The Last Letter

57

Chapter LVII

Suzanne’s POV

The holidays are a great time to be with your family especially when they are faraway.

At first, I was kind of sad that I wouldn’t be able to see August for quite a while since I have to go to my brother and grandpa’s house to celebrate the holidays there. August and I had been together most of the time so he kind of became a part of my routine everyday.

But everything went great. He was happy for me that I got to celebrate this special occasion with my family instead of being alone. He also knows how much I miss my grandpa so our parting went very well.

I really enjoyed my time with my family. It has been two or three months since I’ve gotten this much free time on my hands.

Even though I stopped working for quite a while now, I am still adjusting to my daily life. I admit, it was better when I worked for my own needs and wants. It was more fulfilling and I appreciated every little thing better. I was so used to being financially and physically independent so it takes me a while to accept that I just now have to focus on my studies. I’m still grateful though, especially to my brother who pays for my allowance and dormitory, but I do really miss my working days.

August and I are going strong. Well, our relationship is still kinda new and we are still in the process of getting to know each other more and deeper. As I’ve said, we were always together and when we were busy, I at least got to see him everyday.

Of course, it wasn’t all lovey dovey every time. Most of the times that we are next to each other, we study or eat. It was always a library date and I’m living for it. I really like how he manages our time being together but still prioritizing our studies more than anything. If we have plenty of free time, we go for picnics in a place that no one knows us for sure. It’s my kind of date.

We also get along very well. I think I know almost everything about him, even his secrets because he is so talkative and tells me so many stories when we’re together. In those three months of our relationship, I’m deeply happy and content.

But I still haven’t told him anything about my biological family and my past in general. It might be hard for me to tell him about this. He still needs to know the roots of the girl he is dating. And for sure, at some point of time, he’ll surely ask me about it.

Will he judge me?

I don’t think so and I hope not. Knowing August, he is a great good guy who treats everyone equally. That’s one feature of him that I fell in love with. I am one lucky girl to have him.

I still remember how tight August hugged me that day after not talking for two days. His scent, his arms, how fast my heart beats, every little detail of that day is still fresh in my mind. He is my first boyfriend after all. As much as possible, I want to remember every step we took to the path to where we are today, may it be big or small.

Now that I’m thinking of it, maybe Joseph was a blessing in disguise. After all, that unfortunate event ironically brought us together. The memories of the hill never fail to bring butterflies in my stomach whenever I reminisce about it. That wheel is where our relationship started so it is one of my most special places.

To those who forgot who Joseph is, he was the kid I saved from the abusive boyfriend of his mom way back when we went to see the village we are stationed for the architecture program. It was two months ago already. Time flies so fast indeed.

I haven’t got the chance to visit Joseph again unlike what I promised him back then. He calls me often though and he said that for him, phone calls were enough.

He’s having a great time at the orphanage. He described it as a big place, with a playground that is accessible to everyone, he made lots of friends already and I’m pretty sure he’s having a blast. I am so happy for him. He reminds me so much of myself and I hope, I really hope he finds a loving family just like how I found my grandma and grandpa. He deserves it and in fact, every child at the orphanage deserves it too.

Speaking of grandma, I miss her every single day.

Grandpa keeps grandma’s things up until now. Brother talked to him already about disposing of grandma's stuff since it pains grandpa to see all of it, still in their good old closet, still intact and untouched. But then grandpa said that he’s getting old and has started to have troubles remembering things. And soon, he might forget everything. So he makes sacrifices because doesn’t want to forget grandma. Those clothes and stuff that was still kept in his room is a sign that he loved a woman and one woman only.

When I heard that, I couldn’t help but cry my eyes out. If I miss my grandma so much, what more does grandpa feel seeing all the stuff she left everyday. It’s breaking my heart the more I think of it.

Anyways, I see progress on my grandpa’s health. I’m so grateful for my brother and his wife for taking good care of him and strictly monitoring his lifestyle every now and then. Prevention is better than cure as what they’ve said.

After graduating college, I’ll surely spoil grandpa. That’s a promise.

Christmas season went by with me, doing all sorts of things that my brother’s wife told me to do. From cooking, to cleaning the house, to doing laundry and even to farm work, I was there giving a helping hand. It is what I am good at so I never complained. It actually relieves me to feel that I am at home again. It’s been a long time since I last experienced this.

That Christmas eve, we had a barbeque in front of my brother’s house. It was particularly colder that night than any other December night. It was so special.

My sister in law actually gifted all of us matching pullovers with a Christmas theme. Of course, we wore it that night . At first it was so funny and weird seeing all of us wearing those colorful sweaters but I realized something when we took a picture with all of us in one frame. We looked so joyful, a happy family.

Even before sleeping that night, that picture was the last thing I looked at before closing my eyes.

The rest of the days of my stay there was composed of nothing but enjoying the days I’ve been able to be with my family. Everyday was made special and happy since I won’t be able to see them again in a while. I spent so much time with my grandpa. We went fishing, shopping for his clothes, going to an amusement park (don’t worry, we only rode those mild rides like carousel, etc.) and many more. I could tell in his face that he really enjoyed the time he spent with his foster daughter.

And to tell you, Ben and I had been messaging each other almost everyday but only like twice/thrice a day. It was just sort of keeping up with each other and don’t worry, I told August about this. He was okay with it. But honestly speaking, it wasn’t okay for me even though I kept doing it until now.

It sometimes makes me uncomfortable, knowing that Benjamin still has feelings left for me even after years had already passed since his confession and my rejection of him. It makes me sad and guilty that I wasn’t able to reciprocate his feelings and worst, I dated his best friend.

It wasn’t just August who feels guilty for our relationship, I do too. I’m well aware of my boyfriend’s feelings.

To assure myself, I repeatedly think that Ben and I never dated, so August and I didn't do anything wrong. And besides, I thought he gave up his feelings for me after I left him without saying anything. But then after I tell myself that, I would always get caught up into thinking what he would feel if he discovered our relationship. Trust me, I would never want to hurt Ben.

If only he had confessed to me again after we talked to each other again after a year, I would’ve tried that time. I’m speaking from the bottom of my heart, I would’ve tried to work it out because I was scared to see him getting hurt again. And because Ben is a really good person, both him and August.

It’s just that love sometimes, is all about timing.

Unfortunately, time wasn’t on Benjamin’s side. But I wish him the best girl who would appreciate him as he is. As a wonderful and amazing guy. I was not that girl but I know, somewhere on earth, there’s someone destined for my friend. If he ever finds her, I would totally root for them. That is, if he still lets me in his life as his friend.

Now, I’m happy and content to be with August. I feel the safest and happiest with him, so much that I always wish that our moments together would last for a long time, possibly for forever. I’m always thanking God everyday for I’m not asking for too much, but he gave me August. I sometimes wonder what I did in life for me to deserve such a man like him.

Is this the feeling of being truly, madly and deeply in love?

If this is it, I definitely want more of it.

To be continued…