The Last Letter

43

Chapter XLIII

My best friend Ben, I haven’t heard much from him these past few days. Unlike in the past that we were inseparable, now, we hardly find any time to hangout or even just see each other. He was always busy with both his studies and his athletic career.

He’s just as amazing as when we were young. It’s amazing how he could balance his time between being an athlete who needs so much time to practice/workout and being a third year college student who’s one step away from becoming a senior university student which is the busiest era of a college journey.

One thing I also think about a lot at night, if I love Suzanne this much now that I only met her a few months ago, what more does Ben feel? He has known Suzanne for 3 years now and he has liked her ever since. He might even be so in love with Suzanne much more than I thought. And look at me, here I am, snatching Suzanne away from him. I’m such a bastard.

Do I even deserve to be with Suzanne? Do I deserve to be friends with Ben? I’m such an asshole, I know.

Although I assured Suzanne that I’ll protect her and our relationship, deep inside, I was really afraid of what might be the consequences of this in my friendship with Ben.

I’ve known Ben ever since we were kids, I’m risking all those years we’ve been friends because of my selfish love for Suzanne.

But what more options can I have? My only options are first, to be selfish and second, to be selfless. Both could destroy me in a way.

What should I do? I could lose them both if I make the wrong decision.

***

The next morning, I decided to not go to university since it was one of our choices anyway. I messaged our team leader who does nothing but teasing me. She agreed so it is settled that I’ll stay at the house for the whole day with a twist.

Suzanne will come over to my house today to visit and catch up with my mom. I’ll also tutor her with some subjects that she found hard to understand. Honestly, I think I fell for her during the times that we were alone, such as those times that I was tutoring her here in the house or in the library. That’s what I think but I don’t really know how and when I fell in love.

Mom is also excited, maybe more excited than me whenever Suzanne comes over or visits our house.

Sometimes, I do feel like mom loves her more than me. I can’t blame mom though, she gave birth to 4 guys so in addition to dad, we are all guys in the house except her. She really needs a daughter like Suzanne whom she can talk to about girly stuff she can’t tell her sons about.

By 8am, I already heard a knock on the main door. It was weird since Suzanne usually comes here at 9 or 10 am. Maybe she was excited to see me this morning? I smiled at that thought and placed the book I was reading on my bedside table.

I fixed my clothes and took a quick glance at the mirror to see if I looked handsome enough to face her. I rushed down to the stairs to see mom talking to...

“Ben?”

“Oh here he is. I’ll leave you two alone for a while. I have to buy something from the market.” Mom said.

“Take care Auntie.” Ben told my mom and they waved their hands before mom walked out the door.

After that, Ben looked at me and walked towards me and gave me a man hug. This is the first time I felt uncomfortable around my best friend. Is this how it feels to hide something so important to the friend you always tell stuff to.

“Hey what’s up?” I greeted him, making my voice as normal and less nervous as possible.

He sat on the couch in front of the tv and crossed his legs.

“Nothing much. It’s my free day today so I’m thinking about ways to spend it wisely. I also wanted to talk to you so I came here, what are these things I heard about you?” I felt my heart pounding hard inside my chest. My palms started to sweat profusely.

“What? What rumors?” I awkwardly said in a loud voice. I hope he won’t notice it. Ben knows me for a long time, he possibly knows if I’m hiding something based solely on my movements and tone of my voice.

“Don’t hide it from me, August.” He said in a serious tone. Every second that passed, I felt my heart beating faster and faster and I think I’m having a cold sweat.

“Get straight to the point, Ben. What did you hear?” I asked, arching my eyebrows. Am I getting confronted in any minute by now? Did a rumor about me and Suzanne start already and it already spread without us knowing? Why does it have to be Ben for us to know what it is about?

“You got a girl.” He said, staring directly at me. I can’t look at him straight so I avoided his gaze. “She was what? your senior? I didn’t know you’re also into women slightly older than you. How dare you not tell me about this?”

I arched my eyebrows more and looked at him with a confused face, tilting my head.

“What do you mean? I… don’t have any girl right now. Who are you talking about?” I clenched my fist due to the guilt I felt inside. I can’t even tell anyone about my relationship with Suzanne, not my family and especially not my friend. And now, I’m facing someone who likes her as much as I like Suzanne.

No, scratch that. I've been facing someone who likes Suzanne for years now and it was my best friend.

My best friend who trusted me to take care of Suzanne. But here I am, I stole the heart of the woman he loves.

“Well, my classmate just told me that rumor. But you know that I won’t believe any of it if I don’t directly hear it from you. Too bad, it's fake news. Well, it’s just a rumor after all.” He chuckled while I sighed in relief.

I walked to his seat and sat beside him. I turned on the TV on the cartoon channel.

“Don’t you have a class today? Why are you here this early in the morning?”

“I told you earlier, it’s my free time today. I’m excused from all of my classes today since we can’t even use the gymnasium for practice because of your department’s exhibit. They also noticed that I was pushing myself more than usual so they told me to rest. Well, if you have inspiration, it is normal to do your best right?” I clenched my fist, holding the remote control but I nodded in response to what he said.

“And I know you two don’t have any classes today. So I figured out that we should at least spend time before my competition. I know you miss hanging out with me so don’t complain. I’ll become busier in a few weeks so this is the only day I could spend with you and Suzanne.” He added.

“Don’t you want to rest Ben? You’re practicing so hard everyday, don’t overwork yourself.” I said, genuinely concerned about him. He is my best friend after all. And I swore to Ben’s mom who put her trust in me that I’ll take care of him. Why do many people trust me? I feel so guilty if I don’t meet their expectations.

“Hmm no. I’ll just be more stressed at home. I’d rather spend time with you two.”

“Okay.” I simply replied and turned my attention to the TV. It might seem that I was intently watching whatever the show is but it was all chaos inside my head. I didn’t know that the first obstacle of our relationship would come this early. I haven’t prepared for any of this.

Will Suzanne and I act as if nothing is going on between us? Are we going to fool Ben in his face?

Ben messaged Suzanne almost immediately after I agreed that we should go out. I went upstairs to prepare for whatever plan Ben has in his mind. I’ll maybe just get along with the flow and act natural as far as I can.

I texted Suzanne about it too. She seemed so concerned and guilty if we would do it but we had no choice. I don’t want to stress Ben. He seemed so excited that we’re going to have a trip or whatever again after all those months that we barely see him.

But to be honest, I really feel so uncomfortable and nervous with Ben around. It was only yesterday night that Suzanne and I talked about him but now, we’ll literally be about to face what we feared so much. Everything is going really fast.

Please! Can someone tell me what to do?