ONLY TIME WILL TELL

IV: Safe

Maggie brings her to their pantry-s***h-arsenal that’s guarded by a bigger woman named Olivia who seemed way too nice to Jolene. Olivia is plump, with long black hair and glasses, wearing a long skirt and a blouse. How did these people survive? she thinks to herself. Olivia provides her with a box and enough food to last her a week, maybe longer. Jo is dumbfounded with the amount of supplies they have and even considers what she might be able to get away with, but thinks better of it. Rick and Daryl did not seem like the men to be pissing off.

“This should get you through for a while.” says Olivia, handing her the supplies. “Looks like you could use some nutrition.” she says, smiling at Jolene. She half-smiles in response and turns to leave with Maggie.

“Do you have a weapon?” asks Maggie while they are still at the pantry. She has quite the southern accent, Jo notes. Jolene had never picked up an accent when she lived in Georgia.

“I have a semi-automatic and a knife, but no ammo.” Jo responds.

Maggie considers this and tells her “We have ammo for the gun, but we’ll have to wait ‘til we trust you before I can give you any. Rick’ll give the go ahead when he thinks ya are.”

“Rick’s a real tight ass huh?” says Jo without thinking. Olivia chuckles, but turns around to hide it.

“He does what he has to so we can survive.” says Maggie seriously, turning on her heels and heading through the door. Whoops, thinks Jo, wrong person to joke with. She shuts up and just follows Maggie back outside.

“We’ll head back to your housin’ so you can drop off yer supplies and then I’ll give you the full tour.” Maggie tells her.

“Sorry if I offended you...about Rick...” says Jo, trying to placate her as they walk back to her house a few blocks across the street.

“No, I’m sorry...yer new here and I just get a little over-emotional these days. Had a lot of trouble the last few weeks. Probably shouldn’t be tellin’ you, but guess I don’ want you to think everythin’ is flowers and sunshine.” Maggie replies.

“Are you Judith’s mother? The baby? Are you Rick’s wife or something?” Jolene asks her, unable to contain her curiosity.

“What? Oh, no...Lori...Rick’s wife...she died a while back givin’ birth.” she tells her.

“Ah. I’m sorry.” she responds.

“‘S alrigh’ no way for you to know. If you have any questions yer welcome to ask. We all have a lotta history together so if you ever wanna know something just let me know.” Maggie says to her earnestly. 

“Thanks. I’m sure it would take me a while to learn everything so I’ll stick with just knowing where everything is for now.” she says, smirking and shrugging her shoulders.

“Well, we can’t survive without people now so I hope yer able to get to know us.” Maggie says.

Jo thinks about her statement and was conflicted. She didn’t feel like she needed anybody anymore. She had people before and it didn’t work out. Hell they have people here and things are still bad. At least by herself she wasn’t responsible for anything but her own survival. She was good at hiding and could climb a tree pretty easily in a tight spot, she had done it a time or two. For a while she had a dog that kept her company and helped to protect her, but she lost her during a storm and had to find shelter fast. Stupid dog was always wandering off to search for food; rats and other small animals. Jo kinda missed her now…

“So how’re you likin’ it here?” asks Maggie, pulling Jolene out of her reverie.

“Seems like a good place. Interesting to see old faces…” she says absentmindedly.

“Old faces? Who do you know?” asks Maggie.

Fuck, she thinks. “Uh, Daryl? I met him years ago...feels like centuries.” says Jolene as they walk up the front porch of her house.

“Really?!” asks Maggie astonished. “I didn’t think anybody knew him from before, ‘cept Merle o’course...how did you meet?”

As they walk in the front door Jolene takes a minute to think of how to answer her. She doesn’t like talking about her past...especially to people she just met. If she didn’t think she might get locked up she wouldn’t have told Rick anything. She looks straight ahead as she answers her, “We met when I was probably four years old, right after his Mom died. I honestly don’t think he remembers me.” As they get to the kitchen she sets the box of supplies on the counter and realizes that she is starving. Her stomach gives off a noticeable growl.

