Broken Brothers In Love

Chapter 4: The Player and the Loser

Taylor

A buzz on my phone startled me, I quickly looked at it to check who was calling and my heart jumped seeing William's name on the screen. I rolled my eyes. "I know I'm late, easy, lover boy." I bitterly whispered as I parked my car.

"At last you arrived! Little Willy here told us that you had dinner last night? So how's your celebration? I'm sorry, I forgot the date." Bane, wearing his signature formal attire, teasingly asked while William snorted at his nickname. He hated that as much as Bane liked it.

"Well, we really had a good time last night. Food was great." I courtly replied. I'd felt compelled to answer, I didn't mean to tell all though. But I knew my bandmates would be teasing me so I better answer without so much of a qualm. Besides, having some quality time with my wife should be as normal as f**k, right?

"Hhhmmm, looks like I was the only one who did not get lucky last night, huh?"

He nodded at William who briskly stood up and walked up to the studio. A smug look written all over his face. "Whatever, Bane."

I needed coffee. Also, I might need to smoke, I suddenly thought.

"Uhm, so William had a date again last night?" I asked casually, I hoped Bane's not noticing my sudden change of mood. I heard him, alright, but somehow, my masochist self wanted to hear more details.

"Yeah, he met this chick, she called him yesterday for a date. And well, you know what happens after the date, yeah?"

"Uhm, yeah?" I stupidly mimicked him for the lack of words. He stood up, "William, is one lucky boy. Always getting laid!" Bane exaggerated proudly like the dirty naughty friend that he was.

I just nodded, because I had nothing to say. I was jealous. It was creeping all over my body. But I shouldn't be. William had become such an enigma, really. Many times I would think of how he did it? How he forgot everything between us, how the hell he moved on so easily, while I was still a mess through the years.

William's feelings for me as he strongly stated when we were together totally vanished, like a thin fog in the air. It was kind of maddening. How could he?

I mean, could he simply forget those things that we did together? I just wondered how he did it. Sometimes, I envied him for being that peaceful and completely happy. Because I just couldn't.

I wanted to be completely happy because my younger brother got over me. I really wanted that. But that was just my mind talking. Well, the hypocrisy. Because even my skin yelled at me many times how much it liked William's closeness. My whole system, except my morals repeatedly scratched every side of my consciousness to have even just a narrow passage to the past. Or a narrow passage where could lead me to having my brother the way I had him before.

Instead of joining my bandmates in the studio, I went for coffee, checked my computer, and opened my emails.

I never got numbed from jealousy, it was always strong, sometimes even suffocating, like right now. It f*****g hurt to think that someone rode my little brother last night just like how I saw him doing it with that girl in our room. I shrunk to my seat. I pressed myself there for more than an hour, being gloomy and stupid for being so.

My bandmates were not giving me the time of day, though. Zord with a giddy smile on his face, asked me to come over about a remix they were working on. I never wanted to come, I would hear it eventually anyway. But he never relented and kept on urging me. When I finally removed the glue on my butt which was my mental problem s***h sulky self, I went into the studio just to see my little brother in a sando, wearing shades and sweating behind his drum set. Owkay, sure, I must really join them. Music, I love music.

I walked up beside William and grabbed a tambourine which seemed like a good additional layer. I smiled truthfully, my sulking-self forgotten, music entered my system once again, and William's smile healed me in an instant.

When Ashley, our manager, walked in for another pre-scheduled meeting, I berated how time flew so fast. When we finished at lunch time, I put all my weight on the couch.

Music was forgotten as the pressure of all the things we had planned for the following months pressed us. Besides the fact that finalizing the live album was putting us under pressure, the tour schedule seemed not to go as planned. Some parts along our first itinerary couldn't be followed due to some venues' unavailability. Looking for quad-media support was another thing as our manager updated. We were about to conclude our tour and we were planning for a live album recording almost right after.

"I'll be having lunch with Melissa, but I'll be back at 2 o'clock. Is it ok?" Bane asked, looking at the screen of his phone. Melissa was his long time girlfriend and since we just arrived in our hometown a week ago, he might be trying to spend all the time that he could to be with her. I couldn't blame him though. Bane and Melissa really looked good together.

