The Last Letter

54

Chapter LIV

“Why haven’t you told me anything about this Ben?” I asked as soon as he stopped speaking.

I was actually a little mad that he’s been keeping this all to himself. I know that I was not in the position to nag him in telling me about his family matters but Ben always knew what was going on with my family. I just wished he did the same for me. If I knew about this, I would’ve been a better friend. It makes me so bad about myself. Ben is like a family to me. Little did I know, he was suffering and I didn’t know anything about it.

I grew up knowing the Fernandez family as like any other family, happy and supportive. I remembered Ben was jumping up and down in front of me when he was also accepted into our university. The day after, he was so gloomy and he told me that he was feeling sick because his family celebrated all night. His dad supported him like a really good father during his games and was interviewed numerous times for his son’s achievement. It makes me sick that he is wearing a mask all this time. But what’s more upsetting and sad for me is how Ben kept this all these years, without asking anyone for help.

“I just… didn’t want to worry anyone about my family matters. I’m really sorry.” Ben looked at me and smiled.

I avoided his gaze and sat straight to my seat. I drank my beer until its last drop. It spilled over my mouth but I didn’t care.

“I’m sorry, August. You have your own troubles so I didn’t want to bother you.”

I took a deep breath and didn’t answer him.

“Don’t be insensitive August. It is not his responsibility to report everything to you.” Aries said that made me look at both of them.

“I just cared about him, Aries, so much actually. I didn’t want him to report, I just wanted him to at least tell me some of his problems instead of keeping it all to himself. What’s the use of 10+ years of friendship if it’s not mutual.”

“What do you mean our friendship is not mutual? Look here, It took me a lot of courage just to tell everything today. I am really grateful to be here and I want to take a load off my chest even just for this time. You know me for how many years, I’m full of secrets!”

I rolled my eyes and looked at the flames that were roaring in front of us as the tension built up.

“Don’t fight, you two.” Aries said in a serious voice.

It suddenly became quiet. You can even hear the wind and cricket sound around. It went like that for a while before Aries broke the silence between us three.

“I know how frustrated you may feel now, August but what you feel is far less than what Ben feels right now. Both of you have done something wrong to each other. One keeps so many secrets while one is insensitive and lacks observation.” He paused. “Come on. Let’s just celebrate Christmas without feeling any stress. And to you Ben, continue to be strong. I hope your father will soon realize how great of a son you are. For now at least, don’t mind them.”

“Sorry again, August.” Ben said and in my peripheral vision, I can see that he was looking at me. I just nodded instead of speaking. I still feel frustrated but what Aries said is right. This is nothing compared to what Ben feels all this time. I am not promising anything but I think I can’t fully enjoy Christmas without any stress. This revelation alone is making me feel so bad already.

Fast forward, we drank and drank as the night progressed. Ben leads all the conversation and at this time, I kind of let off my mind the things we talked about earlier. But I still kinda feel awkward towards Ben. I wasn’t even looking at him all throughout the night.

We talked about something light then we’ll go deep just like any other drunk moments. We would even talk about something unimaginable and is out of this world kind of topics. The funny thing is, we will take it seriously and we all have something to say about the matter.

I wasn’t directly answering Ben's questions during our conversation but our talk went smooth despite that.

“I have a question. I have this friend that I just met somewhere. He likes someone but he was so scared to pursue her, thinking of the possible rejection. Despite his fear, he was still planning for his confession and he might do it soon. But then one day, he overheard his parents talking about an arranged marriage between my friend and some girl he never even met once. What could my friend do? He is getting sick of how cruel this world is. He sometimes thinks of ending his miseries by ending everything.” Ben said.

“I think he’s brave but is also a coward at the second thought. It takes a lot of courage to face everyday knowing about uncertainties you might face in any minute. But for me personally, he should confess. Even if it might go downhill. But at least, he tried. And if ever there was a chance for the one he likes and him, then he should talk it out to his parents. He's a coward because ending things or something like a suicide is never a solution to any problem.” my brother said which I agree with.

I just looked at them while they were talking it out. I’m quite dizzy so there wasn’t anything that came to mind that I might suggest. Is arranged marriage still relevant these days? I haven’t heard anything like this before.

“It wasn’t that simple. What if his parents made up their minds and did not want to listen?” Ben asked.

“I don’t believe that they won’t listen. But if that parents thingy happens and their feelings are still mutual, then elope. There are plenty of ways to live and earn money. As long as both of them are together, that’s what matters the most.”

“I agree.” I said and raised my hand. “If they love each other, that’s not a problem. But then again, on second thought, I don’t agree with Aries’ suggestion of eloping. Think about what the girl he likes will feel about that.” I said but I was staring at the bonfire.

“Eloping is their last resort though. But yeah, I agree. It must be done mutually.” Aries said and nodded.

“But then again… what if she rejects him? And he’s left alone without any choice but to agree and marry the one who was set up with him?” Ben asked again.

“If your friend doesn't really want to marry, he should work right now to sustain his needs. I suggest running away from his home.”

“Aries, how come your suggestions are leaning towards rebelling? He should talk it out first with his parents and the girl’s parents to come up with a possible resolution. If that won’t work, then leave the country and never come back.” I suggested.

“I think that was kind of the same brother. In reality, parents are kind of more stubborn than children. And based on the information, Ben’s friend came from a wealthy family to do an arranged marriage. That stuff was only for wealthy families, based on the dramas I’ve seen on TV.”

“I know right. Arranged marriages are so out of style and trend. Like are we still living in the 18th century?” I said and chuckled.

I heard a loud sigh coming from Ben. He crossed his arms and looked like he was thinking carefully.

“Why so serious? Is your friend even real or are you thinking about making a novel?” Aries asked jokingly.

“I also wish it was all a joke. But it’s real and it’s not easy.” Ben sighed again for the second time.

“That sucks. To never have your life tied to someone else’s you never even know because of some family matters. What’s even harder is your friend can’t even live his life the way he wants to.” Looking up to the sky above us. There were no stars or whatsoever. It was just a dark violet to black color but somehow, it felt comforting. Sooner, the sun will rise. Ironic it is but I think sunrise is a good way to end our dawn drinking. I wish I am still in my normal self when the sun rises as I want to witness it on a special day.

“Wow deep thoughts! Why? Do you have a girlfriend?” Aries asked and elbowed me.

I just rolled my eyes at him and rested my back on the chair. Don’t tell me that I’m going through another hurdle of hiding that I am indeed in a relationship.

“But do both of you like someone? When I was your age, I’m not bragging but I probably had about 5 exes. I was, you know, kind of like a campus sweetheart.” He was smiling when I took a glance in my brother’s direction.

“That’s not even something to brag about.” I whispered. Thankfully, Aries didn’t hear me. He was still immersed in thinking about his university days and his exes during that time. He also met his current girlfriend in college and they are still going strong until now. She’s nice and my family likes her so much.

I don’t know how to answer his question of us liking someone. Ben too was not saying anything.

I closed my eyes for a second since I now feel exhausted and sleepy. I am certainly not drunk because I only had a couple of cans of beer. Meanwhile, the other two drank a lot, especially Aries. I was quite surprised that both of them are still in good condition.

After what seemed like minutes of closing my eyes, I heard a loud thud which somewhat woke me up.

To be continued…