The long road to recovery

Chapter 2: Respite in the Garden of Eden

The shrill shriek of an alarm filled the mostly empty space which was Jack’s rundown apartment, waves of early morning gold illuminating a rather familiar scene as Jack took another slow pull from a freshly lit cigarette. The cool air of the morning caressed his bare feet as they dangled ten stories off the ground from the large widow which adorned his living room wall. Though familiar there was something quite spectacularly different about the stage on which it played out on, for the warm amber glow of morning sun was not cast upon the towers of plastic and cloth which had once lined the floors of this very apartment, no instead it pooled in the cracks and scratches of the now bare hardwood floors. The air was thick with the engineered lemon scent of household cleaners and particles of dust flickered through the air weightlessly. Truly the space had been transformed in a little less than a week’s time, no longer did the oppressive aura of despair hang thick within the off-white walls of the apartment. In it’s stead was a simply refreshing feeling, it was as if a weight had been lifted off Jack’s shoulders as it had been off his floor no doubt.

There was always something so soothing about watching the sun rise over the horizon through thick grey clouds of smoke, something about it took jack to a place far, far away from all the problems of his everyday life. He couldn’t recall when he had started this daily tradition nor did he ever really care to, for him it was just that much easier to lose himself within the beauty of it all with the slight hint of mystery that came with not knowing. It could have been that time he was out with friends, bar hopping until 3 in the morning, or even that summer he went to sleep away camp with his friends in 9th grade but without the certainty of knowing he was free to believe that there was a much more interesting story tied to it. It was in those small moments, the few insignificant minutes before his day had officially started, that he could escape to a place where not even his thoughts could reach him.

Yet despite how much he craved those five stupid minutes he had never once mourned their passing because he knew that no matter what happened throughout the day he would always make time for them as the sun rose upon the city the next day. That was until this fateful day, the day when Jack would finally have to lay his beloved morning ritual to rest in the hopes of getting better. He knew that this would all be for the best (even if at times he didn’t know how) and still there was a somber air to this day. The wind which whisked away each dark cloud of smoke was the very same wind which blew the tears from his eyes on the day his mother died. He would never compare the two but it was unmistakable that the winds of change had set something into motion that day and whether that something would be positive or not, well only time would tell.

Jack’s mind was much too far gone to think on such things though, he tried to keep it preoccupied with positive thoughts of the coffee brewing in his pot or the beers he’d be downing at the pub later tonight but all that he could think of was where he’d be headed after everything was said and done. Just the thought of that place filled him with a slight dread, even more so as memories of reading One flew over the cuckoo’s nest for high school English came flooding back, though you could hardly call what he did “reading”. Nonetheless he held a rather strong grasp as to how this place would be, or at least he felt as such.

With spirits already dampened before the clock had even struck 10 Jack poured himself the first coffee of the day. As the rich black liquid filled his chipped mug with the warmth of a tender embrace he let the full bodied aroma wash over him. Truly this and his cigarettes would be the most demoralizing losses that he would have to endure during this entire ordeal, so for as long as he could he was hoping to indulge in such little pleasures. The sound of a spoon against the sides of his mug brought him back to the present as he stood amidst his kitchen, his left hand stirring the fine Arabian coffee which he saved for special occasions such as this. He stared deep into the mixture of colours and lights that danced atop the swirling vortex within his mug perfectly content in just standing there, doing nothing but enjoying the moment.

Sadly a gentle knocking at the door signaled the end of that peaceful haven for Jack “Keep your pants on, I’m just in the kitchen so give me a minute.” He knew exactly who it was on the other side of his door and yet this was one of the few times that he would have wished that it was literally anyone else. Placing his mug gingerly atop the stove Jack shuffled his way to his door, a task made immeasurably easier due to the now clear floors. The heavy wooden door to jack’s apartment sung open with a thunk as he was greeted by the smiling face of his best friend. Connor had come mostly to make certain that he could Give Jack the best send-off possible, while also keeping an eye on him so that he wouldn’t go back on his word and leave town. It wasn’t that he didn’t have faith in Jack, it was merely that he had been around long enough to know him better by now.

