At the Break of Dawn

He who is called the Slayer.

Helde was beautiful, she always had been. I adored her from the time that I was a boy. She was the only woman I wanted. I would settle for no one else.

On the day of my incarnation I felt powerful, I felt strong, I felt as if the world was in my palms, and, of course, Helde was not an exception. I was drunk and I wanted her to become my woman that day. I wanted to betroth Helde there, in front of everyone so they could see that I was not just strong, invincible and vicious, but also that I have a beautiful wife by my side!

I went towards her, I could see her getting excited, probably because she never thought that a man like myself would lay eyes on her. That time at the celebration, when she refused my greatness when she denied me in front of all of my men, I became angry and wanted to make it clear to her that she was mine and mine only! I took her. She screamed and fought back, but I took her.

After that day she kept avoiding me, she never came in my sights. In the beginning, I thought it was just a phase. She will come around, she is a smart girl, she will understand that there is no reason to flirt around with me anymore like this because she already is mine. She kept hiding for days and weeks. I grew tired of this. I wanted to see my Helde, but I had no idea where she was! I had found out that one of the maidens still has somewhat contact with her so I requested her to lead Helde to me. But this one, this woman was sneaky! She refused to cooperate with me and because her father was a high ranking warrior in my village, I could not force her simply like that.

She said that she would lead Helde to me, but only if I listened to what she said first. I usually ignored this whimsical fox, but this was a request and as a man, I will keep my word. ‘After the day that you claimed her. She ran to another house. I discovered then that she had a man there. You were lucky to be her first because Helde had promised to give herself to him.’ She said and I grew angrier. ‘Who is this man, tell me, woman!’ She sighed and said, ‘I do not know, just some random village man! Bjorgon, why don’t you just forget Helde. I am much better than her in any aspect! I even have a better family background than her! At least my family is still alive!’ She shouted and laughed tauntingly. ‘SILENCE!’ I shouted at her, ‘Get out! NOW!’ I kept shouting at her, scaring her and making her run outside of my house.

Helde had another man? Impossible! I had never seen her with another man! Who was this man?! I needed to get rid of him! This was driving me insane. I could not stand the thought of seeing my Helde with someone else. I was caught up in these thoughts for a long time. They were not letting me sleep at night and focus during my battles.

When the fox woman led Helde back to the village I was over joyous, but I was also angry. What if the man she was seeing is still here? What if he is waiting for her here? I took Helde to my house and because I was feeling so frustrated and angry… I beat her.

For the next following weeks, I could not look at her, I could not talk to her. I felt ashamed. Here I was, the man that had claimed her, but instead of pampering her and taking care of her, I beat her! But she deserved it, she should know better! Sometimes I felt guilty about it, but I kept drowning my guilt in alcohol and trying to get rid of these thoughts by looking for another woman. I felt angry with myself, but at the same time, I felt as if Helde did not deserve me! She was the one who wanted to sleep with another man before me! I am just returning this feeling to her by sleeping with other women! It is only fair. She hurt me so I will hurt her!

A few months later I noticed that Helde had a bigger stomach. Could she have been pregnant? Could she have been carrying my child?! I was happy, so happy that I could sing! But my happiness was short as the woman who had told me of Helde’s relationship with another man came around once again. She spat some nonsense about the child possibly not being mine. She said it could have been the other man’s child. At first, this did not phase me, however, I started to wonder more and more, whether the child Helde was carrying was mine. This feeling made me nauseous. I began to pay less and less attention to Helde, I would not even talk to her now, but the fact that she was my woman did not change. I was and will be taking care of her as my wife in the future. I ordered my men to find the best midwife they could in the village so Helde could deliver her child safely. I figured that the only way how to know whether this is my child was to see how he or she would grow up as.

When the day of birth had come, I was excited, but I knew that I could not interrupt this moment as a man. There are things in our village which men do and there are things in our village which women do. Being together with a woman who was giving birth was a midwives job, not the husbands. I remember having this feeling that no matter if the child was not mine, everyone knew I claimed Helde that night! Everyone knew she was mine! Only that fox knew that Helde had an affair, but one person was easy to take care of. I had already planned out how I would silence the sneaky woman when one of my men came rushing in through the door and shouting.

‘Leader! There’s a big problem! A big problem!’ He kept shouting and screaming. ‘What is it now!’ I roared at him with an angry look. ‘Your wife, Helde! The guards that were at her room’s door were replaced by someone! Those are not the same men that you appointed to guard your wife!’ He shouted while panting. I could not believe my ears. Who could have done such a thing? Who could have replaced his men?!

Once I got to the room, I saw the men, they were not the ones I appointed, I felt suspicious. I ordered them to let me in and they did. Once they opened the doors, Helde… was gone! Someone had opened the window. Taken the nails out of it so she could let her out! I was furious! I ordered the two guards to be tortured to find out who is the one who ordered them to replace the other guards. The only one who could have done this was the midwife. I had no time to waste, I gathered my warriors and went to look for Helde. I felt it in my gut that she had run to her lover. But I was a great man, I felt like I could forgive her, even for this. If she would not stay in the way when I decide to decapitate the scumbag.

We found Helde’s tracks and ran after her. It was getting dark and her tracks ended at the Eternal Frost Cave, the place where I never wished to return to. I remember that gruesome day when Helde’s parents risked their lives to protect me from the wrath of the sleeping god. If Helde’s mother had not pushed me out of the cave, I would not have returned alive. I had always been silently thankful to them, but, as a leader, I could not say it out loud.

That was the last time I saw Helde. After that day, I searched for her and called for her. I searched for her with others, I searched for her alone! I wanted my Helde back. I wanted to see her so badly. I went to the territory of the cave multiple times, I checked all the places where she could be. Even more places near the river since that was the only place where one could get fresh water throughout the whole year. But there was no sign of her. It was as if she had vanished. As if she never existed.

Six years have passed now. I wonder whether Helde is still alive or not. I hope she is, so she can once again return to my side. I never found out who the midwife was that day so I never found out whether Helde gave birth to a girl or a boy. No, it does not matter. The child that Helde gave birth to, I would have made sure that the child would become the king or queen of the world!

Today, as I lie next to my current wife, I still think of Helde, I still cannot get her out of my head.