“Oh, I’m sorry, you must be starvin’!” says Maggie. “Did ya want to eat somethin’ before we leave?”

“I’ll just take one of these protein bars.” she says, taking one out of the box and unwrapping it. She scarfs it down quickly so they can be on their way. She didn’t even notice what it tasted like, as she was anxious to see how big the place was and find the best ways of escape.

“There’s bottles of water in the fridge.” Maggie says to her.

Jolene goes to the fridge and sees that it is stocked with bottles of water. She takes one out and gulps it down then reaches in and grabs another one to take with her. Maggie gives a little chuckle, prompting Jo to apologize. “Sorry, I’ve been rationing for some time and haven’t had a lot of water.”

Maggie raises a hand and tells her, “O’course. No need to be sorry. I completely understand.” 

They walk back outside into the hot summer afternoon and Maggie takes her around the town. Jo is grateful that Daryl does not come up again. She really didn’t like to be reminded of what was.

As they walk around Jolene sees that the walls are miles long and wrap around the entire neighborhood. They’re steel reinforced wood paneling with only one gate. Maggie shows her where the infirmary is located and explains their guard towers and how the watch system works. They have 24/7 guards, which could be a problem, but she thinks it will be easy to slip past them. Maggie shows her the church where they hold service and their town meetings. She introduces her to a priest named Gabriel who is in charge of the upkeep of the church.

Then she shows her where they are expanding their walls and the location of their solar panels. It seems to Jolene that the walls are less reinforced here as they are expanding and people are going in and out. She meets Abraham and finds him to be one of the more interesting people she’s met so far, especially since he was a military man himself. He’s a big hulking ginger with a thick red handlebar mustache and an awful sense of humor. He sizes her up when they meet. “So yer gonna help with some a the heavy liftin’ huh?” he asks her. He had to look down to her which was impressive being that she was around 5’ 8”, which means he must easily clear 6 feet tall. 

“Seems that way.” she says. He looks around and goes to one of the steel panels lying on the ground. He lifts it easily and brings it over to her. “How ‘bout this Drill Sergeant?” he asks her. What a f*****g asshole. Jo thinks to herself.

Maggie tries to protest, “Abraham, she just got here, she’s probably exhausted right now.”

“It’s ok.” says Jolene, not afraid of a challenge. She takes both sides of the panel and feels the weight before Abraham lets it go. She lifts it and while it wasn’t light, she carries it back to where it was behind him and drops it on the ground fairly easily. “Well a’right.” Abraham says. “We’ll start tomorrow mornin’ Wonder woman.” Jolene can’t help but contain a chuckle and gives him a smile as Maggie and her turn to go. “I’ll see you then carrot top. Be sure to address that attitude when I get back.” she replies sternly. He laughs at her as they walk away. 

As they head back to Jolene’s house, she considers how easily she could see herself staying with these people. Most of them were very friendly and it was clear that they have their s**t figured out, with the guard system, the expansion, the organization. She was really impressed by it. No, you can’t put your roots down here. You have to keep moving. Remember what happened before, she thinks to herself. Right, better to stay away. 

“So, what did you think?” Maggie asks her as they walk back. 

Jo takes a moment to think of a good response. “Well, I have to admit I am impressed. Your group really seems to have things figured out.” (for now) she thinks. 

“Yeah, it has been a rough road, but we’re pretty proud of what we’ve been able ta do. I only hope it gets better from here.” 

Famous last words, Jo thinks. “I’m sure it will.” she says.

 When they reach her house Jolene walks up the porch, but Maggie stays down below.

“We’re just three houses down from you, my husband Glenn and I, so if you need anythin’ just come on by. Did ya have any questions right now?” Maggie asks her.

Jo shakes her head no. She was starting to feel drained from all the information.

“Ok. Well, feel free to explore and if you need anything we’ll be nearby.” Maggie says and she turns to leave.

Jolene takes a moment to watch Maggie go back to her home around the corner and stands on the porch for a couple of minutes, just taking in her surroundings. She was still a little dumbfounded by it all: the walls, the people, the supplies, running water, electricity…

Feeling exhausted she turns and heads back inside. Once inside she locks the front door and goes to the back door to make sure it’s locked there too. She comes back to the living room and lies down on the couch. It was stiff, but comfortable. She continues to lay there staring at the ceiling contemplatively. Her mind wanders back to Daryl again. 

