Crown of Thorns

Chapter 4

Princess Alia’s POV

The morning air after breakfast felt unfamiliar, like a new season had begun. And maybe that was true, a new season was about to begin, a woman ruling the kingdom.

I had so many sleepless nights after my father's proposal to me.

At first I felt weak and unable, so I thought to myself.

Should I just run away?

Should I flee and be free?

I was truly seeking freedom from what was yet to happen. The worst.

Sometimes I just wished my mother was still alive then maybe all this wouldn't have to happen.

Maybe father wouldn't have fallen sick, and maybe he wouldn't have proposed to me to take the throne after him and maybe I wouldn't have had to and maybe the people and elders might not have to hate me.

Maybe.

I was in Her royal highness’s chamber that morning, royal highness Amara, resting my head on her thighs as she gently ran her fingers through my hair. Her touch was slow and calm, and for a moment, it made me forget everything else.

The palace was quiet, but my mind wasn’t.

So many thoughts filled my head that it felt heavy. No matter how much I tried to relax, I couldn’t. My chest felt tight, and my heart beat was faster than usual.

“What do you think?” I asked, turning my head to look at her.

I looked at her with hope that she would tell me what I wanted to hear.

She stopped touching my hair and smiled down at me. “You know what I think?”

“What?” I asked quickly, lifting my head so I could look at her properly.

“It is up to you,” she said, tapping my nose lightly.

But no, I was disappointed.

“Huh?” I frowned. “If it is up to me, then I don’t think I’m ready.”

I'm not even capable of making my own decisions, not even speaking of an entire kingdom. And still, it was up to me.

Saying it out loud made it feel more real. I truly didn’t feel ready. Not for something that big. Ruling an entire kingdom with lots of laws and traditions.

Aunty Amara sat upright, giving me her full attention. “The greatest responsibilities do not come with announcements, my dear,” she said softly. She reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear.

“And do you know the best thing about it?” she asked.

“What is that?” I replied.

“It might appear tough and rough, especially because it came unexpectedly, but…” She paused, looking at me closely. “If you put your whole effort and hard work into it, it always turns out for the best. Historically.”

I sighed deeply. I wanted to believe her. I really did. But fear was stronger.

I wanted to be free. Internally. Freedom was all I asked for, but it seemed like the more I searched for it the more I got entangled.

Everyone was literally going against the one thing I craved for the most.

I clicked my tongue slightly. “I don’t know,” I said, staring at the floor. “It’s not only that I’m not ready… I’m too young. I also feel the elders will disagree. There are many dangers, Aunty.”

My voice shook as I spoke.

“But in those storms, I’ll stand by you,” she said gently.

“No…”

“Uh-uh!” she interrupted, raising her finger. “I used to believe strongly in ancient laws and traditions too, just like you. I saw them as respect for culture. But culture, at times, unknowingly hinders growth.”

Her words stayed with me. I looked at her and felt… helpless. Part of me wished this conversation would stop. Another part wished she would keep talking until I felt brave enough.

She opened her arms and pulled me into a hug. I leaned into her without thinking.

“But it is still your choice,” she said. “Whatever happens, and whatever decision you make, just know that I will keep supporting you.”

I pulled away slowly and spoke in a low voice.

“I really don’t see what you and Father see in me, what potential I have shown, perhaps in the past, that makes you so certain I’ll succeed.”

I breathed out slowly. “I’ll still have to think about it, you know. My people…” I paused and looked out the window as the wind blew inside the room. “…Mother, if she would want this for me.”

I looked down at my hands as they tightened against each other. Tears fell onto my fingers before I could stop them.

“At the end of it all,” Aunty Amara said gently, “whatever decision you make will be the right one. I know for a fact that you will never make a bad choice, no matter what you do.”

She wiped my tears away.

I smiled weakly and hugged her again. “Thank you, Aunty.”

After leaving her chambers, I walked through the palace halls alone, slowly, counting my steps.

I felt I could stay outside forever.

Maybe that was what I needed, somewhere away from everyone. From the kingdom and rules! Rules!! Rules!!!

Servants and guards bowed as I passed, but I barely noticed. My thoughts were too overwhelming.

I didn’t return to my chambers.

Instead, I walked out of the palace gates.

I took the path I was familiar with the most.

The path I took was familiar. Too familiar.

The path to my mother's grave.

Just like everything wasn't enough, I felt bizarre. Like someone was watching me. Like someone was following me.

Nevertheless, I didn't mind. I didn't care either.

On the way, I stopped by the royal gardeners shop and bought a bouquet of white lilies. My hands trembled slightly as I held them.

When I reached the grave, I stopped moving.

My mother’s name stared back at me.

I stood there silently, my hands clenched together, my feet refusing to move. The air felt heavy.

A breeze passed, blowing my hair across my face. I didn’t move. I just stood there.

Then the tears came.

“Why?!” I cried.

Almost immediately, thunder roared. Lightning struck, and dark clouds covered the sky.

Everything happening all at once as if it was planned out already.

Then the rain came. It poured down heavily, not minding my presence.

And in that moment, everything changed.