Whiskey In The Water

Chapter 5-Lori

Chapter 5

Lori

We’re sitting on the patio, talking, when Ashton and Izzy walk out onto the patio with us. When we stand to greet them, Izzy hugs me and then looks at me and asks, “How are you doing sweetheart?” I smile softly and say, “Still processing but I think I’ll be okay.” I tell her and for the first time in a long time, I believe I might be. Ashton walks over and asks, “Can I hug you?” I nod softly and he hugs me gently and when he pulls away, we take our seats at the table. I decide I want to speak and say “I want to thank you both for helping me. I really don’t know what I would have done if you guys wouldn’t have stepped in.” I tell them. “Honey, you’re family now and we will always be here.” Ashton says.

Alice takes that moment to come out to the patio to bring a tray of drinks. She brings iced sweet tea for us and says “Lunch is almost done. I thought I’d make club sandwiches with dehydrated banana chips.” She says. Logan looks at me and I smile softly, and he says, “That sounds amazing mom.” Before she heads back inside to put the sandwiches together. “Why do you call her mom?” I ask Logan. Ashton and Izzy start laughing and Ashton says, “Because since the day she started working for him, she keeps his ass in line like a mom does.” And Logan flips him off but is smiling. He looks over at me and says “That’s true but she doesn’t have any kids, and I was just out of law school when she came to work for me. I was lost and she took care of me like a mother would and one day I started calling her mom and it’s just our thing now.” He tells me. “So, she will be like the baby’s grandmother?” I ask and Alice comes out and starts placing our food on the table and says “I will gladly be that baby’s grandmother. All four of you are my babies.” She says before patting my cheek and heading back inside. I watch her go with a smile on my face.

After eating, Izzy stands and holds out her hand to me and says, “Let’s walk in the garden.” I nod and take her hand. She pulls my hand to the bend of her elbow and walks close to me. “Now, talk to me.” She tells me. We’ve spoken enough that I’ve been comfortable talking to her about things. “I’m okay. He told me what him and Ashton did to my dad and Jake.” I tell her. “How do you feel about that?” she asks. “I don’t know. I mean, I know neither man would hurt me, but does it make me a bad person to just not feel anything?” I ask. “No. It doesn’t. You know I’ve told you about how Ashton and I got together?” she asks, and I nod my head yes. “Well, what I didn’t tell you was that while he was trying to get me to be with him, my ex showed up at my house and tried to choke me. Ashton saw the bruises on my throat and handled him.” She tells me. “Can you tell me what happened to him?” I ask. “He drowned my son, Jason. So, Ashton water boarded him before killing him.” She tells me. “How did you handle it?” I ask.

“I talked to Kathy. She helped me understand that it’s okay not to feel anything when finding out he was gone.” She tells me. “So, I’m not a horrible person?” I ask. “Of course not.” She tells me. “Do you think Logan would tell me if I asked him what happened with my dad and Jake?” I ask. “He said he didn’t want any secrets so he might.” She tells me. “Logan wants me to move in. I know he told me that he wasn’t going to rush me, but I know he’d rather me be, at least in the same house as him.” I tell her. “What do you think about it?” she asks. “I want to. I feel comfortable with him. I feel safe with him. But I’m just worried about my nightmares. I don’t want him to see how bad they are. He spoke to Kathy to see how to help me, but it seems like every time I feel like I’m making progress, I have another nightmare, and I fall back ten steps. I want to be with him. I want a life with him. How do I get past all of it?” I ask her. “That’s the thing. He can handle your nightmares. He wants to help you handle them. He wants to help you through them. To comfort you after you have them. To help figure out ways to keep them from coming but it’s something the two of you will have to figure out together.” She tells me. “Should I tell him I want to move in?” I ask. “If you feel you’re ready then yes but remember, you have him and Alice, but you have Donna, me and Ashton too. Kathy is still always on call if you need her. We are all here for you.” She tells me.

We move to one of the benches and she asks, “Have you been taking your prenatals?” I nod and say “I have. Been drinking a lot of juice and water. Trying to eat more vegetables and fruits as snacks.” I tell her. “That’s great.” She tells me. “Did he tell you he set me up an office? Even bought me some journals and supplies to start writing my poetry again.” I tell her. “No, he didn’t. I didn’t know you wrote.” She says. “I used to all the time, but my dad burned all of my journals.” I tell her. “You don’t have to worry about that with Logan.” She tells me. “I know.” I tell her and smile softly.

