First Heartbreak

Chapter Six - The Letter (Pt.2)

Sam's POV

Dear Sam,

Before anything else, I'd like you to keep an open-mind. Remember I wouldn't even bother doing this if this didn't made sense.

From the moment I met you, I was happy as I could ever be! Finally, you're in the same class as me! I've been a fan of yours for a very long time and I still couldn't believe that we're friends.

I know I have revealed in your autograph a few months back that I had a crush on you. But despite that, you still accepted me for who I am, you didn't get mad at me or rejected me. And that made me like you even more. I was far too surprised.

You gave me friendship and even offered that you had my back when I need you.

For the past couple of months, I have to be honest with you Sam; it's been bothering me. Even Daisy has been worried about me. She couldn't talk the sense out of me. It's when I decided that it's going to be now or never.

Sam…I think I’m in-love with you. No, scratch that. I AM in-love with you! I love you! I do! And I can't hide it anymore; I’d go crazy if I hide it for much longer. I'm going to shout it out! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! There. It's off my chest. But you're inside my heart, Sam.

I tried to fight it. In all honesty, I did. Trust me I did, I tried so hard for you because I don’t want to ruing our friendship. But I just couldn't! The more I brush it off, the more I'm drawn towards my feelings for you. I wish there was another way, I really do. But I can't help myself. I've had sleepless nights thinking about you, thinking if you'd ever feel the same for me. It made me feel anxious. It made me worry and excited all at the same time.

I love you, Sam. I really do. Will you allow me to court you?

Love,

Z

-o-

I was too stunned to react. I didn't know how to react. My body froze, I felt cold. I didn't know what to say to her. I turned to face her who was now holding a piece of flower, a long-stemmed red rose. She looked nervous and almost looked as if she's about to throw-up.

"Zen... I...”

She was speechless too, but she was still holding the rose.

I reached for her hand that was on her lap, it felt ice-cold in my touch. I build-up my courage to try to talk, so this would be done and over with. This was awkward for me. I didn't obviously have a girl who confessed her feelings for me like this. I've had guy crushes and admirers but none had the courage to do something like this. I appreciated it in a way, she's as sweet as ever, but this is just wrong.

"Zen", I started again "I appreciate the effort that you did. All this; the letter, rose, the perfume that you sprayed on your letter. Which, by the way, smelled like pomegranate, it smells nice", I continued. She was just staring at me, looking in awe, waiting for the next set of words I'm about to say. She was smiling from ear to ear now.

"I love you, too. But... as a friend only, Zen. Nothing more.” I said the last two words slowly for her to hopefully understand.

Then I saw her smile fade. I could tell she wasn't taking it easy. I didn't mean to hurt her.

"I wished I felt the same way you do too, but I don't." Her hand was shaking. It's either she's extremely embarrassed or too stunned to move. "You're an awesome girl, I'm sure somebody out there deserves you more than I do. And don't get me wrong, what you did was sweet, nobody has done this to me before, EVER. But... I... I just can't. I'm not sure I'm even ready to jump into a relationship right now. I’m still young, and I haven’t quite figured out what loving someone else meant.”

She was quite. She let go of my hand and looked down, feeling defeated. I took the rose from her before she could think of crumpling it into pieces. She didn't respond, she just sat there without a word.

"Hey...” I said softly as I tilted her head with my hand. "Talk to me, please?"

She just shook her head. Then I saw a tear roll down her cheek. I felt a pang of guilt.

"No, don't cry. Please don't cry". I moved closer to wipe away her tear.

"I'm not crying,” she said while wiping the tear as quickly as she could. I could see that her eyes were red and watery from the tears that she's holding back. I touched her hand again.

"I'm sorry it wasn't quite the outcome that you expected. I really, truly am sorry, Zen." I sighed. "I never wanted or meant to hurt you in the first place that's why I was okay with you having a crush on me. I didn't expect it blossomed into something else for you."

She just forced a smile. "Don't worry, Sam. I'm fine. I'll be fine." She smiled again even if I knew I had hurt her deep down inside. There was a long silence after that; we stayed like that for almost ten minutes I think. It was now getting dark as the sun started to set.

"I have to go home. There's a lot of homework to do." She stood up and fixed the things inside her bag, still not looking at me.

"Since when did you all of a sudden care about homework?” I teased, trying to lighten up the mood.

She struggled to smile, although still evident that she was hurting. Obviously not in the mood for fooling around. It was good that the bench I sat on was secluded; otherwise bystanders might have seen or heard us.

"Hey." I told her as I grabbed her by the wrist. I was still sitting. "We'd still be friends, right?" I asked.

She didn't say anything. She just looked at me. I could see the tears in her eyes that were filling up and was about to fall. She noticed this too and immediately took her handkerchief using her free hand to wipe away the tears.

She took a deep breath. "Yeah. Of course, of course." Her voice was shaky and sounded a bit husky. She was trying to let go of my hand, but I tightened my grip. I didn't want her to leave yet, not now. Something might happen to her when she goes home like this.

"I better go home, Sam. It's getting dark. You should be heading home too,” she said blankly.

"But I don't want to go home yet." I don't want you to go home yet, not like this! My stupid brain reacted.

"I gotta go," She was now trying a bit hard to let go of my grip. "Sam, let me go." She said as she looked into my eyes – those sad brown eyes.

I didn't listened.

She tried again. This time she succeeded. She stood there for a bit. When she turned to leave I stood up and hugged her from behind.

"I'm sorry, Zen. I really am." I could feel her heart beat beating slowly. I felt sad too.

She sighed. "You're making this hard for me, Sam."

"How am I making it hard? I want to comfort my best friend." I replied, still hugging her.

She sighed again. "This! You're hugging me! It's as if nothing happened! It's as if you just didn't crushed my heart!" she sounded angry. I could now hear her heart beating a little faster now.

I let go, but she still stood where she was, her eyes were closed. "See you around!” then she hurriedly left heading towards the stairs. I didn't get the chance to reply because before I knew it, she was gone!

I was left alone. I took a seat and didn't realize what just happened until some stroke of timing, the Plaza's song by the lobby and hallways changed to Zen's song that she dedicated to me. What a coincidence. I thought.