkness of my mind I saw a man standing at the end of a corridor, in one hand he held a sword, and in the other, he held a severed head. Instead of fleeing from him in fear, however, I felt myself approach him calmly. I kissed him deeply, and for the first time, I noticed the black wings that fanned out from his back. I knew him. I loved him and I knew him.

This was not Thomas, however. This was someone...something else.

And as I returned to myself in that tiny apartment above the library, I was filled with the very real certainty that he was coming for me.

"Kokabiel."

My memories of him were fractured, but as I spoke his name out loud for the first time since I awakened alone in a hospital years ago, I was certain that he was a dangerous and dark thing, and his hands were stained with blood.

I was also aware of the fact that I had once seen him as a God.

A sudden fluttering sound came from my living room, and the entire apartment dimmed suddenly. I was immediately on alert, and I was ready to fight whatever approached. Without thinking, my wings unfurled from the aether and appeared on my back. White and grey, with tips of black, they were nothing like the wings belonging to the man in my memories.

I became aware of the power that coursed through my veins, and as my skin glowed a fiery blue, I walked into the living room to approach my fate.

I had wanted more time...one last night with Thomas, but it seemed an impossibility as I emerged to see what was waiting for me just outside my bedroom door.

"Selaphiel. I have been searching for you."

His eyes were dark, and his skin smoldered with endless fire. When he spoke the room shook with a holy presence that made me tremble.

I was afraid, and yet, I longed for him suddenly.

Painfully.

Still, I was not ready to give up, and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that he was a danger to me and my existence.

"Searching for me for what? To kill me?"

Kokabiel smiled, bringing the sword forward and letting it hang in the air between us. It burned with blue holy fire, much like the flames that had ignited my own body a moment before.

"You know it is time Sela. You know you have to die."

He cried out and sliced down with his sword, but I moved out of the way, as I screamed for my life.

I wasn't ready to die, and I had no idea why he wanted to kill me.

Hadn't we been lovers once?

The memories burned as I was assaulted with sudden, vivid images: Of myself and Kokabiel fighting side by side, though his wings were once white. I had visions of him holding me, loving me, and allowing our energy to merge as one. He had loved me just as I had loved him in the short time we were together. I was eighteen, and he was barely twenty.

Something happened then...a fire? I couldn't quite recall, but I continued to avoid every strike he made as if I knew exactly what he would do before he did it. He seemed weak and afraid behind his confidence, and I was filled with the sudden realization that he didn't truly want to do what he was doing.

He felt like he had to.

"Kokabiel! Conner, please! Why? I loved you!"

I noticed for the first time, even as the tip of his blade nearly slit my throat open, that he was crying.

Too close.

I screamed and my wings fanned out behind me, sending a blast of energy outwards towards Kokabiel. Neither of us had expected it, but it was not me who suffered for it.

Kokabiel fell to his knees, his skin and flesh still smoldering and burning beneath the surface, though the flames had changed from red and orange into blue and white. He was clearly in pain, though he would not allow his eyes to leave mine.

"What are you doing, Selaphiel? We're all going to die. You have to let me-"

We were startled by the sound of someone jimmying the door open.

He seemed confused and defeated, but I was not willing to give up my life just yet. I stood, ready to fight him and whoever had come with him, but with a fluttering of his wings Kokabiel fled the room with inhuman speed.

He disappeared into nothingness, and I wondered if he was truly gone. When I could feel his energy no longer, I allowed myself to relax slightly.

After a few breaths, I was calm enough to allow my wings to disappear back into nothingness, just as the second intruder rushed into the living room.

"Sela? Sela, what's wrong? Are you...what the f**k is that? What? What are you?"

Dash. So Kokabiel had not left yet. My heart sank, fearing for him instantly as he faced down the fleeing and injured Kokabiel.

"Dash!"

By the time I ran into the living room to save Dash from his once dead friend, the fallen angel was gone.

He looked at me with confusion and fear, but I was eternally grateful that he had not recognized the demon for who he truly was.

"Are you all right, Sela? What was that?"

I didn't have an explanation to give him that wouldn't sound like a fevered hallucination. Instead, I allowed myself to fall apart in his arms.