Fated or Mated

Road Trip

His eyes search mine desperately.  I'm confused but am careful to remain expressionless and cold.  Why don't I feel the mate pull?  Why don’t I feel anything?  I mean he’s gorgeous. Tall, jet black thick wavy hair that falls into a perfect mess, skin tight fade, ice blue eyes, straight strong triangular nose, chiseled chin and good Goddess those bulging muscles. Yet, still, I feel nothing and Kira's just as dumbfounded as I am.

"Is this him, Kira? Is this our mate?"

"His wolf seems to think so.  I don't know.  I feel indifferent towards them." She explains. "But the fact that I can talk to his wolf means something."

Xavier takes a few steps back as his eyes widen.  Guess his wolf just gave him the news.  His fated feels nothing for him, not love, not hatred or disgust… just nothing.

"I Anna Christina, future Alpha" I begin my rejection. 

"Please don't" He whispers.  

It's then that I notice my best friends and Bianca’s dad standing behind Xavier.  When my eyes fall on them they rush to me, pushing Xavier aside to embrace me.  I've always loved our four way hugs, it warms me. Unfortunately their affection also breaks down my walls allowing more pain to break through.  I hiss from the increase and they quickly release me.

"Sorry guys, fighting back this pain is giving me a killer migraine.  Speaking of, let's get this rejection over with, shall we?" I direct my attention back to Xavier. My friends turn to look at him growling.

Xavier drops to one knee saying, "Alpha Anna Christina, your father informed me of the uniqueness of our situation and the mortal danger you are in."

"Because of you!" Matt spat.

"Yes, because of me, but it doesn't change the fact that we have no idea what rejecting me may do to her." Xavier admits.

"Chris" Beta Michael calls to me. Shoot, I'd almost forgotten uncle Michael was behind me. "Please, let's wait for news from your dad.  Everyone come to my office." He orders.

Before I can move, I have to ask, "Why Xavier? Why did you lose faith?"

"Rarely does an Alpha reach the age of twenty-four without finding his fated, much less twenty-nine." Xavier’s eyes lower, unable to look into mine. " You are very direct Anna Christina."

"Alpha Anna Christina. You will always address me formally." I step towards him asserting my dominance.

Xavier’s eyes meet mine and they're purple. His wolf has surfaced.  

"Someone can't handle being in the presence of a powerful she-wolf." Bianca teases. "Chris, meet Thunder, Xavier’s wolf and smarter half."

" Mate, I will honor your request and will submit to you. My submission is voluntary and motivated by my debt to you. However, I have a request in return." Thunder says. "Hear us out."

"Alpha Thunder, the time for explanation expired the minute you marked your b***h knowing it would kill me."

Thunder growls at my accusation. "I believed you were already dead." Xavier resurfaces reigning in his wolf.

"Your wolf knew I wasn't. He knew and still marked another!" My disappointment is evident in my tone. Which surprises me because I should be hurt as well.  But I feel absolutely nothing towards him.

Sean steps in front of me, places his hands on my waist to turn me around and lead me out of the room. "Let's just go to Dad's office Chris. Don't waste anymore energy on him." Sean whispers in my ear. This act is comforting so I let him hold my waist and lead me to uncle Michael's office.

No one acknowledges the low growl that escapes Xavier’s lips. We all continue to casually walk to the Beta's office and I sense they are all enjoying his torment.

Everyone takes a seat on the plush couches that line the walls of uncle Michael's office.  Sean tries to pull me onto his lap but I move away placing a chaste kiss on his head.

Uncle Michael takes a seat behind his desk shaking his head at his son's antics. "Good to see you back to your old self son. In fact Chris, we are all relieved to see you." He says.

"But clearly you're still in pain so I'm worried you'll over exert yourself." Bianca adds.

At her words, Xavier stands and offers me his hand. "I came to see if my proximity would help."

I'm skeptical but take his hand anyway. Much to my surprise it eases the pain. "It helps" I say and move him to sit in my seat while I sit across his lap.

An earth shattering werewolf roar is heard from a distance.  "Whaa…" Bianca can't even get the word out she's so slack jawed. Next uncle Michael's voice rings in my mind through the pack link.

"That was not one of ours. Positions everyone. Bring me that wolf...alive." He commands.

I hear the howl of my mother's wolf and my eyes meet uncle Michael's. "She's fine, but not exactly safe to be around anyone right now." He says and I nod my head in understanding. 

Xavier sits very still, resting one arm on the armrest and the other across my lap.  I can feel him trembling. Clearly the effects of the mate bond are overwhelming him.  Yet I still feel nothing, no compassion, pity, nothing, and it's beginning to concern me.

Then Xavier clears his throat. "I must return to my pack today. This is the worst time for me to leave my territory."

Without hesitation I say, "I'm going with you."

Everyone yells "No!" at the same time.

