The Last Letter

51

Chapter LI

I woke up to the sound of someone pounding and knocking hard on my door.

“Why?” I shouted. I groaned and rolled over my bed and laid on my chest. The knocking stopped and for seconds, I heard nothing from outside.

“Mom is calling you below! It’s time to eat!” I heard Elias say. Elias is my second youngest brother.

“Okay, I’ll go down. Give me a minute.” I said and glanced over to my wall clock. It was just 11pm. We’ll eat after lighting up the fireworks and midnight is still an hour away. My brothers are making fun of me again. I rolled back to face the ceiling and yawned so big and loud. I slept for an hour and a half but I feel more tired instead of replenishing my energy from that sleep.

I got up and stretched. I also jumped up and woke my body up since I still feel really sleepy. I walked to my bathroom to rinse my face and I swear, the ice cold water frightened the hell out of me. Just touching that cold water with my bare hands woke me up better than jumping like an i***t.

I changed my clothes to a better and thicker one since I was wearing the same thin clothes since yesterday night. Plus, it was really cold outside. I grabbed a jacket for Ben since we’ll spend some more time outside later. I can’t let him go outside in this temperature.

After doing that, I went down the stairs and saw my brother and my best friend still immersed in their conversation as if they haven’t seen each other for years. Well, they did see each other less but I am amazed that they didn't run out of topics after all that sleep I got.

“Rise and shine brother!” I rolled my eyes and walked towards them. I just noticed that Aries is already holding a beer bottle in his hand.

“Are you already starting drinking without me?” I asked.

“No, it is just my first bottle. Ben isn’t drinking yet.” Aries answered.

“How’s sleep? Did you get some energy?” Ben chimed in.

“No, I actually feel more tired than before sleeping. But the fun hasn’t started yet and the night is still young. Let’s see if it will get better later on.” I handed the jacket to Ben and he wore it almost immediately. He mouthed the words “thank you” I just nodded at him.

“How’s catching up? I slept with the two of you talking and I woke up with both of you still having a conversation.”

“Bro, two hours is not enough to tell him everything on my mind. It will at least take us about 2 days.” Aries said. I just smiled at him awkwardly just like how we always did that to annoy each other. “Dad is preparing the fireworks for later. Should we go outside?” Aries added.

“Sure.” I walked towards the table where the dishes were arranged and grabbed some egg rolls and two cold beers from the fridge. One beer for me and one for Ben. The egg rolls have gone cold so it wasn’t very tasty from when it was freshly cooked. Maybe I’ll just reheat them later.

Just from opening the backdoor, the cold wind already hit my face. It made all the hair in my body stand up.

I walked straight to the backyard while the two followed me behind.

I set up the backyard much like a camping spot. I tied the colorful christmas lights, hanging on the poles that I made some time ago. When I set those up earlier, I realized I should’ve done it in the morning. In the center was a bonfire that wasn’t lit up yet. I thought it’ll be good to have some kind of fire to keep us warm in this cold season. I also got some logs from the forest not that far from here that we’ll use later. Around the bonfire are foldable chairs and coolers that keep our beers cold. From your point of view, it was quite simple but I spent so much time doing and setting it all up to look like this. If it wasn’t for Ben spending the night here with us, I wouldn’t think of doing this today.

“Can you believe how fast time passes by?” Aries said and sat up in one of the foldable chairs.

“Lighter please.” I said and held my hand out. My brother gets something from his pockets and passes something to my hand. It was a lighter. Aries smokes by the way. I remember dad was in a rage when he accidentally saw him lighting up a cigarette secretly when he was in highschool. Dad doesn’t smoke since he has hereditary lung problems and fortunately, no one from us shows the same symptoms of that disease, at least for now. So he was really worried for my brother and his smoking habits.

That time, he just smoked one stick a day but now, I bet he could finish a whole pack in a day. He urged me to try it and I did. But after just one blow, I almost choked and I didn’t like the smell and taste of it so I never did that again. Ben doesn’t smoke either.

I got some old papers and lit them up using Aries’ lighter and put it between the wooden logs. I heard and felt the wind breezing from the sound of the tall trees far behind us. They were dancing in the wind’s direction. I felt the air touching my neck and it made me shiver. It gets colder as the night progresses.

“Time flies so fast indeed. Next year, August and I will be in our 20’s.” Ben said and sat at the chair beside my brother.

“When I was young, I dreamt of becoming an adult so I could do whatever I want and earn lots of money. But now, I earned lots of money just like how I dreamt it but I wish I could go back in time. I just want to grab my coloring book and play with my friends all day. Being an adult sucks.”

I looked at my brother who had his eyes fixed on the fire I managed to light up. All that boy scout training I did as a child paid off.

“Unlike you, I want to grow up, get older, and die. I don’t want to go back to being young.” Ben said. Now I looked at him and just like Aries, his eyes are fixed somewhere else. Just like the temperature, the mood of their conversation seems cold and blue.

“Why?” Aries asked.

“I want to go out of my comfort zone and explore the world by myself or with the one that I love. Meet lots of people and never see them again after a small time. Getting caught up in a never ending cycle. I can only do that when I’m older and have a good amount of money. So I wished that time would pass by faster so I can finally do what I always dreamt of.” Ben answered.

“That’s fair. I hope you’ll find happiness and content on what you want to do in the future. How about you, August?” Aries looked at me. It is once in a blue moon that Aries talks with sense like this. Most of the time, I always see my brother as like a class clown, happy go lucky, always smiling and joking around, a person who always knows when and how to make others happy and comfortable around him.

“About time? I’m okay with how it passes by. I’m living a normal life but I also have dreams that I hope I’ll achieve someday. I have my family and friends so I have a good support system. I just wish that when I grow old, I won’t have any regrets. So as much as possible, I try to live and enjoy every single day at its fullest. I know I’ll miss this kind of life someday when I’m sick of working but at least, I don’t have regrets and I tried my best. That’s what matters to me the most.” I said and opened my beer.

They both nodded slowly and in sync.

“Good point too. Wow, you two have grown up better than I expected!” Aries exclaimed.

I shook my head a little. This kind of conversation is something new to me and I kinda like it. I want to hear about other people’s dreams and different perspectives in life. It’s a breath of fresh air.

“How about this, what is by far, the hardest decision you’ve made?” Aries asked again.

I glanced at Ben who was beside my brother. He was still thinking.

I pretended to think deeply since none of us three wanted to start sharing. And I don’t really have something in mind to answer his question. Hardest decision that I’ve made? Taking up architecture? One thing that only comes in my mind is my decision that day, when I had all the courage to make a move on Suzanne.

If I only kept all these feelings inside, I would not feel guilty whenever I see Ben. Despite knowing all the possible consequences that not only affects me but also my best friend, in the end, I still did it out of my selfishness.

One day, Ben will find out everything that I did. That I betrayed our friendship that was the same age as us. When that day comes, what face can I show to my family and his family? Will I still be able to live everyday to the fullest, knowing that I hurt the closest person I had that wasn’t my family.

To be continued…