Rather than greeting and ushering Connor in Jack simply turned to head back into his apartment to tend to his coffee, making certain to leave the front door as open as possible so that his guest could see himself in. “And good morning to you too Mr. Sourpuss, though you’ve never been much of a morning person without your coffee huh?” Clearly it was much too early for all this talking, Jack did his best to convey his thoughts in a set of low grunts as he reclaimed his mug of liquid motivation. Connor, who was chipper and wide awake, had already seen himself into the apartment, closing the door as he placed his coat in the closet which lined the front hall. There was an air of familiarity to his movements as he glanced over the now barren apartment floor “I’d almost forgotten how spacious this place actually is considering that you couldn’t actually walk through half the damn place.”

Jack gave a rather lackluster laugh while raising his mug to Connor, his way of silently telling him that he’d be ready to be a functional human being in just a moment… well as close to a functional human being that Jack could be that is. Connor simply smiled in response and found himself a spot to call his own. He had seated himself upon the corner section of a rather rundown, if not comfortable, leather sofa that stood just beside the living room window. Connor haphazardly tossed himself upon it and landed with a grunt as he reveled in the beauty of the city’s skyline in the light of the rising sun. “I thought you got rid of this old thing a while back” Connor patted the arm of the sofa and instantly regretted it as a cloud of dust filled the air. His hand waved back and forth as he did his best not to begin coughing “Even smells the same as I remember.”

Jack couldn’t help but chuckle as he set his now mostly empty mug back down, this laughter coming straight from the bottom of his heart “Yeah I found it buried under a fuckin’ mountain of clothes.” Jack began to pour himself another cupful of his beloved coffee before coming out to join his friend in the living room. He took another deep swig from his cup before continuing forth with the conversation “I’m sorry if you wanted a cup, only got enough joe for myself” Jack raised his mug to Connor with a look of total bliss upon his face “It’s the good s**t too.” Connor shrugged the comment off with ease as he patted down his pockets “You know I don’t drink coffee, its why were such good friends. There’s always more for you after all but since you’re in such a generous mood I will take one of your cigarettes though, seems I left mine in the car.” Jack produced a nearly unrecognizable mess of plastic packaging from the front right pocket of his jeans and held it before Connor. Surly this had been a pack of cigarettes at some point but in this very instance it more closely resembled trash than anything else.

Connor gave thanks as he did his best to be delicate with whatever it was that Jack was handing him, uncertain as to whether or not the whole thing might disintegrate in his hand if he was just a bit too rough. Sure enough though, after a bit of fooling around trying to find an opening, Connor produced a (mostly) intact smoke. It was bent in more than one area and frayed on both ends but a smoke is a smoke and when you start to feel that craving you’ll do just about anything for those little white cancer sticks. A wave of warmth washed over him as the first rush of hot smoke filled his lungs to the brim. Jack slid open the large window situated just behind them as streams of smoke escaped Connor’s nostrils, the both of them watching the bustling city prepare for the day ahead. “I hope you’re ready cause once I’m done here we’re heading out for breakfast, my treat this time” instead of replying Jack simply put his mug to his lips once more and drank deeply from his cup.

Their day was just about to start, all that was left now was to put on a jacket and the two of them would be out the door. Jack had opted to wear his lucky jeans for today’s momentous occasion, despite their rather advance state of disrepair, he found the idea of wearing them soothing towards the anxiety he felt towards this whole fiasco. Other than that there wasn’t much to comment on, his shirt was a rather plain looking white tee and the only thing odd about that was the fact that he had somehow managed to keep it pristinely white despite his rather messy ways. Connor on the other hand had dressed up to the nine for his friend’s last night out on the town, this was a momentous occasion after all and as such called for fancy dress. He wore a form fitting black button up shirt topped with a deep blue blazer and black jeans, perhaps not black tie affair special but for them this was dressed up. Jack finished his preparations by shoving his keys down the back pocket of his jeans, quickly tossing on a beaten leather jacket before opening up the door. He looked over his shoulder at Connor who was still enjoying a cigarette by the window “Are you coming? I’m starving.” Connor shot him a look before tossing what remained of his smoke out the window, shaking his head at the rather impatient looking Jack “I’m coming, I’m coming just hold your horses.”