"I gotta bounce, too, guys. I'm meeting up with an old friend of mine who was asking me for some tips on vlogging." Zord also informed us.

"You guys cool with it, right?"

I guess we both nodded because before I knew it, Bane and Zord were already dashing out of the studio.

William was sitting beside me so it was kind of awkward to stare at him for observation but I looked anyway, because I couldn't stop me, of course. His hair hung loosely, legs spread in a relaxed manner as he was staring into space. He changed from his short sleeves, thank goodness.

"So, are you hungry? Wanna go and take out some food or eat outside?" I asked casually. Well, there should be no reason to be not to. I mean, I was just with my brother, no one so f*****g special, right? It was not like he was making me feel so like a jello ready to bend any time for his wishes. It was not like he was looking so goddamn cute in his shaggy hair, and his white undershirt seemed to make him look more delish to taste or anything similar to that.

Of course not.

"Tay, do you mind taking out food for me, I just want to lie down for a while." He did not look at me, instead, rested his head at the couch, with hooded eyes towards the wall. I squinted at how tired he sounded. And that was not even a question. Of course he knew I would do anything for him. When did I say no to you, William? I snorted to myself, wondering how on earth he would feel gloomy when he just scored a lay last night. He never seemed to mind how I looked at him though. He just stared back at me with those blank puppy eyes.

"Uhm, okay. So, what do you want?"

"Fried chicken and soda will do, Tay, thanks." He was still staring, all mushy and beautiful.

The sound of my name from his lips felt wonderful, I swallowed the saliva that quickly filled my mouth and I stood up carefully.

William rested his head on the arm of the couch and pulled his legs so that his whole body was lying on it. The poor boy seemed really tired. Our business was always a challenge for us, we had struggled a lot in the past years. But we were able to keep our fans close and had brushed off the harsh comments about us and persevered. But I wondered, was he tired because of the band's challenges? Or because of last night?

I knew I should get moving, but my feet seemed to have a mind of their own. Naturally, my eyes couldn't stop looking, I mean, he was there on the couch, eyes closed and looking good enough to eat. I couldn't stop staring at his perfect body, from his feet covered with his shoes to the top of his head. My eyes went downward again to stare at his nose, to his red full lips which were a bit parted. Then my eyes looked downward again to stare at his chin, oh how I loved to kiss that part and then to his neck where I used to nuzzle, kiss, and smell him. To his broad chest, then.....

"Aren't you going yet?"

No s**t!

"Ah yes, I'm actually going, now.."

I sprinted to the door, almost stumbling down because I was hurrying too much. I did not look around to know if he saw my stupidity. I didn't want to know that, anyway. So with shaking fingers, I put my car keys on the ignition and started my engine like the sore loser that I was.

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I went back to the studio with two bags of food. I bought him fried chicken and soda as per his request, I also bought him French fries because I knew he'd like it.

I silently opened the door thinking that he may be taking a nap but, hmp, noh; he was sitting up and talking to someone on his phone. He watched me entering the room; he was smiling and looked giddy all of a sudden. He talked animatedly with the other person on the phone. I got curious who he was talking to so I listened to the one sided conversation as I 'innocently' put the foods I bought out of the paper bags and put them on the table one by one pretending to be a good brother.

I sat down beside him, not too near and not too far because you see, I was placing our food on the little table at the front of the couch. Perfect excuse, right?

"Hhmmmm, yeah, I know." Pause. "I know, I know, that's why I'm asking you, if that's ok." Pause.

"Of course I do, I wouldn't ask you if I don't," he chuckled. Pause. "Yeah."

"I did, I am thinking about it right now, actually." I could only imagine his face as he said that. My stomach churned. I suddenly lost my appetite.

"Oh, really? So, we're okay? I mean, you know what I mean." Pause.

"Okay, I like that." Pause. "Hey, I'm serious."

Pause. "I am, promise."

Pause.

I absentmindedly put a handful of French fries in my mouth, then I gulped a large amount of my soda. I already lost my appetite, but I needed to do something and it was the only thing I could do. The sound of his voice hit me like blades, and I felt my eyes get hot with tears.

