The divorced wife

chapter 4

Chapter 4: Too Late to Ask

Amelia pov

Somebody was saying my name. Far off at first.

"Mrs. Kingston?"

"Amelia, can you hear me?"

My eyes wouldn't open right away. Felt like they were glued shut almost. And for a second, just a second, I had no clue where I was. Then it hit me all at once, like cold water. The office. Victoria in that stupid white dress. The floor tilting under me.

I got my eyes open. Bright light overhead, that ugly fluorescent kind. I was on some narrow bed, the company clinic probably, I figured that out before I even sat up.

Lily was right there next to me. The second she saw my eyes were open she just let out this breath, this huge shaky breath, like she'd been holding it the whole time.

"Oh thank God."

"What" my throat was so dry, my own voice barely came out. "What happened?"

"You collapsed."

"I didn't collapse." I don't know why that was the thing I argued about first.

"You basically did." She had her arms crossed but her eyes were red a little. She'd been crying, or close to it. "You scared me. You scared everybody out there."

I tried to sit up. Too fast, probably.

"I'm fine."

"You are not fine."

Right then the door opened and this doctor came in with a clipboard, older guy, kind eyes.

"Well," he said, "look who decided to join us."

"I already told them I'm fine."

He actually laughed a little at that. "Everybody says that."

He did the blood pressure thing, wrote something down without really looking at me, then he did look at me.

"Sleeping alright?"

"Not really."

"Eating?"

I paused a beat too long before I said, "I eat."

And Lily, from the corner, just goes, "She drinks coffee."

I gave her a look. She didn't even flinch.

The doctor smiled like he already knew the answer. "I'll ask one more time. Are you actually eating?"

"...Not as much as I should be, no."

He wrote that down too. Didn't even look surprised.

"You're exhausted. Dehydrated. Your body's trying to tell you something."

"I've been under a lot lately."

"I'm sure." He looked right at me over his glasses. "But that's not a reason to just ignore yourself completely."

"I have a whole company that needs me."

"It'll survive a day without you."

I sighed, this long tired sigh. "I can't just disappear."

"Nobody's asking you to disappear." He handed me water. "I'm asking you to stop running yourself into the ground."

I took it. Didn't say anything.

"I want to run some blood work too, if you don't mind."

Something in my chest tightened at that. "Blood work? Why?"

"Just to rule a few things out."

"It's stress. I know it's stress."

"Could be." He didn't push it, just gave me this look that wasn't quite a yes and wasn't quite a no. "Could be something else too."

I didn't answer that. Honestly I didn't want to think about it. I had too much sitting on my shoulders already the company, the divorce, Chris, all of it I didn't have room in my head for blood tests on top of everything else.

He signed me off, handed the papers to Lily.

"She can go home."

"I could go back to work," I said.

Both of them looked at me at the exact same time.

"No."

Said it together, like they'd planned it. I actually laughed. First time in two days I laughed for real.

"Fine," I said. "Home it is."

Maybe forty minutes later I was walking out with my bag, Lily next to me still fussing.

"Let someone drive you home."

"I can drive myself."

"You always say that."

"Because it's usually true."

She stopped in the hallway. Just stopped walking, and I stopped too because I had to.

"Mrs. Kingston." Her voice went really quiet. "You don't have to do all of this alone, you know."

I almost cried right there. In the hallway. In front of my own assistant. My eyes actually stung for a second.

I smiled instead. "I know."

That wasn't true. I didn't know how to do it any other way. Nobody ever showed me how.

We got in the elevator, doors starting to close, and then I heard it footsteps, running almost, coming down the hall behind us.

"Amelia!"

I froze up completely.

Chris.

I turned around. He was moving fast, faster than I'd ever seen him move in that building in three years. Tie half undone. Breathing hard, like he'd run the whole way from his office.

For one second his face looked scared..

"What happened?" He got right up close. "Are you okay?"

I just looked at him. That fear on his face, it looked so real.

It almost got me.

Almost.

Then it all came rushing back the study, four words, his voice on the phone that morning going soft for somebody else and whatever almost got me just went cold again.

"I'm fine," I said, small, tired.

"Lily said you collapsed."

"I'm standing here, aren't I."

"What'd the doctor say?"

"Stress."

He didn't buy it. I could see he didn't buy it.

"You should rest."

"I will."

Neither one of us moved. Just stood there. This silence between us, and it felt like every other silence we'd had for three years, exact same shape.

The elevator chimed. Doors starting to shut.

I stepped in fully this time, and right as the gap got small, I looked at him one last time.

"You don't have to worry about me anymore, Chris."

His eyebrows went together. "What does that mean?"

I just held his eyes for that last second.

"You already got what you wanted."

Doors shut. Right between us.

And for the first time since that night in his study, I was the one leaving him standing there.