"It could take Dad days to get an answer and Xavier’s the only pain killer I have." I say.

"Well, him and sexy voice rough fingers." Kira says in my head. This wolf is too much.

"I don't want to see you suffer Chris but it would be safer to sedate you than allow you to leave with him." Bianca's Dad pleads.

"Okay, but, he won't hurt me, he helps the pain and as soon as it's safe I need him there to reject him." I say and put up my hand to stop anyone from objecting. "It sounds like he could use a hand anyway, am I right?" I ask Xavier.

"Yes", he admits shamefully. 

"Great" I stand up pulling Xavier up with me.  "On that note, I need help packing for my trip. Seeing as you're my personal band-aid, matter as well put you to work."

Xavier’s smile is genuinely joyful.  I stare deep into his glistening eyes and still, nothing.

Packing doesn't take long, so we're heading out to his car in no time.  He drives a standard shift, matte blacked out Toyota Supra and so help me I’m turned on by that car.  “Oh for wolf’s sake girl.  You feel nothing for the man but get all hot and bothered by his car?  How am I the psycho here?” Kira sounds off in my head making me roll my eyes.  “Good thing I packed light” I say to Xavier who gives me a sheepish grin.  Obviously taking me with him wasn’t on the agenda. I notice Bianca and the guys loading up her Jeep. My mood drops, they can't come with me and in my haste I didn't make that clear.

"Um, guys?" I call over to them.

"Save it, we're coming!" Matt snaps.

"Please, I need you here.  Our pack takes priority.  Everything must move forward as planned.  You have training to attend and training to run.  Plus, I need you to cover my duties as well. Please!" I plead with them.

"You can't go alone, one of us has to come with you." Bianca scolds.

Just then, we are all brought to our knees by my mother's aura.  She's the most powerful Alpha in our history but rarely yields her gift.  Oh no, she's pissed and someone's going to get hurt.  I can just barely lift my head to see my mother descend the front steps of our pack house.  Her head held high and her golden eyes glowing. Crap, her wolf is in control.  I try to speak but she suppresses me.

"Alpha Xavier, assure these fine young wolves that my daughter is in good hands, won’t you?” Mother says in a calm yet powerful tone.

“Yes Alpha!”  Xavier shouts.  “Alpha Anna Christina is my top priority, no harm will come to her, not while there’s breath in my body.” He’s having to force the words out under my mothers suppressive power.

“It’s settled then, you three will remain, while Alphas Xavier and Anna Christina head to Ice Moon.  I expect an update on the status of the Ice Moon Pack within twenty-four hours.” Mother commands as she ascends the stairs back inside.

“s**t, she’s pissed!” Sean Exclaims.  Beta Michael and Gamma Josh rush out to check on us.

“You kids okay?” Bianca’s dad Josh asks while looking us over.

“Is that what she’s like in a fight?” Matt asks his dad.

“No son, it’s much, much worse.” Beta Michael replies.

Bianca is speechless and slack jawed gawking at the main entrance of the pack house where Mom retreated.  Her eyes widen a bit more and she slowly turns her head to me mouthing the words, “you’re that powerful too?”  I shrug my shoulders nonchalantly and turn to check on Alpha Xavier.

“I’d hate to see how powerful your dad is.” he exclaims as he’s getting to his feet.

Gamma Josh and Beta Michael break into a hearty laugh making my friends and I giggle at Xavier's comment.  “Dear would be mate,” I begin mockingly, “mother’s stronger” I wink at him.  His breath hitches at my little wink and I inwardly swear, but the expression that follows only makes us all laugh more.  I hug everyone goodbye and promise to check in regularly.  As soon as we were in the car alone I lay down the law for Xavier.

“Just to be perfectly clear, I have every intention of rejecting you. The only question is when and how.”

“But?” Xavier attempts to interrupt.

“No buts.  You made the decision for us both already.  I have no intention of wrecking a fully mated Alpha and Luna.  Who knows what the consequences to your pack would be.  It’s irresponsible and selfish.  Besides, I don’t think my indifference towards you will ever change.” I know it seems harsh but if he’s feeling the pull of the mate bond I don’t want to mislead him.

“Not to be cruel Xavier, you’ve explained everything perfectly.” I continue in an attempt to show some compassion.

He just tightens his grip on the steering wheel and continues down the road away from my home. I look in the rear view mirror and sigh. Really wish I could have just stayed with my pack, but my faith tells me that the Moon Goddess paired me with this Alpha for a reason.  Xavier even hinted at there being trouble in or around his pack.  It’s my responsibility to look into it, plus I need him to curb the pain.  

After a while Xavier finally speaks. “I don’t know what’s worse.  The physical pain I’ve caused you or the emotional turmoil of knowing you should be mine.  I really want you to be.  May I call you Christina?”

I nod yes.

