The Last Letter

38

Chapter XXXVIII

That morning the next day was still full of awkwardness. It just felt slightly better than yesterday.

Me and Suzanne were still not talking although our eyes met a couple of times. For the whole day at the university, our team really focused on making so much progress since we only had today and tomorrow to finish the miniature model.

I haven’t paid much attention to Suzanne because everyone was so busy. I'm thankful that I had something I could divert my attention to because if I’m not in my right mind, I might cause trouble for the whole team.

That’s when it was 3pm and we were pretty much finished with the proposal. Tomorrow, we will just make the final retouch and add some designs we could incorporate with this project. Since we've been inside the room for 8 hours straight (we also bought lunch outside and ate it while making the model), we decided to call it a day since we were all looking so tired and gloomy.

One by one, my teammates left the room. I was busy putting my things inside my bag so I thought I was the only one inside the room. When I stood up from sitting and looked in front, I saw Suzanne by the closed door. That’s when I noticed all of my teammates left and we were the only ones in the room.

“August.” She called my name even when there were only a few steps from me to her.

I smiled at her as I finally felt that a huge load on my heart for the past few days is slowly getting lighter. She smiled at me too and waved her hand.

That smile I really missed looking at.

I walk close to her without saying anything. I just found myself unconsciously wrapping my arms around her as if my body is doing what it wants to. In just a matter of seconds, I felt her arms wrapping my back too. If time could stop, I wish it would be at this very moment.

Her head leaned on my chest where she could hear my heart beating faster than usual. I don’t know where I got this courage to do this now but I just want to stay like this for a little longer.

I hugged her more tightly and she did it too. We were not speaking, just standing for minutes now being wrapped in each other's arms. I think we both understand it at this point.

I understand and admit that I like her.

I don’t know where and when it started, I just realized it a few months ago. I would look at her unconsciously and be bewitched by her smile. Day by day, I would find myself longing for her. I was in so much joy and excitement every time she would come by at my house and ask for my help. A crush? I thought.

I don’t want her to know so I would occasionally avoid her and let her out of my sight and mind. I don’t want her to be affected by my feelings and most importantly, my best friend has liked her for years now. I tried to restrain myself with all my might but today, seeing her smiling in front of me after not talking for 5 days, I gave in to my own desires.

“I miss you so much.” I whispered in her hair and caressed her back. She replied with a little gesture of rubbing her face gently on my chest. I do not know what it means but I find it so adorable so I chuckled lightly.

I released her from my arms and put my hands on both of her shoulders. She was looking down so I shook her lightly so she would look at me. I then slid my hands down on her hands and looked at how severe her wounds were.

“What happened, Suzanne?” I asked in a soft voice.

She looked up at me and I could see her getting teary eyed. I reached for her face and wiped the tears forming in the sides of her eyes.

“I… was so scared for that child. I had to save him from that man.”

“That man… Where is he now?” I held her hand tightly.

She smiled sweetly. “He’s in jail now thankfully. Apparently, he was also convicted with drug related charges aside from child violence and abuse.”

“Thank God. But Suzanne, I’m really sorry that I wasn’t able to be by your side that day. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, I’m so selfish!”

“It’s okay, August. I understand you so don’t blame yourself. I think you had a great time exploring so that was enough for me.” She answered and gave me a reassuring smile.

“No, it’s not okay. I’ll make it up to you, okay? You’re wonderful Suzanne. It takes a lot of courage and bravery to do what you did. If not for you, that evil still lives and moves freely around.”

“I just… know that I should do something to help that kid. He was just 5 years old and he’s been through so much pain. I can’t just leave him be when I know something was definitely wrong going on in that house.”

“Either way, you’re an amazing person Suzanne.” I smiled and gave her a tight hug again.

“Thank you.” She whispered.

We stayed like that for a minute. I don’t want to let go of her now that I know how it feels to wrap my arms around her warm and tiny body. It feels just like the best feeling in the world. To feel her warmth, and know that at least for a fleeting moment for today, we’re together physically.

“As much as I want to spend more time and tell you more of the details of what happened last Friday, I can’t since I have to get to work.”

While still my hands around her, I looked at my wristwatch and was baffled that 35 minutes had already passed. We’ve just been standing here for what feels like only 10 minutes.

I loosen my hands around her and she smiled sweetly looking directly into my eyes. I avoided that gaze since I felt my face getting hot and my heart pounding fast. Not like this situation that only the two of us are standing in an empty room Suzanne. I might do something we could both regret.

I took a deep breath and smiled afterwards. As much as I don’t want to let her go right now, I know I couldn’t.

“How will you go to your workplace?” I asked.

“I’ll ride my bike as usual.” She answered.

“Doesn’t that hurt your hands? Should we ride a cab? I’ll take you there.”

“No, I’m okay, August,” she laughed lightly. “You should rest at home since you’ve done so much for the model today. It turned out really good, I think we’ll have a high chance of getting to the finals.”

“Really? I would love to take you to the restaurant.” I replied.

She shook her head, declining. “I’m really okay. I also biked on my way to the restaurant yesterday and look at me, I’m just fine.”

I sighed and accepted my defeat.

“Okay. Just stay safe okay? And please answer my messages. I was really sad for the past few days that you haven’t been answering any of my messages.” I pouted.

“Aww sorry. I left my pager at grandpa’s house since I spent my Saturday and Sunday there. I also haven't been able to reply and read messages since my pager broke during the fight I had. I just noticed yesterday that my pager was missing.”

Ohh, that explains it. I really thought you were avoiding me. I’m glad we talked today since I can't bear another day without saying a single word to each other. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I lightly kissed the top of her head and hugged her again for the last time today. Don’t blame me. I just realized how addicting it is to hug someone you like.

We walked together down the building and on the way to her dormitory and I now felt it was unfair that her dormitory is just outside the campus. I wish I could spend more time with her even just by walking.

After that, we bid each other goodbyes and I started to also ride my bike home. I had a blushing smile the whole way back to my place. I even smiled by myself while having dinner with my family and they were all so cheery that I finally found a girlfriend. I just let them be since no explanation could stop them from doing all that.

And then I couldn’t sleep that day till 2 am after being so lost into my thoughts of that hug. Butterflies in the stomach? Fireworks in the head? I could feel them for the first time ever. I’m well aware that I need to get to the university at 7 am but here I am, blushing at the mere thought of Suzanne and our hug earlier.

I sometimes wish I could ask her if we could just stay a little longer in that hug, but I never could, especially that I know she might’ve just thought earlier as just a friendly hug while me, indulging at the moment I finally got to hug Suzanne. She might not even think that I like her and I did and said all of that just to cheer her up.

But then I realized something. Should I make Suzanne feel that I see her as a woman, not as a friend? Or should I let go of these growing feelings inside me for Ben’s sake? When I thought of that, everything suddenly became dark.

“I was waiting for the right time so I could finally ask her out.” I remember Ben said.

“I told you about this because you are the only friend I trust.”

“I really like Suzanne. She’s an amazing woman.”

Ben’s words suddenly flooded my mind. With that, I started to feel guilty. I don’t know what to decide or what am I supposed to do.