First Heartbreak

Chapter Five - The Letter (Pt. 1)

Sam's POV

It's been a few months that have passed since I last learned that a girl has a crush on me. It wasn't that bad as I thought it would be. Zen's a great girl – she's funny, crazy as hell, hardheaded at times, and all-around stubborn.

Melody and I have been best of friends, she was right about predicting that. We'd end up heading out to school together, and a lot of times I've went to their house to hangout. She has a lot of feline friends, and I mean A LOT! Everywhere I went in their house, I'd find a cat or two! Her mom was okay with that, it keeps Mel preoccupied. She's an only child and she never knew who her dad was because he left them when she was just a baby.

What happened between me and Zen were all but in the past now. We'd often call each other over the phone. Grandma was okay with that for as long as I'm not calling an international number. We had exchanged quite a lot of stories over the phone. There were times though when I called her up, and it so happen her sister answers the phone, she'd get pissed and yell out Zen's name angrily. Her sister had always been so bitchy about me calling, and I don't even have the slightest idea why!

Things were doing fine when one day something didn't seem quite right.

"Where are you heading Sam?” she enquired.

"I'm heading home of course, the class has ended remember? Why'd you ask?"

"Can we talk by the Plaza a few blocks from the school?” she was talking about the two-storey commercial building that was just recently built and opened for the public.

Not sure what she wanted to talk about, all I could say in response was "Yeah, sure! See you in five". She then hurried back to the classroom and took her bag.

I got to the plaza first. I sat at a bench by the garden. Hmm. Strange. It's as if the bench was strategically put here for some reason because the garden's view was spectacular! It was still in the building but it opened to the sky. The dome on the ceiling was so clear I could see the clouds! The spot was not overly exposing where I was seated. It had huge pillars and potted plants what hides the bench away. I have a strange feeling that something's going to happen that needs to be private.

It took her about six minutes to get there.

"You're late", I grumbled, rolled my eyes and crossed my arms on my chest.

"Sorry. I had to make sure I got everything I needed from Daisy" she answered scratching the back of her head. So stubborn.

She was still rummaging something from her bag, all too distracted.

"So, what did you wanted to talk about so important that you had to meet me here?" She was now sitting beside me on the bench. Odd, she sat about one person away from me; I don't like the gap. When we hung-out, we'd be really close. Our elbows almost every time touched. Sure it felt weird of course, but I got used to it – I feel comfortable when Zen's around.

She didn't answer right away. She sitting with both arms stretched and looking at the sky with her eyes almost closed because it was too bright even if the sun was almost setting now.

"Come on Zen, what's up? Do you have a problem?" I asked.

She sat up straight. Fixed her cute pixie cut hair. She looked at me and took a deep breath before taking a small soft pink envelop out of her bag.

She was hesitant. "It's best you read this first", while handing me the envelop.

"What is it?” I asked curiously.

"Just read it", she ordered, rolled her eyes and went back to her original position earlier, looking at the sky.

I took the letter from her hand. As I looked at the front part, it had my name on it. Written in cursive form that was just too fancy looking.

"Fancy." I smiled thinking if she was the one who has written this. I didn't know if she heard what I said because she was now closing her eyes.

I opened the letter and started to read it.

-o-

Zen's POV

Even before the first time I saw her on stage, she looked every bit beautiful. She looked even more stunning on her carnation red sleeveless dress that hugged her curves all the way to the bottom of the skirt. She looked like a rose when she turned and danced her way thru the stage while singing her song.

I was always at awe looking at her, staring at her performance. It was then I knew I had to let her know! That every single time I came to see her, my heart would beat silly fast! I had eyes and ears all over the school so I never missed not even one of her performances. She looks stunning every time, she just leaves me breathless. Sigh. Dream girl.

Sure there were a lot of girls on their heels for me, I couldn't help being good-looking despite of me being a girl. But I've managed to change my appearance to look more like a boy, rather than a girl. I've cut my hair short, wore jeans all the time, had bought a lot of "men-sized" shirts, and wore men perfumes. I have even binded my chest so as not to expose it. I didn't like the fact that I had a huge chest for my age – I hated it. I got it from my mom's side of the family. I would eventually get rid of these once I have enough money of my own.

The first time I spoke to her, I've never felt more happy and content all at the same time. But when it came to the second time, nerves just got in the way and I started to run-away like an ass! That was very embarrassing and cowardly!!! I shouted at myself in my head.

