The Last Letter

56

Chapter LVI

Author’s note:

Since we are approaching the middle and the climax part of the story, I will now add a title to each title and possibly, some lines from songs from chapter 60 onwards. I sometimes felt like some lines from different songs match my chapter so much that I feel like it was made for my book. Anyways, keep reading and stay tuned! Lovelots! <3

***

Christmas went by just like that.

Ben went home on Christmas day after we ate lunch (or probably dinner at that time of the day). He woke up an hour before me and helped mom in cleaning our mess outside.

He told me he was really thankful for letting him celebrate such a special occasion with my family. We also reconciled about the matter of keeping his struggles by himself. He was really sorry for me but I told him to not talk about that as everything’s okay now.

I just realized that night when I was about to go to sleep, that Ben is really an incredible person. Much more amazing and incredible than what I initially thought of him.

I am amazed how he managed to not break down in that long span of years he has been suffering from all the pressure his parents put him in. I am really disappointed to aunt and uncle (Ben’s parents) for doing this to him. They were wearing a mask all this time. I really thought they were good and understanding because that was what they’ve shown us all these years.

Aries on the other hand, slept the whole day and woke up at night. Mom let him sleep half the whole day since it was rare that Aries is here at our house. And he was always complaining about not getting much sleep due to his work being a little too time consuming. I asked mom why he was working a little too much but mom just said that he has so many plans for the future. I shrugged it off thinking that he even cannot bring all his fortunes to heaven when he dies from overworking.

That day, I also called Suzanne after Ben left the house. She was so worried that something happened since I hadn't called her that night, unlike what I promised. She bombarded me with messages in my pager that I haven’t bothered reading because I was too tired to even lift a finger. I apologized and she quickly forgave me, that’s just how Suzanne handles everything. But she scolded me after and told me to update even just once every 2 hours so she’ll know that I’m alright.

I planned to tell her what happened and what we talked about that night we drank but out of my respect for Ben’s life and privacy, I decided not to do it. I know she will feel bad and I know I’ll also feel bad for my best friend’s situation. It’s the best decision to not tell her anything.

Mom, on the other hand, started questioning me. It was two days after Christmas when she suddenly called me out in the kitchen to “help her” doing the dishes. Little did I know, she started to seriously ask me about what’s going on between Suzanne and I.

Apparently, she unintentionally heard our conversation over the telephone one time. She heard the “I love you’s” and everything. In the end, I decided to just tell her the truth since lying in that situation won’t do me any good. So now, only mom knows my relationship with her.

She asked me why I was keeping it a secret so I told her the whole story. From the time Ben met her until the time we confessed to each other. She was shocked, like very shocked that she dropped what she was holding and walked in front of me. She asked what I put myself into.

The fact is, I also asked myself that but what's done is done. There’s no turning back as I love Suzanne so much.

She wasn’t against Suzanne but she was against me, potentially betraying the friendship Ben and I built all these years. If this situation ends up doing Ben any harm, Ben’s trust over my family will also be affected. And the fact that our family has known each other longer than the years of my friendship with Ben, everything just seemed so bad.

*flashback*

“How can both of you like the same girl?” She asked in dismay that day.

“Mom, please. Don’t tell anyone about this, especially Ben. I don’t know what I am supposed to do.

“You are like brothers. He even celebrated Christmas with us two days ago. Do you imagine how heartbroken he would be if he learned the truth?” Mom replied.

“Can’t you just support me and Suzanne mom? I asked.

“You know how much I love and support you, my son. But I don’t feel good about this. No matter what angle you look at, it was just wrong. Yes, let’s say that Ben and Suzanne weren't in a relationship so technically, you did nothing wrong. But August, your best friend liked her for years up until now so it may seem that you disrespected your friendship. Ben is like your own brother. And not only that, Ben trusted you. He put so much trust in you because he knows that you will never do this kind of thing, my son. If Ben did the same to you, what would you feel? I’m very sorry but I just can’t make out any reason on how to accept this.”

I sighed and sat on one of the chairs in the dining room. I fixed my eyes on the vase on the center of the table. I know she is looking at me but I just can’t face my mom at this moment. Mom wouldn’t say it but I know she’s disappointed in me. Well, if dad finds out about this, it will be much worse than this.

“This is serious stuff, August. Think more and make sure you make the right decision. Not that I’m pressuring you but please think of the people around you. I really like Suzanne, so much that she’s already like my own daughter. I’ve always been skeptical about the two of you and I told myself that if the time comes that you’ll properly bring her home as your girlfriend, I’ll gladly accept her. But when you said the thing about Ben, I can’t help but feel guilty. I was the first one to push you two to become a couple even when Ben was there. Think about how awkward and jealous he felt that time. I feel so sorry for him.” Mom told me and came back to washing the dishes.

If mom knows what’s been happening to Ben these past few years, I certainly know that she will stop my relationship with Suzanne right at this moment.

First of all, she’s far ahead in life so she definitely knows better than her selfish son. Second, Ben and Suzanne are like her own children, especially Ben who she had known from the day he was born. And third, I’m just a bad person all in all, in general.

She’s right with everything she said. My only rebuttal is that I love Suzanne and Suzanne loves me too. Will that be enough as an argument? No, I know.

I buried my face on my arms that were resting on the table. I feel so weak and defeated even though the fight hasn’t started yet. I can’t blame my mom for what I am feeling right now though.

I’m sure Ben will understand… But am I really sure?

*end of flashback*

Anyway, despite mom’s suggestion that I should think through this matter more seriously, whenever I talk to Suzanne over the phone, I seem to forget every hindrance our relationship is going through.

All I know is that I love her. She might not be my first girlfriend but I’ve only felt this way with her. I’m confident that I truly love her from the bottom of my heart.

I know this because of many reasons. I know you are in love with someone when I realize that I want and need to see her no matter what. When there is this feeling that her smile is the most precious thing to me. When I just cannot take her off my mind, especially when I am alone at night. When everything is quiet and she suddenly crosses my mind. The way she smiles that makes my everyday complete, the way her hair falls off her shoulder, her eyes when looking at mine, all those little things she does that I just want to see everyday.

When I am happy whenever I’m with her then I don't realize how quickly time passed. When I have to make sacrifices, no matter how small or big, just to be with her.

There is just that sense of belongingness when I’m with Suzanne. Other than being my lover, she’s like a best friend to me.

I realized one night that the feeling of love has a side effect. To actually love, requires a cost and a price. And it is quite obvious right now what this love will cost me and I don't know how I’ll pay the price of it.

Is the price of this love worth the cost that I’m about to pay? Will this love stay forever for me to give up one very important thing in my life? The two only questions that stay and bug my mind for quite a while now.

But as of the moment, there’s one thing that I know for sure, for Suzanne, I’ll do everything.

To be continued…

***

Author’s note:

Hello guys! How are you doing today? I hope all of you are safe and are in good health. I’m really sorry for updating the chapters quite often. I tend to add more words to uploaded chapters every night because I want to achieve a monthly bonus. But rest assured! I am giving everything I could to provide you with high quality chapters every day although there are delays in my chapters. Your understanding is greatly appreciated. Lovelots!! <3