A Mate And More

Chapter Four

Chapter Four.

Sheila's POV.

Fear.

That was the first emotion to hit me after feeling a general hazy state of mostly nothing for so long. Any happiness had been muted to a light sense of contentment. Any sadness had been a mere acknowledgement of loss. Anger? Nothing more than a tiny static shock that came and went and left me wondering if I had ever felt it before. But

love... love was particularly absent.

Even thinking about Grandma, I could not summon the emotion. But after seeing the Doctor and the amazing blue of his eyes practically glowing in my world of muted grey all I felt after the initial shock was fear. He affected me, I was shaking me to my smothered core and I could only think of one possible reason for that and that frightened me beyond belief.

At first, I could dismiss the feeling, who knew if I had imagined what I saw, right? Lots of people sniff the air in a hospital, the sterile scent of the ward that hits you the moment you step into it always causes reactions.

To me, having spent so much time in and out of hospitals waiting for my mother or father (since he too worked in one for a while before developing his own practice) after school and when Grandma was not available to look after me, it was a comforting smell.

But to most, I suppose it was an uncomfortable scent that spoke of sickness and death, which is ridiculous in a way as a hospital was also very much about life. Forgive me, I'm rambling again.

I didn't see him during the next couple of days, so I convinced myself that the feeling I had about him was an aberration. It was close to being three years since the rejection, I was probably just subconsciously aware of the date. And then, while wiping doors clean, I saw him talking to the new night nurse. She was all over him like a rash, which caused a surge of something else to stir deep within me. I refused to recognise it or acknowledge it, just wiped harder over the sticky prints left by a visiting child during the day.

The little one must have been an immediate relative, they don't usually let children in here otherwise. And then he turned and I caught a glimpse of his blue eyes and I knew I couldn't escape the fact that he was different, that he effected me. So seeing the truth was not letting me escape, I decided to flee. Having been raised by wolves, I was far more attuned than the average Werewolf, even if I had no wolf.

I could hear the softness of his footfall, the hidden growl beneath his breath when he thought no one was listening. He also would not take the same route on his rounds as if stalking his territory and trying to catch others that meant it harm unawares. I already knew he was a wolf. No one keeps anything from Miranda for long and the only unanswered question in my mind was why was he serving in a human hospital and not within the wolf

pack?

"How about him?" The fresh blood this time were auxiliary nurses, agency staff, here today, gone tomorrow. Miranda's mission to find me a partner was still underway. I shook my head, the dark skinned woman was stunning, even a visually impaired woman like myself could see that. But towards her, I still felt nothing beyond that appreciation.

Like looking at a work of art, thinking it was well painted or sculpted, but not wanting to buy it. She sighed as her list for the afternoon had dried up.

"Okay, I admit defeat today," she told me, patting my hand. "Here, I bought fresh biscuits,"

"No, thanks, Miranda," I said. What's the point of snacking when you couldn't enjoy the taste of what you were munching on? "I need to get back to work, I haven't finished cleaning the bathrooms on this floor yet,"

"Are you sure?" She said waving the tin under my nose. The sweet scents assailed me, but I knew that no matter how yummy they smelled, they would taste like cardboard in my mouth. She began listing the tin's contents.

"Really, I am fine,"' I assured her.

"Is there chocolate chip?" Instantly I heard the voice, I froze. It was him.

He had finally managed to sneak up on me after two whole weeks of managing to avoid him. I glanced up at the broad body shadowing me and into those blue eyes. No matter how hard I tried to will the colour away, it remained. I glanced back at Miranda, but her eyes remained dark grey surrounding the black of her pupil. Ugh, I really did not want to be here anymore.

"I ran out of those this morning, Doctor Haze," Miranda was chiding him. "You should know, you ate the last one,"

"I was hoping you had restocked?" He said, sounding like a petulant boy. I wanted him to stop, he was causing me to feel things again and as desperate as I once was to feel emotions again, I had already decided that I was better off without. He was looking at me, I could feel his gaze upon me as if it had the power to burn me.

"I don't think I've yet had the pleasure of greeting you, I am Doctor Matthew Haze. And you are?"

"Sheila Roberts," I replied, quietly. He stuck out his hand and I stared at it. I didn't want to touch him, that would just make this harder in the long run. And there it was, I thought with dismay as the tingles I had only felt once before trickled over the skin of my hand.

The Goddess is cruel. As if my being rejected and mates dying all the time wasn't enough for her, I had to suffer this all over again with a second chance mate. I pulled away from warmth of his hands quickly, hoping he hadn't noticed. What sort of stupid idea was that? Of course he would notice, he is a wolf.

He would have known what I was to him from the moment he took in my scent. I was just lucky that he hadn't done anything to me until now.

"It's really good to meet you, Sheila," I heard him say through my bitter haze. "I've been hoping to speak with you. Would you join me for coffee?" Of course he had.

He wanted to get this over with and I hadn't let him. He certainly wouldn't reject me in front of Miranda and the others. That would damage his reputation as a Doctor. I did want to refuse, even tried to think of an excuse to delay it, though it was not that I was afraid of being rejected.

My fear stemmed from what would occur because

of it. Imean, last time I was in a coma for a year. What would be the result this time? My death perhaps? As much as my life was dull, grey, tasteless and up until now emotionless, I didn't want to die.