Even at night the city somehow overflowed with light and life both, the steady purring of engines filling the air as streaks of red were etched into the cool night air. It was truly beautiful, not the same beauty that the city held when awash in the amber waves of morning glow mind you but a more purposeful manmade beauty that struck a different cord within the heart. It was as if the city at night mirrored a great work of art, each brushstroke lovingly applied by a skilful artist well versed in their craft, each street lamp and neon sign arranged with perppous and all of it coming together to form a whole. These were the thoughts that flooded Jacks uneasy mind as he watched the city go by from the passenger’s side window of Connor’s car. It was hard not to lose himself in thought as the others droned on about something or other, he just could not escape the impending doom which loomed over him. This feeling of dread had made it rather difficult to enjoy this night’s festivities, not for a lack of trying either, no he just didn’t have it in him to party as he was headed to the gallows.

Jack had spent the majority of the day meant as a celebration for his decision to seek help with a fake smile plastered across his face, something he was well versed in sure but not exactly what he’d call a great night out. Despite what amounted to little less than an average Saturday night for Jack, the company was what really made it for him. He didn’t know exactly when but as the night went on each member of his regular gang started to file in one by one until Connor’s car was now filled to the brim with all five of them seated rather uncomfortably. Idle chatter was ever present from the back seats as the group of friends discussed previous escapades and other such grandiose stories, all the while Jack sat silently watching the silhouette of the city illuminated by neon light. It wasn’t as if he had not enjoyed himself, quite the opposite really as he had been having the time of his life yet there hung a heavy sense of impending collision which made it hard to focus on the here and now.

Jack gave a moment to look back on his friends, listening on the stories they were telling and sharing in their laughter as nostalgia washed over him. It had been all too long since the lot of them had all gotten together like this, he missed the feelings these little excursions brought to light. Obviously there was Connor, who sat driving the car and jumping periodically back into the conversation when the need arose. Next to him in the passenger seat was Jack who had finally decided to come out of his shell and actually started conversing with the others. Behind him sat Sara she was, as per usual, the center of attention and the life of the party, laughing the loudest and reminiscing the most on those “lost years” of theirs. On the opposite end sat Joe, a big man who was built like a house and had the voice to match but to his core he was nothing but a teddy bear. Between the two of them was Mika, she contrasted Joe with her rather short stature but she more than made up for the difference in size with the volume of her voice. Together they formed a place that Jack, though not publicly, could only describe as home.

Jack nodded along to another of Mika’s long winded stories as his attention returned his to the breath-taking beauty of the scenery which rushed along his window at 80 mph, the sound of the other cars on the highway racing past almost enough to drown out the radio. “Does anyone care if I have a smoke, I’ve been fuckin’ dying for one since we left Joe’s place.” Nobody really gave an answer to the question posed but the car was suddenly filled with quite a few “Ehh”s and most everyone gave a shrug of the shoulders. Jack took that as a green light and began rummaging around in his pockets before a thought occurred to him, he had given his last cigarette to Connor back in his apartment. Usually he’d have been pissed by this revelation but tonight he was surrounded by friends, and more importantly fellow smokers.

Jack half turned to face his friends in the back seats, forgoing Connor as he already knew that he was too busy driving to hand him anything “Seems I’m out, anyone gotta spare that I can barrow?” As if they had rehearsed beforehand the three in the back seat began to check their assorted pockets in unison “Yeah, I should have one here for yah.” Joe’s deep voice boomed from the back of the car as he produced a green and gold package of cigarettes, presenting them to Jack with an open hand and a warm smile. Jack happily accepted the palm sized rectangle and tapped the side against his hand before producing a singular smoke “Thanks Joe, I should go crazy more often. You haven’t been this nice to me in the entirety of the four years that we’ve known each other.” Joe simply laughed as Jack returned the packet, shoving it back into his pocket before offering a retort “That’s ‘cause yer a fuckin’ massive c**k mate.”

Everyone in the group shared a good laugh at Joe’s remark, even Jack found himself rather amused by it “What can I say, size matters.” Spending time with his friends again really made Jack realize that he’d been alone for quite a bit longer than he was comfortable with. This wasn’t the same type of loneliness that he had felt sitting alone, in the dark, in his apartment, no this was something much more complicated than that. It was a sort of loneliness that he would feel even whilst in the midst of a large crowd, something unbeknownst to him just separated him from people as a whole and it scared him. Yet tonight, in this small crowd of five, he didn’t feel this way. He didn’t feel alone or anxious, instead he felt something that he thought he had lost quite some time ago, himself.