"Did she saw me running away?” I asked Daisy.

"Huh! Saw you? No, she didn't she closed her eye shut!” Daisy responded sarcastically. "Of course she saw you run away, you i***t!” while slapping the back of my head.

"OW! That hurt!!” I complained, brushing the back of my stinging head.

"You definitely deserved that for being RUDE!!" barked Daisy.

"I was rude?? You asked her if she would like me to walk her from school, without my permission???” I was furious. "How is that rude?? And in between both of us, who's rude now?"

"Geez! Would you calm down? Your nose is flaring up red!”

I'm not quite sure what happened next. But I was heck glad we were classmates. I had hoped and wished since seventh grade that I'd get to come across her. Somehow despite my efforts to try and be in the same class as hers since fifth grade, I somewhat often failed. Which had left me stalking her almost every recess. No wonder it's my favorite subject. It's the only time I'd get to swing by her classroom and catch a glimpse of her laughing with friends, reading a book, writing, and even listing down noisy kids.

It's all so surreal that I'm now right beside her, I have prepared for so long to tell her how I feel! I just hope she feels the same way for me. Fingers crossed.

She took the letter I made last night. It took me about a couple of scratched papers before finally being happy with what I've written. I had a fancy-looking cursive writing of her name up front. It pays to have great friends who are artistic and could do favors for you. Thank you Ann for the lettering, I whispered to myself.

Daisy had been telling me to tell Sam what I had to say before the year ends, otherwise I might regret not telling her at all and that there’s always a risk, I just have to be brave enough to face it.

I was so nervous now that I think I might piss myself!

I told her to meet me at the Plaza earlier. I came ahead before I told her though, I had to find a way to play the song I dedicated to her over the Plaza's music all over the building! It's a good thing I became fast friends with the security guard and two janitors. They helped me get to the security room. Once I got there, I talked to the operator guy to play a cassette tape that I bought from the music store. I specifically told him not to play it not until it was time. I told him to hit play on at the stroke of five thirty. Yeah, that would be a great time! The time I'll be confessing my love for Sam, I was ecstatic. It's like Christmas Eve again!

After I got all things done, I specifically told my two janitor friends to do me another favor. I asked them if they could move just one bench from the storage and place it just by the garden on the second floor. It was a secluded place so I was sure nobody would see us. And I know Sam would pick this place because it had plants and greens. Damn! That girl loves them green! I smiled at the thought of me and her talking by the garden when we almost kissed when she stood up. I should've gone for it, but it was too soon so, I had to step back, she might slap me in the face. I really wanted to kiss her. My head was screaming kiss her you i***t! But I had to control myself. I love her too much to disrespect her like that.

Sam's great than I ever thought she'd be. After what happened in the garden, everything went well. She didn't mind me having a crush on her at all. Which was cool! I thought that she'd become awkward and all but I didn't expect she'd act the other way around.

We'd spent most of our free time together. We'd throw punch lines and jokes at each other. I think I might have said a "love me" joke at her once or twice, but she laughed at it nonetheless. She's really something. Huh! Oh wait, I think I felt my heart skipped a beat there.

I'm head over toes for this girl, and I can't wait to confess my feelings for her! I have thought about her not accepting my feelings but I was feeling optimistic. Daisy reminded me that I only get to do this once so I better not screw up. She said that if ever Sam would reject me, at least I confessed in a most romantic and memorable way that Sam wouldn’t easily forget.

Now I was waiting patiently for her to finish reading my letter. My palms are now all sweaty. I almost crushed the rose I brought at the high-end flower shop. Geez! These things are expensive as heck! The flower lady told me it was imported from Switzerland or New Zealand or something, plus it's a long-stemmed rose so it's expected to be expensive. I even saw the flower lady took it out of the fridge! Who stores a flower in a fridge? The flower lady might have noticed the reaction on my face when she said, "It needs special treatment... And a cold environment so it would still look beautiful, it's as if it's picked out from the garden for the first time", she had a kind smile.

I didn't notice the time but I think I took a quick nap a bit. Sam's eyes were still fixated on my letter. She was smiling and blushing at the same time. God! She's so beautiful! I thought about signalling the security guard to play the song but I restrained myself. It had to wait. It's going to play right after she reads the letter and I confess my feelings for her.

Finally, she's done and rested the letter on her lap. My heart was beating so fast it made it hard for me to breathe. I wasn't even sure if I was breathing.