Pains of love

CHAPTER 11

---

I Am Insufficient

I sat looking at the wall from the edge of the bed. Even though the morning light was visible through the drapes, I didn't feel warm.

James had left early. He departed without saying anything. Just a kind "I'll call you" and a kiss on my forehead.

I wasn't sure whether I still believed him.

The stillness in the room was heavier than ever as I encircled myself with my arms. I couldn't recall the details of *that night*, but the truth I'd heard him speak last night kept coming back to me.

He had something to conceal. Something significant.

And what did it say about us if I wasn't trustworthy enough with it?

I grabbed the framed photo off the bedside table. It showed James and I grinning on a beach many years ago. When things were easier. Prior to suffering, secrets, and shocking kids.

When I thought love was plenty.

I turned, half expecting James to return, as the door creaked.

Mira was the one.

With a cup of tea in her hand, she entered gently. Her worried gaze scanned me.

"You didn't get any sleep?" she inquired.

I gave a headshake.

"I was aware of the exam. Isn't it today?

I gave a nod. "I'm afraid."

She took a seat next to me. "Of the outcome?"

"No," I said. "What it will alter."

Mira grabbed for my hand. Lily, if he’s actually your son, it doesn’t take anything away from you. You remain who you are. Still powerful. Still deserving of affection.

Trying not to weep, I bit my lip. But what if I'm insufficient? What happens if James choose him and Amelia?

Mira squinted her eyes. "Do you believe James would return to her?"

"She's got this kid," I said. She is also powerful. Legal papers. The past

Mira gave my hand a squeeze. But his heart belongs to you. Remember that.

I wasn't certain that I still did.

Then the doorbell rang, interrupting the moment.

Heart pounding, I stood. "The moment has come."

The DNA testing facility was chilly and silent.

James sat next to me. Amelia sat next to the youngster and spoke to him in a whisper. In his little hands, he held a toy truck.

Since we got there, he had not given me a glance.

Our names were called by the technician. We provided examples one by one.

It happened quickly.

Too fast.

We then waited in the corridor.

I said, "I detest this." "I feel like I'm being tried."

James put his hand on my arm. "You're not."

"So why do people see me as the antagonist?"

He didn't respond.

His phone rang instead.

He moved aside to accept it.

Amelia approached me with a fox-like smile.

"You're anxious," she said quietly.

I didn't answer.

She bent over. You ought to be. Everything will alter the instant the results are.

"You don't believe that I can love him?" I inquired.

She replied, "I don't think you *will*." "Because you will never view him as yours in your heart."

I looked at her in disbelief. "You're unfamiliar with me."

"No," she said. But I know ladies who are just like you. Delicate. Envious. Wanting things you can't have at all times.

I got to my feet, clenching my fists. "He is my son."

She grinned once more. "Show it."

The delay at home almost broke me.

I made circles around the room. Mira used food, music, and laughing to try to divert my attention.

Nothing was successful.

James's face was white when he returned in the evening.

I got up right away. "Did the outcome materialize?"

He gave a nod.

I grabbed the packet he was holding, but he withdrew it.

Lily, we must first speak.

My heart stopped beating. "Tell me."

He took a seat for me.

"The outcome indicates that you are his mother."

My chest constricted. My knees became weak.

I was correct.

I had a kid.

My eyes welled up with tears. "James..."

He grabbed my hands. "But there's more."

I gazed at him.

“I believe it’s time you knew everything,” he continued.

I hardly spoke above a whisper. "Relative to that evening?"

He gave a nod.

Just then, a hard knock struck the door.

Confused, James turned to face it.

He said, "I'm not expecting anybody."

I approached and unlocked it.

and stopped.

Despite her advanced age and life's weariness, the woman's eyes were mine.

"Lily?" she asked.

I blinked. "Yes?"

"Your mother is me."

I exhaled in the air.

"My... what?"

"I am your biological mother," she said, her eyes brimming with anguish. The truth about the night when everything changed is what I've come to tell you.

My whole universe whirled.

James came forward behind me, speechless.

What is this, Lily? Mira inquired from the corridor.

The woman's breath was unsteady.

"You were misled. Everybody has misled you. However, I'm here to inform you who you really are and the reason behind the k********g.

I fell to the ground when my knees buckled.

I was captured by James.

However, he was staring at the lady.

I also saw something in them that I had never seen before.

Fear.

Actual terror.

I held the picture up in the gloomy light as James stood at the office door, his hand motionless on the doorknob. My breath was irregular and harsh, and my fingers were shaking.

"Are you aware?" My voice was stern as I asked again. "You knew the truth about me all along? Concerning my history?