Jack shook his head as he caught himself falling too deep into though before taking stock of where he had left off. The unlit cigarette still sat within his hand and the others continued about their business, hopefully without noticing that Jack had spaced out for a minute or two. He placed the ivory tube between his lips as wandering hands finally procured his stainless steel flip lighter. The signature click filled his ears as a glowing orange flame was produced and promptly brought to the end of his cigarette, his free hand cupping the flame so as to make sure it didn’t go out. He could see the flame take purchase as he took his first deep breath of nicotine infused tobacco filled his lungs with a soothing warmth, and his head with an unusual clarity. Long streams of gray-black smoke trailed from the car as Jack rolled down his window to clear the air “So where exactly we headed off to anyways?”

Connor turned to face Jack fining him in the middle of tacking yet another drag from his cigarette, the tip glowing a deep red as he relished every second of his inhale. “It’s a surprise,, stop worry so much about it and try to just enjoy the time that you have with us.” Connor placed a caring hand on Jacks shoulder, keeping his other on the wheel as he shot him a smile. Jack smiled back well aware that Connor couldn’t see but he didn’t care, he was going to enjoy this night out with his friends even if he had to force himself to do so. Just like that Jack was back in the moment, tomorrow was a world away and he wasn’t going to let it ruin tonight.

Jack rested the hand which held his cigarette on the car door, the cool air of the night threatening to snatch it from his hand if he wasn’t careful. His other arm was wrapped around the headrest as he twisted his body towards the party that was the back seats. “Do you guys remember what we were like in collage?” Jack had just stumbled back into the conversation at the exact point when Mika wanted to talk about their wild days back in collage “It’s kinda fuckin’ hard to remember much of anything considering I spent most of my time on campus getting blackout drunk.” Connor shook his head, he was most definitely there so he remembered exactly what Jack was talking about “I mean, not much has changed since you got your… what the f**k were you going for again.” “I was going for writing, it was a journalism course. I was supposed to come out of there some sort of hot shot reporter who’d travel the world getting the latest scoops… well this just in, that didn’t fuckin’ happen. Man, I was a fuckin’ stupid kid huh?”

The group laughed along with Jack as he recalled what use to be his dream before he took another drag from his cigarette “Well if you think that’s pathetic you should’ve seen me. I was going for music, I thought that me and my band were going to be the next AC/DC but we ended up more like those cover bands people use so they don’t have to pay royalties.” Jack had almost forgotten that Connor was a musician, it wasn’t strange considering the only times that he had ever seen his friend play Jack had been completely wasted to the point of forgetting his own name. Next up to bat was Mika, her larger than life voice already ringing out just as Connor finished his own tale “I was so certain that I wanted to start my own business, you know be your own boss type thing. Well thanks to this one professor I had I ended up hating literally all of my courses, it was not fun at all. Anyways, so-“ Jack could tell that Mika was getting ready for one of her legendary monologues again, the last one he ended sitting through could have gone on for the entire runtime of Schindler's list.

So Jack decided to do what any reasonable and caring friend would do in this situation, he continued to nod his head along with the story as he lost himself in his cigarette once more. There was now but a stub remaining and he knew that one long drag would be all that it took to finish it off but he also wanted to savor what little remained. He decided on very short breaths so that he could extend his smoke brake at least until Mika finished ranting about the Bands she listened to in collage. As the last puff of smoke filled Jack lungs the filter was sent tumbling into the night along the asphalt of the highway, tossed without a care in the world from the passenger side window. He had returned to the conversation just in time to hear the very last lines of Mika’s one woman show “And that’s why I will never trust a cat wearing socks.” Most of them simply nodded, Connor let out a barely audible sigh as he signaled left to turn onto their exit and Jack had never recalled hearing that story.

