The Ninth Door

Chapter 13 - Feral

Sienna

The kiss was unexpected, but I understood its intent. It was meant to sell our pretense – that we were together. Despite knowing that Emmerich would never hurt me and that there was nothing malicious about the kiss, I couldn’t help my reaction. I went rigid, even cold. In my head, I could hear my mother crying helplessly.

I focused on the clock.

Tick. Tock. Tick.

At that moment, I was thankful for the grandfather clock. More often than not, it was a nuisance with the noise it made. The rhythmic sound crawled into my brain. Tonight, though, I used it to focus on until my body softened against Emmerich. My palm even found his newly-smooth cheek. I heard Silas’s soft chuckle and Uncle Stefan clearing his throat. It was then that I realized that I had closed my eyes.

Joy was definitely suspicious, or maybe a little hurt about me coming with a strange man and introducing him as my boyfriend. Even though we lived far apart, we usually shared the most important details of our lives. So, what was so different about Emmerich, she was probably wondering.

There was also her need to protect me. Everyone wanted to shield me from all sorts of pain. They hadn’t yet realized that it was hurting me more than helping me. I needed some balance.

I wondered if Emmerich kissed me to reassure everyone he was okay – that he was right there with us. I was pretty sure that he was mentally gone for a little while. He didn’t exactly look like he zoned out, unless you were watching closely, but he had gone very quiet and still. Instead of heat emanating from his body, his chill reached out to me. Alarm bells rang in my head. We talked about characters becoming real, but what if there was an expiry date? Of course, there was. What if it was time for him to go back home?

“I apologize, Sienna,” were the first words he said as soon as we were back in my room.

“There’s no need. I understand, Emmerich. Besides, everyone else seemed to have relaxed after that.” I waved my right hand as if the whole thing was nothing to me, that I had a habit of getting kissed by random guys. He didn’t have to know that pathetic as it might sound, it was my first. Who was from a Medieval era now? I would do the Puritans proud.

“Your cousin Joy also hovered over me, checking if I was alright,” he said. There was a bit of amusement on his face. My cousin could be intense.

“She’s a medical student. She wanted to help.”

“Medical student,” Emmerich pondered.

“Someone who’s studying to become a, um, physician,” I explained.

His eyes widened in understanding and he smiled. The small smile that remained on his face suggested he was pleased.

“She’s studying toward a noble profession. In my world, women healers weren’t as respected as the men. They were often thought as nothing more than witches while the men were learned ones. Educated. And Silas?”

“He’s a lawyer, a brand new one. I’m not sure how you’d call him in your world. Squire. Attorney. Anyway, he defends people at court. He’s still very idealistic. So, he believes he’ll only defend innocent men.”

“He seems like a good man,” Emmerich said, his tone unreadable. “He’ll make a way to do what he plans to do.”

“Yes, he is,” I said, nodding my head as I took off my black pumps while seated on the edge of the bed. I wished we could just have dinner in pajamas next time, but I understood and welcomed the need for tradition. Maybe it would bring me back to fully being Sienna Kelley.

“You are a lucky woman, Sienna. Family like yours is hard to find.”

The knight prince was still smiling at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He must still be thinking of his brother, and I wondered how much of that man had anything to do with Emmerich’s dissociation from the dinner table.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

“No. I’m sorry. I should not have done that. Nothing is worth causing you any discomfort.”

“It’s okay, Emmerich. I understand what that was about.”

We had a little routine now that we didn’t have to explain what was going to happen next. I went to the bathroom to change into my pajamas. Other young women wore sexy sleep shorts, but I still wore long pajamas like when I was a little girl. There were no frilly hems this time. Just plain cotton. I didn’t like those silky ones that made me feel like I was sliding on my own bed. I would always choose comfort over style.

Emmerich was getting used to modern comforts and hygiene. I felt like he was taking longer and longer to use the bathroom. I couldn’t help but chuckle when I heard the shower turn on. He used to shower once a day, already feeling guilty about using up rations as he would call it. Now, he had gotten my habit of two or more. He refused to use the heater even though it was winter.

I settled in bed, under the covers. I had opened the windows a little, letting in the cool breeze from outside. I knew that the temperatures would further dip later into the night, but I had my blanket and socks to warm me. I realized that Emmerich was feeling too warm last night. I also wanted a little air to come in. Somehow, I felt suffocated. This time, I didn’t feel suffocated by my family – but by the house itself.

**

My eyes opened to darkness.

I must have fallen asleep, and Emmerich probably didn’t want to disturb me. My hand reached out to my left, but he wasn’t there. The book with Estella’s name was also nowhere to be found. I had intended to read it until I fall asleep.

Strangely enough, the room didn’t smell like lavender the way Mrs. Winter liked it. It didn’t smell like roses, either. Dorothy, one of the maids, liked filling little bowls with rose water and petals. The room was frigid cold because the windows were wide open. I thought I had opened them a mere crack. Surely, Emmerich wouldn’t open them that wide?

