Chapter 20 :Jude
1214 Words
I didn’t sleep.
I closed my eyes.
I pulled the duvet over my shoulders.
I listened to the rain tapping softly against the bedroom window.
But sleep never came.
Because Adrian never did.
Around midnight, I’d finally gathered enough courage to leave the bedroom.
The hallway was dark, the house unusually quiet.
His office door, however, was still glowing beneath the frame.
A thin strip of warm light spilled across the polished floor.
He was still awake.
For one brief moment, I almost knocked.
I even lifted my hand.
Then I remembered the look on his face.
The anger.
The disappointment.
The questions he hadn’t let me answer.
My hand slowly fell back to my side.
Maybe…
Maybe he didn’t want to see me.
So I turned around.
And walked back to our room alone.
⸻
His side of the bed remained perfectly untouched.
The pillow still carried the faint scent of his cologne.
I curled up around it before I could stop myself.
It still smelled like him.
Warm.
Comforting.
Home.
The tears I’d spent hours trying to hold back slipped free all over again.
I didn’t understand.
Yesterday morning, he’d kissed my forehead before leaving for work.
Yesterday afternoon, he’d called simply because he wanted to hear my voice.
Yesterday evening…
It had all fallen apart over a hug.
I kept replaying everything in my head.
Should I have stepped away?
Should I have introduced them sooner?
Should I have noticed Adrian watching?
Had I laughed too much?
Too loudly?
Was I… wrong?
The questions chased each other until dawn.
None of them had answers.
⸻
The bedroom door opened quietly just after six.
For one hopeful second, my heart leapt.
Adrian.
I sat up immediately.
He was already dressed for work.
His tie perfectly straight.
His suit immaculate.
Only his eyes betrayed him.
They looked tired.
As though he hadn’t slept either.
Our gazes met.
I waited.
For a smile.
A “good morning.”
Anything.
Instead…
He walked to the wardrobe.
Collected a few documents.
Picked up his watch.
“I…”
My voice came out barely above a whisper.
“I’m sorry.”
His shoulders stiffened.
He paused.
Just for a heartbeat.
“I’ll be late tonight.”
That was all he said.
Then he walked out.
The bedroom door clicked shut behind him.
I stared at it long after he’d gone.
He hadn’t even looked back.
⸻
Breakfast tasted like cardboard.
Mrs Evelyn noticed immediately.
“Sweetheart?”
“I’m fine.”
“You’ve barely touched your food.”
“I’m just not hungry.”
That wasn’t entirely true.
I felt hungry.
Just not for food.
The empty chair across from mine was impossible to ignore.
Every morning for the past five months, Adrian had sat there.
Stealing pieces of fruit from my plate.
Complaining dramatically whenever I drank the last of the coffee.
Smiling at me over breakfast as though seeing me was the best part of his day.
Today…
The chair stayed empty.
⸻
The hospital was busier than usual.
Normally, work distracted me.
Today, every patient reminded me to smile when I didn’t feel like smiling.
Every quiet moment allowed my thoughts to drift back to Adrian.
Was he still angry?
Had he eaten?
Was he regretting us?
My phone remained stubbornly silent.
Every vibration made my heart race.
Every time it wasn’t him, disappointment settled a little deeper inside my chest.
Just after one o’clock…
My screen finally lit up.
Adrian
My heart nearly stopped.
I opened it immediately.
Have you eaten?
That was all.
No heart.
No sweetheart.
No I miss you.
Just four simple words.
I stared at them for almost a minute.
Then typed back.
Not yet. Busy morning.
His reply came almost instantly.
Please eat something.
Nothing else.
No call.
No explanation.
No apology.
No anger either.
Just…
Distance.
I wanted to call him.
My thumb hovered over his name.
Then I imagined him rejecting the call.
I couldn’t bear it.
So I put my phone away.
⸻
The day dragged.
Every corridor felt longer.
Every hour heavier.
I smiled for patients because they deserved kindness, not the weight of my worries.
But every smile felt borrowed.
When my shift finally ended, I drove home with one question repeating endlessly inside my mind.
What if this changes everything?
⸻
The house was quiet.
Too quiet.
The kind of silence that presses against your ears until you realise how lonely it sounds.
I wandered into the kitchen.
Made tea.
Forgot to drink it.
Sat in the living room.
Couldn’t focus on the television.
Picked up a book.
Read the same sentence seven times.
Nothing stayed in my mind.
Everything circled back to Adrian.
To us.
To the ballroom.
To the look on his face.
I loved him.
That hadn’t changed.
But now…
I was afraid.
Not because I believed he would hurt me.
Because I didn’t know if I still knew what he was thinking.
That uncertainty frightened me more than I wanted to admit.
⸻
It was almost nine when I heard the front door.
My heart leapt.
I stood so quickly the blanket slid onto the floor.
Footsteps.
Slow.
Measured.
He was home.
I waited in the hallway.
Adrian loosened his tie as he walked inside.
For a second, it looked as though he might say something.
Instead, he simply nodded.
“Evening.”
“Evening.”
“I left dinner in the oven.”
“Thank you.”
Another silence.
Heavy.
Awkward.
He disappeared into his office.
The door closed.
Again.
I stood there long after he’d gone.
Wondering how two people could be in the same house…
Yet feel miles apart.
⸻
Later that night, I climbed into our bed alone.
The lamp beside me cast a soft golden glow across the room.
Everything looked exactly the same.
Our photographs still stood on the dresser.
His favourite book still rested on the bedside table.
His jumper was still hanging over the chair because I’d stolen it days ago and never given it back.
Nothing had changed.
Except us.
I hugged one of the pillows against my chest and stared at the ceiling.
Maybe tomorrow would be different.
Maybe he’d finally let me explain.
Maybe we’d laugh about all of this someday.
Or…
Maybe this silence would keep growing until it swallowed everything we’d spent months building.
The thought made my chest ache.
I reached for my phone one last time.
Our message thread was still open.
His last text stared back at me.
Please eat something.
Even now, even through his anger, he’d remembered to make sure I’d eaten.
It was such a small thing.
Yet it reminded me of the Adrian I knew—the man who tucked blankets around me when I fell asleep on the sofa, who remembered how I took my tea, who kissed my forehead every morning without fail.
That Adrian was still there.
He had to be.
I just didn’t know how to find him again.
Clutching the pillow a little tighter, I whispered into the quiet room, as though somehow the walls might carry the words to the office downstairs.
“I miss you.”
The only answer was silence.
And somehow…
Silence hurt more than the argument ever had.
- Writer