In the aftermath of Mika’s story there was a flurry of confusion that swept across the car, along with a general silence that held an unmistakable air of awkwardness. This was the moment that all eyes shifted onto Joe, who had done his best to fly under the radar up until this point but no matter how quiet he was now there was no denying it, he was up next. Jack was definitely most interested in Joe’s story, though he had known the guy four years now Jack knew remarkably little about him. He knew that Joe hailed from beyond the channel, that much was obvious from the accent alone, other than that though he barely knew what kind of music he liked. Joe looked either side of him than pointed a solitary finger to his face as if to silently say “who me?” and in unison the rest of the gang nodded their heads.

He sighed and let his head hang low as he prepared to tell his tale of collage woes, most everyone was on the edge of their seats awaiting a tale they had never heard before. “Well then, I suppose I should start from the beginning then. This all starts with me and my flat mate, nothing special really, just your average bloke. We were pretty much the same, he and I, a couple of average Joes deluded enough to think we’d make it big someday. I wanted to be a football star and well, he wanted to be some sort of a dancer… never really asked now that I think about it. Anyways It was an ordinary night, we were down at the pub drinking a couple beer, when a brawl broke out. I hadn’t been in a proper bare-fisted brawl in too long so I said f**k it and started swinging. Well turns out the kid I laid flat on his ass was the dean’s son, the little s**t had me kicked out before I could count to ten. So I up and left, called my cousin who lived here and met the fucker up there. The rest is history.”

Jack hadn’t been expect… well he didn’t know what he had been expecting but whatever it was it definitely was not that. Joe’s story sounded more like and award-winning feel good summer film than it did a collage story, there was booze and fighting sure but it felt so fantastical to him. Jack slumped over in his seat as he began to think of his collage experience, everyone in the car had tales of adventure and friendship but his, his was a drug-fueled haze of partying and binge-drinking. As these thoughts began to worm their way evermore into the forefront of his mind he could feel a slight numbness overcome him. Not a physical numbness mind you but an emotional one, it felt as if the colours of the world began to fall away, leaving in their stead only gray. Jack did his best to laugh it off, telling himself that there was no point getting so hung up on the past, that there was nothing he could do to change it even if he had wanted to. Yet still that little tinge of gray remained, only ever in the back of his mind or the corner of his eye but he knew it was there.

Jack did the best he could to hide it from his friends, it wasn’t as if he hadn’t had many nights of practice already, so he did his best to remain an active participant in the night’s lively conversation. The group continued to laugh and reminisce as stories flowed forth, the joyous sounds of conversation helping to put Jack’s anxious mind somewhat at ease. They had left the highway by this point, the empty blackness of the open road replaced now by the cramped neon streets of downtown. The car slowed to a crawl as they were met with traffic, Connor more than willing to voice his opinion on the matter “Geez, even at this hour. This s**t is why I absolutely hate coming to the heart of the city.” It felt good knowing that Jack had friends willing to brave the fabled traffic jams of a Friday night in the heart of downtown, truly they were the salt of the earth.

Jack had done an excellent job thus far at being patient in regards to the surprise location of his final farewell but being this close to the end of the road just made it that much harder to hold his curiosity at bay. “So… Where exactly are we going tonight? Nowhere too fancy I hope, considering I look like a fuckin’ slob.” Sara leaned forward and placed her head on the passenger side chair so it was next to Jack’s “Don’t worry about it, you look just fine so shut up and enjoy the ride.” They both shared a laugh before Sara returned to the bulk of the group in the back seat, giving Jack the perfect opportunity to grill Connor for some answers. He turned to face Connor, his hand raising to meet his chin as Connor’s gaze remained fixed upon the road ahead despite the snail’s pace that traffic afforded them. “Thanks for dragging me out here tonight, if it were just me I probably would’ve spent tonight eating junk food and jackin’ off.” Connor couldn’t hold a straight face when targeted by Jack’s special brand of directness, cracking a smile as he winced just slightly at the mental picture forming in his head.

“All kiddin’ aside I really do appreciate this whole night, even if that ass was invited” Jack not so subtly jerked his head over in Joe’s general vicinity while avoiding eye contact at the same time. Connor’s stance relaxed as he placed a solitary hand on the top of the steering wheel before turning to face Jack, a warm smile gracing his face. “Don’t worry about any of it, everyone’s here for you because they wanted to be here so don’t get all sappy on me. Not to mention it isn’t like this is a goodbye by any means, in fact this is sort of like a second first impression… The day that you walk out those doors, you’ll be a whole new you.” Connor placed his free hand on Jack’s shoulder with a comforting pat before returning to the road, though with the flow of traffic as it was he could have driven with a blindfold and still been fine.