Shivering, I got off my bed and went to look for my robe. It should be slung over the chair facing my vanity table, but it wasn’t there. Not only that, I wasn’t wearing plain cotton pajamas, either. They weren’t dark as I liked them now. Instead, they were bright pink and – and – no – my feet were too little.

Sobs racked within me. Panic was like a tight fist around my neck as I scrambled to see my reflection on the mirror.

“No!”

Even my voice sounded too young. I was Sienna Kelley, yes, but the Sienna from almost two decades ago. Five years old.

I ran outside my bedroom. The hallway wasn’t that dark, with rectangular night lights mounted on the walls at large intervals. My mother knew that I was afraid of the dark. So, she made sure to request the lights. They seemed strange against the otherwise mostly neglected place. A skeleton crew of servants came to clean up and cook, and went home at twilight. Somehow, my mother still insisted that we sometimes visited. Sometimes, Uncle Stefan, Joy, and Silas would come at about the same time. My cousins’ mother hated it here for some reason. The few times I had come close to my uncle’s wife, she always had a sour look on her face as if she didn’t want to be there. Her coldest glares were often directed at me and my mother.

Voices. I heard voices. They were too low, but I was sure they were coming from the kitchen. My mother stood with her lower back resting against the kitchen island. A man was standing right in front of her. Their heads were close to each other. He was about to turn toward me so that I could see his face.

But everything went black.

Growls.

I heard growls.

No. I didn’t hear them. They were coming from me.

**

“Sienna! Wake up!”

“Huh?”

I opened my eyes, lids still heavy from sleep. The room was cool instead of chilly, and I could feel rather than see that I was wearing my dark cotton pajamas, instead of the pink ones. Emmerich’s voice had brought me back to the world of the living.

“You were dreaming.”

“Dreaming?”

“More likely having nightmares. Sienna, you were growling,” he said in wonder.

My eyes were wide open now. He was kneeling to my left, leaning down on me. Concern filled his face, and his eyes were golden, not blue.

“I was?” I asked. My jaw suddenly felt sore as I had snapped it shut too fast or as if I had been eating a lot of almonds. I loved munching on them while watching my favorite cartoons.

“You were.”

I could swear the two words came out like a growl, too, and now, he was on all fours, hovering over me. He always had a kind face. This time, though, it was all gone. What replaced Emmerich’s face was more predatory, not quite human. He continued staring down at me, but I could also see the ferocious face turning off and on. It was like a Christmas light, blinking.

White. Dark. Red. Dark. Colorful. Dark.

I would be standing in front of the tree on Christmas Eve, staring at the presents. I loved presents, but there was always that one that had me wondering and hoping. It was always the largest among them all, with the dedication typewritten instead of handwritten.

White. Dark. Red. Dark. Colorful. Dark.

“You’re scaring me,” I whimpered, as I see the golden take over the blue. What was going on with Emmerich.

“Why?” he asked, the voice half-human, half animal. It sounded almost like a yell, although his furrowed brows seemed to suggest that he didn’t mean it. His eyes, still golden, softened. The blue peeked a little.

“Y-you’re shifting,” I stuttered. It was already chilly, but the realization felt like a splash of frigid water.

He growled, shaking himself as if he could stop the inevitable. He bounded down from the bed to the floor. I scrambled to get on all fours to see what was going on. It was terrifying and fascinating at the same time.

What was going on with him?

There didn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason. The moon wasn’t full, and he didn’t seem to have called on his leopard form, but there he was, trashing painfully. I saw how the man’s body realigned, muscular thighs and arms, making way for feline limbs. Fur sprouted out of his body, in this up-close little horror show.

I watched in fascination as Emmerich disappeared right before me, and all that was left of him was the leopard who welcomed me in my own apartment. His eyes were golden, and not one shred of humanity was left behind. Weren’t shifters supposed to leave a little bit of themselves even in their animal form? I couldn’t see it in him right now.

Licking my lips, I did a slow retreat but the furthest I could go was my headboard. I pressed my back to the antique wood, seeking comfort from its cold, hard grooves. The leopard looked up at me. It was the same leopard form my apartment, but this time, it looked out of control.

“Emmerich, it’s me,” I whispered.

It growled at me, with jaw wide open and sharp teeth bared. As it snarled at me, its eyes held no leftover warmth. It was almost like someone pulled Emmerich away from its body, and what was left behind was a wild, feral beast.

“It’s me. Sienna Kelley. I am Sienna Kelley.”

The growling sound died down. Instead, it sounded more like a grumbling machine, vibrating from its throat. To my horror, I felt the bones in my body crack. My back bent like that of a scared cat’s.

What was going on with me?

I thought I had to open the second door first before even attempting to open the third by shifting into a cat?

White. Dark. Red. Dark. Colorful. Dark.

I was a little girl again, watching the presents under the Christmas tree, especially the largest in the middle of them all. Some children had gifts with the name Santa on the tags, but I no longer believed in the jolly old fella.

Kneeling in front of the biggest present, I traced the printed text on the tag.

“Merry Christmas, Sienna! Love, Your Dad.”