His blue eyes and steely gaze gave her butterflies. He had grown his shaggy brown hair pretty long since she last saw him and he had a pretty scraggly goatee with hints of gray. She wonders what happened to his brother...they were inseparable when she last saw him, his excuse for staying in Georgia and not leaving with her to Pennsylvania. Maggie had mentioned Merle, that was his name. Something must have happened to him, maybe she’ll ask Daryl tomorrow. She wonders if Daryl might consider being with her for a night, but she shakes her head trying to clear it of her dirty thoughts. Before she knows it she falls into a deep, dreamless sleep.

She’s startled awake by a loud banging. Somebody knocking on the door, her mind finally deciphers. She stumbles off the couch and bangs her knee into the coffee table. “f**k!” she grunts. She could barely get her surroundings as the sun had gone down hours ago and it was pitch black in the house. She stumbles and feels her way to the front door, unlocks it and flings it open. “Yeah?” she says absentmindedly while rubbing her banged right knee. Finally she looks up and Daryl is standing in front of her biting his inner bottom lip. “You okay?” he asks her in his low rough voice.

Fuck, why is he always coming around at the worst f*****g time?! She thinks. “Yeah...uh...just woke me up is all. What’s going on?” she says covering her mouth to suppress a yawn. Her sleeves had rolled down as she slept so they were hanging over her hands. 

Daryl was surprised to see her so disheveled. Clearly, he must have woken her up. Her hair was falling in front of her face and the shirt she was wearing today was now hanging loosely on her torso, the sleeves hanging past her hands. Even like this he still wanted her. Shut up, he tells himself. 

“Rick called a meeting and wants you there.” he says briskly.

“This late? Why? Am I in trouble already?” she asks him with a hint of worry.

“Not yet.” he says smirking and c*****g his head to the side. It was surprising to see him smile. It made her blood pressure spike. He turns, walks down the porch and turns again to face her. He gestures for her to follow, but she has no idea what she looks like right now. She kneels down quickly to pretend to tie her shoe and makes sure that her knife it still in her boot. It is so she gets up, runs a hand through her hair quickly to smooth it out, and then walks down the porch after him.

“Are we going to the church?” she asks as they walk.

“Yeah.” he says in response. She liked his strong, silent attitude. As they walk Jo pushes her hair back from her face compulsively. It has been a while since she’s let it down and it was getting way too long for her liking. Daryl glances at her beside him and once again feels a compelling urge to help her out of her oversized clothes, but turns his focus forward again in concentration. Jolene looks at him to her right and decides to just ask him.

“So, where’s Merle?” she asks awkwardly.

He chances another glance at her and takes a minute to think of how to respond, worried he might expose his feelings, still missing his brother. “He died” he finally says stoically.

“Oh. God. Daryl, I’m so sorry...I can’t believe...shit...” she responds, feeling terrible for even bringing him up. She touches his arm in a condolence and he flinches away from her. “Sorry.” she says automatically. 

“S’fine.” he grunts at her. 

Jo feels embarrassed as her eyes tear up slightly from the news of his brother’s death. 

He angles his head up and he looks at her, gazing at her from under his eyelashes and again he is biting his inner lower lip, furrowing his brow. Jolene notices that it must be something he does habitually when he is analyzing a person or a problem. She had an urge just then to kiss him for some reason, but she couldn’t figure out why. Maybe it was the look he gave her, the guilt she felt at bringing up his brother, his lip chewing or just the lack of physical intimacy that she missed. Daryl looks down and then forward again as they continue to walk, a thick air now between them.

“What happened?” she asks him, too curious to stop herself. Merle was the reason, after all, that Daryl didn’t want to leave with her. 

“What does it matter? He's gone.” Daryl replies frustrated. He knows why she is asking and he resents her for it. Of course he wasn’t going to leave his brother, especially when he wasn’t guaranteed anything in return. 