Jack returned to his little corner of the car as well, doing his best not to get consumed by his thoughts on the final leg of the journey but it was a losing battle. His mind pondered over what Connor had just said to him, most interesting was the part about a “new” him. He knew that whatever it was that had driven him to thoughts of suicide was without a shadow of a doubt a horrible thing but for whatever reason the thought of changing that aspect of himself scared Jack. It wasn’t as if he didn’t want it gone, if he could have waved a wand and magically gotten “better” of course he’d take that opportunity but somehow he feared that he’d be different. It was this feeling of his had been with him so long that it had now become a part of him, and that when removed it would be as if he was losing a part of himself. Jack himself couldn’t understand his reasoning, he more than anyone else wanted this feeling gone yet still in some twisted way he cherished this feeling of his.

Before Jack knew it the car had come to a halt, the only difference this time was that traffic wasn’t the cause. The group had finally reached their destination, the whole lot of them noisily shuffling out of the cramped space the moment the vehicle had come to a stop. Jack stretched aching limbs as he shut the car door behind him, looking around at his dimly lit surroundings and taking in all that he could. From what he could see they were parked within a gravel lined parking lot, each row of cars lined with tall streetlamps which did their best to illuminate the dark space. The lights themselves flicked and waned as they swayed gently in the wind, it was quite obvious that they had stood for some time now. Other than that the place was mostly devoid of anything really, if Jack hadn’t known for a fact that he was in the heart of the city he could have sworn that this was the middle of nowhere. The carpark was encircled by a dense woodland, the lights were old and rusted, hell there were really only a handful of cars here other than them, the only thing missing was a starlit sky and you would have yourself an amazing setting for a horror film. Sadly the sky was alight with the telltale glow of the city, a tinge of red just along the fringes was all it took for Jack to know that they were still within the city’s limits.

A voice pulled Jack from the depths of his mind just in the nick of time “Come on, we haven’t got all night, get the lead out!” Connor called out through cupped hands from the mouth of a dirt path, waving Jack down as he started towards him. The path was well hidden amongst the foliage, really only visible to Jack thanks to Connor who sat holding the low hanging branch of a pine tree revealing the otherwise hidden path. “Where the f**k did you even find out about this place? Seriously, are you plannin’ on killing me or something, cause’ if so I gotta applaud you on your choice of scenery.” Connor gave a half laugh as he ushered Jack into the darkness of the forest, making certain to lower the branch behind the two of them before taking point so as to lead him through the winding trail.

Though he would never have admitted it Jack was actually quite a bit more scared than he let on, the eerie atmosphere and general lack of information weren’t really helping the situation any. Jack did his best to power through it though, the hair on the back of his neck standing on end with each and every sound that emanated forth from the heart of the forest. It was all he could do to continue forward with eyes glued upon the back of his friend, he knew that Connor was more than enjoying himself at this very moment. Putting this aside Jack really did have absolutely no idea as to where they could be headed off to, the others in the group must’ve gone on ahead because they were nowhere to be seen. What could even be this deep in the woods, Jack was sceptical there’d be a bar this far out and he was damn certain that there wasn’t a diner, so what then?

Jack did his best to wonder in silence as he was lead deeper into the forest, his surroundings strangely never growing dark or even dim as they waltzed ever further in. The path itself wasn’t lit yet some sort of light illuminated the path before Jack and Connor, perhaps these woods weren’t as thick as they seemed at a glance. It was as if the universe was listening into Jack’s thoughts, for no sooner did this thought occur to him than did the trees thin and a grassy clearing come into view. Jack couldn’t help but shake his head as his eyes finally bared witness to what would play host for his final night out. There, no more than a few meters before them, just beyond a rather high chain-link fence was a cheaply decorated country club patio. We’re talking the works, dollar store streamers, a ginormous “happy birthday” banner, and last but not least brown paper bags filled to the brim with every sort of fast food known to man. Whatever Jack had been expecting this night to be could have never compared to the reality that was presented to him.

