Pains of love

CHAPTER 6

“ A Boy with Eyes You Know "

* "I look like him," Mommy said.

I had never heard him say those words before.

He said that without glancing at me. He was looking at the photo on the shelf in our living room. It was a picture of James and I grinning from last year's trip to Santorini. He gestured toward James's face with his small fingers. With my hand clutching the couch's side and my heart thumping so loudly that I could not hear anything else, I stood motionless.

The youngster appeared to be around four or five years old. Black hair that is curly. There was something too familiar in those brown eyes. The slant of his brows, the little nose, and the contour of his chin. He resembled James. I looked at him for too long, and it ached.

I made an effort to grin. "What's your name?"

He turned to face me, beaming broadly, as children do when they realize they've said something significant. "Jayden," he said.

Victoria entered the space. He can be shy at times. However, he enjoys images. particularly of his father.

*His father.*

The words hit me like a ton of bricks. James was in the kitchen, most likely attempting to catch his breath. Or perhaps searching for the words he had yet to say. Phrases like "There's a mistake" or "It's not true." However, no. Quiet.

Victoria grinned as though she controlled the space. “He wanted to see where his daddy lives. And who his daddy lives with.”

I crouched down to Jayden’s height, keeping my voice cool. "Would you like a beverage?"

He gave a nod. "Orange juice."

I proceeded to the kitchen. James poured water into a glass while standing by the counter, his hands trembling. He avoided looking at me.

"You own him?" My voice was quiet as I asked.

He gave a nod. Slowly. "That's how it appears."

I felt like screaming. I felt like crying. Instead, I grabbed the juice from the refrigerator and put it into a cup. "Were you aware?"

"No."

He didn't say anything else.

I gave the cup to him. He refused to accept it.

I said, "Give it to him." "He is your son."

*Your son.*

On my tongue, it tasted like fire.

I went outside. Jayden was fiddling with the TV remote's buttons while seated on the couch. Victoria's phone was scrolling. It seemed as if she had endless time.

I placed it in front of him and murmured softly, "Here's your juice." He smiled as he accepted it.

"I'm grateful."

He spoke in such a soft voice. Something inside of me melted. And I was more afraid of that than anything else.

Finally, James emerged. He placed a hand on Jayden's back when he sat next to him. As if he had done it a hundred times, the child leaned into him.

Sitting opposite them, I saw a scene that I was not a part of yet was somehow imprisoned within.

Victoria stared at me. “We’ll be visiting more regularly now. Jayden requires his dad.

"Does he?" I muttered.

She gave a shrug. I didn't know, so I held him at bay. However, I am now. James owns him. Jayden has also been inquiring about his father.

I turned to face James. He turned to face the floor.

I got to my feet. "I need to breathe."

The sky was gray outside. Even though it was summer, the air felt chilly. I strolled over to the garden, where James and I had earlier constructed a bench. I took a seat and allowed the quiet to envelop me.

Is this the penalty I received for maintaining my secret? For concealing my truth?

Was life now substituting someone else's child for my emptiness?

My face started to water. I didn't clean them.

Tiny footsteps came suddenly. I pivoted. Jayden was standing next to me. By themselves.

"May I have a seat with you?"

I gave a nod.

Legs swinging off the edge, he climbed up. For a while, we sat in silence.

"You're pleasant," he remarked.

I grinned despite my tears. "You believe so?"

He gave a nod. "Your clothing is nice."

The faded blue cotton caught my attention. "I'm grateful."

He leaned in. "I might stay here sometimes," Mommy replied.

I blinked. "Did she?"

He remarked, "Daddy has a big house." "This place appeals to me."

His remarks pierced me like a blade. This place appealed to him. And he would be here more frequently if Victoria had her way. You might even live here. James could also want that.

How about me? Then, would I still be here?

They were painting a new image; would there be space?

Jayden looked across at me. "May I ask you a question?"

"Obviously."

"Are you depressed?"

I took a deep breath. "A little."

"Because of me?"

I gave him a look. His gaze. James's gaze.

" No, my love. Not due to you.

He gave a nod. "I don't want you to feel depressed."

I was unable to talk.

Victoria's voice abruptly came from the house. "Jayden! It's time to leave!

He leaped to the ground. "Goodbye!"

I gave a wave. "Goodbye, Jayden."

Victoria and James headed to the automobile. I watched them go while I stood by the doorway.

He shut the door behind him and returned inside. For a moment, we stood silent.

He remarked, "She wants to bring him every weekend."

I gave a nod.

He went on, "I want to be there for him."

"I understand."

He took a step toward her. "But I want to be here, with you, too."

I glanced up at him. "Are you certain you can accomplish both?"

He hesitated. "I'd want to give it a shot."

I grinned, but it was not sincere.

James was taking a shower later that evening, and I sat in bed. I opened the drawer next to me. pulled out the doctor's letter. The one I spent years hiding.

Irreversible infertility. No possibility of a natural birth

I gazed at it. My trade secret. I'm ashamed.

And now, my fear.

Because I knew what was coming, despite my best efforts to think otherwise.

The woman who gave birth to him wasn't me. I couldn't be the woman to give him more.

And love alone is insufficient at times.

I reinserted the letter. switched the lamp off.

I noticed a message on James's phone at that moment.

from Victoria.

* "He should know the real reason she is unable to provide you with a family."

Which fact is Victoria referring to? What does she intend to do with the heroine's secret of infertility, and how does she know about it?