Whiskey In The Water

Chapter 3-Lori

Chapter 3

Lori

After ending the call with Logan, I lay there awake. He said to him we’re together. And he wants to be my baby’s father. I don’t know what to think about that. I get up and go to the kitchen and get out the milk and cocoa to make some hot cocoa. I’m in the process of making it when someone walks into the kitchen. I turn to see Kathy standing there. “Can’t sleep?” she asks. “Too much on my mind.” I tell her. “You know we can do a session now if you want to. I’m on call.” She tells me. I pour the hot cocoa into two mugs and take them over to the table and Kathy grabs the marshmallows from the cabinet and we head to the sitting room.

I sit on the couch, and she sits on the other end, and we start putting the marshmallows into our drinks. “What’s going on?” she asks. “Did you know that Logan came to see me today?” I ask. “I saw him. Did he have more questions for you?” she asks. “No. He wanted to spend time with me. We worked on a puzzle together and talked.” I tell her. “What did you talk about?” she asks. “We got to know each other a little bit. He said he wanted to get to know me and that we would take things at my pace.” I tell her. “So, he’s interested in you?” she asks, and I nod my head yes. “How do you feel about that?” she asks. “I don’t know. Part of me wants to be excited but…” I say and stop. “But what?” she asks. “What if I can’t give myself to him? What if he gets tired of waiting on me to take the next step?” I ask her and look down at my mug. “Honey, let me tell you something about Logan. He’s a good man. He’s been single for a while but even when he was in a relationship, all he cared about was making the woman he was with happy. That’s what makes him happy. What does he think about the baby?” she asks. “He said that as far as the baby will ever know is that he is their father and even if we don’t get together that he will still be my baby’s father.” I tell her and she smiles. “What do you think about that?” she asks. “I don’t know. I mean, I’m comfortable talking to him, I guess. He’s nice and he seems to actually worry about me.” I tell her. “Just take things a day at a time with him. He won’t rush you and he won’t get tired of waiting. He knows what you’ve been through, and he understands that kind of trauma.” She tells me. “He told me about his parents being killed when he was a kid.” I tell her. “Did he tell you how they were killed?” she asks, and I shake my head no. “Spend time with him. Talk to him. You’ll find out you have more in common than you think.” She tells me. We talk a little more before calling it a night and when I leave the sitting room for my dorm, I tell her “I’ll see you for session in the morning.” She nods and I head to my dorm and finally get some sleep.

Waking up the next morning, I hear my phone buzz with a text message. Turning over, I reach for my phone thinking it might be Donna but it’s Logan.

Good morning, sweetheart.

Good morning, Logan.

Would it be okay to come

to see you today?

I’d like that.

See you soon, honey.

He says and I get up and get ready for my session with Kathy.

I’m sitting in my session and Kathy asks, “Have you thought more about our talk last night?” she asks. “I have. He texted me this morning to see if he can come see me today.” I tell her. “What did you say?” she asks. “I told him that I would like that. I thought about what you said, and I decided to at least get to know him before deciding anything.” I tell her and we go on with my session.

After my session, I head to the sitting room and see Logan sitting there with a jigsaw puzzle sitting on the table where we sat yesterday. I walk over and he stands, and I take a chance and hug him. He holds me close, and we just stand there for a minute before I pull away. I look at the puzzle and see he picked one with a German Shepherd on it. I look back at him and smile. “I thought you’d like it.” He tells me. “I do.” I tell him and he pulls out my chair before taking the seat he was sitting in. “How was your session?” he asks. “It was good. I actually had a session with her after getting off the phone with you last night.” I tell him and he looks at me concerned. “Are you okay?” he asks. “Yeah. I couldn’t sleep and was making some cocoa and Kathy saw me. We talked about you and about us getting to know each other.” I tell him. “And what did you decide?” he asks. “That we could get to know each other before I decide if I can handle us being together.” I tell him. “That’s great sweetheart.” He tells me.

We start sorting through the pieces and separating the edge pieces from the middle pieces and I ask, “Can I ask you something?” He looks at me and says “Ask me anything. I don’t want us to have any secrets.” He tells me. Playing with the puzzle piece in my hand, he looks at me, waiting. “Will you tell me what happened to your parents? Kathy was telling me to ask you, that I would see we have more in common than I thought.” I tell him. “She’s right. I was about six years old when it happened.