Connor slowed to a halt just before the trees thinned out as he waited for his friend to catch up “So, what do you think? It took a bit of planning but I was determined to send you off with a proper farewell. One last hurrah to tide you over while you’re getting treated.” Jack stopped just short of his friend and raised a hand to Connor’s shoulder, his gaze fixed to rest somewhere distant as he did “It’s beautiful… Thanks.” Without another word they both set out across the field which laid before them, Jack’s signature carefree stride returning as he once more followed his own path. Connor on the other hand started a half jog as he made his way towards the farewell party, the others already digging into assorted burgers, tacos, and what have you. “There better be plenty of fuckin’ food left for me when I get up there! Remember whose party this is you guys!” Jack’s voice filled the stillness of the night air as he started picking up the pace, the rumbling of his stomach pushing him to walk faster.

The venue for Jack’s last night out was stunning, an honest to god country club on its own private plot of land even. For a brief moment he thought to ask where exactly one of his friends got permission to use such a fancy place but realized that sometimes there are questions just not worth asking. Instead it was always better to just live in the moment, no sense in spoiling the moment for himself by thinking of such trivial matters. Thus enjoy himself he would, Jack reached deep into one of the many unmarked fast food containers, rummaging through a couple empty burger wrappers and Styrofoam cups before producing a steaming hot mountain of a burger for himself. The thing was gigantic, it took him two hand just to get the thing free of the bag “Geez, we’re certain these come from cows right? I know I’ve said I was hungry enough to eat a horse but f**k, this takes it a bit too far.”

Mika let out a laugh despite being in the middle of what seemed to be a world record attempt for most burgers eaten without chewing, since the group had sat down she had already started on her second one. “Calm down Jack, there’s nothing funny about the food, I know a guy who does catering and he got me a good deal on junk food in bulk, and so I thought to myself “hell, why not splurge”. So I did…” It was slightly amazing to Jack that Mika could continue to hold a conversation as she finished off the last bits of her second helping, her slender hands already searching for what would be her third. He knew it was rude but Jack always kind of shut his brain off when Mika stared on another of her “stories” and this time was really no different, he continues to nod along and give basic replies but he was more focused on the food than anything.

He peeled the grease soaked wrapper carefully to the side, revealing one of the most mouth-watering burgers that Jack had ever seen. A thick meaty patty oozing melted cheese topped with crisp lettuce, juicy tomato slices, perfectly crunchy bacon, and drowned with a myriad of different sauces. It was all he could do to hold himself back from attacking this beautiful hunk of meat as just the sight of it caused his stomach to growl once more. He couldn’t hold back any longer, his jaws strained to open wide enough so as to allow the whole thing to fit in his mouth. His wait was well worth it though, as soon as that magnificent creation blessed his taste buds he let out a long sigh of satisfaction, this was exactly what he needed after the long night of bar hopping with friends, greasy foods and friends. Jack felt awash with bliss as he scraped melted cheese from his between his teeth with the end of his tongue, wasting not even a moment before returning for his second bite.

With half a monster burger remaining Jack could tell that he had begun to hit the wall, his forehead glistened with a phenomenon he knew best as the “meat sweats”. Using one of the many napkins which littered their table Jack whipped away the sweat which clung to his brow and braved yet another mouthful which despite being absolutely delicious, wreaked havoc on his stomach as he feel himself getting sick. He dropped the burger and sat as straight as he could, using each and every ounce of self-control afforded to him to stop himself from throwing up right then and there. This was the closest Jack had come to vomiting in quite some time, though his fair share of drunken nights in collage had prepared him for just such an occasion. He had found that it was best to distract yourself from the overwhelming pressure building up deep within yourself by thinking about unrelated topics.

