That's not who I am!

Chapter 16

LIAM'S POV

One second Jane's shaking like a leaf in my arms the next she is stood up so quickly I'm so shocked as she lifts her drink announcing she needs to be alone. I look at everyone in the room they look just as surpised but then my mum says calmly "Jane, honey. I think you should stay with us a little longer. Why don't you drink your hot chocolate first" but her voice sounds worried.

"No, I'm okay. I'll be back once I've had a moment to calm down" Jane says as she goes to exit the kitchen. I don't know if we should let Jane be alone right now.

"Jane, sit down and calm down first" Layla says also sounding unsure. I think we are all on the same page.

"No, no I'm fine honestly. Don't worry about me. I'm good" Jane says and we all know that's bullshit. Jane continues to to walk slowly towards the door as if we haven't noticed my dad who is close to the doors takes Jane's free hand that's still in cast gently and she jumps he notices but doesn't let go as he says "How are you going to calm down? What's going through your head answer me that and I'll let you go".

Jane looks down and she says "I'm going to take a nap, yeah a nap sounds good" I look at my dad then my mum and then Layla. We all know Jane can't sleep without me there. Her nap ain't happening. She is spiraling badly.

"A nap?" My dad asks "Yeah, I think ill sleep it all away" Jane says.

"I don't think your going for a nap sweetie. I think you know what your going to do. So I think you should think again. You can sit here with us until you have calmed down or you can tell me the truth. I won't be mad, we're going to help. But we all know you can't sleep alone. So your nap isn't just a little nap is it?" My dad says.

Jane stands and she thinks and she doesn't look at anyone. But her eyes scream so much pain and hurt. I can see she is conflict in her thoughts.

"Jane?" Layla says after a few minutes silence.

"Fine I want to go for a permentment nap. Are you happy now?" Jane says breaking down in tears as her feet give way. My dad catches her as the cup falls to the floor and smashes hot chocolate spilled everywhere she jumps but just crystal louder.

"I know and I'm not happy your hurting this badly. But I'm happy you choose correctly to tell us instead of just walking out this room. I know your be hating me right now as well for figuring out your plan and sabotaging it. I can live with that" My dad says and she grabs his shirt with her good hand the vape falls to the floor as my dad keeps her up right and she clings to him tighter breaking her heart. We all slowly make our way over.

Luke comes into the kitchen door way and see the scene.

"It's okay, go back to the window we got this" Layla says to him and he does. I know he feels bad, I know my parents and layla have this so I gi to join luke, because between us we need to come up with a damn plan to fix all this.. I need Jane to be okay.

"What happened?" Luke asks as we enter the room where the reindeer is still in the window. But Luke has cleared the glass up into a box that was on the floor.

"She's freaking out, she is spiralling and was about to go try end her life. Dad was the one brave enough to ask her basically outright. And well you saw the rest" I say

"Christmas was ment to help" Luke says punching the wall.

"I know. We need to come up with a solid plan. I'm not losing her" I say

"I'm not either! So what ideas do you have?" Luke asks.

"Other than quitting my Job until she is healed and staying by her side every second of every day u til this s**t blows over and my baby girl is happy again I'm out of ideas. I was hoping you would be the brains this time" I say

"Take a month, I can handle it all for the next month. Once she has the okay to fly she is having a damn hoilday!" Luke says

"I can't leave you in the lurk like that" I say

"You can, me and dad poundered the idea actually.. we wasn't sure you would want to. But he is happy to help out for as long at it takes" Luke says

"Okay, but when we do the hoilday chase is in charge for the week. He can handle it and you and layla are owed a honeymoon still" I say

"Sounds like the start of a plan" Luke says

"Yes the start. But it's not solid and we need to think even more" I say going over to remove the shitty reindeer out of the window.

"I've got this Liam. Go back to Jane" Luke says

"you sure?" I ask. "Postive, go" Luke says

JANE'S POV

Two and hald weeks I've been in this bed. I only leave to use the bathroom. I barely eaten. I've barely drunk. I've just laid here thinking over my whole life wondering what did I do so damn bad to deserve all this s**t. Wondering if I'll ever be happy again and I don't think I will be.. I haven't showered the cast came off a few days ago and I know I stink. But I'm still not left alone not even for a second. There watching me like a hawk and I've no idea how I'm going to succeed in killing myself but I can't stand the stink anymore. I see it's three in the morning and I need a shower.