“Christina, I was convinced that I was destined to never know this feeling.” He says pointing between us.  “In my arrogance I’ve damned us both and get to live out my life knowing what I lost.”

I can see tears falling from his eyes. “Xavier, pull over”, my voice is soft but commanding and he complies.  Embarrassed by his tears, he hastily wipes them away with his forearms.  But his tears are falling faster than he can wipe.  In frustration he gets out of the car and walks around it to lean on the rear fender. I can hear and see him sobbing but it doesn’t affect me. Goddess I hope this doesn’t mean my humanity is dying.  Will I be just as indifferent to his pack?  Well, I may not feel anything for this man but, I am capable of showing compassion.  I get out and walk to the rear of his car. Just as I reach where he’s standing I’m pulled into an embrace.  Shocked, I just stand there with my arms at my sides while he pulls me flush against him and buries his nose in my hair. Thank the Goddess this is a side road rarely traveled.  If anyone in my pack see’s him holding me like this, Mom will kill him.

“I just realized how much taller than me you are”, I say trying to break the silence and the awkwardness.  His chest rumbles a bit with laughter.  Then he lowers his mouth next to my ear and huskily whispers, “I want you Christina, please baby please, forgive me.”  Then he trailed kisses from below my ear down my neck to the place he was supposed to mark me and began to suck on the spot.  I’ve never been held by a man much less kissed down my neck like this before.  My hands bury themselves in his hair and I can’t help but moan.  Goddess this feels amazing.  Encouraged by my moan Xavier begins to nip at my marking spot, lifting me to wrap my legs around his waist.  I can feel his erection press against my core and I instinctively begin to grind on him and moan more.  We are both breathing heavily, moaning and grinding as our bodies heat up.  He’s so attractive and every part of him feels amazing against my body but I know this is just lust.  I’m trying to will myself to stop but I can’t.  I need to find my release and my body grinds on him faster in search of it.  Xavier has one hand on my butt and the other tangled in my hair. I can feel the pressure build within my core.

“Good baby, c*m for me.” he whispers in my ear and I do just that as Xavier roars out my name.

“Goddess Christina, that was hot as hell” Xavier says breathlessly.

“I’m so sorry Xavier, I got carried away I shouldn’t have” Clearly ashamed my eyes are on the ground and I’m hiding my face in my hands.

“Shhh, baby I started it.  Besides, you did nothing wrong, I’m your mate.” He tries to soothe me but those last words strike a cord within me.

“No you’re not Xavier, you’ve marked your mate and she is not me.”  I try to keep calm.  Is he being manipulative on purpose?  “Look, I’ve never been held like that before or kissed like that before…and…well I’m a healthy she-wolf.  You’re attractive and obviously very good with your hands and mouth… and…oh!”  My eyes traveled down his body to his pelvic area and I see I wasn’t the only one to find a release.

Xavier follows my eyes and laughs.  “Yeah, that surprised me too.  Let’s get back on the road, we can talk more on the way.”  He grabs my hand leading me to my side of the car, opens the door and even fastens my safety belt before closing the door again.  We get back on the road and now Xavier has a small smile on his lips.

“You just cheated on your Luna, why are you smiling?  She felt it, you know?” I’m annoyed he’s smiling after what we just did.  It was so wrong.

“I don’t care, she’s not mine, you are.” Xavier says firmly. He places my hand on his lap and covers it with his, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“I.. I just don’t know.  Nothing has changed. I'm still indifferent towards you.” I admit.

Xavier raises my hand to his lips.  “For now baby, but after what we just shared do you really think it will stay that way?”  He kisses the back of my hand and glances over to read my expression.

“That was purely physical Xavier, don’t do this.” I plead.

“I heard if an Alpha marks his fated mate the mark of another will fade.” Xavier says.

“Yes, if the Alpha didn’t mark the other and complete the mating!  This is different.  I shouldn’t be alive!” I yell at him.

Xavier raises his arm towards me pointing at my face. “Don’t say that AGAIN! You are alive, you are alive and you ARE MINE!” He growls, grabbing the back of my head to pull me into a rough kiss.  I push him away and try to catch my breath. 

“Wonderful first kiss asshole!”  I smack him across the face, splitting his lip.  He licks the blood off moaning. “Oh yeah, you’re mine… damn your hot baby.”

Kira speaks up in my head, “Honestly, this creepy vibe is working for me. But, we need to shake the loser and find Mr. Sexy voice from the hospital.  I was pretending Xavier was him during that little moment you had back there.”

My wolf really is psychotic.

The rest of the drive was quiet.  Xavier kept rubbing circles on the back of my hand and glancing over at me.  I kept my eyes out the window wondering when he would force me into an Alpha challenge.  He’s obviously not going to stop pursuing me. Why did I give into lust?  Goodness, now I’m probably going to have to kill him.