My parents would yell all the time. Screaming matches. I didn’t really understand what was going on but one night, the fighting got really bad, and I was hidden in one of the cabinets, where I normally hid when they fought. I saw my dad beating my mom. I came out and tried to stop him, but he slung me against the wall and took the knife from the counter and stabbed my mom over and over. I guess he realized that he’d done, and he stabbed himself in the throat. After that, I went to live with Ashton and his parents.” He tells me. “My dad was beating on my mom. Grabbed her and drug her to the bathroom. He was going to turn the shower on and hold her under the water. She fought back and he slammed her head against the tub. He killed her. Told me if I told anyone that he’d do the same to me.” I tell him. “s**t baby.” He says before reaching across and taking my hand. “I will never hurt you. I’d die before I’d hurt you or let anyone else hurt you.” He tells me. I look up at him and see the sincerity in his eyes.

We continue to talk while we work on the puzzle and the conversation gets lighter. “So, tell me some things you like to do.” He says. “You’ll laugh at me.” I say. “I would never laugh at you.” He tells me. “I like to write poetry.” I tell him. “Maybe I can read some someday.” He says. “Dad found my journals and burned them.” I tell him and we sit there silently for a minute. “What about you?” I ask. “Other than hiking, I like to watch movies and listen to music.” He tells me. “I like music. I love old southern rock.” I tell him. “Me too.” He tells me and we talk a little longer.

After putting the puzzle together, we move to one of the couches and we put on a movie and continue to talk. “Have you thought about what you want to do when this is handled?” he asks. “I don’t know. I want to go back to work and find a place. Start getting what I need for the baby.” I tell him. “Can I suggest something?” he asks. I look up at him, listening and he asks, “What if you stayed with me?” I look down at my hands in my lap and he reaches over and takes one of my hands and laces his fingers with mine. He takes his other hand and lifts my chin to look at him. “You don’t have to decide now. I just want you to know that it will always be an option.” He tells me. “I’ll keep that in mind.” I tell him and he kisses my knuckles.

We go back to the movie, and I drift off to sleep. Next thing I remember, I’m being picked up and I start to stiffen up. “Shh baby. I got you.” I hear Logan whisper, and I lay my head on his shoulder and place one hand on his chest. He carries me to my dorm and lays me on the bed. Taking my shoes off, he pulls the covers over me and tucks me in. Kissing the top of my head, he whispers “Goodnight, Sweetheart.” Before seeing himself out of the room and closing my door.

The next morning, I get up and get dressed and head to my session with Kathy. I tell her about my talk with Logan and him carrying me to bed and tucking me in. “So, things are going well?” she asks me. “I think so. He told me that I could stay with him if I wanted to but that there wasn’t any pressure but that he just wanted me to know that it would always be an option and that there was plenty of room for me and my baby.” I tell her. “Are you thinking about it?” she asks. “I don’t know. I mean, I like him. I made the comment about being damaged and he told me I’m not and asked me to never say that about myself again.” I tell her. “That’s the thing. You’re not damaged. You might think that but you’re not. Leaving a situation like that is hard for anyone to do. You’d be amazed at how many women never have the courage to get out of something like that. But you did it. And you’re going to be fine. Just the fact that you are giving Logan a chance means that you are not damaged. I want you to do something for me. An exercise. You can tell Logan about it if you want but I think it might help you.” She tells me. “What’s that?” I ask. “When you and Logan are together, doesn’t matter if you’re doing puzzles, watching movies, or just talking to each other. I want you to initiate physical contact.” She tells me and I stiffen. “What?” I ask. “Physical contact. Just simple things like holding his hand, a simple hug, little things. The reason for this exercise is to get you used to affection. From what you told me, the only kind of physical contact you have had has all been negative. What I want is to help you learn what positive physical contact feels like.” She tells me and I understand what she’s saying.

