First Heartbreak

Chapter Nine - Holiday Blues

Sam's POV

December 19, 2001. Wednesday.

It was our Christmas party, the last day of school before we go to Christmas and New Year's break. The buzz at school was so intense; everybody was in a celebrating mood – everybody, except me.

I finally admitted to myself that I was jealous. Jesus Effin’ Christ. I didn't know what jealousy was until I experienced it first hand and it freaking sucked. Somehow, I felt betrayed by Melody. She knew too well that Zen had an interest in me, and because of that I wasn't hanging out in their house anymore.

Every time I'd see Zen and Melody together, my heart screams! It’s as if it's being forcibly ripped off of my chest. At times it feels like a handful of needles are striking my heart simultaneously. There are times when I feel it's as if my whole body feels weak that I had to sit down otherwise I might pass out. I hated this feeling, I didn't like feeling jealous.

You could've just given her a chance! I kept on hearing voices in my head that were arguing. Yeah right, and then what happens if she gave her that chance? There's no telling yet what would happen next! Your family would probably disown you for being in a relationship with a girl! I shook my head off so the argument would stop, and thankfully it did.

I gained a few more friends that I was genuinely happy about having. Edmund and Ella, who were a couple and in everybody else's eye but they would never admit it, Jessica and Joan, sisters who were a year apart but decided to go to school the same time so they'd have each other's backs no matter what. And finally, Vanessa, who was a dancing freak; If I was known for my singing, she was known for her finesse on the dance floor.

I get to hang out with Vanessa more often than my other friends. She lived in an interesting part of town, on a small island just beside the huge river. I liked walking at narrow roads. But to get to Vanessa's house, there is no "narrow" road at all, you'd have to use the hanging bridge, about twenty feet long, only six meters wide, and about a forty foot fall to the bottom. YIKES! Which made difficult for people to pass by, especially those who brought along their bikes with them to work.

And don't get me started on the kids. Urgh! The little kids there – oh, about four to six years old. They would jump up and down on the other end of the hanging bridge to scare us off! Then they'd laugh off and run away as soon as I chase them down. I'd get dizzy easily! Dizzy and acrophobia isn’t a good mix.

During Christmas break, I wasn’t able to visit Vanessa; my mom wouldn't let me go anywhere. She said it's family time and better stay put at home, which kind of sucks. There was nothing left to do but watch TV and sleep. It was nice to get to have some break once in awhile away from school, but at the same time I didn't liked it because I usually end up staying late at night and listen to the radio. I also didn't like the fact that the school year was about to end.

Although it's every class' Christmas Party, I caught a glimpse of Zen’s shadow anywhere. Maybe she ditched it. Knowing her and all. Just when I thought I won't get to see her for the entire day, a stroke of luck against me happen when she and Mel were entering the room hand-in-hand.

You have no right to be jealous, I had to keep repeating that in my head. But what was I to do? The only person I opened up about "kind of" liking Zen more than I should be, was Vanessa – I told her everything. But I knew I did the right thing by telling Vanessa because when I get into awkward situations such as this, she'd save me one way or another.

"Girl!" whispered Vanessa from behind. Saved! YAAAY!

I jumped and spilled my can of Cali to the floor. "Great timing as usual, Ness", I turned to smile at her but frowned at the sight of my spilled drink.

She smiled back; she knew what was going on inside my head. She has a lot of suitors herself. She's five foot six, sported a short wavy black haircut, a slender figure, and she looks like she popped out of the magazine because of her sun-kissed complexion.

"So, enjoying yourself so far Sam?", she teased.

I just rolled my eyes at her.

"Awww, c'mon Sam! It's the holidays. It' supposed to be a celebration! Smile every once in awhile." She placed her two index fingers at the corner of each side of my mouth to force a smile.

I managed to half-smile; it wasn't really a smile even. Sigh.

"Aww, Sammie. Everything will turn out just fine, you'll see!” Ness said while hugging me from behind and trying to cheer me up.

"I know, it's just that I don't want to feel ‘this’ anymore. " I told her. "It's so irritating! It's like the room's temperature changes all of a sudden and I don't like it!"

"You'll eventually forget about her Sam, you'll see", Ness assured me.

Sigh. I sure do hope so, I answered at the back of my mind.

We went about with the party's program and exchanged gifts with each other. I got Edmund's gift, which was a handkerchief tucked inside a mug. He knew I loved drinking hot chocolate out of a mug; he also knew that I'd end up having a chocolate moustache after drinking from it, so it made sense. How thoughtful, Edmund. I have him a sarcastic look upon opening my present, he just laughed. Jerk.

Jessica got my gift. I gave her a wristwatch so she won't be late anymore; she chuckled and smiled at me. I don't get it why her sister manages to come to class early but not her.

The day was coming to an end, Mrs Bernardine said a few words and it was over. All of us worked together to clean-up the mess we made so when we were back to school by January, there won't be that much of a cleaning to do.

Once that was done, I stayed for a bit by the auditorium just across our classroom. It's where I always performed. I can't believe in a few month's time I'd be graduating and leaving this school.

"What are you doing here all alone?” asked Vanessa while coming up to the stage from the back stage.

"Ah, I just wanted to be alone. I could think clearly here because it's quiet." I strained a smile and looked down.

Vanessa sat down beside me at the tip of the stage and just rubbed my back to comfort me. "There, there, Sammy girl," she said using her pet name for me. "You'll be just fine. Don't let it show that you're jealous or hurting for that matter. It will only boost her ego!"

Sigh. "Yes, I guess I probably should. I don’t even know where the heck all this feelings and emotions are coming from."

“Well, you know what they say, you’ll only learn to miss that one thing when it’s no longer within your reach.”

“You know you’re a terrible friend for saying that straight to my face, right, Ness?”

She only chuckled and changed the topic. "I'm gonna miss you though."

"Aww. I'm gonna miss you too, Ness!" I replied as I was turning to the side to hug her. She hugged me back.

"And before you know it, we'll be graduating on this very stage in March," She shrieked.

Graduation. I'd be leaving soon and I won't be seeing her for good. Shut up, you stupid brain!

"Yeah. Graduation." There was a long pause from there.

"Sammy girl, I'd love to stay with you but I've got chores to do. Are you sure you're not heading home yet?” asked Vanessa as she was standing up and dusting her jeans.

"Yes, I'll be fine. You better head home, you know how your dad gets when you come home late."

"Yikes! I know, right?” Vanessa giggled. "I better go. See you January, Sammy girl! Bye!” she yelled as she ran off the stage.

I stayed behind for a good ten minutes or so. When I got bored and felt that I've had enough I decided to head home too.