So I get up and Liam says "Baby girl?" I don't answer. I head straight for the bathroom leaving the door ajar slightly that way I know I'll be given the space I require. I get in the shower and sit on the floor as the water just flows over my body for a long time. I close my eyes and drown out everything I'm so tired that I just focus on the water flowing down my body. Then I wash up myself up so I smell good again before drying myself off and wrapping just the fluffy dressing robe around me it's clean and fresh and soft. I exit the bedroom to see Liam is sat in the sofa "You showered?" Liam says but I ignore him. I need to plead my case to Layla. She may understand if I talk to her. With that in mind I head straight over to Laylas bedroom. I know he is following me. I don't even care.

I walk in to see Layla and Luke asleep but I head straight for the bed and climb in and cuddle up to layla. She stirs and cuddles me as she says "You okay?" Then she runs her hand through my hair and says "Tou showered"

"I stank!" I say "I know! it was awful" Layla says but she seems surpised I spoke.

"My bed stinks to" I say and layla smiles as she says "It sure does. Fresh bedding we can do that, want me to make you a fresh bed?"

"I want to die Layla" I say and she pauses running her hand through my hair her eyes tear up but she holds it together as she then says "I know you do".

"I know it's selfish, I know wanting to die when you all care so much and have done so much is just awful.. But hear me out its also not selfish" I say

"How do you come to that conclusion?" Layla asks.

"Because I'm in so much pain layla. I don't think it will ever stop. I'm always going to be known as the girl who got raped because of her monster brother. I'm always going to be related to the monster who killed a girl. People won't ever let that go. They keep coming for me. My life is ruined. You all can't keep your life on hold forever for me. You all deserve to live happy lives. Your be happier without me. So it's not selfish if you let me kill myself my way. Its better I do it than someone else killing me. Don't you see that?" I say

"Thats what you think about. Jane your not no burden. Without you I wouldn't be here where I am in my life right now. We're not done living, I need you to be my midwife and I've got to be yours. I need you as my kids aunty and I'm sure as hell going to be your kids aunty. This will get better, you will be happy again. Please try hold on for me a little longer" Layla says and a tear escapes me eye I swat it away as I say "I'm not god enough to be a mother now. I can't protect myself let alone a baby. you know I wanted to be a mum so badly, but how. How can I bring a baby into this. I'm so broken. This world is so cruel. How is that fair on a baby" I say

"Your wrong, your a fighter and any baby would be lucky to have you as a mother. We wouldn't let anything happen to you or any babys you have" Luke says and I didn't realise he was awake.

"He is right I'd kill anyone who attempted to harm you or our kids in any way" Liam adds on and he seems pretty confident in himself.

"See your no burden. And you can't leave me to deal with these two Mafia bosses. I know one day your let Liam in. We can run this house together our babys will grow up in the same house doesn't that sound good?" Layla says

"Thats fairy tales, I'm glad you got your fairy tale ending but my life is no fairy tale Layla. I love you I really do, but I'm hurting so badly can't you see that" I say

"I can, but my fairy tale won't be complete without you here in it to. We got this, we always had everything together until you decided you were so independent and could conquer all the evils in the world alone. But your not alone. We are here. I'm here and damn it ill fight for you until your ready to fight again" Layla says

I sigh before saying "Layla" With my pleading voice.

"Please, you can't leave me Jane" Layla says

"Then I need dance I need something to live for. Make me a aunty already" I say giving in.

"That I can do" Layla says smiling

"I'm offended I've wanted to start trying for a baby and you tell me no" Luke says

"Yeah, because I need my midwive on board first" Layla says laughing.

"Sissy, stay on form I want to be dad already" Luke says

"Fine, but not tonight I'm tired and crashing here with Layla my bed stinks" I say

"I'll take the spare room" Luke says

"Baby girl there's always my room if you can't sleep but thank god you showered" Liam says

"I need Layla right now. I need my best friend" I say

"Thats okay, good night baby girl" Liam says

"Good night" I say

"Why didn't you shower?" Layla asks knowing I hate not showering.

"I was trying to make it so you would all disappear not hacking the smell but I couldn't take it anymore" I say

"Ha! that backfired I'd off gone a few more days before dragging you into the shower though" Layla says