After my session, I go to my dorm and get my phone when I hear a knock on my dorm door. I turn and see Logan standing there and I see him holding a leash. Suddenly, a German Shepherd comes in with him. “I was just about to text you.” I tell him. “I couldn’t wait to see you. Thought you’d like to meet Clyde.” He tells me. “You thought right. He’s beautiful.” I tell him and he smiles. He leads Clyde into the room, and I reach over and hug him, and it shocks him a little, but he smiles and hugs me back. I sit on the bed and Clyde comes to me and lays his head in my lap. “Hey Clyde. You’re such a handsome boy.” I say as I pet his head. “Can I sit?” He asks and I pat the spot on the bed next to me. He sits beside me and while I’m still petting Clyde, I say “I want to talk to you about something.” He looks at me concerned and I say “I just came from a session. Kathy gave me an assignment and I need your help…that is…if you want to help.” I say and look back down at Clyde. “What’s the assignment?” he asks. “She said that all I’ve ever known is negative physical contact and she wants me to learn what positive physical contact is. She wants me to start initiating physical contact when we’re spending time together.” I tell him. “What do you need from me?” he asks.

“Just, I’m not used to initiating contact like that.” I say and he gets what I’m saying. “How about this? When you want to initiate contact, if you start, I will follow through with it. Until you are comfortable with it. Because you need to learn not just giving positive affection but receiving it too.” He tells me. “I’d like that. Thank you, Logan.” I say. “You don’t have to thank me. You’re mine Lori. You and our baby are mine.” He tells me and I look up at him. “You’re serious about my baby, aren’t you?” I ask. “I am. I’m serious about both of you.” He tells me. I take a chance and lean up and kiss his cheek and he smiles before kissing the top of my head.

After a while, we move out to the sitting room and start putting together another puzzle. This seems to be our thing. “You talked about me living with you. What would I do when you’re working?” I ask. “Well, you’d have Clyde, but I also have a housekeeper that lives in-house and she’s more like a mom than a housekeeper. She’s been with me since I graduated from law school.” He tells me. “Can I meet her one day?” I ask. “Once we get this handled, I will take you anywhere you want to go.” He tells me. “Do we know what the plan is?” I ask and he looks at me for a minute. “No secrets, remember?” I ask and he releases the breath he was holding. He moves to the chair next to me and takes my hands in his. “Let’s go to the meeting room. It’s soundproof and we’re not going to want anyone hearing what I have to tell you.” He tells me and I stand with him, and he leads me to the meeting room without letting go of my hand.

He leads me into the room and closes the door. He pulls out one of the chairs and helps me to sit before taking the one next to me and turning to face me. “We try to do everything as legally as possible when we can but there are some instances where that’s not possible. If we go the legal route with your dad or his friend, chances are that they will do a few years and get out to do it again to you or someone else.” He tells me and I nod and try to pull my hands from his. “I won’t let that happen to you. I reached out to the friend’s ex-wife. Jake has already done time for domestic violence, aggravated assault, and s****l assault. He r***d his ex-wife’s fourteen-year-old sister. After he got out of prison, he moved in with you and your dad and went on to doing the same thing to you.” He tells me.

“Then what are we doing?” I ask. “We aren’t doing anything. You are going to relax and work on getting better and growing our baby and me and Ashton are going to handle it.” He tells me. “Handle it how?” I ask. “Honey, they won’t be coming back.” He tells me. He looks back at our joined hands and says “I’ll understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore. I only want you to be comfortable. I don’t want you to look at me and think that I’m no better than they are.” He tells me. “Logan, look at me please.” I tell him. “Everything that they did to me. Beating me. Raping me. And you’re willing to do this for me. You are nothing like them. You’re a good man.” I tell him. “And I’m yours until you tell me different.” He tells me. I take a chance and lean forward and place a soft kiss on his lips.

“What’s the plan?” I ask again. “Rico and a couple of his guys are watching them and looking for the best time to take them. We have some property where we handle people that we know the legal system won’t stop. We will decide exactly what we’re going to do to them when we get them there.” He tells me. We are quiet for a minute, and I say “Wednesday nights, is their poker night. They usually go over to a buddy’s house and usually roll in about three in the morning. Go in the back door about one. There’s a hide a key under the top step. It’s one of those that goes inside the wheel well of a car, but dad used screws to hold it on.” I tell him. “That will be the best time to take them?” he asks. “Yeah. The rest of the week they are pretty unpredictable, but Wednesday nights are pretty routine.” I tell him. “Okay. Are you sure you’re okay with what we’re going to do?” he asks. “Does it mean I can start moving forward?” I ask. “It does.” He tells me. “I can move forward with you?” I ask. “Absolutely.” He tells me before kissing me softly.