After walking in the garden and talking, we head back to the patio, where Logan and Ashton are sitting and talking. They stand as we walk up, and he holds out his hand. I take his hand, and he pulls me close, and we wrap our arms around each other, and I snuggle into his chest. The more I’m around him, the more I’m starting to get used to the affection. I’ve never had someone be affectionate with me before and he’s always gentle. It makes me think about him asking me to move in with him. My dad and Jake are gone so I’m not in danger anymore and I don’t have to worry about Jake coming after my baby. I can write my poetry and not have to worry about it getting burned and getting beaten for it. Maybe I’ll talk to Logan about moving in and hope I can hold off the nightmares.

We spend a little more time with Ashton and Izzy before they head home and it’s just the two of us sitting on the patio still. “What are you thinking about baby?” Logan asks. “Will you tell me what happened with my dad and Jake?” I ask. “Are you sure you want to know?” he asks. “Yes. I was talking to Izzy about it, and she told me what Ashton did to her ex, and you said you didn’t want any secrets.” I tell him. “I’ll tell you but if it gets to be too much, tell me and I’ll stop.” He tells me and I nod, letting him know I understand. He is still holding my hand when he moves his chair closer to me. “Do you remember Rico?” he asks, and I say, “He’s the one that led Donna and me to the mission, right?” I ask and he nods his head yes. “He found your dad and Jake and had his guys help grab them and take the to a warehouse that Ashton owns. It’s where we take people that need to be handled, that the legal system has failed their victims so it’s not the first time we’ve taken someone there.” He tells me. “Okay.” I say softly. “Rico and his guys tied your dad and Jake up and that’s when we walked in. We told them that we knew you and your dad wanted to know where you were but didn’t ask if you were okay. Your dad didn’t know that Jake had been hurting you. We told both of them that you are pregnant.” He tells me. I sit up straighter and look at him, panicked. He cups my face and says, “I made sure they both knew that I would be the one to marry you and that our baby would only know me as their father.” He tells me and I look into his eyes and see them soften. I nod, barely, but he sees it. “What happened next?” I ask. “Ashton handled your dad, and I handled Jake. Ashton beat your dad to death with a baseball bat and I had Jake tied to a table, face down and used a bull whip on him before strangling him with it.” He tells me.

I pull away and start to pace. “Are you okay?” he asks. I don’t speak but I stop pacing for a minute and he says, “I understand if you’re not going to want to see me after this but please, baby, understand I will never hurt you or our child, but I will do whatever I have to do to protect you both.” I snap my eyes to his and I ask “Why would I not want to see you? Logan, you killed the two men that were hurting me. You’ve done nothing but protect me and help me. Do you understand how lucky I am to have you? You could have any woman you wanted, and you chose me, knowing what I’ve been through and that I’m pregnant with a child that’s not yours.” I tell him. “The baby is mine. DNA doesn’t mean anything. Alice is the one I call mom and she’s not biologically mine. The baby is mine.” He says. I walk over to him and pull him to stand and wrap my arms around his neck and feel him wrap his arms around me and he nuzzles his nose along my neck.

We move to the living room, and he puts on a movie, a comedy, but we’re barely paying attention to the movie. I am snuggled into his side, and I feel him kiss the top of my head. While we’re snuggled up together, I am thinking. He doesn’t ask what I’m thinking, just lets me process everything that he’s told me. He killed my dad and Jake. He’s done nothing but protect me, he bought me what I need to start writing poetry again and he’s claiming me and my baby.

After the movie, I hug Alice goodbye, and Logan leads me out to the car. Opening the passenger door, he helps me inside and fastens my seat belt. When he gets into the driver's seat, we head towards the mission. “Can I ask something?” I ask. “Sure.” He says. “You said I could move in when I’m ready.” I say. “And you can.” He says. “What if I said I think I’m ready? I mean, I’m not sure about sharing a room just yet but, I don’t know, I want to try.” I tell him. “How about this? We can start out with you staying a few nights a week and see what you think.” He tells me. “Can I stay tonight?” I ask. “Let’s get you some things and if you want you can stay a couple of nights, and we’ll see how it goes.” He tells me. “Thank you.” I say and he brings my hand to his lips and kisses my hand before placing our joined hands on the middle console in the car.