It was right after she graduated from High School. She was only 16 and he was 22. He was rarely in town in those days, having ran away from his father with his brother. Jolene was getting ready to go to college at University of Pennsylvania who offered a partial scholarship so she could afford it. She was in her room and heard a knock on the window. It was Daryl. She hadn’t seen him in months. 

She ran over to the window smiling. He was like an older brother in those days. She opened the window and he stumbled through, seemingly drunk. “What are you doing here?” she asked him in a whisper. Her Mom was sleeping in the other room and wouldn’t like him sneaking in. 

“I heard yer leavin’...that right?” He asked, standing up awkwardly and righting himself. 

“Where...how did you find out? I didn't even know you were in town!” She said, punching him lightly on the arm. 

“Yep, been here long enough to hear from some high school shits that you would be gone tomorrow. So is that true?” He asks, squinting at her slightly, trying to keep her in focus. 

She paused and looked at him a moment before responding, “Yeah I'm going to Pennsylvania... got a scholarship out there you know, in journalism.” She answered a little somber since she knew this would be the last time she might see him. 

“Good! You need to get out of this shithole. Get far away from here Jo. This place will kill you.” Daryl told her while sitting on her bed against the wall. 

She sat down next to him. “What about you? What’re you going to do?” she asked him leaning back on the bed.

“Me? Pfft. Don’t worry about me. I got Merle...I’m good.” he told her absentmindedly looking away from her. 

“Yeah? Merle huh?” She thought for a moment. “Hey, I have an idea...How about you come with me?” She asked him happily leaning up and turning to face him. 

“What?! Yeah right Jo. What the f**k would I do up in Pennsylvania? I didn’t graduate, I can’t pay fer shit...No...I gotta stay here.” he told her. 

“Well...you could live with me...we could be like roommates. I could get a place off campus…” she tried to tell him. 

“No, Jo don’t you worry about me. Okay? I gotta stay here for my brother. We’re partners...he can’t do s**t without me.” he responded.  

“But…” she started to say putting her head down and looking at her hands in her lap. “What if I never see you again?” 

Daryl reached over and lifted her head to look at him. She closed her eyes, trying to hold back her tears. “Open yer eyes girl, look at me.” he told her. She obliged and one tear ran down her face. As he wiped it away he told her, “It would be a good thing if you never saw me again...you are gonna do great things....things that you do not need me for. I have to stay here...for my brother.” Finally he let her chin go and she took the opportunity to throw her arms around his neck in a hug. He sighed, but returned it easily. 

Jolene starts to loosen her grip and as they start to part she took the opportunity and kissed him. It was awkward and brief, being her first kiss and not his. He had his hands at her waist and hers were on his neck. He sighed as he reached up and removed her hands from his neck and placed them on her lap. 

“What the f**k Jo?” he asked her angrily. “What the f**k are you thinkin’, huh?!” he asked as he stood up and started pacing, biting his inner lip. 

“Nothin’...I just thought...maybe you were just too scared to...to admit how you feel.” she responded. 

“Are you f*****g insane?! No. No...Jo I am not scared...I just don’t feel anything like that...for you.” he told her. The words cut through her like daggers and she felt an ache in her chest. “How could you think I would feel that way fer you? Huh? Why tha f**k…?” he continued.

“Alright. M’sorry, okay? Just drop it.” she told him, her ego bruised. “I have something for you. Would you open it now?” she asked him as she reached under the bed and produced a gift box wrapped in newspaper. 

He sighed again, scowling at her in anger, but he took the box from her and ripped open the package. Inside was a motorcycle vest with wings stitched onto the back. “I made it for you.” she said. “To remember your Mom, ya know? I thought you might like to wear it.” 

Daryl continued to scowl looking at the vest he gave her. He didn’t want her to know how much he cared about her at the time. “You know I can’t wear this right?” he asked her. “This is something only experienced riders wear.” 

“You will be. I mean you don’t get to ride all the time, but you will. Right?” he asked her as he started walking away from her to the window he came from. Jolene stood up because she didn’t want him to leave angry with her.

