Getting in Touch with Your Hexed Side

Friends like These

Julie’s was a semi-nice dive down on the highway, past the suburb part of town but not motorcycle gang territory. I assumed we were the first of the freak club there as there were no furries, zombies, or other sideshow creatures occupying the booths so we grabbed ourselves a corner, private as you could find in the 60’s themed establishment. 

“What can I get you two?” the waitress bustled up. “We need a kid’s menu?”

I officially wanted to die. With the cutsy outfit and the braids there was no doubt Lizzie had done this on purpose.

“That would be great, thanks,” Lizzie took it totally in stride. “I’ll take a diet coke and she’ll just have water.”

“No problem,” she departed with a skirt swish and a wink.

“12 to 18, huh?” I groaned and put my head on the table.

“I wanted to see how young and innocent I could push it.”

“I think you’ve pushed it enough,” I said drily.

Caesar chose that moment to show up and steal the show. He was still Caesar, at least, but the shoddy coverup job made him look like druggie Caesar. Lizzie waved him over, seemingly unphased by his ragid looks.

“She really did a number on you,” I gave him a sympathetic look as he scooted in beside me.

“You’re one to talk. You a middle schooler now?”

“High schooler, I think. Lizzie just got a little carried away.”

He laughed at that. A sliver of my best friend showing through.

“I was worried for a bit that I was actually dying. My skin was burning and I started looking like this.”

“Just imagine how much it hurt to have my entire body change,” I shuddered. “You may look like s**t, but at least it was contained.”

Joe showed up before we could settle into any kind of talk, silencing the entire restaurant instantly with his hulking presence. He’d told me he’d gone furry, but he’d neglected to mention that came with an impressive bulk increase.

“Holy s**t,” Caesar pulled him down beside him, our prankster of a friend having to squeeze painfully into the seat. “We got screwed and the woman gave you a dose of steroids.”

“And fur,” Joe tilted his head up. He’s shaved down to normal facial hair, but you could tell his face was normally covered. Then, to top it off, he flashed some semi-paws from under his sleeves and a second pair of fox/wolf ears under the cowboy hat he’d donned.

Caesar laughed at that, reaching over to pinch one before Joe easily batted him away.

“Apparently she took your humor too,” Caesar nudged him.

“I’m struggling to adapt.”

“Join the club,” I raised my glass of water to him like it was one of my usual mugs of beer.

“I’d say you’ve adapted quite quickly,” he raised a brow at my outfit.

“Just because Lizzie can dress me like a duck doesn’t mean I’m quacking.”

At least both of them laughed at that. I started to, but one more familiar face stopped the sound in my throat. Michael had arguably come out the worst of us. He looked like the devil. Literally. He had two horns on his head and his long pants couldn’t hide the fact he had hooves. Obviously no way he was fitting those in shoes. It was a struggle to act normal as he sat.

“So, a little girl, a wolf, a zombie, and a demon walk into a restaurant. How does it feel to be the odd woman out at the freak show, Lizzie?” Joe successfully lightened the mood and I couldn’t suppress a giggle. Michael stared at me, mouth agape.

“If anyone had told me earlier this week you were capable of laughter, much less giggling, I would have accused them of doing the hard stuff.”

“I told you he was capable of laughter,” Caesar rolled his undead eyes. 

“And I accused you of doing h****n. Everyone knows you do LSD at those weird raves you go to. It’s not that big of a leap.”

“I wouldn’t have passed the company drug tests if I did.”

“And none of that matters,” Lizzie waved a hand to the middle of the table to break it up. “We’re here to strategize.”

“What is there to ‘strategize’?” Joe mimed air quotes, quite the feat now that he had paws. “We go back to the old crone, either apologize or threaten her life, and get back to our old selves. For the record, I’m in favor of the latter.”

“Maybe then she’ll turn you into a real dog,” Caesar scoffed.

We were interrupted by the waitress very reluctantly making her way to the table. Her earlier levity and flirty attitude had pulled a major turn.

