Her exiled Gamma

Mating ball

*Kiona*

A little over two weeks later, the night of the most important ball of the mating Season, the one destined to change lives, arrives. Excitement thrums through me as I stand with Isadora and Jade in the grand salon of the Alpha of Brinsley’s City mansion. Oddly, my anticipation has nothing at all to do with the announcement the Alpha will be making at the stroke of ten or the fact that anyone of any renown is presently taking flutes of champagne from the elegant footmen or that the largest orchestra I have ever seen sits in one corner of the balcony that encompassed three sides of the room for easy viewing of the lower section of the ballroom by guests.

No. My elation is due solely to the fact that I will have my waltz with Castor.

If he remembers. If he shows up. I have yet to see him.

“Who are you searching for ?” My dearest friend asks.

“I'm just looking at everyone. Can you believe how many people are here ?”

They are packed in like sardines in a tin. She-wolves with intricate coiffures, sparkling jewelry, and extravagant gowns. It doesn’t seem to matter if they are married, or if they are hoping to gain the Alpha's attention. All of the city wants Brinsley to know that his affairs warrant any expense in clothing, any trouble to display their elegance. No one wants to be found lacking

“There must be at least two hundred". Miss Jade muses. “The Alpha has never held a ball. It has brought out everyone of any consequence. I wonder how many letters he received".

“No doubt one from every Miss not spoken for. Perhaps even a few from those who are betrothed but hoping to acquire something better than what is promised”. Isadora says. “I'm grateful I'm not having to compete”.

"My letter ran the length of eight pages”. Jade boasts. “How long is yours, Kitty ?”

“Everything I wrote about myself filled only a single page”.

With a roll of her eyes, Jade scoffs in a manner of superiority that suddenly irritates. “I was unable to limit all my fine qualities and attributes to only one piece of foolscap. My hand was fairly cramped when I was done outlining all the reasons he should select me for his Luna”.

“I've no doubt of that”. I murmur. Jade will probably win, and I will wish my friend nothing but happiness. I glance at my dance card. A quadrille. A polka. A waltz. I have written his name beside the waltz. “Are your brothers here, Isadora ?”

"Dimos is. He accompanied Mother and myself. Father had other business which we all know is code for visiting with his mistress. I don't even know the woman, yet I abhor her, which makes me feel at once ashamed for my uncharitable thoughts and gratified that I refuse to forgive him for the pain he's caused my mother”.

“Maybe your parents should travel abroad together. It seems to have done wonders for my parents' relationship”. Having caught them twice in a passionate embrace, kissing enthusiastically, I have adopted the habit of peering into chambers before entering them.

“I don't think it would make a difference. His excuses and absences are increasing by the day. On a couple of occasions, he's even taken to dining elsewhere".

“I'm truly sorry".

Isadora shrugs. “It's not your fault, but I am so terribly disappointed in him. One expects one's father to be above reproach, not to be such a disgraceful cad”.

"And Castor ?”

“Well, he can be a cad as well, I suppose, but as he is not yet married, I see no harm in it”.

I laugh lightly, only because I don’t want to give away that while I had once

thought the same, I no longer do. “No, I mean, is he here ?”

“Oh, I see. He made no mention of attending and didn't accompany us, but I can't imagine that he's not here. I doubt anyone is visiting the clubs tonight. If he is about, he's probably in the cardroom”.

I refuse to hunt him down. He is here or he isn't. Upon first entering the residence,

he will have been given the man's dance card, which he will have slipped into the inside pocket of his evening coat, so he will know when the first waltz is. He will either claim it or he won’t. I am not going to be disappointed if he doesn't. Or at least not very.

Oh, devil take him, I will be very disappointed, indeed. Since the night he had shared his dream with me, he and it is all I have been able to think about.

Jade leans in slightly. “The Alpha gave me a very secretive smile when I greeted him and his mother”. Her upper teeth press into her lower lip as though she dearly wants to squeal with triumph and is taking precautions not to do so. “I think he might have been hinting that he chose me”.

Brinsley had been very formal with me, hadn't even given the impression that he

remembers our encounter in the park. Obviously, he is not taken with me, which is no

doubt for the best because I am not certain he would make me happy. And if I am not

happy, could he be ?

