Love Kush - Beginnin'

Grown without a Father

You may need a father to learn how you grow your son, what values you put in your son and how to treat your son in a way that he respects you & your opinions. You also need to moralize him, motivate him, cheer & get him up, even if he falls with his own mistakes, you got to give him a hand to let him get up physically, emotionally and morally as well so that he may never fall again. Understand him; Listen to him; Hide his mistakes in front of people who ain't worth knowing about him, rather than complaining for his mistakes in front of anyone. Scold him personally, beat him up when he’s mistaken, but with mercy. Talk with so much love that he gets to know the concern hidden in your scolding as well.

Put him into situations where he's supposed to grow old and mature, just so he’s not irritated and pissed off of your warps & scolding all the time. Put him into situations where he keeps on trying to satisfy you, get him opportunities where he's going to succeed easily and feels victorious on his dad's name.

                                          But no, I haven't received any such love that I expected. I've been just seeking my father to love me like a father does, he's been my friend who always required me but rather than letting me realize how much he needs me, he always betrayed  me as a parent and was always letting me know that I ain't a good son in anyway & used to kick me out, for me getting separated of my studies was the biggest heartache of my life full of ache; That was the time when I wanted my father to hold my back, but that was a situation of complete malaise, but no matter whatever happens, A father must stand aside you like, he's The Only Savior.

            My father grievously lost his father at just the age of 5, when he didn't even have enough aptitude to know what has happened. To realize that he's got to have built a strengthened hold on his little shoulders to grow up with. He eventually managed to build a life with enough strength that managed the whole damn family, got literate and got her four elder sisters married. My father had an inspirational role in my family, but he's never had to grow kids, and never had to see his father nor mother to know how difficult the job of parenting actually is.

            The job of parenting gets tougher when your kid isn't an ordinary one. Very few of the guys at their teenage have to face enmity of people who couldn't find a way to have a better status or friends like my father’s. Some be jealous of him and assumed him as their rival. I've been a guy dealing with so many rivals myself, can imagine what my father had to face while growing up in that spooky town. Few people burnt from me for no reason whilst I got some of them a proper reason to hate on me, people ain't growing without haters anyway, but my haters were so hell bent on hating me, I can’t even fathom.

They once kept ready radar to capture me alone in it and then gang bang my ass; it had happened thrice with me in my teenage and even I fought back but even after I got hurt for so many times, I never in my life logged a police complaint, and neither I liked to tell anyone but my scars eventually told everything. I ain't needy for no help nor I ever asked for it but how my father reacted to that was quite loathing and heartbreaking but how my friends reacted to that was so full of love dammit. My father said to me "I hate to see your face", while my friends only asked "Who did it to you?". I never told them, but their intelligent sources revealed it in a few days, then later I got to know that one of the people who did all this to me is hospitalized recently. It was a moment where tears of joy were in my eyes.

Either way, those words he said never made me hate my father, In fact that hatred in him pushed me apart these silly s**t I indulged in, Now that I'm tolerant I say sorry even when I ain't mistaken, Cause it’s a no to each fight. I never wanted to fight anyone anymore; all I wanted was peace for my entire life.

        I'm way too into leading myself to conclusions that make me only happier; It’s my trick to jump to a positive conclusion if ever I’m being hated I’ll tell myself that the hater wants to be me let’s let him channel his hate to be a better man that I am. Thus I'm never ever sad in my life. Just so happy always that people get envious of my happiness, which is not okay.

“If you wanna be victorious, You can’t be envious”

 I never wanted such envy, But what can I do. I'm happy with my father too, but sad in a way about that he barely treated me like a father should, because it’s okay as I understood that he's grown without a father.