So Jack did his best to not focus on the mountains of food that remained before him, despite the group’s best efforts they hadn’t even put a dent into all the food that Mika had brought along. In fact the only one who could even move anymore, let alone eat anything was Mika herself, she sat joyfully gabbing away as she started on her dessert course now. Jack nearly wretched at the mere sight of food not to mention seeing how easily she put it away, it was more than he could handle at the moment. So looking anywhere but the ground was out, there was so much food that the only way to avoid it entirely was to stare directly at his feet, so that’s exactly what Jack did. The next thing that was on Jack’s list of things was to find somebody to pass the time with, sadly this wasn’t going to work out either. All of Jack’s friends were sinking into their seats right alongside him and even if that weren’t the case jack was a tad bit frightened that if he were to actually open his mouth to speak a lot more than words would come out, so that was very much off the list. Jack chose to simply sit silently where he was, staring intently at his shoes as he did his best to stave off any thoughts of food or the massive amount of food swirling around inside of him.

As his number of applicable options dwindled it seemed as though Jack might actually have to partake in what he had been porously avoiding the entire night, losing himself in thought. It wouldn’t be hard, on the contrary it came as easy to him as breathing but his concern stemmed not from fears of difficulty but rather fears of not being able to stop once he had started. Though not ideal in the slightest Jack agreed that this was a much better option than spending the rest of his evening looking what he had eaten for a second time. Just like that Jack had left his friends behind as he went forth into the depth of his mind, initially doing his best to keep his subjects light. The mundane were the first thoughts to cross his mind, as they so often are, the smell of the woods at night, the beautifully designed interior of the country club, not to mention all the fun times that had transpired this night. Despite his current predicament Jack was on cloud nine, it had been quite some time since he had seen his friends all together in one place and it warmed his heart to see them getting along. He had missed them something fierce when he took his sabbatical from society, it may have been his choice to step back like he did but that didn’t mean that he enjoyed a second of it.

On the contrary living like that had been utter hell upon Jack, he couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t eat, and weeks would pass before he’d shower but through it all he had pushed away those who had come to help. Jack would be lying if he said that Connor hadn’t, on every singular available opportunity, done his best to get him to leave his apartment and do something, anything really. He was certain that Connor had known long before that fateful day that he took him out to Red’s but Jack was having problems even admitting it to himself let alone his friends. All the while that Jack had been deceiving himself he couldn’t deceive Connor, he had a way of seeing past his words, it was as if he could read Jack like a book. Jacks thoughts gave a moment’s pause as this crossed his mind, when they resumed he began to think on all the things that he would miss while undergoing treatment. Of course there were going to be the nights like these, no more getting wasted in the middle of the night with friends or eating so much that it felt as though your stomach was about to burst. Then there was his apartment, that little place in a cold, uncaring, world where he could lay his head to rest each and every night replaced by whatever uncomfortable brick he was certain they’d provide him with. Still, all the uncomfortable sleepless nights deprived of booze would be a piece of cake compared to losing his best friend.

Without warning Jack’s thoughts had spurred his body into action, his bloated form doing its best to fight through the queasiness that he had brought upon himself as he sluggishly shuffled over towards Connor. “Hey, I’ve been mulling this over and I know it’s selfish of me to ask you this but would you mind coming to visit me while I’m in the looney bin?” Jack spoke in a hushed tone as he sat on the ground next to his friend, taking a moment to look out at the beauty of the forest as he did. Connor shook his head in disbelief as he let slip a small chuckle “You’re an i***t if you thought that I was just going to dump you in there without a second though. Now I can’t promise that I’ll be there for you every week but I can tell you this, every opportunity that I have to see you I will take.” They were simple words to be certain but they were spoken with such a certainty and purpose that it put Jack’s restless mind at ease, if only for the moment.

The forest was silent as the two long-time friends watched the creaking pine trees sway in the crisp night air, the simple beauty of it all filling Jack with a simple joy. It was as if time slowed to a standstill as Jack reveled in this polaroid perfect moment, dedicating every minute detail to memory. All at once time seemed to resume, the grandfather clock in the hall chiming to signify the arrival midnight “Damn, where did the time go huh?” Connor gave Jack a pat on the shoulder as he did his best to get up without winding himself. Jack remained seated, eyes affixed on the brilliance of the moon as he wished for just a second more of this. Sadly his Cinderella story had come to an abrupt end and now it was time for him to finally face his reality. In only a few short hours Jack would be kissing any sense of normality in his life goodbye yet his resolve was stronger now than it had ever been, he was no longer doing this just for himself he was doing it for his friends.