“I shall be thrilled if he calls out either of your names”. Isadora says diplomatically.

“Well, as Castor cheered us on that long-ago morning, may the best she-wolf win”. Jade says with glee, as though she has no doubt that the honor will fall to her, that her name will be announced.

I should care, should be beside myself with worry or nerves. If not this Alpha, then who ? The one thing I yearn to possess seems beyond reach, and yet at this moment, I know no sadness, all because of what will happen in my future, in a very short time. A waltz I am rather certain I will never forget.

When the orchestra fills the room with the strains of the first dance, I greet my partner with a smile before he leads me out onto the floor. I have always loved dancing, not only the movements that are now popular but the ones from times past. Even if my partner is not particularly skilled, I have the means to make him look so.

I seldom lack for men willing to take me about the floor, but a woman's ability to dance well does not translate into a proposal of marriage.

Above me the crystal chandeliers glitter. But then chandeliers sparkled in every chamber I passed on the way to this one. They will become the chandeliers of whomever the Alpha choses. What a silly thing to contemplate when I have the attention of a man for a few minutes.

“The atmosphere at this ball is the strangest I've ever known”. My dance partner laments.

"How so ?"

“So many furrowed brows among the unmarried ladies as they wait for the Alpha's pronouncement. I suspect afterward, a good many tears will be shed, and many of us gents will be willing to lend our shoulders to those in need of comfort”.

Apparently not only the ladies have been preparing for this extraordinary night. “Do you think all the single ladies wrote him letters ?''

“Absolutely. My mother insisted each of my sisters write to him, and one of them is only fourten".

Astonished, I hardly know what to say. “My word. Surely not”.

“Indeed. I find the entire arrangement rather sordid and disgusting”.

“I cannot imagine he would select a child”.

"I shall certainly hope not. Otherwise I might have to call him out”.

“And your mother while you're at it”.

He grins broadly. “Why are women so desperate to marry ?”

“Why are men so desperate not to ?"

His smile widens further; his eyes twinkle merrily. I have danced with him numerous times but can’t recall discussing anything other than the weather.

"I don't know if I've ever realized how blunt you are, Miss Kiona”.

“It is a fault of mine, I suppose”.

“I rather like it. Perhaps more forthright conversations would result if men and women were not always at such cross-purposes, the ladies willing to shackle us while we prefer to remain untethered”.

“I'm beginning to believe, my beta, that perhaps the problem is that we have different notions as to what marriage entails. You make it sound decidedly unpleasant. I can see why you might want to avoid it if you view it as some sort of prison”. Although for women it could become a disagreeable arrangement because they lost so many of their rights when they married.

I am as relaxed with my next partner as I have ever been, and he is with me. It is as though tonight no one feels that they are being judged as marriage material, that they have to put on a show or present themselves as anything other than they are.

Everyone is simply waiting for the Alpha's edict. When our dance is finished, we have taken a mere half a dozen steps toward the chalked edge of the dance floor before Castor is standing before me, holding out a gloved hand.

“I believe the first waltz is mine”. He says quietly.

He looks spectacularly handsome in his black tailcoat, black trousers, silver waistcoat, and perfectly knotted black tie. His dark locks are neatly styled, and I am tempted to muss them.

With a slight bow, my previous partner leaves me in Castor's care, and his fingers close securely around mine before he leads me back into the center of the salon.

“I wasn’t certain you were here”. I say as we wait for the tune to begin.

"I always collect on debts owed”.

I refuse to be disappointed that his reasons aren’t more personal, that it isn't a desire

to have me in his arms that had spurred him to make an appearance.

He lowers his head slightly. “Besides..”. He says on a whispered rasp. “I would be a fool to miss the opportunity to dance with such a ravishing creature”.

I am striving very hard not to take his words to heart, not to blush. That I have had a light green gown made for the occasion, one that flatters my skin and my eyes, hardly signifies.

“You're teasing”.

“Not this time”. His voice is more solemn than I have ever heard it, and for some reason the sense of having found something to only quickly lose it skitters through my mind.

The music begins, and effortlessly, we come together as though we have done so a thousand times, when in fact we have never once danced together, has never been quite this close, scandalously close actually, the fingers of one hand splayed over my back, his legs brushing up against the satin of my skirts. “Did you have any luck in the cardroom ?”