"What a wonderful suggestion!" Miranda said, denying me my last route of escape. "How kind of you, Doctor. Don't you agree, Sheila,"

"I'll meet you here in an hour" He said in a tone that brook no arguement. Just like an Alpha, I thought bitterly and watched him leave before I too went and finished my duties.

I waited for him. I still sort of wanted to delay the whole matter, but at the same time I was resigned to my fate. I had let my wounds fester last time and knew that was part of the reason that Roman's rejection had hit me so hard. As if his words were the words of his Alpha and his pack as well as his own. Better to rip this plaster off in one go and hope I survive it.

He took me to a coffee shop near to the hospital that I wasn't even aware of and we ordered coffees. I kept it simple. It was a waste to add sugar and milk when I couldn't taste it, but the warmth of the dark liquid was nice. We sat down, out of the way. He probably didn't want people to witness this and frankly, neither did 1.

"Sheila," He said to me after a while. I glanced up at him and swallowed my nerves, bracing myself.

"What do you know about shifters and their mates?" He asked straight to the point.

"Are you going to reject me?" I asked, not interested in his softly, softly approach. It was too teasing, too nice. I don't need him to act as if he was doing me a kindness.

"Because if you are, can you get it over with, please," He cleared his throat, I think his wolf was

surfacing, but his eyes did not change colour so I couldn't be sure.

"What makes you think that I will reject you?"

Are you really asking me this? I thought, bitterly.

"Because I am not small and cute," I began stating the obvious, after all this is why I was rejected before, right?

"I don't have a wolf anymore and my boobs aren't exactly big," He grabbed my hands, surprising me.

The tingles distracted me from my pain for a moment.

"Do you want me to?" He asked me. That startled me. What sort of question was that? Did I want him to? Did I want to experience the agony of another rejection? The heartache? The possibly aftermath. Of course I didn't. But did I really have a choice? I found myself shaking my head in denial.

"And would you reject me, because I'm not exactly small and cute and I am a doctor. I am a werewolf though," I looked at him, I mean really looked at him.

He was one of those muscular types, the ones I had sworn that I would avoid from now on, but couldn't deny looked good. He exuded an air of power and that was not just physical. He had a light shadow of stubble upon his square jawline, grown over the long day and perfectly shaped lips.

Even his nose was strong and prominent balancing his features and his blue eyes were ever absorbing to me. I guess his skin tone was darker than mine, but would be labelled 'white'.

It contrasted somewhat to my pale skin and his hair was dark. Overall, he was attractive and I... was attracted to him. I felt the heat rush to my cheeks as I realised this.

"What do we do now?" I asked.

"I would like to get to know you," he told me.

"And there are things I need to tell you about

me,"

"Like?" I needed him to guide me, l'd never dated, never bothered. I was out of my comfort zone.

"Let's start simple," he suggested. "I'm Matthew, you can call me that, or Matt. But please, never Matty. My mother used to insist, it was so embarrassing. l am 27 years old and you know I am a Doctor. I am a lone wolf," No pack? I wondered why, but then felt that this was not a bad thing for me. I think I would have difficulties dealing with a pack right now.

"I'm Sheila, no nickname or anything," I replied. "I'm 21. l just clean the hospital." I looked into his eyes again. Since they were the only colour in my world at the moment, I decided to enjoy them whilel could.

"I've never met a lone wolf before,"

"You've met other wolves?" he asked and I

nodded in confirmation. He must have assumed I was mere human when I said I didn't have a wolf.

"I grew up in a pack." I told him. "My best friend was the next Alpha in line," Not sure why I shared that last bit of information, it allowed old heartaches to resurface and I couldn't bury them again.

"So you must know a fair bit about wolves and our traditions and rituals," he stated and | had to agree.

"And how do you feel, knowing that you have a mate?"

I hate having a mate. I hate the idea that I am stuck with someone who has the power to

hurt me. I hate the Moon Goddess for doing this to me again, I was so torn, so messed up by this situation. The girl that didn't feel anything was now feeling everything again and I couldn't handle it.

"I don't know how I feel," I lied. Yes, lying, that was a good idea, but not just to him, to myself. "No, I don't feel anything. Doctor... Matthew, I'm sorry, but I think you should reject me," He would sooner or later once he got to know me, wouldn't it be better to get it over with now?

"Why?" His eyes turned yellow, another colour I hadn't seen in ages, his wolf was here.

"I'm no good," I needed to convince him to reject me.

It never occurred to me that I could reject him, perhaps I was holding out hope for him.

"I'm broken, defective. You should ask the Moon Goddess for a another chance mate,"

"You know it doesn't work that way," he said, his voice gravelly and deep, causing a shiver to trail down my spine and made me want to stretch my neck and offer him my submission.

I'm human, not totally, but I was beginning to hate wolves! I don't like wolves, I have to stay away from them, want nothing to do with them! They hurt me!

"Then why do wolves reject their mates?" I blurted out, all the swirling pain of my past rising to the surface and spilling out.

"Why does she pair you together only with someone that doesn't want or even like you and then... and then..." Dammit to hell and back!

Enough already! Just leave me alone! I fled from him. I ran as if l could escape him.

I ran as if I could escape myself.

But my emotions had all resurfaced and refused to be buried any longer.

"Damn it!" I cursed as I ran for my life.