He called Ashton and asked him to come to the mission and he brought Izzy. “Honey, we’re going to be in the meeting room talking and planning things out. Will you be okay with Izzy?” he asks. “I’ll be fine.” I tell him and he kisses me softly. “Send someone for me if you need me.” He tells me. “Clyde will be with me.” I tell him. He pets the top of Clyde’s head and says, “Take care of our girl for me boy.” And Clyde looks at him like he understands. Izzy and I move to the sitting room and Clyde follows me closely and lays at my feet. “I see things are going well with you and Logan.” She says. “Yeah. I think so. Can I ask you something?” I ask. “Of course.” She tells me. “When you met Ashton, what was it like?” I ask. “I met him not long after my son was murdered. I was struggling. My ex was verbally abusive, and I had it coming from not only him but his parents and friends as well. It was hard and when Ashton started courting me, I didn’t know what to think or how to feel. I felt like such a failure, and he was there telling me that I wasn’t and that he wanted to be with me.

He was telling me he wanted to marry me and have a family with me.” She tells me. “That’s how it is with Logan. He’s telling me that as far as he’s concerned that we are together and that my baby is his baby. He told me that he will take things at my pace.” I tell her. “That’s how Ashton was with me. I thought I was damaged, and he did everything to show me that I wasn’t.” she tells me. “Am I wrong for wanting to try with him? Wanting to be in a relationship with him?” I ask. “There’s nothing wrong with trying to move forward. Honey, with what we’ve been through, the hell that we’ve survived, we deserve a little happiness.” She tells me. “I don’t want my baby to grown up like I did.” I tell her. “They won’t. Your child will grow up and see what a strong mama you are. You did everything you could to survive and get you and your child out of that house. You’re thinking about moving forward with Logan. Honey, you’re healing already.” She tells me. “He told me that I could live with him when this is done, and I would have my own room.” I tell her. “What do you think about that?” she asks. “My only thing is that I still have nightmares at night. I don’t want him to know that I’m having nightmares.” I tell her. “Have you talked to Kathy about these nightmares?” she asks, and I shake my head no. “You should. Talk to her but you should let Logan know. He can help you through them.” She tells me and I say, “I’ll think about it.” And she nods.

Logan and Ashton come back into the room and says, “We have a plan together.” Logan tells me. I look up at him and he says, “Some details are better not knowing.” He tells me and I nod my understanding. “Once it’s done, I would like to take you on a proper date.” He tells me and I smile softly. “I’d like that.” I tell him and he pulls me into a hug. I feel him kiss the top of my head and I hold him tighter. Ashton and Izzy leave, and Logan pulls me to the couch. “How are you feeling with everything?” he asks. “I talked to Izzy. She told me how things were with her and Ashton when they met, and it reminds me a lot of me and you.” I tell him. “Is that a good thing?” he asks. “I think so. Logan, I don’t want my baby growing up like I did. I want him or her to know two parents that love them and want them, but I don’t want you to decide that you don’t want to raise someone else’s child.” I tell him. Tilting my chin up, he says “That will never happen. Our baby will grow up knowing that their mom and dad love them and support them, and they will never know the life we were exposed to. That I promise you.” He tells me. “Then when this is done, I’d like to talk more about moving into your house.” I tell him. “If you want, we can do one or two nights a week until you’re ready.” He tells me. “I’d like that.” I tell him and we just sit together on the couch and enjoy the silence.

A little later, he gets up to leave and I think about something Izzy said and decide to tell him. “There’s something I need to tell you before we go any further.” I tell him. “What is it baby?” he asks. “I…um…I have nightmares. I wake up screaming from them. I can still stay here until I get them under control.” I tell him. “No. If you have them at our house, I will be there to hold you any time you need it.” He tells me. “Do you want to talk about them?” he asks. I shake my head no, and he pulls me close again. Tilting my chin up to look at him, he says “I don’t care what time it is. If you need me, call me. I’ll be here.” He tells me. “Logan, I don’t…” I start and he stops me by putting his finger to my lips. “I’ll be here.” He tells me before kissing me softly and heading out the door.