First Heartbreak

Chapter Seven - Love Hurts

Zen's POV

As she took the letter from my hand, I was ecstatic and nervous at the same time. She was smiling when she read the front part of the envelope where her name was, turning her head to me, still smiling. I smiled back. It pays to have talented friends, I thought. Thank God otherwise I would've written it myself, my cursive penmanship isn't even that good! It's like handwriting of a chicken! Ha Ha!

She looked amazing today even if it's the end of the day; Sam managed to still look neat. She smells like fresh vanilla bean, soft and delicate.

She then slowly opened the envelop and took out the letter I wrote last night. My heart started racing, I could swear any minute I would be hyperventilating right now!

God! She looked so beautiful! Even from just looking at her side, she looked pretty than all the other girls at school. She has this unique beauty, a unique aura, a unique glow. Even as she continued to read, I watched her lips moved slowly to the words I have written.

She read every line and paragraph carefully. During the first few lines, she was smiling. But the moment she reached the part I had confessed, her smiled faded. Her lips just formed a line. I was now more nervous than ever. I was anxious for her to stop reading and start talking to me.

When she finally finished reading, she stopped for a while. She looked unsure, it's as if she couldn't find the right words. She might be overwhelmed, for all I know. Get yourself together, Zen! You can do this! I was arguing with myself. Then she began to talk.

"Zen… I...” were the first words that came out of her mouth.

She was speechless. I took the long-stemmed rose out from the bag. It's still a bit cold. The flower lady was right, it looked fresh as ever! I had to borrow an ice bucket from a nearby resto just to make sure the rose was fresh!

She reached for my hand that I rested on my lap. Her touch felt warm. It was obvious she was gathering her thoughts.

"Zen", I said again "I appreciate the effort that you did. All this. The letter, the rose, the perfume that you sprayed on your letter", she noticed the perfume I sprayed into the letter! Clever girl.

She was staring at me with those brown eyes, waiting for me to say something

"I love you, too. But... as a friend only, Zen. Nothing More." it hit me, HARD.

Everything she said after that was just a buzz. I couldn't hear anything. It's as if a flash bang had been thrown straight right at me. It stung, I couldn't feel anything, my body was numb as it ever was.

She too was quite. I stared down at the floor, which I often do out of habit. But now, it wasn't out of habit. Was it out of embarrassment? Out of disappointment? I'm not quite sure. My hands were now shaking. This would normally happen when I'm at an embarrassing situation, and this one was no different.

She took the rose from me. I didn't react; I just sat there without a word.

"Hey...” she said softly as she tilted my head with her free hand. "Talk to me, please?"

I just shook my head in disbelief. Then a stupid tear had escaped from my eyes and rolled down my stupid face! s**t! Not now! Not now! Not now! I kept on repeating in my head.

"No, don't cry. Please don't cry", worry in her voice. She tried to reach for my face to wipe away my tear but I beat her to it.

"I'm not crying." I responded while wiping the stubborn tear as quickly as I could.

She must've noticed eyes were still red and watery from the tears that I'm holding back. She touched my hand again. Her hand was smooth and soft.

"I'm sorry it wasn't quite the outcome that you expected. I really, truly am sorry, Zen." she sighed. "I never wanted to hurt you in the first place that's why I was okay with you having a crush on me. I didn't expect it blossomed into something else for you."

I managed to force a smile. "Don't worry, Sam. I'm fine. I'll be fine." I smiled again even if it hurt her like hell down inside!

There was a long silence between us, until I decided it's best to head home and retreat from a losing battle between my tears and me.

"I have to go home. There's a lot of homework to do", I told her, stood up while picking up my bag to fix my stuff.

"Since when did you all of a sudden care about homework?” she said teasingly but there's still worry in her voice.

I faked a smiled.

"Hey." she told me as she grabbed me by the wrist. She was still sitting down. "We'd still be friends, right?" she asked.

I didn't respond. I just looked at her brown eyes. I noticed that my chest started to sting. I took out my favorite handkerchief and wiped away the stupid tears! I took a deep breath. "Yeah. Of course, of course." I lied. It's going to be hard.

I was trying to get rid of her hand holding my wrist, but she tightened her grip. I want to leave so badly now that I don't care whatever happens to me when I head home!

Still so stubborn, Sam. "I better go home, Sam. It's getting dark. You should be heading home too." I said.

"But I don't want to go home yet." She said with pleading eyes. I felt my heart melt and break all at the same time. It hurts; it's like being punched in the chest that you never expected!

"I gotta go." I was now trying hard to let go of her grip. "Sam, let me go." I looked into her deep brown eyes one more time. Those eyes that I've come to love and adore. I won't be seeing them anymore anytime soon. Sigh.

She didn't seem to listen.

I tried again. This time I succeeded in getting free from her grip. I stood there for a while and turned to leave when I didn't noticed that Sam stood up and hugged me from behind.

"I'm sorry, Zen. I really am." I could feel her heart beat was racing fast. I felt her soft skin touch mine.

I sighed. "You're making this hard for me, Sam." I tried saying it as firmly as I could.

"How am I making it hard? I want to comfort my best friend." she replied, still hugging me.

God damn it! You are unbelievable Samantha! "This! You're hugging me! It's as if nothing happened! It's as if you just didn't crushed my heart!" I was now angry and could feel my heart beating fast. I was closing my fists so hard I think I felt something stung.

She let go. I still stood where I was, I closed my eyes. I didn't see this coming.

"See you around!” was the last thing I said before running down the stairs.

Just as I was making my way to the waiting car of my uncle, I heard the song I dedicated to her, played by the Plaza. Which made things even worse. I got in the car without saying a word to my uncle as he drove me home.

I made a stupid excuse to my uncle that I had a headache that hurts so much so he wouldn't bother me sobbing at the back seat. He just handed me a box of tissues.

The drive back home was long for some reason. I couldn't wait for it to be over with so I could sulk in my bed and cry myself to sleep.

I can't believe the girl I admired and love the most just broke my heart. I guess this is what they warned me about, that love hurts like hell.