“What makes you think I've been playing cards ?”

“Isadora indicated that's where you were, or where she thought you were”.

Slowly, he shakes his head. “I was watching from the balcony".

Curtains draped here and there make it possible to look down from above without being seen or to find a little privacy from prying eyes ... as long as no one seaks the same spot.

“Anything of interest catch your fancy ?”

His lis gaze holds mine for what seems an eternity … leading me to wonder if he might be on the verge of confessing that I had ... before he finally speaks. “Did your parents reconcile ?”

I almost insist he answer my question, but perhaps it is less hurtful not to know the truth, to be able to believe what I wish. “They did, and it's been rather strange, actually. I'm not accustomed to them looking at each other with longing or exchanging secretive smiles or carrying on pleasant conversations without snapping at each other. I've even on occasion caught them kissing”.

"Oh dear God, not kissing, surely".

How is it possible to have missed the playful side to him, to want to smile, laugh, and

smack him for it, all at the same time. He is so lighthearted, and is actually quite fun.

“Tease if you like, but it can be rather disconcerting to enter a room and find your mother up against a wall, your father fairly flattened against her as they seem intent on devouring each other. I've begun to walk about with bells on my slippers, so they know I'm coming".

He tosses his head back and laughs, the most wondrous sound I have ever heard. “The devil you say”.

“Well, I may not have gone that far, but I have considered it. My mother spends a good bit of time lately looking unkempt”. I feel my cheeks warm with his perusal, with the joy reflected in his eyes. “Still, I'm glad for them. I suppose it's never too late to find love”.

“Does it give you hope of possessing it ?"

“I've never given up hope, not completely. But I do try to be realistic”. Pragmatic, even, but were memories of a past happiness, the time spent with my grandmother, enough to warrant giving up the possibility of a present one, with a man who might appreciate and hold affection for me ? It is unfair not to be able to have both.

“Brinsley will no doubt come to love you".

A small laugh bubbles out of me. “He would have to choose me first from among the

myriad she-wolf who are bound to have written to him”.

“Are you nervous, waiting to hear who he has selected ?”

“To be honest, I've given it very little thought. Do you hope for love, Castor ?”

“To be honest, I've given it very little thought”.

A month ago, him mimicking my words would have frustrated me. Now, I suspect it is a sort of defense from revealing what he fears might expose him to hurt. “At first, I found it strange when it seemed we were starting to get along. But in retrospect, I find it strange that we didn't from the beginning. I don't think we're that different, you and I”.

“We're very different, Freckles”.

For the first time, I hear the moniker I have always loathed as an endearment, spoken so softly, yet with such urgency, as though it needs to convey an entire universe of emotions that were as confusing to him as to me. His fingers tightens more securely around mine, digging more steadily into my lower back where his palm rests at the shallow dip.

Perhaps it is merely the way the light from the chandeliers strikes his eyes, but the manner in which they darken, smolder, leaves me with the impression that he is referring to something else entirely, physical aspects about us that are not at all alike. Firm contours that seak cushioned ones. Hard features that sink into soft ones.

If he was courting me, I would think he was conveying that I should meet him somewhere away from the crowd, where we could explore those differences. When did I cease to view him as an irritant ? When had I begun to notice the possibilities of him as a lover ?

“Other than your club, what do you dream of acquiring ?"

His smile is slow in coming and the higher each side goes, the warmer I become, as

though he is revealing something intimate, something he has never shared with another. “My dreams aren't appropriate for innocent ears".

Disappointment slams into me. Just when I thought we were becoming confidants, just when I wanted us to. "I'm serious, Castor”.

The music stops, and I take an irrational and pointed dislike for every gentleman in the orchestra. Releasing his close hold on me, Castor takes my hand and barely touches his lips to my silk glove, yet I feel the heat of his mouth as though it was a poker just removed from a fire. His gaze holds mine, and I could have sworn I see regret in the hazel depths.

"Some dreams, Kiona, aren't meant to be. But yours are. I believe that with all that I am”.

Then he strides away, leaving me there, disoriented, wondering why we can’t both

realize our dreams. My legs suddenly weak, I fairly stagger to a group of chairs mostly filled by matrons and drop into an empty one.