“What can I get you gentlemen?” she swallowed thickly, clearly afraid of the big bad wolf.

The guys ordered drinks and the waitress dropped off the menus, humiliatingly plopping the kid’s menu in front of me. To their credit, they all managed to wait until she was in the kitchen to start howling with laughter. Thankfully, the restaurant was basically empty in the off hour, the college kids in the other corner barely sparing a glance for us weirdos.

“Laugh it up. Feel lucky they don’t serve dog food,” I jabbed, but felt my cheeks color all the same. I wanted to say that was new as well, but ruddy blushing ran deep in my family.

“s**t, I’m hungry enough I might consider it,” Joe flipped open the menu, mood obviously lifted from when he’d entered. Camaraderie in suffering made it somehow more bearable.

“Don’t worry, hon,” Lizzie threw an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. “I still think you’re adorable. At least I didn’t end up with a corpse or a new pet. Though I wouldn’t have minded an incubus so much.”

Michael finally cracked a smile. He wasn’t really much of a flirt, but the image was still a good one. I wasn’t really hungry after the pasta, so sticking to the kid’s menu wasn’t much of an issue. Besides, the guys got a laugh out of it. The waitress came back with the drinks, clearly having waited in the wings until she was sure she could take our orders at the same time. 

Joe, morale quickly returning, didn’t think the menu was enough humiliation for me.

“So, Jason, uh, Talia. I gotta know. Is your transformation complete or did she leave you hanging, in a manner of speaking.”

“I’m a hundred percent woman. What about you, dog boy?”

“You know I’ve always been an animal in bed. Unfortunately, I don’t think the ladies are gonna go for my new animal parts.”

“Oh my god,” Lizzie threw up her hands. “You boys get hexed by a witch and the first thing you do is compare d***s. f*****g men. I give up.”

“Mine is still normal, if a little blue,” Caesar supplied helpfully.

“What about you, Michael? Though it’s not like any woman got to see it before,” Joe laughed. He always poked fun at Michael’s celibacy. Unfortunately for the guy, he wasn’t purposefully saving it for marriage; he just didn’t know how to talk to the fairer s*x.

“If you really must know,” he sighed.

“Oh I must, I must,” Joe leaned in, putting his head in his paws.

“Same, but red.”

“Boring,” the wolf-man sighed. Slumping back in the seat. “Of course the guys who never use the equipment get to keep it.”

“Joe, do you really think we’re getting laid in this condition?” Caesar gestured to himself, poorly applied foundation doing little to cover his miserable state. “Christine is going to take off running when she sees me. I seriously doubt our little Talia is getting any either.”

“Don’t be gross, Caesar,” Lizzie sniffed in distaste. “I barely put up with your friendship to begin with.”

“Fair,” Caesar nodded.

“Anyway,” Michael drew the word out. “I’m assuming we’re taking a trip to chinatown after this little powwow?”

“We took that trip this morning,” I sighed. “Shop’s gone. Like, a totally empty storefront.”

“Holy s**t. You could have mentioned that on the phone,” Joe cursed.

“That’s why I brought my own laptop and told Lizzie to do the same,” Michael pulled the object out of his bag. “If there’s one witch there’s got to be more. We just have to do some research and find them.”

“When did you tell Lizzie?” I frowned.

“He texted after you were in the shower,” she shrugged. “I forgot to mention it.”

“Why didn’t you ask me? I could have brought mine?” I glared at the demon. 

“Man, no offense, but you can barely operate it for work documents. You’re like one of the old guys in upper management. Do you even know how to Google something?”

“I made it through college, didn’t I? Just because our company uses outdated and confusing software doesn’t mean I’m technologically illiterate. Don’t mock me just because you’re in IT.”

“Okay, okay, but we need people to give second opinions on what we’re coming across too. Notice how neither Caesar nor Joe has a computer either.”

“As if I could use one,” Joe snorted.

“How are you managing the phone?” I asked.

“Poorly. The claws don’t work so I fumble with the pad until I get what I want. If we don’t fix this within a week I’m going to downgrade to something with buttons.”