In an instant, James seemed to have aged 10 years. Lily, I didn't want to lose you. Without ruining all we were attempting to repair, I wasn't sure how to tell you.

I chuckled, still clutching the pictures. Rebuild? If it was all based on false information, there would be nothing to reconstruct.

He took a stride in my direction. "That isn't accurate."

I took a step back. "Avoid getting any closer."

His eyes were raw with agony. "Let me explain, please."

I glanced down at the picture once again. I was lying in a hospital bed, unconscious. Pale. At risk. Powerless. And James was there, standing next to a guy whose image was fresh in my thoughts. His eyes, my eyes, watched me with a calmness that was frightening.

Finally, James said, "He's your dad." "And he is living, certainly."

I blinked slowly. That isn't possible. According to my biological mother, Dad passed away before I was born.

James said that he didn't. Not the way she was told, anyhow. To hide him from him, they led her to think he did.

"Why?"

He was dangerous, that's why.

The room wobbled a little. I took a firm seat on the desk's edge. "What did he do?"

James combed his hair with his hand. He was strong. Not only was he wealthy, but he had connections to those who worked behind the scenes. Your mother found herself enmeshed in a situation that she didn't comprehend. Additionally, several individuals opposed your birth when she became pregnant.

"Who do people like?"

James remained silent.

I got to my feet. James, who are you defending? Me or him?”

He gave a headshake. "It's not that easy."

"Isn't it never?" I muttered. "With you, nothing is ever easy."

He clenched his jaw. "I wanted to tell you again." However, I could always see the terror in your eyes when I went near. I was unable to add anything else.

I said, "You didn't protect me." "You were in charge of the narrative. I'm not even sure who I am anymore.

James's voice broke. "I know no stronger lady than you."

I walked by him and responded, "No." "I'm simply the lady who has repeatedly been misled. by her sister. by you. by her own mom. And now, from a father I had no idea existed.

I stopped at the entrance.

"Now, where is he?" I inquired. "My dad."

James took a while to respond.

"James," I firmly stated.

He raised his head. "He's hoping to see you."

A beat skipped in my chest. "You spoke with him?"

He gave one nod. "Recently."

"And you didn't believe that I should be aware of it?"

James said, "He made me promise." He promised to explain everything on his own. so he had to be the source.

I gave a sour chuckle. He did, of course. One another guy who believes he can dictate how I live.

James took another step forward. "Please don't leave."

However, I had already started to go.

Down the corridor.

outside.

Out into the chilly night.

I moved quickly while keeping my arms crossed over my head as if to support myself.

Clouds hung heavily in the night sky. There would be a storm.

The reality was the same.

Before I could hear footsteps behind me, I had arrived at the end of the driveway.

Lily!

Mira was the one.

I paused.

Her breath caught as she caught up. "You shouldn't be alone yourself out here. Not this evening.

"Why not?" I inquired. "Are you worried I'll get lost again?"

She gave a headshake. "I'm worried you'll encounter something you're not prepared for."

I gave her a close look. "Don't you know something too?"

Mira paused. "I'm afraid because I know enough."

"Of what?"

"Of the guy who has spent too much time in the shadows."

I gave her a complete spin. "My dad?"

She gave a nod. "Lily, he's dangerous. He is more than simply a specter from your past. He is a guy who quietly built his empire. who manipulates pieces as if we were all playing his game.

I took a step back. "So why would James allow him to be close to me?"

"Because James owes him," she said cautiously.

I was completely stopped by it.

"What do you mean?"

Mira turned her head away. "Ask James."

I gave a headshake. "No. Tell me, please.

Mira let out a sigh. James received assistance while his business was failing years ago. An investor who keeps quiet. Someone who initially only requested access to one lady.

I blinked.

"No," I muttered.

Mira blurted out, "At the time, he had no idea who you were." "But everything changed when he found out."

Once again, my mind was racing. "All right, James... Did James sell me to him?

"No. However, he allowed him to enter. And now... I believe that it is too late to close the door.

In my pocket, my phone buzzed.

One more message.

The same unidentified number.

* "At midnight, come by yourself to the old glass factory. Or more truth will perish. *

I gazed at the display.

The former glass plant.

I raised my gaze to Mira. "I must go."

Taking hold of my arm, she said, "You can't." "It's not secure."

I said, "Neither is life like this." "I'm not sure."

Once again, she failed to stop me.

because she was aware that I had already decided.

Too soon it was midnight.

There was silence in the glass plant. empty. chilly.

My footsteps echoed as I entered.

I called, "Hello?"

A silhouette emerged from the darkness.

tall. keen eyes. A gray outfit.

The dude from the picture.

His words were, "My daughter."

Then—

Behind me, the door banged.

locked.