“Maybe Merle could wear it. I’ll give it to him…” Daryl said as he opened the window to leave. 

“Wait!” Jolene said as she wrapped her arms around him from behind. “I’m sorry, okay? Please don’t leave angry.” 

Daryl pushed her off and turned around to face her for the last time. “Forget about me... I mean it. Just forget I was here. I swear if I find out you didn’t go I will beat the s**t out of you.” he said sternly. She knew he would never raise a hand to her, he never had, but she also knew that she did not want to mess with him. He left through the window and was sure to close it behind him. Jolene watched him leave, then threw herself on the bed, crying. It was one of the last times she would cry for anybody or anything. 

Daryl stops as they arrive at the church and opens the door for her. While she appreciated his chivalry, she was getting a little bit tired of it. She had always been independent, she hated people doing things for her, but she brushes it off and goes inside.

The meeting is already in full swing and Rick looks up as they enter from the back of the church. The other Alexandrians are sitting in pews facing him. Some turn around when they hear the door while others are still listening attentively. Jolene takes a seat in the very back by herself and Daryl goes up to the front row and sits down next to Abraham. There were a lot of people there that she didn’t know yet…

It seems that Rick is just finishing with some information about the construction of the walls, how it will be expanded and how long it might take. Then he looks back to Jolene and addresses everybody, “We have a new resident. Everybody please welcome Jolene, Jo.” he gestures to her in the back and everybody turns around to look at her, except Daryl who stays facing forward. She feels her face get hot and feels flush, but she lifts her hand in a wave. “She will be staying in the guest house until we know where to place her. She’ll be working with Abraham for a while and then Daryl. If anybody has any problems come see me.” he takes a beat to look around the room. Jo is embarrassed beyond belief, but is glad that her intro is over. Rick concludes the meeting then and the group disperses.

Some come up to her and introduce themselves, but she doesn’t remember them all as they shake her hand. Tobin, Spencer, Tara were some of the names she caught, but there were many more that she can’t remember. She also got to meet Aaron’s boyfriend, Eric, who she thought was really nice. She was surprised about the ease of their relationship. Finally the church clears out and she is still standing at the back a little bit dazed. Daryl is standing up at the front talking to Rick about something. She turns to leave, but Rick calls to her.

She turns around and Daryl is walking in her direction. Rick says from across the room, “Let Daryl walk you back.”

“Ok.” she replies confused. Is she being chaperoned on purpose or is there something else going on? She wonders.

“Come on” Daryl grunts to her. Clearly he didn’t want to be the chaperone. 

“I can find my way.” she says as they get outside. “It’s a straight shot down the one road in town. You don’t have to come with me.” she says matter-of-factly. 

He doesn’t say anything, but continues walking with her. He gives her a look that says she was stuck with him. 

“Fine, but could you stop making me feel like such a burden? If you’re stuck with me you could make me feel a little bit more welcome. I’m not asking for theatrics, but maybe just a neutral response, if that’s possible?” 

Shit, was I really being that rude?, Daryl thinks. He was just over-concentrating so much on trying to hide his feelings that he didn’t realize he was being such a d**k. He looks at her pensively. “What’d you have in mind?” he asks. 

“We don’t have to talk or anything. Maybe just treat me like you would...a lamp. I’m there, but you have no particular feeling about me, good or bad. How’s that?” she says. 

“A lamp?” he responds. He has a hard time containing his smirk. “Okay, I guess I could do that.” A f*****g sexy lamp, he thinks to himself. 

“Thank you” Jolene says to him reaching up and touching his bicep in response. He flinches slightly at her touch and Jolene immediately regrets doing it as now all she wants is for him to f**k her right there in the street. The electricity between their bodies was so heavy that she has a hard time not touching him. But thankfully, she drops her arm and they continue to walk back to her house in silence, the air between them thick with ‘what-ifs.’

Daryl leads her back to her new home and upon reaching her front porch she suddenly has a really stupid thought. Rather than think it through she goes with her gut: “Daryl could you possibly stay with me tonight, here?” She blurts out, turning to face him. He almost runs into her.