After getting a few things, we head back to Logan’s house, or our house. Walking back in, Alice asks “Are you staying tonight?” I nod and say “I am.” I tell her and Logan says, “She’s going to be staying here a few days a week until she’s comfortable with moving in full time.” He tells her and she nods. “Well then. Welcome home.” She says and I can’t help but smile.

After spending some time together, I go to my room to get a shower and once I’m out, Logan knocks on the door. I open my bedroom door, and he walks in holding two mugs. “I thought we could sit on the balcony and have a drink.” He says. I smile and say, “I’d like that.” He hands me my mug and we walk out to the love seat that’s on the balcony and sit next to each other. I’m in a pair of leggings and a flannel, button up shirt and my socks. He pulls the blanket from one of the chairs inside the bedroom to wrap around me and he holds me close. “I hope you like chamomile tea. Susan said that you should limit your coffee intake when you’re pregnant. She said tea is better for the baby.” He tells me. “You talked to Susan?” I ask. “I did and she gave me a list of OBGYNs that I thought we could check out together.” He tells me. “Logan, why are you so good to me?” I ask. “Because you’re worth it and you’re mine.” He says before kissing me softly.

“Have you thought of themes for the nursery?” he asks. “I haven’t yet but I do know that I don’t want to do pinks or blues. I want something like the color scheme of this room. I love the dark grays and black.” I tell him. “That will work for a boy, or a girl and we won’t have to wait for the gender scan to find out if we’re having a boy or a girl.” He tells me and I nod before taking a drink of my warm tea. “Logan, what if I start having nightmares?” I ask softly. He kisses my temple and says, “You’re right next door to me so I can be there in a matter of seconds.” I nod and we sit in silence.

“I was thinking about making a list of what we will need for the baby. We can start getting things and getting the nursery set up.” He says. “I’d like that. But I was also thinking, since my dad and Jake are gone, I was thinking about going back to work.” I tell him. “Honey, you don’t have to work.” He tells me and I go to speak but he puts his finger over my lips to stop me. “I will provide for you and our baby but if you want to go back to work, then I will make sure you have a safe way there and home. If you want to work just simply because you like your job, that’s fine but just know that you don’t have to.” He tells me. “I do like my job but it’s more than that.” I tell him. “What is it?” he asks, looking at me.

“Most of my life I was dependent on my dad. I don’t want to be dependent on anyone. I get you wanting to take care of me but what if things don’t work out between us? I’d be left trying to figure out how to provide for myself and the baby. I can’t let myself not have that safety net.” I tell him. “I get it. How about this? I will provide for you and our baby but what money you make, we will put in an account that only you have access to so that you will have that safety net. But, honey, you’re it for me. But I understand where you’re coming from.” He tells me. I release the breath I was holding and lean further against him.

“What do you think of the name Amelia?” I ask. “I don’t know. What about Jacob?” he asks. “I’ve always loved that name.” I tell him. “We should do the nursery in a neutral theme.” I tell him. “What about teddy bears?” he asks. “Or maybe horses?” I ask. “Or a farm theme?” he asks. “I like the farm theme.” I tell him. “So, dark colors, farm theme, and Jacob for a boy. Now to find a name for a girl.” he says. “Yeah. We can figure out middle names later on.” I tell him and he nods before kissing me softly. “What do you think about getting a puppy before the baby gets here? They can grow up together.” He asks. “I don’t know about a puppy. Wouldn’t a puppy and a newborn be a bit much?” I ask. “We can talk about it more, the closer we get to having the baby.” He says. “I can agree with that.” I tell him and we talk a little longer.