God, I should not be feeling this way. f**k! I'm so stupid.

"Alright then, so can I see you again? Maybe later tonight?" Pause.

Please, please, God please.... I didn't want to hear any of this anymore. If only it wouldn't be obvious, I would have put both of my hands to my ears to cover them. But that was definitely obvious.

"Uh huh, so tonight?" I could picture him smiling. "Ok, hhhmm, that sounds great to me."

Pause. I wanted to punch his pretty f*****g face, but I contented at staring at the wall as I ate religiously.

I knew William f****d with girls, I saw him with my two damn eyes. And I knew he would never be mine the way I wanted him to be. But damn, I felt so bitter, hurt, and even betrayed. But who was I to talk about betrayal? I was the one betraying myself for years. I was the one who betrayed him.

He laughed. "You'll see later, I'm thinking of a place, you'll like it there for sure." Pause.

I put some more French fries in my mouth. I grabbed the fried chicken and bit it with angry passion, thinking that it was the girl on the other line I was biting. How I wish I could do that so she would disappear forever once I released her to the world from my asshole and flush her to the toilet. That was horrible, I know.

"I'll see you. I'll call you when we're done here. I'll just probably go and take a shower then I'll pick you up." Pause.

"I think,,,, I miss you, too"

"That's it, I'm not supposed to listen!"

I'd placed the unfinished chicken to its box then stood up to go although without a particular aim of a place to mope. I felt his stare, I was probably giving away my feelings, but I didn't care. Instead, I concentrated at how I hated my feelings; and at how stupid I was being. So I rather not be there and hear him and just sulk somewhere.

I sat down on the bench in the smoking area. What the hell was happening to me?! Hearing him talk with this girl I didn't even know yet with sweet nothings got to me and hitting me like a f*****g jealous girlfriend! f**k, I hated it.

I was thinking so hard and wanted to punish myself so bad if only I did not feel someone sat beside me. And who else would it be?

He sat awkwardly close, peering, asking me to stare at him. So I did. I tried not to look upset, but I knew I failed miserably. I just wanted to mope and the boy was not even letting me!

"Why'd you leave your food?" His observant eyes were trying to read me, hell, he probably knew what was happening to me and doing it on purpose.

I swallowed painfully. Or maybe, he was just curious why I looked upset. Gah, his actions were confusing. There were so many conflicting thoughts in my head.

I openly traced his face as I usually did. "I'm just not that hungry. And I want to smoke." I denied voicing out how much it hurt me to hear him say "I miss you" to someone. I had no right and I had to be happy for him instead. But my denial never gave me the strength not to sound hurt. Because my pain was obvious in my voice. When I realized it, I looked away, lit a cigarette and pathetically inhaled sharply, hoping for the air to save me from misery.

But I knew it wouldn't. But I still tried, so I puffed again and again, not minding if he was watching me. I just ferociously stared into space watching the smoke dance in front of me. I even asked silently for the hurt to vanish with the smoke so I wouldn't feel it ever again. And maybe, I could have a perfectly normal life, with my family and with my brother.

He scooted closer and nudged the side of my stomach with his elbow, "come on Tay, I don't want to eat alone. Our food will get cold." He said softly. I stopped in the midst of puffing like crazy. I looked at him surprised by the tone he used. His eyes locked with mine, and God, he smiled uncertainly at me. The kind of boyish smile thay could f*****g melt me and so it did.

Only William could do that.

I forgot the rest. I stared at him, encircling my thoughts with the way he held his head as he smiled at me and on the way he bit his lower lip as if he felt unsure and shy and damn really cute.

Wait, was that a white, fat, cute cloud I was stepping at? He was pulling me to him again and I couldn't resist. I just lingeringly stared and melted. My heart still ached, but it did not ache for the same reasons anymore. It ached to touch the boy staring at me right now.

I threw my cigarette and stepped on it and smiled shyly. He smiled back, standing up, "So, let's go inside? I'm starving."

I stood up and motioned my hand for him to go ahead, "Okay". We walked back inside as I watched his back with a broad smile.

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So, hi, readers! This is my first story posted here, please let me know what you think about it. 

Much love!

-Lamour