Lizzie and Michael got to searching, not asking once for second opinions as they flew through webpages of fraud and fancy and, probably, one or a dozen dungeons and dragons groups. Our waitress returned eventually, carting a serving tray instead of grabbing someone to help. We must have been a more intimidating group than I thought if these hardened waitresses weren’t willing to approach. She was doubly unhappy when Joe asked for a refill. 

We settled into a companionable silence for a while as we ate and worked. Despite Michael’s mockery, I pulled out my phone and performed my own fruitless search. I tried to remember everything I knew about witches and such, but it was pretty limited. My older brother had been into the occult for a while, but everything he’d tried with candles and incense and sigils on the floor had been nonsense. He’d certainly been a long way off from casting transforming spells.

“Not going to lie,” I munched as I talked. “The ability to order mac and cheese at a restaurant and not be judged is pretty nice.” Joe snorted a laugh at that. 

“Here I thought you had a refined palate.”

“Only for work functions. You know I go for comfort food when we hang.”

“You should get the corndogs next time,” Caesar poked me in the side. “I might just steal one.”

“You can keep the corndogs and hot pockets for yourself. I can’t believe the junk you call a meal at your place.”

“Gamer fuel,” he took a long drink of his mountain dew in emphasis.

“Right. Speaking of that, we should hang after this. I could use some stress relief and you always manage to entertain.”

“By kicking your ass?”

“Whatever,” I poked him back.

“And how are you getting home?” Lizzie sighed over her computer. She never approved of me hanging out at Caesar’s; always said I was too old to be playing around on a Playstation.

“Caesar will drive me or I’ll catch a cab,” I shrugged.

“That would be a hell of a story for the cab driver. Picked up a young girl from a 30 year old man’s house,” Joe laughed.

“You know I’m 24, asshole.”

“Must be all the mountain dew you drink.”

“You’re not taking a cab,” Lizzie ignored the two trading verbal jabs. “You never know if one of them will try something.” I rolled my eyes.

“I’m not going to get assaulted by a cab driver. Besides, you don’t think I can kick some old cabbie’s ass?”

“Not anymore you can’t. Don’t go overestimating your strength and pick fights you can’t finish.”

I bit my tongue. She had a point. Doubtful I was benching a couple hundred anymore. I’d have to try my weights next time I was in the apartment to test that out.

“Either Caesar will bring me home or I’ll stay the night.”

“I’ll take good care of little Talia,” Caesar sing-songed. I shot him the bird.

“I might have something,” Michael cleared his throat and interrupted us all. “Woman on the west coast selling remedies and charms. Reviews are good and she doesn’t seem too out there.”

“Let me see,” Lizzie swung his computer towards her. I leaned over to look.

“Looks more legit than anything I’ve found,” I shrugged again, apparently a new goto emote.

“Give her a call. It’s only one o’clock over there,” Caesar prodded excitedly. 

“Here?” Joe grunted.

“They already think we’re weird enough. So what if they overhear our conversation with a witch?” Caesar laughed.

“No number,” Lizzie shook her head. “An e-mail address though. I’ll shoot something her way about reversing curses and we’ll see what she has to say.”

“Cool, game time?” I shifted restlessly in my seat. It’d been almost a month since I’d gotten to hang out with Caesar and I was excited now that it was on the table.

“Now you’re really acting like a kid. Finish your corn, at least,” Lizzie shook her head.

“You did not,” I stared at her, mouth hung open as she got her own blush.

“Sorry, sorry. Just habit from watching Lindsey.”

The neighbor’s kid was a handful of trouble, for sure.

“Finish your food, Talia,” Joe mimicked in a fake chastising tone.

“Forget the cabbie; I’m going to beat your ass. Feel lucky my gaming buddy is between us or I’d take you down right here,” I growled.

Joe just laughed. We roughhoused around quite a bit and such threats were par for the course. No way I was finishing the food now. I’d leave it on principle as well as for my near bursting stomach. The pasta still sat heavy in my gut and mac and cheese was not a light meal.