After we talk for a while, he leads me off the balcony and to the bed. He pulls the blankets back and I slip between them. He pulls the covers up over me and sits on the side of my bed. “If you need anything, I’m right next door and my door is always unlocked. I don’t care what time it is.” He tells me. “Thank you, Logan.” I tell him. He caresses my cheek, and I lean into his touch. “I’m scared, Logan.” I say softly. “What are you scared of baby?” He asks. “Of having another nightmare.” I tell him. “I know baby, but they are just dreams. They can’t hurt you anymore. No one will ever hurt you again.” He tells me. “Will you stay until I fall asleep?” I ask. “Of course, honey.” He says softly. I snuggle further underneath the covers as he moves to the head of the bed and leans against the headboard. I lay my head in his lap, and he starts running his fingers through my hair to help me relax.

I close my eyes, and he starts talking softly. “I’ve never met anyone like you, Lori.” He whispers. “I can’t wait to see your stomach round with our baby. To feel him or her kicking my hand when I rub your stomach. I can’t wait to see you wearing a white dress, walking down the aisle to me. To exchange vows, promising to love each other for the rest of our lives. Giving you my last name. Watching our kids play in the garden.” He whispers and that’s what I hear as I drift off to sleep.

I’m lying in my bed when Jake comes into my bedroom and closes the door. Turning me over, he says “Your dad’s passed out. Spread those pretty legs.” He says before trying to get between my legs and I try to fight him off. “Jake don’t. Please don’t.” I beg. “I love when you beg.” He says laughing. He pins me down and gets his shorts down. Making his way between my legs, he moves my panties to the side and enters me roughly. I try to fight him off, but he keeps thrusting in and out and starts choking me. I’m starting to lose consciousness, and he finds his release inside me before removing his hand from my throat. “Get yourself cleaned up. You know I wouldn’t have to take you this way if you’d just give it up to me. Why do you fight me? It’s your fault it has to happen this way.” He tells me.

All of a sudden, I hear “It’s okay baby. I’ve got you. Come back to me sweetheart. You’re safe.” I hear whispered in my ear. Logan. “I got you baby. Come on. Let me see those beautiful eyes.” He whispers and I hear a whimper and feel something licking my hand. I open my eyes and see Logan sitting on the bed next to me, caressing my face. I look to the side and see Clyde laying on the bed next to me, licking my hand. I move to sit up and Logan takes my hand. “You’re okay baby.” He says. “I’m sorry.” I say and he cups my face with both hands and says “Don’t ever apologize. None of it was your fault. You are beautiful and perfect and you’re mine.” He tells me and I feel the tears starting to fall. “Why are you crying baby?” he asks. “I just keep feeling like every time I start getting closer to you, I fall ten steps back.” I tell him. “Honey, this isn’t going to scare me away, but I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s going on.” He says. “No secrets.” I whisper. “No secrets.” He whispers. Clyde moves further into my lap and lays his head against my stomach, and I scratch behind his ears. “How did you know I was having a nightmare?” I ask. “Clyde.” He tells me. I look at him confused and he says “He went to the bedroom door and was whimpering and wanting out and came straight to your room. He knew you needed us.” He tells me. I look down at Clyde and rub his head. “You’re a good boy, Clyde.” I say softly. I look back up at Logan and ask, “Will you stay with me tonight?” I ask and he nods.

He presses his lips to mine and when our lips part, he slips his tongue against mine and a soft and gentle caress that I feel in my toes. We continue kissing for a bit and we break the kiss to take a breath. He brushes his nose against mine and he whispers, “I love you Lori.” I pull back to look at him. “I know you’re not there yet and that’s fine. There’s no rush. But I need you to know how I feel. I love you and our baby.” He says softly. “I’ll get there. I promise.” I say just as softly.

I snuggle into his chest and feel his arms tighten around me and I close my eyes and try to go back to sleep. I concentrate on listening to his heartbeat and drift off to sleep feeling his hand rub up and down my back. He handled my nightmare and didn’t seem like I was a burden. And Clyde knew something was wrong without even being in the same room as me. I’m safe here. I’m safe with him. And he loves me and my baby. But am I capable of loving someone? I was young when my mom died, and dad never showed love. I don’t think he loved me at all. I think tomorrow, I might have another session with Kathy. See if I can work through this. I refuse to bring my baby into the world and them not know love. They will feel what it’s like to have a parent that loves them. Two parents that love them. I’m just trying to take things a day at a time.